I turned to stare at her because...crap. Had I stolen her first kiss from her? Did she regret it?
My heart twisted in my chest at the thought.
Savannah’s gaze flickered over my face and whatever she saw there, it had her adding, “She wouldn’t have kissed you if she didn’t want to.”
I took a deep breath as that tension eased ever so slightly. “Maybe she was just caught up in the moment.”
She shrugged. “Maybe.”
Not what I wanted to hear.
“But,” she added. “If there was a moment, then that’s something.”
“Is it?”
She shrugged again, her expression hopeful. “It’s a start.”
I stared at her for a long moment. “Why is this so important to you?”
She gave a small smile and smacked my arm playfully. “Don’t believe all the hype, Maverick. I’m not as self-absorbed as people think.”
“I know.” I’d seen a whole new side of this girl ever since I’d joined the Princess Troupe, and it was a side none of her school friends were privy to. Which was probably why Callie was so important to her.
Callie was one of the few people who knew the real Savannah. Just like she was pretty much the only person in the world who knew me. Who’d wanted to know me.
“Look, I did what you said, and it didn’t work.” The words were painful to get out, but it was the truth.
“You befriended her?” she asked.
I nodded. I’d let her see the real me, and she hadn’t liked what she’d seen. At least, not enough to choose me. To want me.
I hated like hell how much that hurt.
It was hard to breathe through that tightness in my chest. This was why I didn’t do relationships. This was why I didn’t have close friends.
There were a lot of unspoken rules in my world. Rules I’d come to learn and rules I’d made for myself. And I’d broken the most important one.
For what?
So I could watch the girl I cared for ride off into the sunset with Roman?
Awesome.
“Maverick, don’t give up on her,” Savannah said. Her tone was pleading, which was rare.
I shook my head. “I followed your advice and it didn’t work. So now I’m taking Willow’s advice. I’m letting her go.”
Savannah blinked. Then she blinked again. “Wait. What?”
I started walking away. “You heard me. I’m letting her go.”
Her voice got screechy. “You took romantic advice from Willow? She’s never even had a crush on a guy, let alone dated someone.”
I shrugged. “Maybe that’s because she’s smart.”
“Okay, jaded much?” Savannah muttered.
I ignored that. “I’m not going to try and convince Callie she likes me when she doesn’t.”
“But she does!” Savannah hurried to keep pace with me. “I’m almost positive she does. She just doesn’t know it yet.”
I glanced down at her. “If she doesn’t know it by now, she’s never going to.”
She gave a snort of disbelief. “Really? You’re gonna punish the girl just because she’s not on the same page as you?”
“I’m not punishing her.”
“Aren’t you?” She arched her brows as I came to a stop. The river of students heading down the hallway parted to walk around us. “Because from what I just saw back there, it seems like it.”
I frowned. I hadn’t been rude. I hadn’t been mean. I was being my normal self.
Although it didn’t feel normal anymore. Not around Callie.
“Just don’t totally shut her out, okay?” she continued. “I know she’ll come around if you just give her time—”
“I can’t do that.” My voice was gruffer than intended and I was pretty sure I’d shocked us both.
“Why not?” she asked.
I opened my mouth but shut it again with a shake of my head. Savannah wouldn’t understand. I wasn’t even sure I understood myself.
All I knew was, for the first time since my mom had died, I was hurting. I was hurting bad, and it was all because of Callie.
Fifteen
Callie
If they gave out awards for awkward silences, Roman and I would take the gold every time.
His uncle’s restaurant was nearly empty since rehearsal had run late. And then we’d waited around until Dylan and Ax left because neither of us wanted to explain why we were going out alone together.
Neither of us wanted to admit we were going on a date.
I toyed with my fork as Roman ducked his head and replied to a text under the table.
“Sorry,” he said when he looked up and realized I was watching him. His lopsided grin was rueful and boyish and downright adorable.
And I wished like heck I felt anything in response.
At what point had his smiles stopped making my belly flip? I was on a date. My first date. Bellies should be flipping, people. This should have been the belly-flipping event of a lifetime.
“No problem,” I said.
Why was my voice so weird? Why was I so weird?
When I couldn’t take the silence a second longer, I finally said exactly what was on my mind. “This is kind of weird, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” His exhale was filled with such relief it was almost funny. Actually, it was funny. I started to laugh and then he did too.
“Sorry,” I said through my laughter. “It’s just...”
“This is really weird,” he agreed with an enthusiastic nod.
“It shouldn’t be,” I started.
“It definitely shouldn’t,” he agreed.
“But it is,” I finished.
We shared the first real smile of the night and for the first time since I’d first become aware of Roman, I wasn’t nervous in his presence.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked.
“Shoot.”
“Why did you ask me out?”
His eyes widened and he blinked in surprise. “Oh, um...” His gaze moved over my right shoulder as he tried to figure out an answer.
“You won’t hurt my feelings,” I assured him.
He gave me a small smile. “I don’t know, I guess...after your friend reamed me out at that party, I thought...” He shrugged and my stomach finally flipped. But it was more like that dipping sensation that comes with mortification.
