“I, uh, I’ll wait till you’re done,” Gerald said. “I forgot the…thing…at the camp.”
He headed back to camp at a pace just shy of a run while Omar watched with bewilderment.
“What’s wrong?” the dragon asked when Gerald reappeared. “You’re not clean yet.”
“I’m waiting my turn,” Gerald muttered.
The dragon cocked its head to the side and considered him. “It is a small river,” it admitted, “but surely it’s big enough for both of you.”
Gerald ducked his head and didn’t answer.
“I fit quite nicely,” the dragon continued, “and I’m much bigger than the two of you put together.”
“He’s naked,” Gerald hissed at it.
“Oh,” the dragon said.
There was a long pause. Then, “Is that not how humans usually bathe?” the dragon asked cautiously.
“I don’t like naked people,” Gerald muttered. “I don’t even like being naked by myself. I’m not getting undressed in front of him!”
“Oh,” the dragon said again. Then, very, very cautiously, it asked, “Is this about you not wanting to marry?”
But instead of exploding again, Gerald covered his face with his hands.
“Gerald?” Omar asked from behind him. “Are you all right?”
“Fine!” he said brightly, but the illusion was somewhat ruined as his hands were still over his face.
“Did I offend you somehow?” Omar asked. “Because I really didn’t mean to—”
“No, I think that was me,” the dragon interjected. “I’m afraid I’m not always very good with your human nuances. But it was an unintentional offense.”
It nudged Gerald gently. “Go on, get your bath,” it said. “You’ll feel better when you’re clean.”
Gerald didn’t think so, but he didn’t want to stay there with the dragon and Omar both giving him worried looks. He was still covering his face, but he could feel the worried looks. “I’m going,” he said, and he did.
I am such an idiot, he thought as he undressed and ducked into the river. It was cold, initially, a shocking cold that made him gasp. But he adjusted to it quite quickly and by the time he had scrubbed away the last bit of sweat and swamp muck, he had to admit the dragon was right. He did feel a little better.
I’m still an idiot, though.
He dried off and got dressed quickly—the sun was setting and the air was starting to bite at his damp skin—but he didn’t want to go back to camp. He didn’t want to face the dragon and Omar and have to explain himself.
What is there to explain? I’m abnormal.
He stayed on the bank and watched the river flow until it grew too dark to see the rippling current, until he grew too cold to stay there and shiver. The fire on the hill looked warm and welcoming and he could hardly avoid Omar and the dragon forever.
He sighed and trudged up to the camp. His legs felt heavy and uncooperative. He dragged his feet rather than lifting them. It was a long, slow climb.
Neither the dragon nor Omar said anything when Gerald finally shuffled into the firelight. Gerald was relieved. If they had, he might have bolted.
They waited while he spread his damp clothes and towel out to dry. They waited while he sat down. He took his usual spot against the dragon’s side and the heat of the fire and the heat of the dragon started to take away some of the evening chill.
Omar handed him a blanket, and after Gerald had wrapped it around his shoulders, a mug of soup. Gerald looked at it blankly.
“You’re supposed to eat it,” the dragon said.
Gerald could feel the rumble of its voice through its side. He was once again reminded of the castle cats and he wished they had one with him that would curl up in his lap and purr. It wasn’t impossible to be sad with a purring cat in one’s lap, but it was a lot harder.
“I’m not hungry,” Gerald said. His stomach was tied in knots and he couldn’t imagine spooning the soup down his throat. The idea of it was making him feel vaguely ill.
“I don’t understand what’s wrong,” Omar said, finally breaking his own silence. “And don’t say it’s nothing, because clearly it’s something. And if it’s my fault—if I said something or did something, you have to let me know, because otherwise I’m probably going to say or do it again without realizing.”
Gerald set his soup down and leaned his head back against the dragon’s side, tilting his neck to look up at the sky. It was deeply black and speckled with stars. They looked cold and far away.
