by Jodi Thomas
“Never. I never want to see you again.” She thought she saw a streak of pain in Cody’s mahogany-brown eyes before he nodded soberly, sealing their pact of pain.
“All right, Kat. I won’t argue with you now.”
Kat turned and ran toward the door. “I won’t talk to you again. If Bart is to die today, what is between us will die also.”
“No!” Cody whispered, but she was too far down the hallway to hear him.
Fourteen
SARAH WALKED HOME from the hospital, thinking of how much fun Katherine must have had at the air show in Dayton. They had agreed to meet when Sarah got off work, unless Cody invited Katherine to dinner alone. Sarah smiled to herself as she thought Kat must now be with Cody. Her best friend’s absence was all the fuel needed to flame Sarah’s romantic imagination. She wanted to see them as happy together as she and Bart were.
Despite the chilly wind that whirled around her, thoughts of Bart warmed Sarah inside. He had become the center of her life in such a short time. He was always so kind, so loving, so strong. Since that night in the park when they had declared their love, they’d been like two starving orphans locked overnight in a market, unable to get enough of each other. Walking in the park. Talking. Sharing. And the passionate evenings when he’d surprised her with his need for her. The quiet times when they became one in body and spirit.
Hurrying up the steps of the boardinghouse, Sarah hoped she’d find Bart waiting for her. She wanted to feel his powerful arms lift her off the floor in a hug as she buried her face in his shoulder and breathed deeply of the leather-and-oil scent of his flight jacket. He’d probably be tired and hungry, but she knew he’d visit with the older boarders until she changed. Because Katherine had tonight off, she and Cody might join them for dinner. Sarah could think of no better evening.
No one waited in the tiny front room Mrs. Parker called the parlor. Even the long sunny room referred to as the library because of its one shelf of books was deserted tonight. Sarah walked across the foyer, hearing only the soft brush of the housekeeper’s table broom across the dining room tablecloth. Mrs. Parker was economical as well as proper. She set the table with linens, then brushed crumbs and rearranged plates until the cloth was so stained it had to be washed.
“Good evening, Miss Sarah.” The chubby woman looked up from her work and smiled.
“Good evening, Mrs. Parker.” Sarah didn’t really want to stop and visit, but the empty room upstairs didn’t appeal to her either. “How are you tonight?”
“I’m fine, just fine.” Mrs. Parker turned to face Sarah, her tiny broom in one hand and the porcelain crumb tray in the other. “Which is more than I can say for Miss Katherine. She flew in here about an hour ago looking like she’d been in a train wreck. Her clothes were a mess, and that wild hair of hers was flying in every direction. Didn’t even speak to me. Just ran up the stairs…”
Sarah didn’t hear what else Mrs. Parker said. She lifted her skirt and bolted up the steps in what she was sure Mrs. Parker would tell the others was a most unladylike manner. Blood pounded in her head as a dozen reasons for Katherine’s behavior sped through her brain.
The heavy door creaked on ancient hinges as Sarah entered their room. She knew something was horribly wrong the moment she opened the door; every light was on. Katherine sat in the middle of the bed in her petticoat. Her new dress lay crumpled and filthy on the floor. Her forehead rested on her knees, and her long fiery hair surrounded her shoulders like a protective blanket.
After throwing off her coat, Sarah crawled onto the bed and faced the tearstained emerald eyes of her best friend. Fear choked Sarah’s throat so tightly she could only whisper, “Kat, what is it?” Where was her brave friend, the champion who would try anything? What could have hurt her so badly?
Katherine buried her face against her crossed arms. Panic ripped through Sarah’s soul.
“Kat, tell me!” Sarah tasted her own tears as she waited.
Katherine’s voice came out as a whimper. “There was a crash before the air show.”
Sarah bit into her fist and closed her eyes. “Oh, my God! Was Cody…hurt?” She couldn’t bring herself to say the word “killed.”
Katherine shook her head and Sarah let out a sigh of relief; but as Katherine looked up, Sarah saw pity in her green eyes and started to get up from the bed.
