by Jodi Thomas
Determination sparkled Sarah’s gentle eyes. “I spent days sleeping on the ship. Now I want to begin what I came here to do.”
Katherine directed the other nurses to their tents, then took Sarah into the hospital. As they walked among the beds she saw the field hospital through Sarah’s eyes. For the first time in months, she felt the old anticipation and somehow believed that together they could make a difference. She realized that, to some, the wounded had become numbers in a faceless war, but to Sarah each man was an individual.
Within an hour Sarah had met Dr. Wells and the other veteran nurses.
“So you’re the Sarah we’ve all heard so much about.” Dr. Wells pumped her arm. “Not much bigger than a minute.”
Sarah showed no fear when she smiled at the doctor. His eyes might be the same cold gray as Dr. Farris’s, but she knew he could change. After all, Dr. Farris had joined Miss Willingham as a full-time grandparent to Matthew. “I can hold my own as a nurse.”
Wells pushed up his bottom lip and looked at her more closely. “That I bet you can, Nurse Sarah. When would you like to start?”
“As soon as I find my apron,” Sarah answered. “I’d like to work the rest of this shift before I unpack.”
“Heavens be blessed!” Wells shouted. “I think you must be molded from the same clay as our Katherine.”
Katherine winked at Sarah. “One mold,” she said, “named Miss Willingham.”
Both girls washed and set to work. As the hours passed they talked when there was time and smiled at each other across the room when work was heavy. The hours flew by so fast that Katherine was surprised when a new wave of nurses arrived for the shift change.
She and Sarah ate dinner together before finally giving in to aching muscles and heading toward the sleeping quarters. Sarah insisted on rooming with the staff because, after all, Katherine was not only the head nurse but a married lady now. Katherine wanted them to stay together, but didn’t protest too much when she learned Sarah’s quarters were just next door.
As in the state hospital, Sarah and Katherine balanced each other’s strengths and covered each other’s weaknesses. Before her first shift was over, Dr. Wells commented twice that Sarah was the most natural nurse he’d ever seen. She seemed to feel the patient’s pain even before he’d been examined.
Sarah missed Matthew desperately but the work kept her so busy she had little time to think about home. He was being well cared for by Miss Willingham, and all these mothers’ sons needed her. As the days warmed into summer the battle at the Somme built. There were reports of thousands dying to the southwest at Verdun. Newspapermen predicted 1916 would be the year of Europe’s great bloodletting.
Sarah and Katherine read everything they could find about the pilots. The Americans flying in the Escadrille were the favorites of the reporters. They wrote about the pilots as though they were great knights fighting battles in the sky. When one made five kills, he became an ace and was elevated to godlike status.
Sarah watched Katherine closely, sharing her happiness and understanding her fear. They never talked about the chances of Cody dying, just as they never talked of the future except in terms of Matthew.
As before, as soon as Sarah learned the rules, Katherine took the night shift and Sarah the day, only Sarah noticed that Kat never left the hospital until well after dark.
After a few weeks Sarah learned to take a break just as the sun set. She’d slip out behind the hospital tent where no one else ever ventured and watched the night approach. The ground became rocky and uneven only a few feet from the tent, providing her with a natural bench to sit on. This became her favorite time of day. If she closed her ears to the constant rumbling from the front, she could almost believe the world was at peace.
One evening, just after sunset when the light still lingered, Sarah realized she wasn’t alone. Someone had stumbled upon her secret place.
“Who’s there?” she said as she backed up against the tent. She’d never told anyone about this place. If a German had crossed the front line, he could kill her without anyone knowing.
“Who’s there?” she said again, trying to sound brave. With her height and weight he’d have to be a pretty puny soldier not to be able to kill her with his bare hands. Sarah clenched her fists; she’d fight as hard as she could anyway.
“Pardon my intrusion,” a French voice said, and relief flooded her senses. “I did not mean to frighten the mademoiselle.”
