by Leigh Ban
“For the sake of my thriving career?” he said calmly yet firmly. “Am I really thriving if I’ve got to lie to the world to maintain my popularity? And could my success as a member of Undone even be considered mine? Of course, I’m grateful for the support I’ve received over the past few years, but I’m not convinced that I’m truly successful. The person who’s supposedly thriving, the person who performs at stadiums and makes public appearances, the person who has doting fans… doesn’t exist. Dana Day, you’re the only girl who truly knows me. You’re the only person who loves me for being Gusun, not Sun.”
“How would your agency react? What if they threaten you?” I wailed.
“Threaten me to what? If they want me to leave the group or terminate my contract, I’ll let them.”
“Then what?”
“Once I leave the group, I can become a record producer or a songwriter. Maybe most of my fans won’t listen to the songs I produce and write from then on, but I think I’d be happier. At the moment, I’m required to put on a mask every day, one way or another. I’ve received more fame and attention than I can handle. Dana, where is my life headed if I go on with my fake pop star life anyway?”
“I wouldn’t know,” I mumbled.
“Honestly, I’d drive myself insane. As I told you earlier, I never aspired to become a huge celebrity. Admittedly, when Undone first became popular, I kind of enjoyed being recognized and even idolized. I tried to believe it was what I desired, but it’s been fueling the pit of loneliness inside me. Now I know I only need the love of one special person.”
“Gusun, I love you so much. I can’t get enough of you. When you’re not around, I miss you like crazy. Sometimes, I wish we could stop time and bask in each other’s company for centuries. But we can’t. We’ve got to consider how the people around us are affected by our actions too. As much as I’d like us to do whatever we want, I can’t help but be reminded of how you also have the rest of your group to think about.”
For a few minutes, he remained silent. By then, I’d stopped crying. I was lying on the sofa, peering at the ceiling as if the answer to our problem would appear out of thin air.
“You’re right,” he muttered. “I can’t just reveal whatever I want and leave. Truth be told, I want to. The problem is, I’m a member of Undone. Whether I like it or not, I owe a lot to Noah, Zac, Woori, and Aaron. Noah has always been an older brother to me, and the other guys rely on me. Sooner or later, I’d regret abandoning them. I’d never forgive myself.”
I closed my eyes and grimaced. I was worried I wasn’t prepared for what he was about to say next. Would I ever see him again?
He added, “But we can make this work, Dana. I promise I’ll keep you as my number-one priority, whether I’m in Seoul or Los Angeles or London.”
After my phone call with Gusun, I went to my room and prepared to go on a night out with Stella and Yumi. As I hadn’t seen Stella for two weeks and missed joking around with them over drinks, I hoped to lift my mood by having dinner at The Big Fat Salad, a place that sold deliciously high-calorie salads with wine and beer. I turned on an upbeat hip-hop playlist and sang along as I changed into a spaghetti-strap shirt and a yellow lace skirt. For a dramatic finishing touch, I piled on all of my favorite jewelry, including the striking gold panther ring from Gusun. I hadn’t worn the ring since the day I received it. Once I put the ring on, I tried to assure myself everything was going to work itself out.
However, when I arrived at The Big Fat Salad, I realized I wouldn’t be able to put on a façade. The second I saw Stella and Yumi wave at me, my shoulders felt heavy and my throat dried up. I managed to stiffly lift my hand up.
Stella exclaimed, “The infamous Dana Day arrives at last! I can’t believe I haven’t seen you for two whole weeks.”
I stared at her anxiously. “Infamous? What do you mean?”
“You’re the infamously hot queen of Sinchon nightlife,” Stella teased.
“Do I spot a new ring?” Yumi said, reaching out for my hand while I took a seat.
“Oh, yeah,” I replied.
“Dana, that ring is so you,” Stella commented as the two of them got a close look at my panther ring.
“Looks expensive,” Yumi remarked.
I tittered tensely while I grabbed the menu and studied it.