“It’s not your fault,” Gerald said. He kept his head tilted back and his eyes focused on the sky. These conversations never went well, had never gone well in all the times he’d attempted to have them, with his parents, with his siblings, even with Erick. He didn’t want to have to see Omar’s face as he attempted to have this conversation again. He was silent for a long moment after that, trying to decide how to start. For all the times I’ve tried to say this, you would think I would be able to put it into words.
“Well, good,” Omar said after the silence had stretched out a little too long. “But can you tell us what happened?”
“I don’t know how to start.”
“Do you want me to ask you questions? Would that make it easier? I—we—just want to help. But you have to talk to us.”
“It’s not something you can help with,” Gerald said. “I know that sounds melodramatic. Sorry. I don’t mean to sound so ridiculous. It’s just—it’s me. There’s something wrong with me. It just…spilled over.”
The dragon nudged him gently and Gerald put his hand on its nose. The additional contact grounded him, and he tried to explain. “When we went to the river, I wasn’t thinking. I only wanted to wash the muck off. It didn’t occur to me we would be undressing. I mean, I knew we weren’t going to bathe in our clothes, but I wasn’t thinking about it, about what it meant. I don’t like being naked and I don’t like other people being naked around me. I panicked a little when you got undressed.”
He was still looking up at the stars and he wished he could float away and join them. “This is going to sound vain or arrogant or something, but it’s really not, it’s part of my problem. You said you like guys, and… I don’t want you to like me like that. And it’s not that I think I’m all that great or extremely attractive or anything, it’s not like that, it’s that people have liked me like that in the past and I haven’t known. They say things they mean one way and I don’t understand it and I take them another way. I can’t tell when people like me like that.”
Gerald closed his eyes and got to the heart of the problem. “I can’t tell because I don’t like people like that. Not girls, not guys, not anyone. I don’t understand the attraction. And yes, I know the mechanics of, of bedding and how it’s supposed to feel but I don’t feel that and really it all just makes me uncomfortable. And no one listens to me when I try to explain it, they tell me I’m a late bloomer, or I haven’t met the right person yet, or they think I’m shy, and I don’t want to marry anyone, and I’m going to have to and I will be miserable for the rest of my life and—”
“Gerald! Gerald, take a breath,” Omar interrupted. “You’re going to pass out.”
But now that he had gotten going he was finding it difficult to stop. “And so it’s not anything you did, and it’s not your fault, or the dragon’s fault, and neither of you offended me or did anything wrong, it’s just me, it’s me being different from everyone else and being strange and odd and freakish and wrong and being reminded about all of that and also today’s rescue didn’t really go as planned and I know the guardians need to be freed, they’re really being treated abominably, but the other royals don’t want that, they don’t see anything wrong with any of this, they’re happy to be meeting others and getting married and I’m never going to be happy with any of this—”
“Gerald!” Omar said. “Really, it’s okay, you’re okay, but you need to calm down. You’re not a freak, I don’t think anything’s wrong with you
and I’m sure the dragon doesn’t think anything’s wrong with you, so please take a breath!”
“Of course nothing’s wrong with him,” the dragon said indignantly. “He’s making a lot more sense than most of you humans.” It nudged Gerald again. “You probably should breathe, though. You humans need your oxygen. Those pesky design flaws again.”
Gerald had run out of steam in any case. He closed his mouth and took a breath and was horribly ashamed to feel tears trickling down his face.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Omar said softly. He sat next to Gerald, close enough to touch, but he didn’t reach for Gerald, not wanting to spook him. “You’ve been waiting to get all that out, huh?”
Gerald swiped at his eyes, but there were more tears following the first ones. “No one ever listens.”
“We’re listening.”
Gerald gave up trying to dry his face and let the tears fall. “I feel like an idiot.”
“I feel like an idiot at least twice a day,” Omar said cheerfully. “Don’t worry about it.”
Gerald tried a watery smile. “I’m starting to be glad we abducted you.”