Sarah relaxed as the shadowy form of a man she’d heard called Hoot materialized between the rocks. He limped toward her but stopped before emerging from the darkness.
Sarah took a long breath. “It’s all right. I didn’t think anyone knew about this place except me.”
The man moved slowly to a rock several feet away and sat down as if to reassure her he meant no harm. “I come here when the others go to dinner.”
Compassion filled Sarah’s heart. “Don’t you want to eat?”
He shook his head, and black hair almost covered his face. She knew he was lying. His hunger had nothing to do with the reason he never came to the mess tent. When she thought about it, she realized she’d never seen him inside the tent, not once. Sometimes she’d noticed him at the back door picking up a sack of food, but he was always alone.
In a world filled with people who seemed to come in pairs, Sarah had stumbled upon someone who must be even lonelier than she was herself. At least she had Katherine and Matthew. This poor soul looked as if no one had ever cared for him in his life. He wore his solitude like a badge of honor.
Her need to ease his pain was as great as any calling she’d ever had to help, but she forced herself not to look at him as she said, “I like to come here and watch the sunset, but I also miss dinner.” She hesitated, unsure if her request would cause him an inconvenience. “Would you mind picking up something tomorrow night and bringing it to me along with your own dinner?”
“If you wish, mademoiselle.”
She tried to see his face. “I think it would be nice to enjoy a meal with a friend as I watch the sunset.”
The tall man stood up and disappeared into the night without saying a word. Sarah leaned back and wondered if she’d helped ease his loneliness or merely added to his problems. She’d heard Katherine say the man was like a shadow around the camp. Katherine and the Frenchman had a kind of unspoken trust between them as though they shared a secret. The shadow man always delivered the notes Cody sent, and Katherine had said more than once that she felt him following her when she walked from her tent to the hospital, as if to ensure her safety.
Sarah stood and stared into the night sky. She would not call him Hoot, she decided. She would call him Shadow.
The next day passed quickly, and Sarah was almost late in coming to watch the sunset. As she rushed around the corner she was surprised at what lay before her. On a rock beside where she’d sat was a little white tablecloth and a tray laden with food and coffee.
“Hello?” She looked around, but her shadow man was nowhere.
The smell of coffee lured her to her seat. She leaned back and watched the day’s passing as she sipped her coffee and ate most of the food he’d brought.
When darkness once again blanketed the earth and none of the sun’s glow remained, she heard a movement in the rocks beside her and knew her shadow man was once more at her side.
“Hello?” She relaxed, unafraid.
“Did you enjoy your meal alone?” With his voice so low and the French accent, she could barely understand him.
“Yes, I did. Thank you for bringing it.” She tried to see him clearly, but the light was too poor. “Only I thought you were going to join me.”
“I was nearby.”
Sarah could hear the loneliness and pain in his words, but she wasn’t sure how to reach him. If she went too close, he would disappear into the blackness. She decided that being honest with the man might be the only way to become friends. “I like it back here, away from the war, but it makes m
e a little homesick.”
The shadow man moved a foot closer. “Tell me about your home.” He sounded like a man who’d never had a home and wasn’t sure what the word meant.
Sarah smiled, knowing she’d just found a way to ease his pain. Like most people, he desperately needed someone to talk to, and her need was no less.
“I live in Ohio.” She began a long description of the country and how far it was from where they sat. As she talked, she could almost feel him relax beside her even though he didn’t say a word. She guessed he probably didn’t understand many of the things she said, but it felt good to just talk to someone. She told him all about the hospital and Miss Willingham and even how she’d worked at the state hospital to pay off the cost of nursing school.
Finally Sarah stood, not wanting to say good-bye but knowing she’d stayed long enough to give both their tired minds a rest. “I have to go. It’s getting late. I’m sorry I rattled on so.”
The shadow man rose beside her. “Thank you.” He sounded as if he meant it all the way to his core. “I enjoyed hearing about Ohio.”
