by Claire Ayres
“You pack your bag and you walk out of the door, Blair. It’s time to stop this nonsense. If you don’t then I guess we aren’t meant to be.”
I hang up the phone and for the first time in weeks, I feel like a weight has been lifted. Maybe all the chemistry we had was a momentary blip on the radar and there is somebody else out there destined to help me become the next Jess and Luka.
Chapter Twenty
Blair
One Month Later
Blair sits in the VIP box, surrounded by record company people, journalists, and various other people she doesn’t recognise. She’s not photographing tonight, there are too many photographers here and Heath asked for her to watch the show. The Blaze are playing a combined show with two other bands at an arena in Newcastle, a New Years Blow Off is what it’s being promoted as. A one-off show for tonight only, to be followed by an industry party to celebrate the New Year even though it is being held after new year, that’s PR for you I guess Blair thinks to herself.
The Blaze are headlining, and they’re killing it on stage, Heath has the audience gripped as he belts out the words while the others rip through the supporting melody. Blair’s mind drifts back to the conversation she had with Heath after Mark closed their conversation so abruptly.
“Heath, we need to talk about this arrangement.” She had said, sitting on the bed next to him.
“What about it Hun?” He had said putting an arm around her, then, “Are you OK, something seems wrong.” She had shaken her head, fighting to stay composed.
“I’ve spoken with Mark and we’ve agreed I’m going to go and meet him, I can’t keep doing this.” She had said and Heath pulled her closer.
“The tour ends in a few weeks. When we get back to London I will speak to the PR guys about the best way to end this OK.” He says, telling her what he will do not questioning or letting her decide for herself, then kisses her forehead. They stayed like that until she became sleepy and they slipped down the bed and fell asleep Blair wrapped in Heath’s arms. She finds it hard to believe that was last night. Less than 24 hrs had passed and the pain in her heart was too much to bear and she was locking it down to ensure she didn’t feel anything at all.
Now watching him on stage she is running through her head what was she really doing here and the answer she kept coming up with was running away. Heath didn’t give her the opportunity to think, he made her decisions for her allowing her to shrink into her shell and hide from everything including how she felt about Mark, but this whole situation was turning into a nightmare, she didn’t want her name and her photo in the newspapers. She didn’t want random people knowing her business and talking to her on The Underground. She wanted to take photographs and go home to a man she loved, she wanted to go home to Mark. Fuck, how did she not see it before? Wiping a stray tear from her eye she turned her attention back to the stage, mind made up.
The guys were at the front of the stage taking a photo for their social media then throwing guitar picks and drumsticks into the crowd. Heath looked up in her direction and blew a kiss. She waved down, and he grinned, she turned and walked out toward the green room where the guys would be heading to relax and get a drink before leaving for the party which would have press everywhere.
Knocking on their door she waited before entering, Liam opened the door and subtly smiled, since their talk things had improved between them.
“Oh, it’s you.”
“Yeah, it’s me. Is he here?” She asked and Liam stepped back to let her pass into the room. The other guys welcomed her with hugs, Heath was in the shower in the small adjacent room, Blair took a seat on the couch next to Aiden to wait. Heath walked out a towel wrapped around his waist and his damp hair swept back from his face and skimming his shoulders. He really did look male model attractive and Blair can’t help but appreciate the man in front of her. As he sees Blair eating up his almost naked appearance a hungry smile pours across his face.
“Hey, Beautiful.” He says, taking her hand and pulling her up to face him.
“Hey, you were good tonight. The crowd were eating you up.” She says.
“I’d rather you were eating me up.” He responds putting his arm around her waist. “Come with me.” He takes her hand and leads her into a tiny room off to the side. “Sit down a minute.” He pulls out a seat for her and then sits down opposite her.
“What’s going on Heath? Has something bad happened again?” She says worriedly.