Stella asked, “Was the ring a gift from—”
I interrupted her. “I think I’m going to have the salmon and avocado salad. What about you two? Have you decided on what you’d like to order?”
“We’ve actually been talking about how we’d like to try out the falafel salad,” Yumi replied. “Are we all going to have draft beer?”
Stella and I nodded.
“Alright, let’s order,” Yumi said, then proceeded to call the server over.
As soon as the server left our table, Yumi gave me a knowing smirk.
“Why are you smiling like that?” I asked.
She raised her eyebrows and shrugged. “Smiling like what?”
“You’re being weird,” I complained.
“Come on, Dana. You’re a total open book. Didn’t your summer classes end today? You should be overjoyed, but there’s clearly something bothering you. What is it?” Yumi asked.
“Okay, I give up,” I said. “You know me too well. There is something I have to tell you and Stella, something you guys can’t tell anyone else.”
“Of course. You’re like a sister to me. Dana, you know you can trust us. What’s going on? You better not be hiding a skeleton in our suite,” Stella joked, although she had an earnest expression on her face.
I pulled my phone out of my tiny beaded clutch and inhaled deeply. Once I opened my chatroom with Gusun and clicked the link to the tabloid article, I flung my phone onto the table in front of me. I didn’t want to spend another moment glancing at my phone screen. The situation made me jittery, so I abruptly got up and went to the water dispenser to pour three glasses of water.
When I returned to our table, Stella was absolutely bewildered. “Oh my goodness, Dana, is that you? Are you… standing near International House?”
“Stella, no need to point out the obvious,” Yumi said flatly. Then she put her hand on mine and added, “It’s only the middle of July, but what a crazy summer it’s been for you, huh? What are the odds of enrolling in the same summer class as a member of the nation’s top boy band and having him fall in love with you?”
“Actually, Miss Sherlock Holmes, I met him for the first time before summer classes even began. Mind you, I didn’t expect him to sign up for Creative Music Projects. I bumped into him twice at the university festival. The very first time I saw him was when you and I went to that after-party at Tree. I spilled a glass of Champagne on him,” I explained, not sure whether to laugh or cry at how bizarre my life turned out to be.
Stella took another glance at my ring. “He didn’t give you the ring, did he?”
“He did. He has a matching one. Both from Cartier,” I admitted.
“Wow, so you guys are really serious,” she remarked. “Seeing as he’s a huge star, I know he must be way richer than the average person our age, but that ring clearly costs a pretty penny. Oh, look. If you zoom into one of the photos from the tabloid article, you can see him wearing his panther ring. On the bright side, you don’t appear to be wearing yours in these photos. Imagine if people found out you guys had matching Cartier rings. There would be follow-up articles analyzing the model and price of your rings.”
Yumi chuckled. “Stella has a good point. Also, don’t worry about being recognized, Dana. We could tell it was you because of your hair, but your face is hardly visible.”
“Should I change up my hairstyle?” I asked.
“No, don’t! I love your hair,” Stella protested.
“Stella, I think some people in Creative Music Projects recognized me,” I said, tearing up as I remembered how embarrassed I had been while Gusun and I stood in front of the classroom.
“Dana, they’re takin
g the same class as you and him. They’d have known it was you, even if you were covered up from head to toe in these tabloid pictures,” Yumi chimed in. “Otherwise, I doubt anybody is going to come forth and claim it’s you in these photos simply because you have the same hairstyle. Besides, any sensible person would be too embarrassed about keeping up with Star Report Korea to publicly bring up having read this piece of crap.”
Chapter Twelve
Gusun and I planned to meet again on Sunday evening. He would drive his car to a secluded spot ten minutes away from campus, and I would meet him there. After the way he assured me he would continue to prioritize our relationship, I should’ve been excited to see him, but I was bombarded with paranoia the minute I woke up. When I looked at my reflection in the bathroom, I decided that I did, in fact, need to change up my hairstyle.
While I stood by the entrance of our suite and put on a pair of sneakers, Christy came out of her room.
“Where are you headed, Dana?”
