by Leigh Ban
As I contemplated what I should say in order to cheer him up, he put his hand on mine. With just the touch of his palm, he sent my heart racing.
“Should I just quit?” he joked with a pained smile on his face.
“Breaking news, world-famous boy band, Undone, has disbanded. They were unable to deal with the absence of Sun, a beloved former member,” I said. “How does that sound? Gusun, people will miss you. I mean it.”
To create a website, I needed to purchase a domain name. Although Gusun and I had intended to register the first name that came to mind, after we got caught in the rain on the way to the computer lab, we ended up putting off the task. Consequently, the day after our interview with Rhymee, we sat in class and tried to decide on a name for our online magazine.
“So our online magazine is about what happens to music as years pass by,” I said, opening my notebook.
“Right,” Gusun replied with a yawn.
“Are there any names you’d like to suggest?”
“Years pass by… Hmm, we could name it The Years or Once Years Pass By.”
I fiddled with the ballpoint pen I was holding. “The Years isn’t very specific though, is it? Once Years Pass By is not terrible, but we could probably think of a catchier name. For example… Well, nothing comes to mind.”
As I sighed, Gusun stared at me with bloodshot eyes.
“Are you alright?”
He yawned again. “Yeah, I’m just sleep-deprived. Just as I tried to go to sleep last night, I heard a tune in my head. I stayed up writing lyrics to it. But once I wrote the first verse and sang it out loud, I realized it was utter rubbish. Even though I was going nowhere with the song, I was stupidly determined to polish up the lyrics.”
“That’s awesome. I mean, being sleep-deprived sucks, and I hope you manage to catch up on sleep tonight, but the fact that you were fueled by creativity sounds so exciting. To be honest, I don’t know what it’s like to be up at odd hours and have something exciting to work on. The only times I’ve ever stayed up late were to drink with my friends or to cram for an exam.”
“Are you being sarcastic?” He laughed. “Did I sound super pretentious? Like I was trying to convince you that I was struck with a burst of inspiration or whatever? Yikes.”
“No, I truly envy people like you. People who are enthusiastic about their area of specialty. Because I don’t exactly have a passion. Not something I could pursue a career in at least.” I shrugged. “Anyway, we need to get back to picking a name for our online magazine. Do you have any other ideas?”
“Maybe something to do with the unpredictability of the future.”
“Oh, that’s another way to look at it. Our articles and interviews are going to discuss music from the past, but what we’re really offering is another perspective on the mysterious future.”
“Right.”
I sighed. “Sometimes, I wish I could be given a real-life cheat key. If there was a way to figure out what I’ll be doing in five years, then I wouldn’t feel so lost. I would finally know what to work on and prepare for, you know? All I currently know is that I have no interest in making use of my economics degree.”
“But you’re not interested in switching majors?” he asked.
“Only because I don’t know what I’d rather study.”
“I think the problem is that we’re expected to make major life decisions so early on in our lives. When someone realizes they might be going down the wrong path for them, they tend to feel like they’re already too deep in their mistake, usually because there’s too many responsibilities tying them down.”
“It’s the grim reality.”
“I once read a letter from a fan who said she went off to work at a canned tuna factory instead of going to college because she needed to support her younger siblings. Now that her siblings have all received their college education, she’s reminded of how she used to dream of being a flight attendant. Unfortunately, in her case, she’s left wondering what could’ve happened but didn’t since she’s past the unspoken age limit to be a flight attendant now.”
“Korean airlines have a ridiculous age limit,” I remarked.
Gusun went on. “But what about jobs without an absurdly low age ceiling? There are so many people who feel like it’s too late to switch paths. It’s such a shame that they don’t get the chance to explore an alternative.”
“They’re still so young, yet they feel bogged down to a career they chose without knowing what they were getting into,” I said in agreement. “Frankly, that hits close to home.”
“Dana, people live to be a hundred these days. For most of us, our passions are going to change over the course of decades. The decisions we make now aren’t always going to reflect who we are in the future. Someone might feel like they’ve passed the point of turning back, but in a few years, they’ll look back and think of how much younger they used to be, how they could’ve been on the right track if they’d taken the plunge and pursued their dream.”
I nodded. “I guess a part of it is due to sunk cost fallacy. Deep down, I wonder if I’m holding myself back from exploring a totally different path because I don’t want to feel like the time I spent studying economics and, before that, taking advanced math classes throughout my entire childhood has turned out to be utterly useless. I think that’s why, despite my hatred for my major, I’ve managed to maintain a reasonable GPA. I wouldn’t dare neglect my grades entirely when I haven’t even discovered where my true passion lies. Or maybe I don’t have one at all.”
“Props to you though. You should see my grades from my first semester. It was abysmal, to say the least. C’s and D’s galore. The best grade I got was a C+. I couldn’t even do the bare minimum.” Gusun chuckled. “Don’t worry, Dana. I’m sure life will work itself out.”
I knitted my brow. “But I’m not doing enough. I can’t land a good job with average grades and a mediocre resume. On the other hand, my best friend seems to receive an A+ for every B+ I get. And she isn’t even obsessed with having straight A’s. Currently, she’s doing an internship at the Bank of Korea. Like many of the other ambitious students in our major, she’s doing what it takes to land a great entry-level job in the future. I’m not.”
