by Leigh Ban
“Give me some booze too,” Yumi chimed in.
Dana went on to fill everyone’s glasses. At one point, her arm wobbled, and she almost dropped the bottle she was holding with one hand. Although she spilled soju on Kisoo’s jeans, he laughed it off.
Once Dana finished pouring, she shouted out, “Raise your glasses, guys. I want to make a toast. To Stella and Taehyun!”
Afterward, while Dana was talking to Kisoo, Yumi took my hand and announced to Taehyun, “I’m going to take your girlfriend with me to the bathroom.”
I squeezed Taehyun’s shoulder, then got up with Yumi.
As soon as we were in the bathroom, Yumi said, “You didn’t tell me your new boyfriend was Taehyun Seo.”
I smiled nervously, wondering if she was going to bring up his family.
“Stella, he’s pretty much a campus celebrity.”
I tittered. “A campus celebrity? Do you mean, like those teen movies?”
Yumi pulled a lipstick out of her pocket. “Sounds cheesy, right? Apparently, five years ago, when he was a freshman, there used to be a big mystery among the girls on campus. They kept spotting a shockingly attractive guy walking around and were trying to find out who he was. I heard there was even a fan club, and he couldn’t attend any campus events because he was overwhelmed by the attention. The funny thing is, this was all before anyone knew he was an heir to the S&F Group.”
I watched Yumi touch up her burgundy lipstick and asked, “Could that be why he hasn’t been to Bubble Bomb before?”
“Why don’t you ask him? You’re his girlfriend. I bet he’s already told you a million secrets you can’t share with anyone.”
“Yumi, how could anyone have a million secrets?” I laughed. “By the way, there’s nothing between Dana and Kisoo, is there?”
Although Taehyun and I couldn’t get enough of each other, sneaking kisses on our way to dinner and making out as passionately as we could without undressing, we still hadn’t gone all the way. Once Taehyun suggested we visit the beaches in Gangneung, on the east coast of South Korea, there was an unspoken agreement between us to wait until our trip. When I lay in bed at night, I became aroused—I couldn’t stop myself from imagining what it would feel like to press our bodies together and feel him inside of me.
After Latin Dance on Friday, the last day before we were headed to Gangneung, I decided I couldn’t hold back anymore. While Taehyun and I practiced our salsa routine, there were hot tingles running through me every time he put his hand around my waist. Once we left Old College Hall, I guided him into the forest where we first met.
“Come on, Taehyun.”
He replied, “Let’s not go too far. What if we get lost and there’s nobody else around?”
I smiled demurely. “What if I want there to be nobody else around?”
He laughed and gave me a peck on the lips.
“I bet you didn’t know we would do this when we first met,” I said and slowly kissed him.
Taehyun took a whiff of my hair and groaned. “Stella, I knew you were beautiful from the moment I laid my eyes on you, but I didn’t know you’d taste as sweet as you smell.”
I leaned against a tree with his hand protectively covering the back of my head. We kissed again. As our tongues entwined, I hitched up my sundress, took his other hand, and placed it where I craved his touch. While he rubbed me over the thin lace fabric, I nibbled his neck and bucked my hips. Then I reached out and placed my hand over his bulge. I couldn’t hold back anymore. I grabbed his belt buckle and began fumbling with it.
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. “I don’t think I can wait. I need you now.”
“I need you too,” Taehyun whispered into my ear.
Just as I was about to pull his pants down, I heard a raw, high-pitched cry.
“Taehyun, did you hear that?”
He looked back at me with round eyes.
A few seconds later, someone screamed out, “Oh yeah, baby.”
Another person shouted back, “You like that?”
“Uh-huh, that feels nice.”
“You’re a dirty girl.”
While Taehyun zipped his pants and buckled his belt, I tried to figure out a way to get out of the woods without creating an awkward situation. Once I realized where their voices were coming from, I clutched Taehyun’s hand and pointed in the opposite direction.
I mouthed, “Should we leave?”