“Oh, I’m just dropping by Sinchon,” I said, tugging at the back of my shoes. “I might get my hair done.”
“When will you be back?” she asked.
“In an hour or two. I’m not sure. See you later, Christy!” I called out as I opened the front door and waved at her.
As I went down the elevator, I made a brief online search for which hair salon I should visit. I decided to go to a place that claimed to specialize in naturally curly and kinky hair. Once I stepped into the empty salon and was greeted by a middle-aged woman and her long-haired Maltese dog, I had a bad feeling about how my hair would turn out under her care. She immediately sat me down and made me a cup of iced tea, slyly preventing me from excusing myself. Since I was in an impulsive mood, I decided I needed a drastic change anyway and told her I wanted to cut my hair as short as possible, into a bob or even shorter.
After I paid for my haircut, which wasn’t totally disastrous, although I was far from satisfied with the result, I took a glance at my phone and noticed I’d received a message from Stella. When I opened our chatroom, I was surprised to read that she’d dropped by International House. She insisted that she urgently needed to meet up with me. Fifteen minutes later, she greeted me at the entrance.
“I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it,” Stella muttered as she grabbed me by the wrist and took me to a cleaner’s cupboard near the laundry room.
“Stella? What’s the matter? Why can’t we go to our room and talk?” I asked.
She closed the door and sighed. “Where do I begin?”
“Didn’t your parents arrive in Seoul yesterday? Aren’t you supposed to be staying with them at your grandparents’ house?”
“Yeah, they’re in Seoul,” Stella replied. “I came here because I needed to grab a presentable dress to wear to the dinner I’ve been arranging with my boyfriend. I want to introduce him to my parents and grandparents, which isn’t what’s important right now. Dana, do you know what happened?”
I shrugged. Though I wanted to joke with her by saying I wasn’t psychic, I stayed quiet as her face was filled with concern.
Stella squeezed my hand. “When I entered our suite, I could hear the shower running. I thought nothing of it and went to my room. A few minutes later, I heard Christy come out of the bathroom and have a phone call with someone from Star Report Korea.”
“Star Report Korea?” I squeaked.
Stella added, “I think Christy thought she was alone since you were out. She turned on speaker mode while she grabbed her laptop from her room.”
Although I couldn’t bear to look at Christy, Stella and I returned to our suite together. When we stepped inside, Christy was unloading snacks from a plastic bag and putting them into the fridge. She’d heard us enter but didn’t say anything, presumably because she was waiting for me to greet her first. Stella and I made our way to the sofa without uttering a word.
Once we sat down, Stella cleared her throat and said, “Come here, Christy.”
“Me?” Christy croaked, adjusting her glasses.
“Have you finished putting your food into the fridge? Get your ass over here,” Stella yelled out.
Christy rolled her eyes but complied. Once she joined us on the sofa, both she and Stella stared at me expectantly.
“Christy, I know what’s going on,” I said.
“Dana,” Christy mumbled, fidgeting anxiously.
Since I had Stella by my side, I had the upper hand in the situation. However, I started bawling like a child.
“Christy, why did you?” I sobbed. “You’re supposed to be my friend. Why did you betray me? Did you want to hurt me?”
“Excuse me?” Christy squawked. “You’re the one who betrayed and hurt me first.”
Stella patted my back and scowled at Christy.
“What? When was I malicious toward you? I never schemed with a sleazy tabloid to make you feel violated and threatened.”
“Quit it, Dana. Stop trying to play the victim. You’re not the good guy,” Christy retorted. “You’re a big fat liar. You knew how much I love Undone, especially Sun, but you claimed you couldn’t get his phone number. I couldn’t believe you were pretending you’d never spoken to him. I overheard you talking to him on the phone. When I saw your stupid notebook in your room, the one you labeled ‘Gusun and Dana’s Project,’ I even wondered if this was a massive joke. I wasn’t sure whether you were pulling some kind of cruel prank on me.”
“Christy, you don’t understand.”
