As she saw Richard approach from along the street, wearing a long trench coat with the collar turned up and a trilby hat, her heart beat faster. She knew then what her problem was… this intensity of feeling for him… She’d fallen for Richard Bentley – and the rational side of May told her that this couldn’t happen.
‘Where to?’ he asked when they met at the bus stop.
‘Let’s just walk.’ She shrugged. ‘I need to clear me head.’
‘How about we get a blast of sea air?’
‘Yes, let’s.’
Inside, her stomach felt like it had been pummelled by a poss stick.
They took the trolleybus to the coast. May looked out of the window, lost in thought. Scenes passed by: terraced houses boarded up after the bombings, Westoe bridges, a shop advertising whale meat in the window. For though fish wasn’t rationed, it was hard to come by. May was reminded of the Ministry of Food’s advertisement to try and encourage folk to eat whale meat. When fisher-folk are brave enough to face mines and the foe for you, You surely can be bold enough to try a kind of fish that’s new. But the Ministry hadn’t reckoned on obstinate Geordie folk, though.
She was procrastinating, she knew, thinking these thoughts, as the present situation was difficult to contemplate. May didn’t trust herself to speak as she needed to acclimatise to what was happening – the thrill of discovery she felt within her. She was in love with Richard Bentley. She’d known he was special since they first met, she realised now. There, she’d clarified how she felt. But then reality hit; there was no joy in knowing as it only complicated matters.
The trolley came to a halt along Ocean Road beside South Marine Park. As she got down from the platform, Richard took her arm and guided her over to the promenade in the dark. It was eerie to hear the waves swishing back and forth on the shore and not to be able to see them. They strolled along the coastal road, easy in each other’s company, not saying a word, just breathing in the bracing sea air. As she walked, May imagined the twin arms of the piers sheltering the harbour, and the ruins of Tynemouth Priory that dominated the headland by daylight.
Though her face and nose were cold in the chilly evening air, she was snug and warm beneath her coat. Aware of Richard beside her, she wondered what he was thinking.
‘I was just wondering,’ he said, ‘if it’s true that there’s a gun battery built underground beneath the priory.’
War. They couldn’t forget it for a moment.
She laughed. ‘Typical man. Thinking of war,’ she answered glibly. ‘While I was—’ She covered her mouth with her free hand. What was she thinking?
‘What?’
‘Oh, it’s nothing.’ She removed her arm from his.
She heard a match strike and then saw the glow of a cigarette.
After a while, as they walked side by side shrouded by dreamy darkness, May imagined life without war, and her and Richard openly seeing each other without a care.
‘I know a little seaside café that might still be open.’ His voice startled her. ‘How about we warm ourselves with a cup of tea?
* * *
The café was just about to close but the woman behind the counter was a cheerful soul who agreed they could sit in the warmth and have a cup of tea.
‘Though I do have Horlicks,’ she told them.
They sat at a table for two beside the small paraffin heater placed by the window where blackout curtains were drawn to prevent light shining out from the cosy room. A red and white tablecloth covered the table.
The cheery woman brought two steaming cups of Horlicks over and set them down on the table.
She appeared glad of their company and wanted to chat. ‘My Joseph’s away in the war and there’s nobody to go home to. The bugger used to drive us mad when he was at home with his daft carry on, but what I wouldn’t give for one of his silly jokes now.’ After a while she left them alone.
‘My feet have just thawed and I can feel them again,’ Richard laughed. ‘And your cheeks have turned a delightfully rosy pink.’
As they sipped the hot malty drink, they chatted about the hospital and the people they knew.
Listening to Richard’s velvety voice, an unrestrained need stirred in May. Live for today, tomorrow might never come.
She should stop this now, her rational mind said, before it was too late. She had no future with Richard – a conscientious objector who folk despised – as she would be reviled too. But May’s heart told her otherwise.
Richard, as if guessing her reckless thoughts, gazed longingly at her.
‘It’s pleasant in here,’ she said for something to say. They both looked around as if noticing the place for the first time.
Then Richard, clearing his throat, turned towards her. ‘I wanted to get in touch you know after…’ He trailed off.
‘I wished you had. I thought you didn’t…’
‘You did?’ His adoring gaze met hers and something sparked in their eyes – something affirmed.
She gave an almost imperceptible nod. ‘I’m a late shift tomorrow.’
* * *
He smiled tenderly in understanding. ‘Shall we go?’
‘Yes.’
‘You’re sure?’
Again, she nodded.
Richard paid the bill and left the woman a generous tip.
Outside, May took his hand. He led her past the park and a few streets along Ocean Road from the coast to the two rooms he rented in Salmon Street.
Upstairs, he took her to the sparse bedroom that smelled of aftershave, where his striped pyjama bottoms, the creases still in the shape of his body, were flung on top of a thick and cosy-looking bedspread. Removing his coat, Richard dropped it on the floor; his shirt and vest followed.
He hesitated. ‘I want you to know this is not just a fling. I’ve loved you from the first but this—’
She smiled in agreement and put her fingertips over his lips. A forgotten longing bubbled up within her until she couldn’t bear the exquisite sensations any longer.