Gusun smiled weakly. “Did I seem totally clueless about how hard it is to land a great job, even for students from the top universities? I’m no expert on the youth unemployment crisis, but I didn’t mean to assume you had it easy.”
“Don’t worry. I know you wanted to make me feel better.” I smiled back at him. “Thanks for trying to cheer me up. By the way, I’m sorry to have gone off on a tangent in the middle of class.”
His eyes glimmered. “Hey, Dana, what were we doing before? We were trying to think of a name for our online magazine, weren’t we?”
“Yeah. We should focus on deciding on a name for our online magazine. Once we finalize a name, I’ll—”
A piercing clap silenced me.
“That’s all for today, class. I hope you all have a fabulous afternoon. See you tomorrow!”
Chapter Six
A few hours later, I received a call from Gusun. Although we’d exchanged numbers on the second day of classes, I was surprised to see his name appear on the screen. Once I picked up his call, I slumped on the sofa in a bathrobe; I’d just come out of the shower.
“Hey, are you busy by any chance? Do you want to discuss the name for our online magazine?” Gusun asked.
I laughed. “Is that why you decided to call me?”
His voice dipped lower. “It’s one of the reasons.”
Though he’d caught me off guard with his cheeky tone, I tried not to show it. “Gusun, can you remember the name you suggested earlier today? Was it The Years?”
“Yeah. But how about something more tongue-in-cheek? Like, Oh Boy It’s Been a Few Years?” Gusun suggested.
“Oh Boy It’s Been a Few Years?” I tittered. “What a mouthful. We could shorten it to It’s Been a Few Years or After a Few Years.�
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“Or what about Wait a Few Years?”
“I like that,” I commented. “We should add a subtitle which refers to music or songs though, such as Wait a Few Years: Revisiting Hits. Or is that too corny?”
“No, it’s perfect.”
I jumped up from the sofa. “Yay! We finally have a name for our online magazine.”
“Or as Professor Kwon would say, ‘Fabulous!’” Gusun replied, impersonating Professor Kwon’s booming voice.
As I chuckled, I tried to remember if he’d always been this playful toward me. Although he had been talkative from the first conversation we had, standing by the vending machines, he was certainly more guarded back then. I wondered what prompted the change in him. Perhaps he was hyper from exhaustion.
“Alright, Gusun, I’ll register our domain name tonight. Is there anything else we need to discuss?”
“I’m sorry about how drowsy I was at the beginning of class today.”
“Have you taken a nap yet?”
“No, I should probably get some sleep soon.”
“Good idea,” I said, expecting him to end our conversation there.
“Dana, can you give me some advice?”
“Sure. What do you want to know?”
“Do you think there’s a subtle way to express how you feel toward someone? How would you connect with someone you care about if you couldn’t clue anyone else in?”
“What do you mean?” I stretched out my arms, one after the other, since I had to hold my phone. “People write messages in secret codes. I suppose that would be a time-consuming but useful tool.”
“Are you referring to Pig Latin?” Gusun chuckled. “What if you’d like to grow closer to someone when you’re together, but you can’t outright flirt with them most of the time because of the circumstances.”
“You’re seeking relationship advice, aren’t you? Do you want to date a girl group member from your entertainment agency without getting caught?” Although I was tempted to add that I wasn’t the right person to be asking for advice from, I didn’t want to be mean.
“Dana, there are no girl groups in my agency, but that’s beside the point.” He cleared his throat. “I’m talking about us.”
“Us?” I repeated.
“Yeah, you and me. Initially, I thought I wanted to be your partner for Creative Music Projects because I enjoyed talking to you at the second day of the festival. I liked how you make me feel human. But there’s also another reason.”
I couldn’t believe what Gusun was alluding to. He was handsome, talented, and loved by millions of fans around the world. On the other hand, my only specialty was sleeping in until noon, and I had the body of an ordinary potato-chip addict. Although we’d grown closer through our conversations, I never thought he’d be attracted to me.
“What’s the other reason?” I murmured.
“Can’t you tell? Dana, I think you’re incredible. I’ve got a major crush on you.”
“Are you being serious?” I thought of the tabloid articles I’d occasionally binge-read, such as a list of the worst womanizers in entertainment. Gusun didn’t come off as the type; he was reserved and self-aware. Although I felt bad grouping him together with the sleaziest celebrities, I truly couldn’t fathom why he would be interested in me otherwise.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” he said with a hint of amusement.
“If you’re trying to find a no-strings-attached summer fling, you should know I’m not interested.”
“No strings attached? Dana, I confessed I have a big crush on you. Why are you reacting as if I’m trying to hook up with you?” he said exasperatedly, then groaned. “If you don’t feel the same way about me, I understand. I must’ve misread the situation. I’m sorry for putting you in an uncomfortable position. However, you should know I’ve never been and will never be interested in a no-strings-attached relationship.”
“Gusun, you didn’t misread the situation. I do like you. I just don’t understand. Why are you into me?”