As we tried to find the way, we didn’t utter a word. Even though the process of communicating through eye contact was strangely intimate and entertaining, I sighed in relief when I saw a glimpse of a large brick building. When we were almost out of the woods, I heard another unmistakable sound of pleasure. While it was beginning to get dark, I could still make out the shape of a guy sitting on the bench with somebody kneeling between his legs. Taehyun and I raised our eyebrows at each other. Once we were back to walking around the normal parts of the campus, we broke into a fit of laughter.
Chapter Fifteen
On the morning of my trip to Gangneung with Taehyun, I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. Although the call came from an unknown number, I was too drowsy to give it a second thought. As I stayed up tossing and turning in anticipation, I’d only had a few hours of sleep.
“Stella, it’s Phil. I need to explain something.”
“Phil?” I mumbled, then snapped out of my dreamlike state. “What is going on? Phil Oh?”
He spoke with urgency. “Could you please listen to me? I promise I’m not going to ask you to take me back. I know I acted completely selfishly.”
I wanted to ask him why he was calling in that case. However, I remembered how Yumi warned me about guys who disappeared and came back with lies to share.
“I don’t want to hear excuses. Don’t call me again, Phil.”
Just as I was about to hang up, he divulged, “My mom had cancer.”
“What?”
“She was diagnosed with stage-four pancreatic cancer. I found out the day before I was supposed to meet you and your friends at that party. My mom sat me down and told me I needed to take good care of my brother. When she revealed the reason, she didn’t even cry. On the other hand, I was a wreck. That’s why I didn’t contact you. I’m sorry. I know I should have called you, but I couldn’t.”
He paused. If Yumi was next to me, she might have whispered in my ear that I had no way of knowing whether he was telling the truth. I was alone though, and I believed the pain in his voice was real.
When he continued, his voice cracked. “I was terrified. I couldn’t believe what was happening. My mom told me she had three months to live and I didn’t know what to do. I loved her so much. Seeing her in pain was torture.”
As Phil broke down into sobs, my head started pounding.
“Stella, my mom thought she had three months left, but she passed away a week later.”
“The night you came to my dorm,” I said.
He explained, “That was right after her funeral, once my little brother went to stay with a relative. I felt completely alone in the world, like the universe was out to destroy me.”
The way Phil’s voice trembled toward the end pulled at my heartstrings. Soon, both of us were in tears. After I took out a bottle of water from my fridge, I sniffled as I drank from it.
“Stella, I’m sorry about that night. I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did. I didn’t mean to confuse you. I planned to tell you everything, but I was a coward.”
“You really hurt me, Phil. I wanted to be there for you, and you left me feeling terrible.”
He started crying harder. For five minutes, I listened to him as he wept.
Once he calmed down, he said, “Honestly, I think I knew from the beginning I don’t deserve someone as sweet and understanding as you. I want you to know I don’t think I’ll ever meet anyone as amazing, somebody that makes me feel loved for who I really am. Stella, I doubt I’ll be able to open up about my family to anyone else in the future. I
’m sorry I wasn’t upfront about my situation.”
“Phil,” I muttered, taking a large gulp of water, “I forgive you.”
“Stella, I know we weren’t together for long, but I’ll always love you.”
I was about to tell him I felt the same way, then I realized I wasn’t sure. Though I was no longer in love with Phil, when I thought of the moments I shared with him, there was a warm feeling inside me. However, I didn’t want to be with him again. The man I loved was Taehyun.
“And I’ll always wish you well. Bye, Phil.”
I hung up.
Taehyun came to pick me up from International House in a black Mercedes G-Wagen. Although the KTX train would be faster, he suggested we drive so that we would have more privacy. Unfortunately, we couldn’t take turns driving since I hadn’t exchanged my American driver’s license for a Korean one. Taehyun assured me he was excited to drive since he didn’t have the chance to travel outside of Seoul often.
He kissed my hand and said, “I’ll be your personal tour guide.”
“I’ll be your personal entertainer then.” I giggled.
