“Would it bother you if we were?” I asked. I hid from her gaze, unable to guess at her thoughts, and focused on shoving my arms into the borrowed shirt. I fucking hated these fancy clothes, but I wore them because I recognized their necessity at times. Give me jeans and a Henley any day of the week though—I didn’t care if it made me look like a street rat, so my mother had said. Comfort over fashion any day. And from the looks I’d gotten in my preferred clothing, I wasn’t turning anyone off. I wondered if Ella would prefer me in suits or jeans?
“No,” she said simply, and I looked up under my lashes as I fumbled with the buttons at the end of the sleeves. “Here, let me help you.” She walked over and I stood mute as she made quick work of each button. She looked up at me and I wanted her to take off the mask she wore—my instincts telling me it hid more secrets than just her face. “I just wouldn’t want to ruin anything between you two.” Her voice was soft as she looked past my shoulder to where Brom laid sprawled out, the sheet barely covering his hips. He was a portrait of grace even in sleep and I felt an affection for him.
“No, we’re not lovers,” I said, and tugged away from her, swiping the jacket I’d borrowed from him. “We fuck sometimes, and we’re friends. That’s it.”
“Oh,” she said, and I raised an eyebrow at her.
“Disappointed?” I said with a grin.
“Maybe,” she replied in the same light tone before she looked back out the window and over the city. “I really need to leave.”
“Can I give you a ride?” I asked as she slipped her feet into her low heels. Funny how I never noticed how they didn’t make her much taller. She was a conundrum that I was struggling to puzzle out. She was nothing I expected from the image she cast.
Ella seemed to hesitate, her shoulders tight and stiff. “I probably shouldn’t risk it,” she said as she dropped her head. “If I were seen with you . . .” She trailed off and I burned with fury at the fear in her voice. Who the fuck could make this spitfire of a woman afraid?
“Then let me walk you down to the street and find a cab for you,” I compromised and she nodded. She looked back at the other two sleeping, and I brushed her hair back over her shoulders. “I’ll give them your regrets.”
I wanted to hope that she smiled as she looked up at me, and fuck, all I wanted to do was bury my hands in her hair and kiss her. I’ve heard the toxic masculinity jibs about not kissing whores on the mouth—but she wasn’t even close to a sex worker, and none of us had felt her lips against ours.
We slipped out into the hall, and I closed the door quietly behind us. They’d be pissed when they woke up and we were both gone, but they were big boys. We traveled downstairs in silence, no one roaming the large house—and it was as if the world only existed for the both of us. Maybe that’s where I found the courage to tug her to a stop.
“Merlin?” she asked, looking up at me in question.
“Could I kiss you?” I asked, unashamed at the pain that came through in my voice. I needed her lips on mine, as if none of this was real until we kissed. I needed her kiss as an anchor, otherwise I was just drifting along the tides of a crazy party—fucking our way through the night. As much as I hated feeling like it was fate, I knew she was more than just a fantastic adventure. And if I didn’t kiss her now, something would break inside of me. The world would grow a little darker, I would grow a little more bitter. She was my North Star but I needed that connection and I waited, terrified and anxious that she’d deny me this lifeline.
She looked around the hall, and then back to me, worry in her eyes.
“On two conditions,” she said, and my heart erupted in my chest, beating frantically with relief. I would have accepted any conditions and I told her as much. She nodded and I could feel her take a deep breath. I brought my hands to her arms, wanting to offer her comfort without confinement. She looked back at me and spoke. “One. I will kiss you, you can’t kiss me. And two, you have to keep your eyes closed while I take off my mask. Please, Merlin, you can’t open your eyes until I have my mask back on.”
“Agreed,” I said, anticipation rolling inside me. I patted my pockets and pulled out the stupid tie Brom tried to get me to wear last night and held it up to her. “Would it make you feel better if you blindfolded me?”
“No.” I could hear the laugh in her voice before her voice softened. “I trust you.”
I closed my eyes and felt the air move as she raised her hands to untie her mask. It burned inside of me, the desire to look upon her finally, to press kisses to her cheeks, her nose, her forehead, her lips, her chin. But I didn’t open my eyes, not even in the slightest, her trust in me more precious than anything else in that moment.
I felt her hands on my shoulders as she braced herself and I lowered my head slightly—the anticipation of our kiss somehow more visceral than all of the last night combined.
Her lips pressed softly against mine, and I felt like a fucking wanker, but my knees fucking went weak. My hands reached for her hips, clinging to her as she kissed me. I wanted to suck her bottom lip between mine, to kiss her until I memorized her, until nothing else existed except for her. The sound that she pulled from my chest wasn’t fucking dignified in any sense when her tongue traced my lips and I opened for her, wanting all that she would give me. It took every single fucking cell of willpower I possessed not to take the lead, to take control over the kiss and show her every conflicted emotion I had.
She was glorious and her kiss was a benediction for my soul as she filled me—our fates crashing together as stars did in the darkness of the universe, destroying one another and creating something beautiful and lasting in the process. I was unmade and remade by her kiss, and when she finally pulled away, I found myself desolate.
