I don’t apologize, but make it clear that I don’t like her doing blow and didn’t know she was doing it. I try to reassure her that she doesn’t have to be a super hero. I vow to show her love to counter the damage I just did to her and the damage she’s doing to herself. She grimaces when I roll her over. When I lift my weight off her, I see the bruises that have already formed on her belly. There’s a dark purple line about two inches below her belly button that divides her in half.
As gently as I can, I adore her body. I attempt to kiss away the pain I caused her. I know the only way I can fix this is for her to see through to my soul that her eyes always speak to. She needs to see that connection; it’s the tie that binds us. As I ease into her, her eyes open gradually, lifting the veil to her spirit. Nothing I could say to her can communicate what she can read on her own in me. Her inner walls contract on my shaft and I know she’s close. We dive off that cliff simultaneously like we are holding hands gliding through the air. I can’t hold my head up any longer, so I tuck it into the crook of her neck to tell her I love her.
Chapter Seventeen – Annie
The next few months seem to go by like a dream. Somehow we have found a harmonious balance. I try to come home right after work to have dinner with him or hang out for a few hours before starting my homework, and he usually goes out to meet Topher or one of his other friends for a couple of hours. I send him a text when I finish whatever I’m working on and he comes home. Frequently, we spend the next hour or two enjoying each other’s bodies before I crash.
It hasn’t dawned on Gray that I’m still getting less than four hours of sleep a night. He gets to go back to sleep after I leave for school in the morning. I can’t get by without the blow during the week, but I’ve gotten smarter about keeping it from him. I have never lied to him, but after that night in the bathroom, I don’t want to revisit the issue. If he had asked, I would have been honest with him, but I think he assumes I’m doing it, and therefore, never mentions it. Truth be known, I am using more heavily now than I ever have because I can’t keep up. I’m praying for the relief the end of the semester brings, but finals are still two weeks away.
In an effort to maintain my GPA, I study more and sleep less. When Gray falls asleep, I get back up, take a bump, and go back to studying. I crawl back into bed a couple of hours before my alarm is set to go off and Gray never knows the difference. This morning after getting out of the shower, he brought a cup of coffee into the bathroom for me. I looked at him in the mirror with a tired smile. He pulls my towel off me, his face twisting into a grimace. “Baby, you’ve lost a ton of weight you didn’t have to lose. Are you feeling okay?”
I shrug it off. “You’re crazy. I haven’t lost any weight.”
“Get on the scale, Annie.” His tone is no nonsense, but I fight it anyhow. I know I’ve lost weight, but I am not in the mood to have this argument.
“I’m not getting on a scale in front of you, Gray! No woman wants her boyfriend to know how much she weighs.”
“If I were saying you had gained weight, your argument might hold water, but since I’m not, get on the scale.”
I close my eyes as I step on the scale. I don’t need to look.
“Geezus, Annie! You weigh one-hundred-and-nine pounds! No wonder you look so sick. What’s wrong?” He looks terrified. When we met I weighed about one-hundred-and-thirty pounds. At that weight I was thin; at this weight I look emaciated.
“Nothing, baby, I’ve just been under a lot of pressure and it’s taking its toll on me. Finals are over this week. I’m sure I’ll put the weight back on over Christmas break. Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.” I really want to reassure him, but can tell I’m not being terribly successful.
To my surprise, he just hugs me tightly to his chest and whispers, “I love you, baby.”
“I love you too, Gray.”
The next couple of days are a blur filled with studying and finals. My last final is on Thursday morning so Wednesday night is going to be an all-nighter, again. I look like shit. I feel like shit. I haven’t slept more than an hour a night since Saturday, and I’m pumping a ton of blow into my system, more than I ever have. Once Gray falls asleep, I go back to the living room. Barely able to keep my eyes open, I get my stash out of my book bag to be able to make it through the night. After doing a couple lines, I start cramming for my last final. I completely lose track of time. Hearing my alarm go off in the bedroom, I start to panic. When it’s silenced, I look up to see Gray standing in the hall looking at me.
“What are you doing up so early, sweetheart?” He is groggy and rubbing his eyes. He looks so innocent standing there.
“I couldn’t sleep so I decided to try to study some more before my last test today.”
Sitting down next to me on the couch, he pulls me into his lap. “You work too hard. You know you’re going to ace this test. You should’ve gotten some sleep. Why don’t you let me love on you a little before you start your day?” He nuzzles into my neck and kisses me behind my ear.