“Me too,” Omar said. He put an arm around Gerald’s shoulders, and Gerald let him. “We’re friends, right? If I start to like you more than that, I’ll let you know. Clearly, in plain Common. Okay? So you don’t need to worry about misinterpreting something or not understanding anything.”
“Thank you.” Gerald used a corner of the blanket to dry his face. “I’m sorry about all this.”
“Don’t be. Is it okay if I ask you some questions, though? Just to be sure I understand everything. You can say no. And you can tell me to shut up at any time. I want to understand, but I don’t want to upset you.”
“No, go ahead,” Gerald said. “No one’s ever tried to understand before. But I don’t really understand it myself, so…”
“You’re the expert on you,” Omar said. “But if you don’t have an answer, say so. And if I ask something stupid or offensive, say so. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“I guess my main question is… What exactly do you mean by ‘liking people like that’?”
“Liking people in the way that makes you want to go to bed with them,” Gerald said awkwardly. “I’ve never had a crush, I’ve never wanted anyone in my bed. I’ve never looked at anyone and wondered what they looked like naked. I’ve never wanted to…to see anyone or touch anyone.”
Omar nodded like that made perfect sense. “So you mean you don’t like people physically. You don’t like people sexually.”
“You say that like there are other ways to like people.”
“Well, there are.” He started ticking them off on his fingers. “There’s liking friends, liking family, liking the way people look—in the same way you’d like a painting or tapestry or work of art, I mean. Aesthetics, not physical attraction.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. So, now that’s clarified. You said you don’t want to get married. Do you not want a relationship at all, or just not a sexual one? Relax,” he added. “If you want me to stop talking, just say so.”
“No, it’s okay,” Gerald said. “I’m just… I’m not used to talking about this. I’m especially not used to people taking me seriously. I tried to tell my parents. I tried to tell my siblings. I even tried to tell my cousin Erick, and he always listens to me. He calls me a meathead, but he listens. But none of them understood this, and none of them listened to it. I—not that I’m not grateful—but, I don’t know why you’re listening. I mean, I’ve known you for all of two days and you’re nodding like this is normal, and my family has known me all my life and acts like I’m a child, like I’m immature or somehow damaged.” He stopped and blinked furiously. I’m not going to start crying again. “I want to talk about it,” he said, once he had himself under control. “It’s—it’s just hard.”
“I’m sorry no one’s listened before,” Omar said. “Why I am—well, why wouldn’t I? If some people like men and some like women and some like everyone, well, why wouldn’t some people not like anyone? It makes sense. You know, one of my aunties, she’s never married or even spoken about it. She’s not interested in it. So I guess it doesn’t seem at all unbelievable to me.”
“I think you really sound very draconic,” the dragon broke in. Gerald startled. Despite leaning against the dragon’s warm bulk, he had forgotten it was there, listening. “I told you before that dragons do not marry. We don’t form partnerships the way humans do. We care for friends and for families, but not for lovers. That is really more of a business arrangement, finding someone to have a child with every fifty years or so.”
“But you do have children,” Gerald said. “That’s the part I’m least interested in. That’s what I’m afraid of, really. I wouldn’t mind having a partner, a partner who was a really good friend, a best friend, someone I cared about more than anyone else, but I wouldn’t—I couldn’t sleep with them. And who would want a relationship like that? Dragons might not pair up to court and have families, but humans do. And humans center those partnered relationships around their beds.”
“Traditionally,” Omar said. “That doesn’t mean they have to. No, really,” he added in response to Gerald’s don’t patronize me expression. “I mean, traditionally, these marriage quests were all princes rescuing princesses. Then they evolved. Princesses started doing the rescuing, too. Princes rescued other princes, princesses rescued other princesses, and no one says any of those relationships are wrong. They’re just different.”
“But they all involve…sex,” Gerald said. Even saying the word made him blush.
“Traditionally, yes,” Omar admitted. “But traditions can change and they can adapt. Are you really against getting married, full stop, or are you against entering a relationship where you think you’ll have to go to someone’s bed?”