“No, it’s nothing like that.” He takes her hand running his thumb over her hand. “I wanted to ask you something.” He takes a deep breath then looks her in the eye. “This arrangement between us. We enjoy each other’s company, we have fun and get on well don’t we?”
“Yeah, I really like you, Heath, I wouldn’t have agreed to it otherwise.” She says wondering what he is getting at.
“Blair, I know I kind of joked about how I liked you in the beginning and it was hard to take me seriously. I am head over heels crazy about you though. I kept my distance because you had your thing with Mark, however it’s not gone anywhere. So, wow, this is hard!” He smiles and rubs his hands nervously on his jeans before taking a step towards her and crouching down until he is on the same level. “I want to make our ‘arrangement’ real. Stop with the pretending and concentrate on being a couple and see what happens.” Blair stares at him, gaping and unsure what to say or where to start.
“Heath, I don’t know what to say. I hadn’t even considered this as an option.” She says, immediately thinking of the gaping Mark-sized hole inside of her.
Heath doesn’t say anything to respond to her, instead, he leans forward, cupping her face in his hands and he kisses her. This isn’t a kiss like the ones he’s given her for the purpose of the cameras, this is a deep, passionate kiss. Heath is showing Blair something with this kiss and as she finds herself responding and leaning her body into him she decides to try, to give him a chance and stop pining after a man she hasn’t been able to make it work with. She pulls away for a moment and sees the joy and victory in Heath’s eyes. She sees that he has been manoeuvring this situation to his advantage so that he could take what he wanted…her.
She takes his head in her hands and shakes her head, her eyes filling with tears.
“No, Heath, No.”
Heath sits back on his haunches, a look crossing his face as though he has been slapped.
“Hold on, can you repeat yourself. I could have sworn you said No. To. Me.” He says bewildered and clearly angry. He was sure she was going to fall into his arms.
“I did. I’m sorry, Heath, I can’t keep pretending anymore either. I need to walk away. You are a good friend, a great friend. I don’t know how I would have got through the last few months without you. The thing is, I’m in love with Mark and I can’t keep running from that. It’s not fair on either of you.”
Heath puts his head in his hands and rubs his face, processing what she is saying and when he looks back up she doesn’t recognise the eyes looking at her. They aren’t the warm kind eyes she has grown used to. These eyes are cold and dark, you could get lost in their depths but it wouldn’t be a pleasant journey.
“Heath,” Blair puts an arm on his shoulder and he slaps her away, taking a step toward her and making her back up, they dance this dance until she is pressed against the wall and his arms are a cage around her shoulders pinning her in place. “Heath, you’re scaring me.”
“Why? Why am I scaring you?” he says “I haven’t spent months leading you on making you think there is a bond between us when there isn’t, have I? I haven’t made you fall in love with me for nothing have I? You’ve used me Blair.”
“Shit, Heath, it wasn’t my intention, I thought you knew we were always friends, I was trying to make it clear to you all the way along.”
He punches the wall next to her ear, making her jump and a squeal releases from her mouth without her having any control over it.
“Well, you didn’t do a very good job of it Blair,
because here we are, me pouring my heart out and you doing a runner to your other guy. You’ve had us both played like a pair of puppets haven’t you. Waiting until you decide which one of us you want to drop.”
“No, Heath It hasn’t been that way. You were always my friend, I’ve always been in love with him. I’ve been an idiot about dealing with it.”
Heath pushes away from the wall and feeling afraid Blair walks to the door, muttering an apology she reaches for the door handle. She pushes down the handle and an arm wraps around her waist and starts to lift her up. Before she can scream and alert the guys only meters away from where this is happening Heath’s other hand wraps around her mouth and clamps her jaw firmly shut.
◆◆◆
Blair knocked on the door and waited. While waiting for the door to open she hopes she is able to pull off this conversation it is not one she ever expected to be having.
“Blair?” The voice comes from near the elevator, when she turns she sees him walking towards her. He wasn’t even home and with that the bottom falls out of her stomach and her whole body starts to shake.