“Sounds like a deal. Get in,” Taehyun said as he held the car door open for me.
By the time we entered the highway, I could barely focus on our conversation. While he explained where our hotel was located, I started dozing off.
“Stella, you can take a nap if you’re tired. I’ll wake you up when we get there.”
I covered my mouth and yawned. “But I promised to entertain you. I don’t want to bore you.”
“You seem exhausted though. Did you stay up late?”
His eyes were on the road, but I nodded. “I couldn’t fall asleep because I was so thrilled to go on our first trip together.”
“Really? You’re adorable.” Taehyun chuckled as he took one hand off the steering wheel and ran his fingers through my short hair.
I heard him turn on the car stereo and fell asleep. In my dream I was standing by the musical fountain in front of Seo Woo Center for Performing Arts. Taehyun was right beside me with his arms extended outward. He’d booked out the entire place for me. While we danced in front of the fountain, somebody screeched.
Despite how I ended my phone call with Phil, I woke up thinking about him. I didn’t want to be mad at Phil after hearing him weep and tell me what happened to his mother. Although he hurt me by disappearing without an explanation, I couldn’t fathom the amount of pain and distress he must’ve gone through. I felt spoiled for having spent lazy days in bed, crying over Phil, while he was struggling to take care of his dying mother and his younger brother. Somebody with a hardline approach to ghosting, such as Yumi, would beg to differ, but I was wrong to assume Phil had left me for a superficial reason like an ex-girlfriend or a growing ego.
What if Phil’s mother was healthy and alive? Would there have been a reason for me to break up with Phil? I tried to focus on his imperfections. There were instances when I was annoyed at him for being smug or not considering what I wanted. However, I had the feeling we wouldn’t have broken up so quickly otherwise; he seemed to truly love me. I hated to think I was happily dating Taehyun, going on a relaxing weekend getaway in his Mercedes, just because Phil struggled to cope with the illness and death of his single mother.
“Aren’t you sleeping? What’s on your mind? Should we go to a rest stop for lunch?” Taehyun asked, turning down the music.
When I looked over at Taehyun, I was swamped with guilt. I felt awful for wondering how my relationship with Phil could’ve been different while Taehyun was driving us all the way to Gangneung.
“I don’t deserve you,” I muttered.
He said with an uneasy laugh, “What do you mean you don’t deserve me? Don’t say that.”
“But it’s the truth. I don’t deserve you.”
“Stop saying that. Stella, we’re lucky to have each other.”
I sighed. “You’ve prepared such a wonderful trip for us and you’re even driving us in your car. Meanwhile, I’ve been sitting here uselessly, sleeping in the middle of the day.”
“Stella, I enjoy driving, and I think I enjoy driving even more when you’re here next to me. What’s the matter? Why are you so down?”
“I had a weird dream. A good dream that turned into a bad dream.”
Once Taehyun and I arrived at Ariari Hotel Gangneung, I couldn’t believe we were still in South Korea. I felt like we’d entered a tropical paradise. While he checked into the hotel, I stood by the large windows in the lobby and admired the picturesque view of the sparkling turquoise ocean.
“Thank you for bringing me here,” I said to Taehyun as he came to me, holding up our room card.
He gave me a quick peck on the forehead. “I’m glad you like this hotel already.”
“Like this hotel? Taehyun, I love this hotel.”
“Come on, let’s go see our room.”
Before Taehyun booked our accommodation, I insisted we stay in one of the standard rooms. The moment we entered, my jaw dropped. There was a marble staircase beside the plush white sofas, and an exquisite crystal chandelier was hanging from the high ceiling; we were in the presidential suite. When I went out to the balcony, I gasped as I gazed at the pristine seawater and the sun’s warm rays hit my face.
Taehyun came to the balcony and asked, “What do you think of the suite?”
“We could hang out here the entire trip and I wouldn’t have any complaints.”
He pointed at the hotel’s private beach. “We have to go down there though. The weather isn’t hot enough for swimming, but we can at least dip our toes in the water.”