“I don’t see the difference,” Gerald started to say, but Omar gave him a look and he sighed. “All right, yes, it’s the latter. But even if I find someone who would be open to that… I’m still a prince. I still need to produce an heir.”
Omar waved a hand dismissively. “Cross that bridge when you come to it,” he advised. “Maybe your partner would be willing to provide the, uh, physical piece without involving you in the process. Or you could always adopt a child or even simply name another relative as heir. There’s no actual rule that the heir has to be a child of the body. There have been childless monarchs before, and I’m sure there will be more in the future.”
“I know,” Gerald said. “But they haven’t been childless by choice. My parents—they’re never going to accept this.”
“That’s their problem,” Omar said firmly. “Don’t make it yours.”
“And if it is a problem for them,” the dragon interjected, “I could probably change their minds.” It showed its teeth in a decidedly unfriendly grin and Gerald couldn’t resist giving it a quick, fierce hug.
“I hate that they put me in a tower,” he murmured into its ear. “But I’m glad it was your tower.”
“Me too,” it rumbled softly.
Chapter Nine
HE WOKE TO Omar shaking his shoulder. “Gerald? Your knapsack is chiming.”
“What? Oh! It’s the incoming message alert.” Gerald reluctantly dug himself out of the blankets—they were damp with dew and the air was chill and biting—and groped around in the dark until he found his knapsack.
Omar stirred the fire back into life as Gerald pulled the two-way parchment and a bottle of ink out of his knapsack. As soon as he dripped ink on it, the message started appearing.
“Whoa,” Omar said, watching the words write themselves by the firelight. “That’s amazing! That’s the spell the dragon mentioned before? Your cousin’s?”
“Yeah,” Gerald agreed distractedly. He was used to the process and was more interested in what the message said than how it was appearing. “I wrote him yesterday.”
Meathead,
It sounds like you’re havi
ng a better time of it than I am. Also, I cannot believe you of all people kidnapped someone. I thought you didn’t want to rescue anyone? Changed your mind already?
Sorry for the delayed response, by the way. I imagine by now you’ve completed your first mission. Princess Elinore has vanished from the map, so I know at the very least you made it there. How did she take it? How did the guardian?
I just arrived at the outskirts of the Enchanted Forest. Princess Nedi is somewhere inside, and there are at least half a dozen would-be rescuers camped outside the forest. I’ve disabled all of their tracking spells. Every time I look at the map there are fewer dots on it. It’s good they’re disappearing from multiple locations now, or I suspect it would have been pinned on me already. I suspect it still will be, mind. I can’t imagine the Council is very pleased with this disruption, and I don’t think many of our peers have magical talent… I’m trying to determine if there’s a way I can plant the disabling spell on my fellow rescuers here, so they could carry it off with them when they disperse and disable the trackers on everyone they pass.
But right now I’m busy modifying it to be self-maintaining. My tracker came back on this morning and I had to zap it off again.
I’ll keep doing what I can at my end. If I can make it to Princess Nedi without an entourage, I’ll see about freeing her guardian. I hear she has a unicorn. I’ll see if I can approach it without getting gored. You know what the legends say.
Keep me posted,
Erick
“Dragon?” Gerald called. “Have our tracking spells come back?”
“Hmm?” it asked. It raised its head from where it had been pillowed on its forelegs and sniffed the air. “Hmm. Yes. And no. Yours has. Omar’s has not. That’s most irritating.” It waved a claw. “There you go. Hidden again.”
“Does that mean the others are being tracked again as well?” Gerald asked. “Everyone back in the desert, and Elinore?”
The dragon frowned. “I can’t say for sure. I doubt Elinore’s would have been restored so quickly. The others…maybe.” It twitched another claw in Omar’s direction. “I don’t want his spell coming back either. I don’t care for this at all. Let’s get moving sooner rather than later.”
Royal Rescue Page 11