“Mark.” The name on her tongue sounds foreign, she’s not sure she can do this, she turns to face him, trying to stay strong, to be the woman she knows she is deep inside even if that woman has gone into hiding.
“I didn’t expect to see you here. It’s been a while since I last saw you.” He’s not happy, he doesn’t want to see her. She can’t be surprised.
Tucking her head down, she picks up her duffle bag and mutters apologies and starts to walk away Mark grabs her arm, she pulls away barely coping with the pain from his hand on her arm.
“I’m sorry I disturbed you, I didn’t mean to.” She says before trying to leave again.
“Don’t.” he says. “Don’t go Blair.” Opening his apartment door he steps back for Blair to walk in first then follows behind her.
She places her duffle by the door and when she looks up at him he takes a gasp her face drawn and clearly suffering from the signs of sleep deprivation.
“Blair, sweetheart, what is wrong?” He asks and he watches her eyes fill with tears which she swiftly wipes away.
“Could I get some water please?” She asks killing time until the inevitable conversation which she doesn’t want to have.
“Sure, why don’t you take a seat.” Mark says as he walks to the kitchen trying to get her further into the apartment.
Blair walks to her favourite place on the couch and pulls the blanket around her like it has some magical protection spell on it. When Mark leans over the back of the couch to pass her the water she jumps and almost leaps from the couch.
“It’s OK, I’m bringing your water.” Mark passes her the water and then starts pacing the apartment.
“I’m worried about you.” His voice gives away every ounce of feeling he has for Blair, his concern is rippling through his entire body. “You’ve appeared back here and it’s clear something is very wrong.”
“I promised you I would come back.” She looks at him, looking like the world is weighing her shoulders down. He wants to scoop her up into his arms but something in his intuition is saying it would be a bad idea.
“Blair, it’s time, to be honest with me, no more excuses, no more avoidance. Don’t make me chase you for weeks before you tell me what is going on this time.” He gently strokes her cheek and it’s exactly how she remembers it in her dreams every night when Mark is centre stage. Mark is who gets her through every day and every night more than ever now, her memories of his touch, his kiss. He has no idea how much he has done for her, none at all.
“I…I always meant to come back to you Mark. I screwed up…again.” She says looking at him in the eye and seeing everything in his eyes she’s been missing.
“What do you mean you screwed up, Sweetheart?” His voice soft, low, questioning.
The only way Blair can think of to accurately tell him this new chapter of her story is to show him. She stands up and starts to take off her clothes, she’s wearing several layers and it takes some time to slowly remove all of her clothes. She goes right down to her lingerie and lets Mark see for himself what she means.
Chapter Twenty-One
Mark
The sickness churns in my stomach, mixing with the anger which I’m doing my best to contain while I look at this beautiful woman standing in front of me, vulnerable, exposed, and completely covered in bruises.
“Who did this to you, Blair?” I do my best to keep my voice controlled, not to let her see how angry I am, my guess is she’s seen enough anger recently.
She looks me in the eyes before sinking into the couch her head in her hands.
“It’s my own fault.” She says and I can’t do it, I can’t keep away from her anymore. A few long steps and I’m next to her pulling her into my arms, where she belongs.
“Nothing and I mean nothing, you have said, done, or not done means you deserve this,” I tell her, she wraps her arms around my waist tucking her head into the nook of my arm and her whole body moves with the strength of the sobs coming out of her. I gently stroke her hair, my insides churning and preparing to kill the person who has hurt her.
“I’m here for you, sweetheart, I won’t let anyone hurt you again,” I whisper to her over and over, trying to let her know she’s safe, the emotional hurt of the past few months forgotten. All I’m worried about now is keeping this woman safe.