Richard removed her skirt and knickers, then peeled off her stockings (that she’d left on after work) and suspender belt.
He lay down on the bedspread and reaching out, pulled her naked body beside him. When their skin touched, little shocks of anticipation surged through her nerve endings. He cuddled her head close into his chest and brushed his fingertips down her spine to the cleft in her buttocks, which made her shudder. She turned her face up and when their lips met, the kiss was long and tender.
‘I don’t want this moment to pass.’ His voice, when he broke free, was husky. He gazed at her and his expression changed to that of wonder. ‘Why, it’s right here.’ He spoke as if to himself.
‘What’s here?’
‘My dream.’ He sat up, placing an elbow on the bed and rested his head on a hand. He smiled down at her. ‘Everyone has one. What’s yours?’
She thought for a time. The house was silent and it was as though the outside world, the horror of war, rationing, the routine of work life, had stopped and they could live purely in this moment.
She felt shy. ‘This moment is rather dreamy.’
‘You feel it too.’ His eyes shone with happiness. ‘My darling girl… I feel the same way. If this is as good as it gets then I’m one happy fellow.’
Tears of joy prickled her eyes.
‘Have I told you lately I love you?’ He nuzzled down beside her.
She laughed, a pleasant tinkling sound. ‘Not in the last five minutes, you haven’t.’
He pouted. ‘It would be rather nice if the sentiment were reciprocated.’
Ridiculously, May made a mental note to look the unfamiliar word up in Maureen’s dictionary. At the thought of her friend now cold in the ground, she shivered.
‘What is it?’ Wrapping his arms around her, he cuddled her again into his bare and delightful curly-haired chest.
‘My friend who died… she never got to have a life.’ In the warm glow of the lamp, she turned her face to lo
ok up at him. ‘The war, working at the hospital and seeing its effect, has changed the rules I used to live by. You have to grab the chance to be happy because you don’t know how long it will last.’
His gaze, as he looked down at her, was troubled. ‘May, I want you to be sure about this. I don’t want ours to be a back-street affair. I want to protect you but I can’t change my—’
‘I love you, Richard… for all that you are.’
His eyes widened in wonder. He bent to kiss her and then froze and smacked his forehead with the heel of his hand.
‘I haven’t got—’
May had been caught out before, she reminded herself. But as she gazed into his tender eyes, she slammed the door on caution. Live for the moment.
‘I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.’
He stroked her hair from her brow and kissed her forehead. ‘Darling girl, we shouldn’t—’
Again, she put her fingertips over his lips.
‘Yes, we should.’
* * *
As memories of the sweet release of climax shivered through her, May, overcome with sleepiness, drowsed in Richard’s arms and then fell deeply asleep.
When she woke, she reached across the bed for him but he was gone.
‘Richard,’ she cried, and then noticed the bedspread had been tucked in around her.
‘Here I am. Tea is served.’ He walked into the room, now dressed and carrying a tray.
On it, she discovered two cups of tea, a plate of cream crackers with a smidgeon of margarine and a jar of jam. ‘Ernie downstairs has a lady friend who makes jam.’ Richard smiled. He lounged beside her. ‘You okay?’
‘I’m starved.’
She placed the tray between their legs. Cream crackers and tea, she discovered, had never tasted so delicious.
Then, all of a sudden the happiness left Richard’s face and it clouded with uncertainty. ‘What are we going to do?’
May thought of her love life so far. Two men – Billy and Alec – had professed to love her and both in their own way had hurt her. But she knew instinctively she was safe with Richard. He was her future.
‘Nothing. Let’s just wait and see. For me, it’s enough to have found you.’
His expression altered, became contented. ‘Me too.’
He put the tray on the floor and, taking her in his arms, kissed her – not with passion, but a tender kiss of love and reassurance.
As they lay back on the bed, Richard’s long fingers stroked her hair. ‘By the way,’ he said, ‘that young man, Reuben, spoke highly of you.’
‘You spoke to Reuben?’
‘Yes, I met him outside as he left Casualty department. I’d finished for the day and was going to find John to tell him I was away home.’
May nodded. ‘How did he know we were acquainted?’
‘He saw us collide in the doorway and asked if I’d give you a message.’
‘Which is?’
‘To thank you for your help but he needed to get back home. He looked rather dazed and I asked if there was anything I could do to help.’
May smiled affectionately. Richard was sensitive towards others in need and would notice the lad was in an emotional state.’
‘Yes,’ she told him, ‘I was worried when I left him in Casualty, he was in turmoil.’
Richard continued. ‘He said there was nothing wrong, indeed, he admitted he felt better and it was all due to the nurse he’d spoken to on Casualty… which, of course, was you. He said he couldn’t wait to see a doctor because he wanted to go home and be with his wife and start on their new lives.’
‘He told you that?’
‘That was the gist of what he said.’
Richard might be a coward to others, but not to May. Once you got to know him, you realised he had a kind and caring heart and he’d go out of his way to help folk.
She turned on her side and, resting a hand beneath her cheek, she faced him.