“Why am I into you? I’m not sure how to respond. Do you want me to list all the reasons? Because I could get soppy and detailed, yet I still wouldn’t be able to convey exactly how charming you are and the way you make me feel when you smile at me in class.”
When Gusun paused, I was glad we were on the phone. I wouldn’t have been able to look him in the eyes if he were beside me.
“Dana, you’re beautiful,” Gusun slowly uttered. “I like your long curls. I like how you look like you, not anyone else. You’ll go ahead and put on as many rings as you want. Plus, you dress however you please, whether it’s a pair of loose-fit jeans or a bold yellow dress. Yellow looks phenomenal on you, although I’m sure you already knew that.”
My face heated up. I knew I was a brat for essentially urging him to compliment me in great detail, yet I still felt as if was about to burst into tears or laughter. Despite all the effort I put into maintaining healthy curls, no guy had ever pointed out he liked my hair. In fact, while attending college in South Korea, my experience had been quite the contrary. My hair was too bouncy, too voluminous, too foreign. A lot of guys outright told me I should try straightening my curls—Joon being one of them.
“Your personality is just as unique. You’re a real gem, Dana. When you talk to people, you’re naturally sympathetic and supportive. Also, I like how you’re generally willing to admit that you’re wrong, although you seem very insistent on me not being genuinely into you right now.”
“Okay, you can stop now.” I giggled. “Gusun, what would your agency say though? I doubt they’d approve of you dating someone when you’ve got so many fans in love with you.”
For a minute, he was silent. Although I was tempted to remind him that his agency needed to keep him single to market him as the perfect guy and sell a boyfriend fantasy, I knew those words would sting too much.
Just as I thought he wasn’t going to reply, he said, “Sure, I guess my agency would prefer it if the other guys and I didn’t have any relationship drama. But at the end of the day, those people don’t and can’t control every aspect of my life. I think the secret to enjoying life is to follow the rules most of the time, except when I need the freedom for my own sanity. Like when we met at the festival. My manager was around when we first met during the after-party at the cocktail bar, but the day after that, I snuck over to West Seoul University alone.”
“You snuck over to the festival?” I asked.
“Yeah. Even though I’ve performed at a bunch of college festivals, back before me and the guys started touring internationally, I realized I’d never had the chance to attend the one at my own school. When I joked about this to my manager, he suggested that I should just attend a private after-party with him, which is how I ended up at Tree the first night we met. He insisted it was just like the main festival, but you know, I performed at way too many campuses to believe that’s actually the case.”
“So… just like you snuck over to the festival, we’re going to have to sneak behind everyone’s backs to see each other?”
“Dana,” he muttered.
“And what if we’re spotted together?”
“Look, maybe I should’ve thought things through first. I was so excited to find you, to finally meet someone who made me feel normal. I got ahead of myself. Dana, you don’t have to decide anything now. Besides, I understand if you’re not willing to deal with the secrecy and caution our relationship would require. No matter what, I’m glad to have met you. We’re going to have to stay partners until the end of summer sessions anyway.”
“Right, we’ve got a kick-ass project to complete.”
“You don’t know how relaxing it is to listen to you,” Gusun said with a yawn.
“Sounds like it’s time for you to get some sleep,” I joked.
A moment later, I heard the front door of my suite swing open.
“Hey, I think that’s my suitemate coming in. I’ve got to go. See you tomorrow.”
I hung up abruptly.
Once Christy entered the suite, I tried to keep my cool and asked her cheerfully, “How was your day?”
“What do you think, Dana? It was boring. I wish I took your class instead of stupid Dream Writing. I made up a cutesy, ordinary dream to write about, and for some reason, the professor could tell I was bluffing. She was really pissed off at me. But what was I supposed to tell her? That I try my best to dream about the five most wonderful men in the world every night?”
“Aw, that sucks,” I said to her as I got up from the sofa and headed to my room to put on some comfortable clothes.
“Do you want to go to the cafeteria and have dinner with me, Dana?” Christy asked.
Although I’d eaten a bowl of instant noodles from the convenience store just an hour ago, she looked so down in the dumps I didn’t have the heart to tell her I didn’t want to eat already.
“Sure, should we go now? Let me change out of my bathrobe though.”
Christy nodded. “Hurry up. I’m famished.”
I hurried into my room and threw on the first item of clothing I spotted: a black cotton maxi dress.
“How fancy,” Christy remarked when she saw me, adjusting the back of her shorts. “So have you talked to Sun yet?”
“No,” I said as I grabbed my room card.
Christy shook her head at me while we walked out of our room toward the elevator. “I can’t believe it. For three hours a day, you get to sit in the same room as the most attractive man in the world, a guy with the voice of an angel and bulging abs. Yet you’re not going to go up to him for me.”
I chortled. “Did you say bulging abs? How do you know that?”
“Last summer, my boys filmed an ad for a water park. Oh my gosh, their bodies were as sexy as sin, especially Sun. He had the best body I’ve ever seen. You would never expect him to be ripped. He’s a brooding artist who wears baggy T-shirts, but I guess he works out a lot. For your information, their bodies weren’t photoshopped at all. I saw the behind-the-scenes videos and he looked sizzling hot.”
