There were a lot of military personnel in the crowd, but considering her status and the fact that this was a military town, that didn’t surprise me. The front pews were reserved for family and close friends. I wasn’t sure if she had a big family, or just a lot of friends, but those two pews were packed with people who looked like they felt her loss deeply. As I looked from one to the next and wished that I would somehow, someday, affect someone that deeply, my heart suddenly stopped beating. Am I hallucinating now? I realized I was holding my breath. I let it out, closed my eyes, and opened them again. It was her. Karli sat amongst the mourners with her soft, brown hair hanging down around her shoulders. She was dressed in a dark gray dress and wearing very little makeup. Her right side was facing me, and even in profile, she looked absolutely gorgeous. Suddenly everyone and everything else in the room disappeared for me—and she was the only one in it. I had huge butterflies in my stomach, and she didn’t even know I was there…until suddenly she did. She must have felt me looking at her because a few seconds of me staring and she turned her beautiful face in my direction. It seemed to take her a second for her mind to process who she was looking at, and when it did, she looked shocked. I’m sure I looked pretty shocked myself. In this huge world we live in, it seemed like something kept bringing us back together. Maybe I just wanted to believe that there was a reason we kept crossing paths, something that would give me hope that I’d see her again in the future. I expected her to look away as soon as she realized it was me, but she didn’t. She held my gaze for a long time, and just before she finally turned her head back towards the front, her eyes went soft and an almost imperceptible smile played at the corners of her beautiful lips. I felt that all the way to my core, and for the first time in years, I felt the stirrings of hope once again.
CHAPTER NINE
NEW ORLEANS
PRESENT DAY
KARLI
I stood there holding my breath while Leif called Hunter’s father a hero. I let it out slowly, as I appreciated how hard that had to be for him. Then I listened to him list out and explain to my son all of the other things there were to do in the army that didn’t involve fighting or killing people.
When Hunter questioned him about who the real heroes were he said, “Shooting someone doesn’t make you a hero in and of itself, Hunter. I was in the army for a long time, and I never met one single person who enjoyed shooting anyone.”
“Not even the bad guys?”
“Not even them. We wanted to protect the innocent people there, and we wanted to make sure the innocent people here in our country were safe, too, so we did what we had to do, but none of us liked it. Real heroes aren’t looking to hurt anyone. Sometimes they have to, but it’s not fun for them. Did you know that you don’t have to be a soldier to be a hero? There are lots of heroes walking around every day—just like normal people. Your grandpa, he’s a judge and he sends bad guys away where they can’t hurt anyone. Your mom helps keep innocent people out of prison. The police officers that have been in and out of here protecting your family lately, they’re heroes, too.”
“And you?”
“Nah buddy, I’m no hero. Heck, in the army, my favorite job was going to funerals, believe it or not.”
“What’s a funeral?” Other than what he thought he knew about his biological father, Hunter had never personally known anyone who died. I started to answer him but decided to wait and see what Leif had to say. My heart was thawing listening to him so far. Leif looked up at me first—as if asking permission.
I gave him a slight nod and watched as he turned back to my son and said, “Do you know what it means to die, Hunter?”
He nodded. “My grandpa’s dog died…and my goldfish. Grandpa took Micah to the vet and I never saw him again, but we flushed the fish and Mommy said a prayer.”
Leif’s lips twitched and he said, “Well, funerals are kind of like flushes for humans. When we die, all of the people who loved us come to the church, say prayers for us, and remember things about us that made them happy.”
“So what did you do at the funerals?”
“I was part of something called the Honor Guard.” As Leif answered Hunter’s next question about what the Honor Guard was, I let my mind go back to that day in Texas when once again the fates had thrown us together.
KILLEN TEXAS
2014
KARLI
At first I was shocked to see Leif and then suddenly it struck me as funny. I almost laughed out loud in the church. It was so unbelievable that I didn’t know how else to handle it. I tried not to look at him throughout the Mass, but it was hard. He was aging well and no longer looked so young and innocent. There was still something about him that oozed vulnerability, but the rest of him was definitely all man. He was hot, and I stood there in a church of all places and lusted after a man I already knew was not for me. Sylvie was really right, I’d been alone too long.
I tried not to think about him on the way to the graveside services, especially once I realized that I was actually excited about seeing him again. I tried not to stare at him as he folded the flag and presented it to Donna’s niece, but that was like putting a piece of chocolate in front of my toddler and telling him not to eat it. He looked so damned good—and every time he caught me looking at him, I could still see the need in his eyes. I had to admit—if only to myself—that in spite of the slightly creepy aspect of it…there was something appealing about being the object of someone’s affection for so long.
I came to my senses though before the Mass was over and reminded myself that he was the very last thing I needed in my life. I tried sneaking out to my car the second that the Mass was over. I’d be able to pay my respects to her niece at the reception, and maybe afterwards I’d be left with enough time to explore the little city. I’d never been to Texas, and although this trip was for a sad reason, I was still a little bit excited about it. I was just reaching for the handle of my rental car when I heard his voice.