“No,” she whispered as Katherine grabbed her arm and prevented her escape. Sarah didn’t want to see pity in Kat’s gaze. Not because of some crash. She tried to pull away, but Katherine held her shoulder, making her face reality’s hell.
“It was Bart’s plane,” Kat said.
Sarah felt herself falling even though her body remained a frozen statue of denial.
“It hit a barn and went up in flames….”
“No!” Sarah screamed as she closed her eyes and again felt herself spinning away from Katherine’s voice and then falling, falling to where there was no pain, no reality, no loss.
“I’m sorry.” Katherine held Sarah, but her words barely reached the abyss into which Sarah’s hopes and dreams had plummeted. “He died before we could get to him.”
“No!” Sarah said to herself. “He’s always careful when he flies. He’s not like the thrill seekers. He told me he’d take care of himself.”
Katherine wiped away tears from Sarah’s face. “He was trying a new stunt.”
“No!” Sarah tried to close out all the world, including Kat’s voice. “He told me he’d die of old age with me in his arms. He told me we’d have years together.”
“Cody said it should have been an easy flight. But then the wind came up all at once.”
“No!” Sarah’s entire body began to shake as she tried to pull away from Kat.
“Listen, Sarah! Bart’s gone! You have to face it.” Even as she held her close, Kat felt that Sarah was slipping like sand through her fingers.
“I can’t!”
“I know it isn’t fair, but he’s gone and you have to accept that fact. I’m here. I won’t leave you. Together we can handle this.”
“No!” Sarah’s shouts sounded far away to her ears. “I want to die with him.”
“No, Sarah. Stay with me,” Kat pleaded. “I wish I hadn’t had to tell you about the crash. I’ll see that plane exploding into flames every day for the rest of my life. All I could think about was how much this would hurt you. I kept praying, ‘Please, Lord, don’t let Bart be dead.’”
Sarah raised her arms to Kat and held her friend tight. The need to comfort Kat sifted through her own grief, but her sorrow was a tidal wave washing away all other thoughts. “I’m not sure I can get through my life without him.” She tried to hold her mind together even as her heart splintered.
Katherine’s arms surrounded Sarah, pulling her back to the world. There was no need for words. Sarah wouldn’t have heard them. They clung to each other, rocking slowly back and forth, sharing the heartbreak as they had shared everything since childhood, lost in their own private hell of grief.
For one had to live with her loss and the other, her lie.
* * *
Cody paced the floor of his room. The burns on his hands were nothing compared to the wound Katherine had opened across his heart. He couldn’t accept Katherine’s decision never to see him again. He could still remember every detail of the way she’d looked in the hospital hallway before they went into Bart’s room. Her clothes had been stained with smoke, and her hair was wild and free around her shoulders. She’d looked at him with such need, as if she believed he could make everything in the world right and safe. As if with one hug he could take away all the years of not being loved.
But they hadn’t had time to hug, and now they might never see each other again. He’d suffered enough death and said enough good-byes to last him a lifetime. Even if Bart lived, he would never fly with Cody again, so at best their friendship would be only a shadow of what it had been.
But Katherine belonged in his world. She was the one woman who’d
made her way into his mind, and he wasn’t about to just walk away from her because her twisted sense of justice told her she had to sacrifice her own happiness to atone for her lie to Sarah.
Cody grabbed his coat from the chair. He had to talk to Bart. There had to be an answer to this problem, and Cody was determined to find it. He wasn’t going to let her walk out of his life without a fight.
On his way to the hospital Cody thought over everything he would say to his friend. If he could talk Bart into releasing Kat from her promise, maybe he could intercept her before she reached Sarah.
Cody parked his truck at the front door and ran into the hospital. He was inside the room where he’d last seen Bart before anyone could stop him.
Bart’s bed was empty!
“I need to see Bart Rome!” Cody said to the nurse on duty. If Bart had died, Cody knew he’d have to see the body before he believed it.