But I kept my eyes closed, because I could not betray her trust after her gifting me with such greatness. I felt her movement as she returned her mask and when she brought her hands to my face, holding me with such gentle affection, I leaned forward, blinding resting my forehead against the cool material of her mask.
“Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths, enwrought with golden and silver light, the blue and the dim and the dark cloths of night and light and the half-light, I would spread the cloths under your feet,” I whispered, my voice thick and heavy with emotion—I didn’t know if I wanted to cry or if I wanted to shout with joy. “But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet. Tread softly, Ella, because you tread on my dreams.”
“Merlin.” She whispered my name and I was undone. I forced myself to pull away before I was pulled into her and offered more promises than was wise. It terrified me that I would give up everything for the woman before me so soon after meeting her.
“You should go,” I said, and pressed a kiss onto the top of her head. “I just remembered I left something downstairs. The doorman should be able to call up a car for you.”
“Yeah,” she said. “Okay.” Her voice wavered as she pulled away and I had to shove my hands in my pockets to stop myself from gathering her up in my arms and hauling her back to bed upstairs.
When she was farther down the hall, I buckled and called out her name.
“Yes?” She sounded more hopeful than I deserved.
“Will you be here tomorrow, well, I guess tonight is more accurate?” I asked.
She was quiet, and each heartbeat that passed was painstakingly difficult. “Yes, Merlin,” she promised. “If I can.”
“I’ll be seeing you then,” I said, and ran my hand through my hair, suddenly nervous at the prospect. I’d had my cock in her, and yet I felt giddy at seeing her again, like it was a first date or something.
She lifted her hand up in a wave and disappeared into the front foyer, off to wherever she lived—and I found myself in the hall with no one except my own thoughts. I thought of my father and his desire I marry. An idea was forming slowly in my mind, but it was made of the hope her lips had inspired and I left the mansion with more optimism than I’d felt in a
long time.
Chapter 16
Eleanora
I leaned my head against the cool glass of the window in the backseat of the town car. It grounded me as I let my mind wander with the memories of the last ten hours or so, amazed that yesterday morning felt like years ago. The city rolled by me, half-awake with people hurrying to work or returning home from an evening out.
I blushed at my audacity with Merlin, removing my mask and kissing him—even though it was all I had wanted to do the entire evening. I wondered if kissing Brom and Romulus would evoke the same powerful response in me as Merlin did. I brought my fingertips to the painted mouth on my mask, as I thought of plans to escape the house and see them once again.
I promised myself, as the driver pulled around the Bediver mansion to the side entrance, that I would tell them everything tonight. I would tell them my true identity and why I had risked Madam Jupiter’s wrath in the hopes of securing my freedom at last. And . . . I finally felt as if I would be brave enough to take my mask off and bare myself to them.
I slid out of the car with a sigh and a quiet thanks as I shut the door behind me. I looked up at the sky and calculated that, if I was quick about it, I could get a few more hours of sleep before Madam Jupiter and her daughters came home. Lying cocooned between the men had made it ridiculously hard to leave them, and the only way I had been able to drag up the willpower was the hope that soon I would be able to go to them freely.
I opened the side door, always left unlocked for staff and deliveries, and slipped off my shoes, rubbing my heels with a grimace. Force of habit had me leave my mask in place until I finally slipped into my small room.
I sat on my bed, my mask discarded on the small bed table, and couldn’t help but compare it to the extravagance of the room I’d spent the evening in. I snorted deprecatingly as I realized the entirety of my room could likely fit in the bathroom of that room. But my stepmother believed I had no need for anything more than a place to lay my head at night, and so my room was little larger than a storage closet.
There was no way all four of us would be able to fit on my twin bed and I pressed my hand against my mouth as I thought about how they’d try to crowd onto it. I couldn’t even imagine the dignified Brom lowering himself to spend the evening on my cheap sheets. Or perhaps he would, I imagined, as I stripped out of my dress and pulled on an oversized nightshirt. He would be forced to curl up, though not as much as the taller Romulus, but I could curl my body into his, his arms around me protectively. I could tuck my chin down, letting him have free access to my blood to feed.
I was too exhausted to let my mind carry me away, spinning me into a spiral of arousal, but I did indulge myself as I hugged my pillow to me, imagining it was the strong lycan who’d driven my body crazy. I gave the alarm clock on the table a weary look and closed my eyes. There wasn’t much time before the alarm went off, but I’d take what I could.
I nuzzled the pillow, feeling my body waking me naturally even after such a rough night. I sensed a presence with me and I grinned, still feeling Brom, Romulus, and Merlin’s attentions on my body. The presence didn’t fade as I woke up more though, and I shot upward, gasping as I saw someone standing over my bed.
“Charles, what the hell are you doing in my room?” I nearly shouted as I brought my hand over my racing heart.
The man glared down at me with wicked delight and raised his hand . . . he was holding my mask. “It seems as if you have been deviant, Eleanora. Madam Jupiter will be most displeased to know of your ventures.”
“Charles, please—you can’t tell her,” I begged and lunged for the mask. But he was more agile than he looked, deftly avoiding me and letting me fall from my bed.