“Karli.”
For some reason the sound of my name on his lips sent a shiver through me. I took a deep breath and turned to face him. “Hi, Leif.” He smiled, and although he had a really handsome smile, they never really seemed to reach his eyes.
“What are you doing here?” he asked me.
“Donna was a client and a friend of my boss. He had some family stuff going on, so he sent me.” He nodded, and I dreaded the long pause that was coming while he tried to think of what to say next so I said, “Are you stationed here now?”
“Yeah, I’ve been here for a while. How are you, Karli?” He was the only person I’d ever known who used my name so much. I hated to admit it, but I liked it.
“I’m good…” God, this was awkward. I had no idea what to say to him. I also hated that I was looking at him and thinking about how hot he looked in that uniform. “Um…I should go…” Before he got a clue that I was lusting over him. I’d never get away then.
“How is your boy?”
“He’s…perfect.” I smiled. I couldn’t ever talk about Hunter without smiling. He smiled too then, and it almost seemed to reach his eyes. He had beautiful eyes when they didn’t look so damned sad.
“That’s good…Karli, would you have lunch with me?” he said it really fast, and it was almost hard to understand. I felt a twinge of guilt that I made him so nervous.
“Leif, I don’t think it’s such a good idea.”
“Just lunch, that’s all, I promise. Who knows if we’ll ever see each other again?” Based on the way things had been going the past few years, the odds were probably good. I tried not to smile although that thought amused me. Instead, I looked down at my watch. It was already almost three in the afternoon.
“I really can’t, Leif. I have to at least put in an appearance at the reception…”
“Okay, how about dinner then?” Damn he’s persistent. But yet, I was considering it instead of walking away.
“Okay.” I gave in, but to him or myself? “Where should I meet
you?”
“Where are you staying? I’ll pick you up.”
Now he was pushing it. “I’ll meet you, Leif, just tell me where.”
“There’s a place off the expressway called Texas Roadhouse…I’ll text you the address…is your number still the same?” I couldn’t believe he still had my number, or sadly, maybe I could. At least he hasn’t used it. I deleted his out of my phone almost two years ago.
“Yeah, it’s still the same.”
“Okay,” he grinned. “Karli?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.” He looked ridiculously happy. I should be happy that I made him so happy, but for some reason, I felt bad instead. I just nodded and proceeded to get into the car. He stood there—like a soldier almost at attention—and watched me drive away. I was halfway down the road before I realized that I was shaking. I pulled into another parking lot out of sight and sat there for a long time trying to get a grip and wondering what in the hell I was doing. All I had to do was say “no.” Why didn’t I?
I eventually made it to the reception, and it was as depressing as the funeral. This poor family had already seen more than their fair share. I stayed long enough to meet everyone Mack wanted me to offer condolences to, and then I went back to my hotel. Leif texted me the address of the restaurant and asked then, “Seven?”
I simply text back, “Okay.” It was another chance to say no that I’d missed.
I kicked off my shoes, tossed my purse onto the desk, pulled out my phone, and called Sylvie.
“Hello! How is Texas? Any hot cowboys yet?”
I laughed and said, “It’s beautiful, what I’ve seen of it. No hot cowboys yet…and guess what?”
“What?”
“Actually “who.” Guess who I saw at the funeral?”
“Who?” She had that excited, conspiratorial tone to her voice that she always got when we were gossiping. I love her.
I paused for dramatic effect and then said, “Leif.”
She cracked up and made whoop-whoop sounds before saying, “I told you, girl; it’s fate. He’s your person, your lobster, the universe wants the two of you together. Did you talk to him?”
“I tried not to. He caught up with me, and he invited me to lunch.”
“Of course he did,” she laughed again. “You do give this boy points for his persistence, don’t you?”
“How is not being able to compute the word ‘no’ worth points?”
“Aw, you told him ‘no?’” She sounded genuinely sad. I wondered how Leif did that. He had this woman who had never even met him feeling bad for him.
“Well, not exactly.”
“Oh yeah! You had lunch with him! Did you have sex?”
“Sylvie! No, I did not have sex!”
She laughed. “Okay then, how was lunch?”
“We didn’t have lunch either.”
“What would it hurt to have lunch with him…or sex for that matter?” She giggled again.
I had to laugh. She’s crazy. “I’m not having sex with him. But you’ll be happy to know that I did agree to dinner.”
“Oh yeah! Dinner is a much better lead-in to sex than lunch.”
I laughed again. “Why did I call you?”
“Because you needed me to urge you on to have hot, passionate…”
I needed to laugh, and I could always count on Sylvie. That’s what I called for. I do know that I have a tendency to be way too serious. “I’m not having sex,” I said again.
She sighed dramatically and asked, “Is he still hot?”