“My friend reamed you out?”
He winced at the memory. “Yeah. It was kind of brutal.”
I squeezed my eyes shut in horror.
“But she made a good point.”
I opened one eye. “What’s that?”
“You’re a great girl,” he said with a sweet smile. “If I had any sense I’d ask you out.”
Both eyes were open now as I gaped at him. Oh crap, this was more humiliating than I’d imagined. “So you asked me out because...because Savannah yelled at you?”
His brows drew together in confusion. “Not Savannah.”
“Isla?”
He shook his head. “Your other friend.” He gestured toward the top of his head. “The one with the crazy long hair. The serious one.”
My eyes were so wide they hurt. “Willow?”
He flinched. “She’s kind of scary when she’s pissed.”
I blinked about ten times as I tried to imagine calm, rational Willow yelling at anyone, least of all Roman.
Meanwhile Roman’s expression was morphing into confusion as he remembered it. “I don’t think anyone’s ever yelled at me before. Not like that.”
I winced. “I’m sorry.”
His confusion cleared. “Don’t be. She was right.” He leaned forward, his expression earnest. “I know I can be kind of a...” He waved a hand, his gaze pained. “A flirt?”
OMG.
OMGOMGOMG. I wanted to sink into the earth because...how much had she told him?
“When Willow said that you...you know, kind of liked me or whatever, I realized that she was right.”
“She was?” I
was going to kill her. I was going to murder Willow. It was that simple.
He was nodding eagerly though, his eyes narrowed in a look of such sincerity it was actually really sweet. “You deserve to be with a good guy. And I guess...” His smile grew rueful again. “I guess for a little while there I was hoping that might be me.”
I returned his smile. If one had to be let down by one’s crush, that was just about the nicest way it could go.
He shrugged as he leaned back in his seat. “I guess I’m just not that good of a guy.”
I frowned. “Of course you are. You just haven’t found the right girl yet.”
“Maybe.” He didn’t look convinced. “Or maybe your friend had it right.”
My brows drew together in confusion and I opened my mouth to ask what Willow had been right about, but he was already smiling again, and this time it was sheepish. “Please tell me I didn’t break your heart or anything. I really do love having you in the band. And I’d like to think we’re friends.”
“We are,” I said with a quick nod. “And I’m not heartbroken, I promise.” In fact, I wasn’t even close. This sensation I was feeling right now? It was something else altogether. There was a deflation in my chest, a sinking feeling...but it wasn’t disappointment.
It was relief.
Like, I was let off the hook. Which was ridiculous, but there it was. I’d been clinging to my crush on Roman because it was safe and familiar and...not a risk at all. You couldn’t get hurt if you fell for a guy who’d never like you back.
You couldn’t be rejected by a guy who’d never seen you in the first place.
But Maverick...
The thought of him made my heart hurt. The thought of how he’d been looking at me this past week. Or rather, how he hadn’t been looking at me.
I shut my eyes as guilt swept over me. I’d hurt him. I knew it even though he never let it show. But that was his way. He didn’t let anything show. He kept it all inside and not many people got to go there.
But he’d opened up to me, and I’d...I’d hurt him.
Roman groaned and muttered a curse under his breath. “Are you upset? I really didn’t mean to—”
“No, no. I was thinking about something else. Someone else,” I said. “I think I’ve royally messed up.” I swallowed a thick knot in my throat. “I think I hurt someone and...and...I’ve ruined everything.”
He tilted his head to the side. “Something tells me you’re not capable of ruining anything.” He arched one brow. “This is kind of my specialty, so I know what I’m talking about.”
I normally liked his self-deprecating humor—it evened out his cocky swagger—but right now it felt too genuine. “I don’t know what Willow said to you, but you are a good guy, Roman. And I did have a crush on you. But that was before I knew you.” I flinched. “No offense.”
He laughed. “None taken.”
“But now I know you and I think you’re right that we’re just meant to be bandmates and friends. But more importantly...” I drew in a deep breath as Maverick’s gaze filled my mind’s eyes. As the memory of his lips on mine had my lungs struggling to breathe. “Now I know what it means to really like someone.”
The moment I said the words aloud, I knew just how true they were. My heart clenched and it felt as though it was falling into place.
Or maybe, I was just paying attention to my heart rather than worrying about how I should feel. The second I stopped overthinking, it was all so obvious.
I couldn’t like Roman because I was crazy about Maverick.
I liked him so much it made my insides feel like they were coming apart. I liked him so much that it scared the crap out of me. He was out of my league. He was popular and he was experienced...and he liked me.
And I didn’t know why.
But that was no reason to push him away. And that’s exactly what I’d done.
I looked over the table at Roman who was watching me with concern. This thing I’d had for Roman was based on nothing. There had never been anything real between us, just a shared love of music, which made us great bandmates.
And yeah, I might not have had much in common with Maverick either on the surface, but beneath the surface? I got him. And he got me. He knew exactly who I was. He knew my insecurities, and my naïvete, and he liked that about me. He knew I could be silly, and yeah maybe even childish. But he didn’t care.