“He’s been moved to another room, Mr. Masters.” The nurse’s voice was kind, showing no surprise at Cody’s appearance.
“I have to talk to him.” Cody hated the lack of control he always felt in hospitals.
“I’m afraid that’s impossible. Perhaps in the morning.”
“In the morning it will be too late.” Cody noticed two orderlies step behind the nurse. “I have to talk to him tonight.”
“He wouldn’t hear you.” Again the nurse’s voice was kind but firm. “He slipped into a coma right after you left. God’s granting him relief from his pain.”
Cody wanted to scream, What about my pain? But he was facing a solid wall of professional detachment and had nowhere to turn. The day had been a thousand hours long, and now he felt his control slipping. He wasn’t even sure he had the energy to walk back to his truck.
Gently, like a mother directing a child, the nurse rested her hand on his shoulder and led him to a small waiting room. “You’re welcome to rest here. We’ll call you as soon as he comes out of the coma.”
Cody collapsed in a soft chair. His body and his mind closed down as completely as if someone had suddenly cut his engine. He floated silently into sleep.
Day after day passed, with Cody spending most of his time in the hospital waiting room. He knew it was too late to talk to Bart about the lie, but he had to see this thing through to the end. Finally, a week after the crash, Bart awoke from the coma. Cody was at his bedside within minutes after the doctors had checked Bart over.
“Hello, my man.” Cody’s Scottish burr was not as flawless as usual but his familiar greeting was still as warm.
Bart turned his bandaged head listening to the sound of a voice. “Cody?” His voice was raw and hoarse.
“In person,” Cody answered, reaching for Bart’s hand, then pausing a moment before withdrawing. “I had to hang around and see when you’d decide to come out of hibernation.”
Bart nodded slightly. “You may not be able to tell, but the doc says I’m doing better. May get the bandages off my eyes in a week or so.”
“Great,” Cody answered, wondering how long it would be before the miles of white gauze strips came off the rest of his body.
“I’m glad you’re here.” Bart turned his head toward Cody as though he could see through the layers of white. “I wanted to ask you to keep an eye on Sarah and Katherine for me. Make sure they don’t need anything.”
“I’ll try.” Cody wished he could say he’d take good care of them, but he doubted Katherine would ever speak to him again. “They’re strong women, used to taking care of themselves.”
Bart nodded slightly. “The hardest part of dealing with the crash is knowing I’ll never see Sarah again. But I know I’m doing what’s right. She’ll go on and marry some good man and have a houseful of kids to take care of. She doesn’t need to be saddled with a cripple.”
“There’s no changing your mind?”
“No,” Bart answered stubbornly. “I know I’m right about her. That will help me live with the loss. I may have messed up my life, but there’s no need to mess up hers as well.”
“Sometimes the loss of what might have been is as great as the loss of what was,” Cody said more to himself than to Bart. “Katherine doesn’t want to see me again.”
“She’ll change her mind.” Bart didn’t sound so positive.
Cody leaned against the windowsill. “Maybe men like us were never meant to love any way but hard and fast. Maybe the kind of love that lasts a lifetime was meant for men with both feet on the ground.”
“Maybe,” Bart answered. “They can give me stuff to ease the pain of my burns. Too bad there’s not something to ease the memory of Sarah from my mind. When I woke up, I could feel the weight of her head resting on my shoulder. Her body warmed my side. I swear I could feel her low sleeping breath against my cheek.”
“You were dreaming,” Cody interrupted, not wanting to hear about another man’s loss.
“Maybe,” Bart answered. “It’s hard to tell what’s dream and what’s real with my eyes all bandaged. I asked the nurse to tell me if it was morning or night. Not that it matters.”
Cody leaned closer. “Do you need anything? Is there something I could bring you that might help?”
“I need to know that Katherine did as she promised.”
“She did,” Cody answered. There was no doubt in his mind, for the look in Kat’s eyes when he put her on the train a week ago was still burned into his brain.
“Then I’m dead to Sarah now?”