I giggled like a schoolgirl and said, “Hotter.”
“You better call with the details in the morning. I want to hear all about it.”
“I’m having dinner with him because—for some reason—I have a hard time telling this guy no, Sylvie, but I am really not having sex with him. Think about that. It would only encourage him.”
“And why would that be wrong? You’re single…he’s single…”
“I haven’t forgiven him for lying to me, and remember, I thought the other Leif was single, too. Dinner won’t hurt, I guess, but I’m not going any further with him than that.”
“It won’t hurt, and I’d be willing to bet that sex wouldn’t either…”
“I love you, Sylvie.”
“I love you, too. Be safe and details, I want details!”
“Good-bye….”
She giggled. “Bye, have fun!”
I ended the call and thought about why I was doing this again. I had no clue other than suddenly I wanted to see him again. Maybe I should just take a picture and I could take it out every so often and look at it. That would probably be safer. With another sigh, I went to get into the shower and start getting ready for dinner.
He was waiting for me outside the restaurant when I got there—just as I knew he would be. He was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved, western-style shirt and cowboy boots. He looked even hotter than he did in his uniform. He was also wearing gloves…which was strange since it wasn’t cold out at all.
He approached me as soon as he saw me, and as soon as he got close enough to hear me I said, “Hi Leif…you look nice.”
He smiled nervously. “You look…Jesus, Karli…you’re beautiful.” His voice had a little tremor to it that I found appealing in spite of myself. I’d never known anyone who was so infatuated with me that my very presence made them nervous.
“Thank you.” He held out his arm, and I slid mine through it. As we walked into the restaurant, I had to ask about the gloves. “Leif…”
“Yeah?”
“Why do you have gloves on?”
Instead of answering me with words, he stopped and took his arm out of mine and pulled off the glove on his right hand. The skin on his wrist and hand was horribly scarred and he was missing two of his fingers. “The other one isn’t quite as bad. They took some skin from my hip and fixed the fingers. These…they couldn’t fix.”
I was stunned, and I stared at it way too long. When I finally found my voice I said, “I’m so sorry. What happened?”
He slipped his glove back on and said, “Truth is, I got lucky. I’d rather not talk about it just now, if you don’t mind?”
“Of course not.” I shuddered at any event that could make a person feel that getting fingers burned off was “lucky.”
He gave me that reverent look again like I was a goddess instead of plain old me and held out his arm again. He was so funny and so different from any man I’d ever met. I took his arm—and we went inside. The hostess showed us to our table and asked if we wanted a drink. I ordered an iced tea and Leif ordered the same. Once the hostess left, we stared at each other for a really long time like two fools on a blind date. I had no idea what to say—and I suspected he felt the same.
“Did Hunter enjoy his birthday?” he finally said.
I smiled as I thought about my baby…and then I remembered Leif’s card. The smile faded as I said, “Yes, but Leif, please stop sending us money.”
He actually grinned. “It ain’t really sending you money if you don’t ever cash the checks. When you don’t cash ‘em, they’re just paper.”
I couldn’t help but smile back at him. He was something else. “You know what I mean. I have a good job and I can take care of my son and me. But even if I couldn’t, we are not your responsibility.”
“Maybe you are…I mean, maybe if I would have told you as soon as I got that letter that I wasn’t him, you would have been more inclined to file for some of those benefits your baby had coming.”
“When I was yelling at you that first night at the restaurant, why didn’t you tell me he was married?”
“It wasn’t my place. That ain’t why I gave you his records either. I just didn’t want you to have to keep hoping that he was gonna come back. I know you don’t believe me, Karli, but I feel terrible for doing that to you for all of those months.”
“You know what, Leif?” The waitress brought our drinks just then and asked if we were ready to o
rder.
We each picked out something quickly and when she was gone he said, “What?”
“I do believe you feel bad. I just still don’t understand why you did it, and maybe that’s what is still bothering me the most. I understand that you were far from home and lonely, but pretending to be someone that you’re not, that’s huge.”
“That first night when I found out he was dead, I sat down to write that letter with every intention of telling you that you’d gotten the wrong guy and the guy you were looking for was dead. I honestly don’t know what came over me. I read that letter of yours so many times and I wished that it was me you were writing to. I hadn’t even seen your picture yet. Your words were like food for my soul—even though I knew they weren’t intended for me. Then I thought about you over here—all alone with a baby—and I lost my mind and told myself if I could help you then what I was doing was justified. It just snowballed from there and kept getting harder to tell you.”
“So when you came to see me that first time, what was your plan?”
“I didn’t have one.” He laughed nervously again. “I just had to see you in the flesh—just once—and when I did, I knew for sure that I was in love with you.”
“That’s sweet, Leif…but you don’t really know me. What you’re feeling might be lust or even strong like, but you can’t love someone that you don’t even know.”
LEIF (Blake Security Book 3) Page 7