“Oh, so I brought a bikini here for no reason?” I joked.
“I won’t stop you from wearing it. In fact, I’ll encourage you to.” Taehyun laughed. “In all seriousness, we could check out the hotel pool later.”
After we hung our change of clothes in the closet, he packed our beach bag while I wandered around the suite and marveled at the beautifully curated artworks in each room. Once we were ready to leave, we sat on a straw bench on the balcony and I lathered our arms and legs in sunscreen.
“Today is the first time I’ve seen you wear shorts,” I remarked.
Taehyun squeezed my inner thigh and said, “Because I can’t pull off wearing tiny denim cut-offs like you.”
“You have nice calves.” I stared at his toned legs.
“Thanks, I don’t think anyone has ever given me such a specific compliment,” he replied as he got up. “Stella, I can’t wait to take those shorts off you.”
Taehyun and I alternated between basking in the sun and wading knee-deep in the water. Although the beach was quiet enough to be peaceful, we weren’t alone. A short distance away from us, there were families playing in the sand and splashing around. Standing closer to us, there was a couple, perhaps in their late twenties or early thirties, posing for an engagement photoshoot. The photographer directed them to start walking so that he could capture them and their footprints in the sand.
“You’re moving too slowly,” said the groom-to-be.
The bride-to-be yelled out, waving a bouquet in the air, “Why don’t you try walking in the sand with this puffy dress on then?”
“No need to get mad. What’s wrong with you today?”
When the groom-to-be finished speaking, the bride-to-be pulled the bouquet apart, threw it in the air, and slowly marched away. Taehyun and I observed the scene in silence. Once the groom-to-be and photographer left, shouting after the bride-to-be, Taehyun went over to the white roses scattered in the sand.
“I hope they were ready to end their photoshoot,” Taehyun said.
I chuckled. “How nice of you to be concerned.”
“My brother got engaged recently, so the groomzilla and bridezilla issue hits close to home.”
“Why, what’s been going on?” I asked, trying to figure out whether he was holding back a smirk or a frown.
“I’m kidding. My brother and his fiancé seem to be doing fin
e. They’re madly in love.” Taehyun grinned. “Stella, what’s your favorite flower? Do you like roses?”
I closed my eyes and nodded. As I inhaled, taking in the smell of the briny ocean, I thought about the night Phil came back to me with a bouquet of dried roses. Unlike previously, I didn’t feel sorry for him—I felt angry. In hindsight, he merely returned to me for sexual relief. Once his attempt to hook up with me failed, he promptly left and didn’t bother to contact me. Although he was going through a terrible situation, he was still sleazy for leaving me feeling used and abandoned.
“Are you okay?” Taehyun asked as he came toward me.
“Taehyun, how do I know if…”
“If?”
“If you’ll stay with me or not,” I mumbled.
“What’s going on? Why do you doubt my feelings for you?”
“I just don’t want to be ghosted and heartbroken again,” I blurted out, then gasped as I realized what I’d revealed.
Taehyun stood behind me, placed his arms around my waist, and said, “I’m going to be with you no matter what. I promise you I’ll never ignore you or leave you confused. When we have problems, we’re going to communicate and overcome the obstacles together. I trust you. You need to trust me too.”
“I’m sorry. You’ve been the perfect boyfriend. Of course I should trust you,” I replied.
“Stella, I’m not the perfect boyfriend. I’ll try my best to be a loving and considerate boyfriend, but I can’t be perfect, which is why I want us to be open about our struggles.”
“Okay,” I said as my stomach rumbled. It had been many hours since we ate noodles and fish cake sticks at a rest stop on our drive to Gangneung.
He chortled. “Should we go inside?”
“But first, we have to see the sunset,” I insisted.
“What if I decide I can’t wait?”
I giggled as he kissed the nape of my neck. “I’m going to make you wait.”
“Stella, you’re driving me crazy with your sweet scent and smooth skin. Come on, let’s sit over there.”