“Gray, I’ve got to get to school and get this out of the way. We have tons of time over break to ravage each other.” I know he is trying to calm my nerves and ease the tension I’m sure he can feel all over my body, but I’m wired. I lost count of how many lines I’ve done throughout the night to keep my mind alert. Now, my heart is racing.
He scoops me up saying, “Then I guess we will have to make it quick.” I love when he smiles at me like this; it’s boyish and playful with a hint of mischief behind it. I squeal as he travels to the shower with me in tow. When we get to the bathroom, he sets me down and reaches into the shower to turn it on to let the water warm up. Not wasting any time, he lifts my nightshirt over my head and drops my thong to the floor. I stand there staring at him. His body is lean and toned. I adore the way his boxers hang low on his hips accentuating the hard V on his pelvis that point towards heaven on his body. “You like what you see, Bird Dog?”
Ahh, that cocky grin where only half of his mouth turns up and his eyes crinkle at the edges sends me into orbit. My heart is pounding like a hammer in my chest, but I convince myself it’s lust I’m feeling from staring at his body.
“Maybe a little,” I reply shyly.
“I think you’re lying to me… and yourself. You worship my body.”
“You’re delusional, Gray Dearsley. While you do have the body of a Greek God, I do not worship it,” I laugh. It’s been so long since we have taken the time to be playful. It feels good to just be in the moment with him.
“Take my boxers off,” he doesn’t ask, he commands.
“A little demanding this morning, are you?” I giggle as I say it and reach for the edge of his shorts. His cock is obviously hard and begging to be let out for a little recreation. Pulling the elastic band over his engorged penis, I let them fall to the floor, staring at what waits for me. I know if I were to reach out to touch him it would be hard like steel, but smooth and soft like velvet. I’m mesmerized by the thought momentarily.
In my daze, Gray reaches his left hand up to my neck, wrapping his fingers around the nape, with his thumb landing underneath my jaw. He bends to reach me, placing his forehead against mine. Softly, in his sultry baritone he says, “Your heart is racing. I love that I do that to you.” He takes my hand and places it on his chest right above his heart. “Do you feel my heartbeat? It’s mimicking yours.” I can feel my heartbeat like a drum radiating through my body; his isn’t beating anywhere near as violently as mine. I am definitely turned on, but the white shit I had pulled up my nose an hour earlier has a lot to do with my erratic heartbeat.
His plump lips land on mine, coaxing my mouth open with his tongue deepening the kiss. Something about the way he kisses me always sends tingles straight to the core of my sex, instantly warming me, drenching my folds. His tongue is voluptuous – I can’t think of another word to describe the fullness and how sexy it is or how it awakens every nerve in my body when it enters my mouth. I could have an
orgasm simply kissing him. He pulls away leaving me panting, my chest heaving, and suddenly I’m very lightheaded. The faint feeling quickly passes as he pulls me into the shower. The water feels incredible on my skin, titillating.
Turning me against the wall, he takes both of my hands above my head, holding them together by my wrists. His other hand lazily moves down my body, stopping to caress my breast, squeezing my taught peak while gently pulling on it. He does the same to the other before continuing his trail down my torso. He doesn’t waste time when his fingers reach my clit. Using several, he presses on it as he makes lazy circles, ensuring I’m fully aroused. Spreading my lips, he’s making long strokes up and down my slit before slipping two fingers inside me.
“Damn, baby, you’re dripping for me.” His voice is seductive and raspy, and it’s taking everything in me not to turn around and pillage his body. His hand leaves my body and I feel an aching void until he pushes my knees apart. I feel the head of his engorged cock at my entrance. While he’s still clutching my wrists, I lean my head on the tile as he takes me. My pussy stretches to make room for his girth. Once he’s buried to the hilt, his movements become steadier, always pulling almost completely out before plunging back in. Any time he takes me from behind, he hits that spot on my front wall that blows my mind. It’s euphoric friction. I’m on the edge of an internal explosion, but have a horrible aching pain in my chest.
I cry out to him, “Baby, I’m gonna come.” His fingers are on my clit again, ensuring he heightens my orgasm. “Harder, Gray. Harder!” He accommodates my screams, pulverizing my pussy with his cock. “Right there…oh, God, don’t stop!” My cries are bordering between anguish and ecstasy as he pushes me over the edge. As the waves pass through me, he continues to stroke, letting me milk every last drop that is in him. He drops his head on my shoulder, still engulfing me; he finally lets go of my wrists to wrap his arms around me. I turn toward him, enjoying the way his body feels against me, the water caressing my skin. I look into his eyes; they’re warm and crystal blue today.