“I told you one day you would not be safe.” His words filled me with terror. “You will never leave this property again—if the madam even allows you to leave your room. You’ve gone too far and she will not be pleased.”
“No, you can’t—” I scrambled to my feet and he backed up, silhouetted by the light from the hall, his grin full of anger and spite as he pulled the door closed. I slammed against the door and grabbed at the handle, trying to wrench it open. But he was too fast, locking it from the outside. I pounded my fists against the door, alternating between curses and crying out for help.
No sounds came from the other side and my heart broke as my hands pounded feebly against the door as sobs caught in my throat. Charles was going to ruin everything for me and there was no other way out of my room. The sole window near the ceiling was too narrow for me to squeeze through if I could even get it open. I had tried in the past, but still, the need drove me to stand on the side table as I pushed at the window pane. It didn’t even flex under my strength and I screamed in frustration and started to dig at the grout, my nails breaking and bleeding from my efforts.
I curled my hands to my chest, the same fingers so tenderly traced by Merlin so recently, and curled up on my bed, my back against the wall, and let myself cry.
They only knew me as Ella, the woman who they took under their wings and spent two evenings with. What would happen when I didn’t show up tonight? There was no way I’d be able to escape on my own and Bonnie would not risk the wrath of my stepmother, not in helping me leave.
We had spent two amazing nights together, but I wouldn’t even trust them with my face and now . . . I buried my face in my hands and sobbed.
I cried until I was exhausted and my face was raw from my tears. The clock showed it was just after eight in the morning and dread renewed in my stomach. Madam Jupiter was the perfect guest and would be returning home soon, her daughters in tow. I knew I couldn’t hope that Charles would wait to tell her until later. He always hated that he couldn’t touch me and I thought of every small defiance I had thrown in his face. Would she finally let him strike me?
Minutes clicked away, my room so silent my heartbeat boomed in my ears. I would look at the clock to see only a minute had passed and force myself to breath. I tried to think of ways to explain myself but there was no way I could spin my transgression that she’d accept. I looked to the clock again and it was nearing 9:00 a.m. I needed to use the restroom and my stomach growled with hunger but I didn’t dare move from my bed.
I heard the sound of footsteps echoing in the hall and I was nauseous. I wanted to throw up, bile burning at the back of my throat as I watched my door in fear. The person stopped outside the door and I heard the door unlock with a quiet tick.
“Ella?”
The sound of Bonnie’s familiar and kind voice made me sob and hurry towards the woman as she opened the door. She hugged me to her quickly but then pushed me away, looking down at the floor.
“You are to get dressed and join Madam Jupiter in the dining room,” she said, each word causing my stomach to knot tighter.
“Please, Bonnie, you need to help me,” I reached for her hands as I begged. “I need to get out of here, I know who can help—”
“I can’t do that, girl,” Bonnie spat out as she tugged her hands from mine. “You might have the privilege of a powerful name but I don’t. The madam could destroy my family if I did help you, even if you found allies. People like me are pawns in the syndicate’s world—used for fodder and completely replaceable. I’m sorry, Ella, you cannot ask me to risk my entire family.”
I bit my lip so tightly I tasted the copper of my blood. Brom. Would he try to sense me when I didn’t find him tonight? A small flame of hope flared to life. I nodded to Bonnie, because in truth, I did understand her fears. In silence, she helped me dress and hide my face behind the required veil.
After that, there was nothing to do except follow Bonnie upstairs to where my stepmother awaited me.
Chapter 17
Romulus
The hot water streamed down my back, and yet I turned it up even hotter. I needed to feel the bite of pain from the heat as I leaned my head against the slick tiles of my shower. I was sore, from the fight and then the exuberant lovemaking with Ella.
I couldn’t get her out of my mind and I could still feel the scratch of her nails against my skin, the pain welcome and driving me higher. I’d never been with someone who challenged me the way she had, let alone been with someone at the same time as Brom and Merlin.
I could still smell her, hear her cries of pleasure as I fucked her. The way she had taken both of them, taking everything we could offer her, it was amazing and all I wanted to think about. I wished the damn event would last for another week, that I wouldn’t be expected to stuff myself in a tux, to be constrained by a tie as if it were a collar, to sit with my family when I wanted to find her. I didn’t think less of myself for wanting to throw myself at her feet, to kiss the delicate skin of her ankles, and lean into her as she scratched her nails through my hair.
She may be a half-blood, but damn she was a siren. Even if she were a planted agent by one of the syndicate families—hell, maybe even my own—I wanted her again, for the rest of time. There was no other mate I could take, not after having her.
Waking up without her next to me had been hard. Even Brom looked similarly disappointed to find her and Merlin gone. I could think of no better way to start the day than to have her under my lips.
A knock on the bathroom door dragged me back into the present and I scrubbed my hands over my face, trying to get my shit together.
“I’ll be out in five,” I shouted towards the door and reached for the shampoo, ignoring the murmured response from the other side.
Beautiful Secrets: The Complete Trilogy Page 9