“You’re right. I don’t get it. Why does life have to be so unfair? Why do you get to cuddle the person I’ve been in love with for almost three years? Dana, I’m not the villain. You are. I knew him first. He’s mine.”
“Christy, I know you’re a huge fan of his, but he’s never met you. He’s not yours.”
“Shut up,” she snapped at me. “Stop acting like you know Sun better than I do. You’re just as insufferable as you were in the stupid dream I had. I woke up knowing something must be wrong because I dreamed that I was at your wedding and Sun was standing by your side. Obviously, the dream was totally ludicrous, but I couldn’t get the image of you holding his hand out of my mind on Thursday. I just knew you were with him. I guess dreams can be telling after all, although Sun would never actually marry you, considering you’re half black.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Stella shouted out. “Christy, you’re not a loner because you like to fangirl over Undone on your own. You’re a loner because you’re a nasty person.”
“You know, Stella, I can be even worse. I know how to make people’s lives hell. Just ask my old roommate. Jimin was a condescending, selfish wretch, exactly like the two of you. She deserved every little thing I did to scare her wimpy little ass,” Christy barked.
Before I had the chance to reply, Christy got up and marched toward the entrance of our suite. Although I could have demanded that she come back or have shouted profanities at her, I just watched her as she left. Once she slammed the front door shut, I cried in Stella’s arms. I didn’t know what to do.
“Wow, you’re so cute with short hair,” Gusun said after I got into his car and took off my disposable mask and the scarf covering my curls.
“Really?” I murmured.
“You look… cute but feisty. I like it.”
Gusun proceeded to lean forward to give me a peck on the forehead. He smelt warm and musky as usual.
“Here’s your backpack,” I blurted out, handing him his backpack once I sensed he was about to give me a kiss on the lips.
“Did you get your hair cut today? What else were you up to?” Gusun asked.
I glanced out the window at the deserted street. “Not much. And you?”
“Actually, I had a lazy Sunday too. I caught up on some sleep.”
“I’m glad you got some much-needed rest,” I commented. “In a while, you’re going to be insanely busy rehearsing, touring, and making appearances.”
“Are you worrying about me?” he
said playfully.
Although I felt his hand on my knee, I kept my gaze on the empty asphalt street. “I don’t know. Gusun, I’m simply pointing out the facts. You’ll be spending a lot of time abroad, right? Everybody seems excited about Undone’s international tour. I heard you guys are performing in South America for the first time.”
“Yeah, in São Paulo.”
“What an amazing time for your career. You’re Sun from Undone, an international superstar. Not such a great time to be in a relationship though.”
“Dana? What’s wrong?” he asked tenderly.
My chest tightened. “Nothing.”
He stroked my leg. “Could you please look at me then?”
“No, I’d rather not. Gusun, you’re making it harder for me,” I protested.
“Harder for you to what?”
“Say goodbye,” I said, surprised at how quickly those two words tumbled out of my mouth.
“Say goodbye?” he whispered.
I no longer felt the warmth of his hand on my thigh. Although I refused to face him, I could hear him shifting in his seat.
“Are you trying to end our relationship?”
“What relationship?” I hissed. “Gusun, we never had a relationship. We’ve never gone on a proper date. We’ve never walked around holding hands like a real couple. The only photo of us together is in a tabloid.”
“Dana, we are a real couple,” he faltered.
I shook my head. “No, we’re not. Real couples walk around holding hands. Real couples have dates at restaurants and cafés and theme parks. Real couples don’t have to hide from everyone. That’s what cheaters do.”
When I finally turned to look at him, I was startled to see tears form in his eyes. My heart ached as I watched the most beautiful dark eyes in the world turn puffy and bloodshot. I felt sick knowing it was ultimately my fault. At the end of the day, I had said such horrible words to him, not anyone else. As his cheeks dampened, I wanted to wrap my arms around him and kiss the tears away so badly. Instead, I flung the door open and ran out. I’d left my scarf on the passenger seat, but I didn’t look back.