“Thank you,” she answered and was surprised at just how deeply she meant it. “If you’d like, we could have dinner tomorrow night. I’ll try not to talk so much.”
He stepped away to allow her to pass. “I enjoyed it greatly.”
Sarah was almost to the corner of the tent. “Well, don’t get me started on my son or I’ll never stop.” She moved away, speaking more to herself than to the shadow man. “That Matthew Rome is one bundle of joy. He keeps me and Miss Willingham as well as most of the nurses busy.”
She didn’t see him slip into the trees or hear his cry of loneliness in the night.
As summer faded, the work increased daily. Many nights Sarah missed the sunset and her talk with the shadow man, but she always felt him close, like a guardian angel watching over her. When they were together, Sarah found herself doing all the talking while he only listened. Slowly, as friendship grew, he became a part of her life. She told him all the news from Miss Willingham as though he knew her and cared. She even found herself talking over the problems of the hospital with him, as if he might somehow have an answer.
One evening, well after sunset, Sarah walked around the back of the tent, hoping to find him waiting.
“Hello?” She walked to the rocks where they always sat. “Please be here tonight.”
A movement reassured her of his presence. “I’m here,” he replied in a voice that had come to mean stability in her world.
“Thank goodness.” Sarah relaxed against the stone wall. “I need to talk to you.”
All day she’d been trying to figure out in her mind what she would do, and again and again the answer seemed to be to talk with her shadow man. “I don’t know what to do.” She knew he would probably be of no help, but she had to talk to someone. “Katherine is urging me to go with her to Paris to meet Cody this weekend. They want to introduce me to a friend of his.”
The shadow was silent.
“I don’t want to go. I know it would just be all in fun. I don’t want to meet anyone, but telling Katherine no is impossible. She has this idea that I should meet someone and get married someday. Then Matthew would have a father, and I’d have someone to take care of me. She’s been telling me that Cody wouldn’t introduce me to someone unless he’s an honorable man.”
There was a long silence before the shadow spoke, and then he said just one word: “Go.”
Sarah stepped forward and tried to make out his face in the shadows. “So you’re on her side?”
“She’s right.”
Anger bubbled in Sarah’s tiny body. “I thought you were my friend.”
She stormed toward the corner of the tent, but a strong hand reached out of darkness and gripped her arm. “I am your friend,” he whispered. “I only want what’s best for you.”
Sarah shoved his hand away. “Well, I don’t want a husband. I don’t think I could ever love another man after my Bart.”
He released her arm without comment and slipped back into the shadows.
Sarah ran all the way to Kat’s tent. “Kat!” Sarah cried, needing her friend.
Katherine jumped up from her desk and ran to meet Sarah. “What’s wrong!”
Sarah pulled herself together, realizing suddenly how small her problem was compared to those around them. “I can’t go with you to Paris.”
“But of course you can.” Kat started to go on, then stopped when Sarah raised her hand.
“I’m sorry. I worded that wrong. I don’t want to go to Paris. My six-month hitch will be over soon and I want to work every minute I can.”
“But…”
“The answer is no,” Sarah said simply.
Katherine realized for the first time that she couldn’t talk Sarah into something.
Sarah continued, “I’ll be here, so you won’t have to worry about the hospital.”
Kat wanted to argue, but she knew it would be wasted effort. She slowly walked back to her desk and pulled a chair up for Sarah.
“Would you like some hot tea?”
Sarah smiled suddenly. “You sound just like Miss Willingham.”
Kat poured the tea. “I guess we’re all changing.” As she handed Sarah a cup, she added, “I always thought I’d welcome change and love adventure. But when you change it’s somehow frightening. I’m looking forward to a time when the days will pass without change.”
Sarah, as always, understood Kat. “Don’t worry, we’ll always be blood sisters.”
“I know, but we seem to be constantly readjusting.”
“Maybe that’s how we’ve stayed friends for a lifetime.”