She teased him. ‘Another thing, you didn’t admit to it before but how come every time I turn around there you are, no matter which department I’m on? Are you following me?’
‘Of course. I’m always first to take the jobs on the department you work on. Because, my love…’ He sat up and kissed the tip of her nose. ‘I could stare at your beautiful face forever.’
May had never been called beautiful before and, amazingly, in that moment, seeing the rapture in his gaze, she felt it.
* * *
May and Richard began to meet regularly, usually after May finished the day shift and always in the seclusion of Richard’s rooms. They both knew that their affair had to be a secret, and that if Matron found out May was seeing a man alone in his room she could lose her job.
Though exhausted with shift work, May kept up with her studies, sometimes working through the night.
May didn’t tell anyone, even Valerie, about the relationship. For, although they’d made up and were now friends, she didn’t know how the other girl would react if she knew May was involved with a conchie.
She found out soon enough.
Late one night, as May lay on her bed studying, a knock came at her door.
Valerie entered. She threw an envelope onto the bed. ‘This letter came this morning when I collected me post. I forgot to give it to you. Sorry.’
May recognising the handwriting, her heart did a somersault. Etty was in touch. She shoved the envelope under her pillow, promising herself to read it later.
Valerie raised her eyebrows but didn’t pursue the matter.
An air of unease came into the room when neither of them seemed capable of speaking.
Valerie knows, May thought.
She broke the silence. ‘How’s everything at home… your mam and the bairns?’ ‘Same as usual.’ Valerie didn’t elaborate.
‘D’you see them often?’
‘All the time when I can. Me mam’s been sick. Besides’ – she gave May a disapproving look – ‘there’s nee one here to talk to.’
When Valerie was upset, she lapsed into Geordie twang.
May felt bad. She hadn’t been there when Valerie needed her.
‘You should have said about your mam.’
‘Huh! You’re never here to tell.’
May wondered if she should broach the subject of Richard.
Valerie’s cheeks were the colour of a plum; the lass was clearly struggling to keep control of her temper.
May did what she should have done some weeks before. ‘Valerie, I’m… seeing—’
‘I know, the conchie porter.’ Valerie glared at her. ‘You didn’t think you could keep somethin’ like that a secret, did yi’? It’s whispered all around the hospital. It does your reputation no good.’
The two of them stared at each other.
‘Sorry, I should have told you before.’
‘You should never have started the affair. What if Matron finds out? You know fine well if we even look at a fella when we’re in uniform—’
‘Matron can’t dictate who I see in my time off.’
Valerie raised her eyebrows in disbelief. ‘What on earth possessed yi’?’
‘He’s not what you think. He’s caring and—’
‘A coward, according to most folk.’
‘What about you?’
Unable to check her annoyance any longer, Valerie exploded, ‘Just look around the hospital! Those brave lads, without limbs, faces burned beyond recognition, bodies… minds broken. What do I think? I think you’re crackers, May. The man doesn’t give a damn about anyone but himself.’
She barged from the room and slammed the door with such force May feared it would come away from its hinges.
May sat for a long while staring into space, hearing everyday noises outside her door: the thuds of the nurses’ feet as they tramped along the corridor floor, laughter from the kitchen, muffled chatter through the thin wall from next door.
She felt alone and wished with all her heart Maureen was here. The lass always
knew what to say to reassure May. She also realised she hadn’t heard Mam’s comforting voice in her head for a long while. She wished she could hear it now because her mother always knew the right thing to do.
She remembered the letter under the pillow. This was the first correspondence she’d received from Etty since Parklands. She berated herself. Why hadn’t she made time to visit her friend and make up before now?
‘Because, lass, you’ve had your troubles to contend with.’
May smiled; she didn’t know where this voice came from – it might even be her own – but all she knew was it sounded like Mam and her voice always comforted.
But why was Etty in touch now?
20
Dearest May
I’m glad you’ve opened this letter. If you don’t get in touch, I’m going to go to the telephone box and ring the hospital because I’ve got something important to tell you.
Your cousin Danny is dead. The Halifax bomber he was flying was hit by anti-aircraft fire. Danny ordered the crew to bail out but he stayed with the plane as he tried to reach his airfield. However, his plane was seen to fly into a hill.
Mr and Mrs Newman are broken. I know Ramona Newman is your mam’s sister and they weren’t close but I thought you’d want to know this. Ramona is a pain and thinks she’s a cut above the rest but, poor soul, she didn’t deserve this.
Trevor says the Newmans can’t think straight but there’s talk of a memorial service at St Michael’s Church. I’ll let you know if I hear when.
I don’t know when, or even if, you’ll ever forgive me, but for the record, I miss you – loads.
Etty xx
As she placed the letter on her locker top, a wave of sadness overwhelmed May. Another life cut short. She didn’t know Danny personally but he was the Newmans’ pride and joy. He was the reason they’d built up the funeral business and kept it going – Danny was supposed to take over one day. It was unbearable to think of all the hurt the Newmans would be going through.
Our Last Goodbye: An absolutely gripping and emotional World War 2 historical novel Page 21