“Yes.”
Bart let out a long sigh as if all the happiness he’d ever known had passed from him. His words came slow, thick with drugged sleep. “I’ll go to my grave loving her.”
“You did,” Cody said after a long minute of silence. He pulled the sheet up to Bart’s chin and silently left the room.
Fifteen
SOMEHOW IN THE three weeks since the crash, Sarah had continued to function. She never missed work, but her nights were filled with a sorrow and loneliness Katherine couldn’t share. She never asked Katherine for the details of the crash or where Bart’s body had been shipped for burial. It was as though the mention of his name might rip her fragile composure to shreds.
Katherine’s dishonesty ate at her while she walked to work, as it had every day and night since the crash. She doubled her pace as though she could outrun all the sadness she’d caused Sarah. Even though she’d sworn to Bart and promised Cody, the knowledge that she’d broken her vow to Sarah twisted away at her heart. She could tell herself a hundred times that Bart and Cody were right: Sarah would have sacrificed herself in caring for Bart if she’d known he was alive. But still the lie remained between them like a poison in Katherine’s blood.
She jerked her glove off and stared down at the tiny scar that ran across her palm. They’d sworn always to be truthful with each other. They’d sworn in blood. Now that she’d broken that promise, Katherine hated herself for what she’d been forced to do.
Pulling her glove back on, she hurried through the hospital gate. She was an hour early for work, but that still might not be enough time to do all she planned.
The desk clerk frowned at the wind following Katherine through the open door and gave his usual bored wave as she passed. “You’ve got a message,” he added after she’d already traveled several feet past him.
Katherine turned and waited as he rummaged through the papers on his desk.
“Here it is.” The clerk held the message up, making no attempt to hand it to her. “It’s a telephone number. The gentleman said to please call and ask for Cody.” Finally the clerk handed her the paper.
Katherine stared at the numbers. The only reason Cody would call was if Bart had died. She’d made it plain enough she didn’t want to hear from him socially.
Her fingers hurt as she gripped the single sheet of paper as though it were almost impossible to lift. A sob lodged in her throat, choking her. If Bart died, she hadn’t lied?
She rang the operator on the desk phone, not caring that the clerk would overhear.
>
As the operator answered, Katherine silently prayed Bart was alive. She couldn’t wish him dead to wash her lie clean.
Somehow she managed to give the number, then asked for Cody. The wait that followed seemed like hours as Katherine gripped the phone arid glared at the desk clerk, who idly watched her with about as much interest he’d have watched an insect climb a screen.
“Yes.” Cody sounded out of breath. “Masters here.”
Katherine waited, not knowing what to say.
“Kat, is that you?”
“Yes.”
“Katherine…” Cody’s voice relaxed. “I was afraid you wouldn’t call after what you said at the hospital.”
He sounded so wonderful, but she didn’t want to hear his voice. It was only a reminder of what would never be. “I meant what I said.” Then very slowly she added, “How is Bart?”
“About the same.” Cody’s voice hardened slightly, less of the boy she remembered, more of the man. “There’s still little hope that he’ll ever leave the hospital. I visit him every day, but he’s usually asleep. Even if he can walk again, his face and arms will always be covered with scars.”
Katherine closed her eyes and forced the words out. “Then why did you call?”
Cody hesitated so long she wasn’t sure he had an answer. When his words came, they were blended with pain. “I just wanted to say if you and Sarah ever need anything, let me know…. I’d like to keep in touch.”
“That won’t be necessary.” Katherine bit her bottom lip to keep any hint of indecision from her voice.
“Katherine, listen. What happened was an accident. It doesn’t mean we can’t still see each other.” Cody seemed to be searching for words. “We could wait awhile, give it time. I thought of you every day those four months I was gone. I can’t just walk away without seeing you again.”
“You have to.” Tears formed in the corners of Katherine’s eyes. “We both have to.”
“But…”
“No,” Katherine said and hung up the phone quietly, as though her last word were an epitaph.