Kat looked over her teacup. “Maybe Miss Willingham was right about the tea also.”
“Maybe feeling it scald all the way down makes you forget what you were worried about.” Sarah laughed. “I have to apologize to someone. Then I’ll come back and help you pack.”
“I’d like that,” Kat agreed. “It may take an hour to find my suitcase.”
Sarah walked out of the tent and almost collided with her shadow man.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he backed away into the blackness between the tents.
“No,” Sarah answered. “I need to thank you for caring. I shouldn’t have gotten angry. You do so much for me. You bring me dinner. You listen to all my problems. You even give me advice that I don’t want, which must be the mark of a true friend. I wish I could give you something in return.”
The shadow moved into complete darkness and murmured to himself, “You do. You give me a reason to live.”
Sarah didn’t quite hear his last words, but the warmth of his caring remained.
Twenty-six
“SARAH?” KATHERINE WHISPERED as she entered the shadowy darkness of the nurses’ tent. “Where are you?”
Sarah rose up on one elbow. “Over here.”
She could hear Katherine stumbling over trunks and corners of cots. “I have to talk to you!” Kat’s voice sounded almost panicky.
Sarah shoved her covers aside and stood. “Stay where you are. I’ll lead you out. This place is a maze at night.”
One scarred hand reached out of the darkness to touch another. “Follow me.”
Within moments they were in the yellow glow of the outside lantern. Sarah closed her robe in front of her and tied the belt.
“I’ve got to ask you a favor,” Katherine said softly. “And you have to swear no one will find out. What I’m about to do could get me in big trouble.”
Sarah raised an eyebrow but nodded, knowing she’d go along with whatever Katherine wanted, short of killing someone.
“A pilot landed about an hour ago with a message. He said Cody’s plane was shot down.”
Sarah pressed her fist to her mouth to fight back the cry shaking her body. “When?”
“Come dawn it’s been three days.” Katherine didn’t miss the terror in her friend’s eyes, so she continued rapidly.
“He
’s all right. Or at least he will be. Just bruises, no broken bones. He managed to crash-land on this side of the front.”
“Thank the Lord.” Tears were already flooding the corners of Sarah’s eyes. “Is there anything we can do to help? Could they fly him here to the hospital?”
Katherine shook her head, then looked around before lowering her voice. “The pilot and I decided it would be easier to fly me to him.”
“What!”
“I could fly out at dawn before the Germans even get up for breakfast and be back before my shift starts tomorrow night.”
Sarah backed up as if she could push away from the problem. “No!” She looked at Katherine in disbelief. “You can’t. The fighting’s bad all around; everyone says so. What if you accidentally crossed the line and were shot down? No, Kat, you can’t go.”
“I have to,” Katherine answered. “If he’s hurt, I have to go to him.”
“No!” Sarah felt as though death had walked between them. “It’s too risky.”
“The risk is small. I flew once before, back when planes were not nearly as sturdy. I need your help, please, not arguments. I’m going—that’s a fact—but I have less than an hour to find a pilot’s uniform that will fit me so I can get into Cody’s barracks.”
“Isn’t there anything I can say to stop you?” Sarah didn’t try to stop the tears rolling down her face. “The thought of you flying over the battlefields frightens me.”
“If it were Bart, could I stop you?” Katherine turned away suddenly as the pain of her long-ago lie slammed against her heart. She had stopped Sarah from going to him; and until this moment when she compared Bart and Cody, she’d never known the magnitude of her lie. What if someone told her Cody had died? She’d hate the liar forever. And the liar would deserve her hatred.
Katherine shook with a pain so deep it clawed into her heart and ate away at her soul. She had to remain silent about Bart, but she hated herself for her reprehensible lie. At first she’d thought she was being merciful, but now she saw that Sarah should have been given the right to go to Bart and know the truth. For even if Cody had been scarred and burned in a crash, she would still want to be at his side. She’d had no right to alter the future for Sarah, no matter how much Bart begged her.