And I knew him. My heart swelled in my chest. I knew him well enough to know just how much I’d hurt him, and that was killing me.
“Um, Roman,” I started. “Would it be okay if we cut this short? I kinda need to make things right.” And the sooner the better. I nibbled on my lip as I realized I didn’t know where he lived. I’d never been to his house, only the cabin.
“Yeah, of course.” Roman’s eyes held a mischievous glint. “This guy you need to apologize to, it wouldn’t be Maverick, would it?”
I nodded, tears already starting to fill my eyes. “Yeah.”
His smile was soft and sweet. “I figured. That guy has it bad for you.”
“I think I have it bad for him too.”
He surprised me by whipping out his phone again and I tried not to be annoyed. I mean, we were just discussing my failure of a love life here, that was all. And sure it felt like my entire world was going to crumble if I didn’t get to Maverick right this second to tell him how I felt, but you know, if he had to stop and text people, who was I to judge?
I was bouncing with impatience in my seat when Roman looked up with a grin. “I’ll give you a lift.”
“Where?”
He was already getting out of the booth. “There’s a party at April’s again this weekend. I just texted a friend and he confirmed it.”
“Maverick’s there?” I was running to keep up with his longer legs as we both hurried toward the parking lot.
“He’s there,” Roman said. He opened the passenger side door for me with a chivalrous wave of his hand that made me laugh. “After you.”
“Am I the worst date of all time?” I asked as I climbed in. “I mean, it’s probably not good manners to get a ride from one’s date to tell one’s crush that one likes said one.”
He laughed. “I wouldn’t know,” he said. “I’ve never gone on a date before.”
He slammed the door shut in the face of my gaping mouth. I’d been Roman’s first date? How crazy was that?
Crazy.
But no crazier than what I was about to do.
Sixteen
Maverick
I shouldn’t have come to this party.
This much was obvious as I watched Maisie fall over from laughing so hard. I had no clue what she was laughing at. Pretty sure she didn’t know either. Laughter was her default setting, kind of like how Callie smiled all the time.
And if I could get through three seconds straight without thinking about that girl, I might actually be able to shake off this misery that was trying to swallow me whole.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and the thought that coming to a party might help distract me was stupid.
I should have just stayed home and watched Sports Center with my dad all night. At least then I wouldn’t have a pounding headache from too-loud music and the nonstop talking.
But then my dad might notice. He wasn’t the most perceptive guy, and we definitely didn’t talk about feelings. But if he did happen to notice that I was drowning in misery, he might get some crazy idea in his head that we should talk. Heaven forbid.
I reached for the beer one of my teammates had handed me and took a swig. It was warm and flat. I wasn’t in the mood to drink, it would only make me more miserable, so I’d been nursing this one beer for over an hour now.
I looked up at the clock. I’d head out of here in twenty. By that time my dad should have gone to bed and I could have the living room couch and the remote all to myself with no threat of unwanted questions.
Just me, ESPN, and my broken heart. I took another sip and winced. Yup
. Great plan.
In the meantime, I just had to sit here and pretend I wasn’t bored out of my mind. Easier said than done. My brain kept tuning out the conversation around me, and it never stopped drifting back to one person.
One person who was currently on a date with another guy.
I wished I didn’t know that, but Savannah seemed to think it was her job to keep me apprised of Callie’s whereabouts these days. Which was how I knew that tonight was the big date. Her first real date. With another guy.
My head fell back against the sofa and I stared up at the ceiling as I counted the seconds until I could go home.
“Oh awesome, Roman’s here,” Maisie said.
My head came up so quickly the room spun. April was standing in front of me, in my way. “Of course he’s here, he always comes to my parties.”
Not exactly something to brag about. As far as I knew, he went to everyone’s parties. But why was he at this party? Was their date over?
Or had he brought her here?
My heart seemed to think we were on the field because it was pumping away like I was running laps. My muscles were tensed like I was about to tackle an opponent.
Or maybe I just wanted to take down Roman. He came into view and that smug smile had my hands clenching into fists.
I should go. There were rules about a guy like me beating up a little pissant like Roman without a good reason. And jealousy? That probably didn’t count as a good reason.
But that sick, toxic feeling in the pit of my stomach wasn’t going anywhere.
I caught a glimpse of the top of Roman’s head as he headed into another room and my heart pounded even harder as I leaned to the right to see if there was any sight of a petite brunette at his side.
He wouldn’t bring her here. Would he?
Did that mean she was at home? Was she happy or had the night been a disappointment?
On a scale of one to I-need-a-therapist, how weird was it that I wasn’t sure which one I wished for most? I didn’t want to think of her having a blast with Roman, but the thought of her disappointed made my insides feel raw.
So great. I guess this was my new lot in life—to be torn apart every time I thought of Callie. I wanted her to be happy, it just sucked more than I’d ever imagined possible that I wasn’t the guy who could make her happy.
Never Have I Ever Land: A Sweet YA Romance (Fall in Love Like a Princess Book 3) Page 11