It takes some time until she eventually pulls away from my arms to sit straight and damn, if her beauty doesn’t knock me flat. Sitting next to me, holding my hand, in nothing except her bra and panties. If I could erase those bruises she would be perfect and I would crave her more than anything, instead, although I love and desire her I’m overcome with anger which I’m holding inside for her sake and hoping I can find a way to make her feel safe again.
“Will you tell me what’s happened, I want help you?” I hold her hands and gaze into her eyes. She nods and asks for a drink, Mark passes her the water which she guzzles before putting her jeans and sweater back on.
“Thank you.” She says, quietly, unsure of herself, not like the confident girl I know.
“Talk to me Blair,” I say, desperate to know who could hurt her like this.
“After we last spoke I hesitated in breaking things off, nervous to leave Heath high and dry.” The way she says Heath’s name makes me shiver, it’s with a coldness I’ve never heard Blair use before and it makes me afraid for what is to follow. “After thinking it out far too much I finally decided I had to leave and come to you.” She smiles at me clearly wanting me to know she had chosen me before whatever this was had happened. “Then a few days ago, Heath asked me to try a real relationship with him.” Her body starts shaking and she starts to cry.
I try to envelope her in a hug hating the words I am hearing and wanting to be there for her but she pushes me away.
“Don’t I have to finish this.” She says lifting a hand up to his face. “I’ve missed you more than you know.”
With those five words she rips the air from my lungs and I am painfully hers. Waiting to hear what nightmare she is about to feed me.
“I told him ‘no’ Mark, I told him, I told him I loved you. Because I do. I love you.” She takes my hand and for a moment we just stare at each other. There are a thousand things I want to say to her except now isn’t the right time. “Heath wasn’t prepared for anything except ‘yes’. He turned, it was a side of him I hadn’t seen before, maybe snatches and glimpses but I hadn’t realised the beast which laid beneath his cheerful exterior.”
She takes a moment, using a tissue from the coffee table to wipe her eyes then blow her nose.
“He wouldn’t let me leave, getting violent, God, I’m sorry I thought I could do this. Liam got me out of there, although the damage was done by the time he figured out what was happening. I keep reminding myself it could have been worse. I’m afraid though Mark, I’m afraid he’ll come after me. Although I was coming to you anyway, I�
�m even more in need of your help because of Heath.” She looks at me desperation lining her eyes. I never want to see her looking like this ever again.
“Whatever does or doesn’t happen between us, you always have a safe place to turn here.” I say knowing this is what she needs to here right now. At hearing the words the sobs attack her body again and I take her in my arms, kissing her, wishing there was something I could do to help her feel safer. “You’re staying here, OK? I don’t want you somewhere he can get to you. If he turns up here I will deal with him.” She pulls away and looks up at me.
“Thank you.”
“Did you mean what you said, about missing me?” I ask her, the response is barely above a whisper.
“Yes.”
“Good, I’ve missed you, more than I can explain.”
“Mark, thank you. Thank you so much. I knew I could trust you.” Blair says her voice barely audible her face filled with longing and gratitude it takes all of Mark’s resolve not to bring his lips crashing down on hers. His intuition tells him this is not the time for a possessive claim over her body or her soul.
Blair leans into me placing her head against my chest, her arms wrapping around my stomach. Her bruised legs are tucked under her on the couch. I cautiously place one arm around her back and strokes the other on the back of her neck. Leaning my head down to burrow my lips into her hair.
“Is this OK, Blair. I don’t want to hurt you any more.” I say and she lifts her head far enough to smile at me.
“I need you to hold me, Mark, I’ve needed you since that day we met in the restaurant.” I nod and we return to our previous position which is when she starts silently letting the tears she has been holding back fall.
◆◆◆
After several hours of sitting and holding each other, I whisper Jess’ name in her ear. She lifts her head and looks at me. There she is, the woman I love, and someone had attacked her, hurt her and my blood boiled while I remembered that I had to stay calm, for Blair, to keep her calm, to help her feel safe.