“That was intense,” he says. His eyes are smiling, and I see how much he loves me just in the way he looks at me.
Gray helps me wash my hair and uses the loofa to rub body wash all over me, paying extra attention to his favorite places before I get out of the shower to quickly get dressed. The pain in my chest has subsided some, and my heart doesn’t seem to be drumming like a woodpecker anymore. The heat from the shower and the orgasm have left me almost unable to move. I manage to throw on some jeans and a sweater before grabbing my jacket and backpack. Gray catches my eye in the kitchen, holding out a travel mug of coffee. Taking the mug in one hand, I fist his shirt in the other, pulling him down to meet my lips. He smiles at me right before I lay a heavy kiss on him.
“I love you, sweetheart. Good luck on your test.”
“Thanks. Love you, too.”
“Text me when you’re done. We can go to lunch and celebrate you surviving the semester.”
“K. Bye, baby.” And with that I’m out the door. When I pull into the parking lot at school, I realize I can barely keep my eyes open, which does not bode well for a three-hour exam in a silent classroom. It’s pretty early and there’s not a lot of activity on campus, so I move my car to the very back of the parking lot. I have enough time for a couple of lines before embarking on this test. I cut up what’s left of the eight ball I bought yesterday, roll up a bill, and within a few minutes I’m ready to go. The realization that I’ve done an entire eight ball in a matter of a couple of hours is not lost on me.
It’s cold when I get out of the car, causing me to walk more briskly than I normally would in an attempt to avoid the howling wind. As I reach the building, that ache in my chest is back. My heart is beating so fast that I almost can’t make out the rest in between the beats. It’s as if it has just become a steady roll instead of a constant cadence.
I manage to drown out the thumping in my head and body to make it through my exam. I’m sure I did well and my perfect GPA is still intact. As I’m walking back to my car, there’s a flash of blackness that causes me to stumble. Holding myself up against a car, I regain my composure. I didn’t pass out or faint, but I definitely blacked out for a minute. My mind is a fuzzy and my skin is numb. The same thing happens twice more before I get to my car. My hands are shaking while I fumble with my keys. Sitting in the driver seat, I pull out my phone to text Gray.
Me: Hey, baby. Done with my last final.
Gray: Great! How do u think u did?
Me: A
Gray: Proud of u, baby! Do u want 2 come home or meet me for lunch?
Everything goes dark and there is a horrible pain in my chest. I can hear sounds outside my car, and I think I hear the ping of several text messages. Then the phone won’t stop ringing over and over, but my eyes won’t open. I can’t get out of the darkness. I don’t know how much time goes by before there is a knock on the glass of the driver’s side window. The door swinging open. I feel him on me before I can understand what he is saying to me. My eyes try to flutter open, but I’m fighting the inevitable.
His hands are on my face like a vice grip. “Annie, baby, wake up. Annie!” He’s screaming at me. I feel his panic. I know he’s terrified. I want to go to him, but don’t seem to be able to control my body. I manage to lean my head into his hand. He kisses me while continuing to beg me to wake up. Pulling me out of the car, he falls on the ground dragging me into him. Cradling me, I hear him crying on the phone. His voice gets further and further away until there’s nothing but silence.
Chapter Eighteen – Gray
“911, what’s your emergency?” The operator’s voice is deadpan, and if I weren’t so desperate for help, I probably would have cussed her out for not pretending like she gives a shit about the person on the other end of the line.
“My girlfriend is unconscious. I have no idea what’s wrong with her, but I can’t get her to wake up.” The words are racing out of my mouth, and I’m not sure she understands anything I’m saying.
“Sir, is she breathing?”
“Yeah, but it’s really shallow.”
“Can you tell me where you are?” She asks in that same monotone voice that makes me want to reach through the phone and pop her in the mouth.
“I’m in the parking lot of the USCS campus.” I’m shaking so bad I almost drop my cell. I can’t keep her close enough to me and hold the phone at the same time.
“Which parking lot, sir?”
Looking around to see what building is closest, I respond, “The Hodge Building is in front of me. We’re by her car in the back of the lot. It’s a green Celica.”
“I’m dispatching an ambulance now. They should be there in just a few minutes. I want you to stay on the phone with me until they get there.”
“Please hurry,” I sob into the phone with every horrible thought running through my head, waiting for the ambulance to arrive. I can’t imagine my life without her. I live to see her smile every morning, love holding her against me, hearing her laugh, playing with her just to make her mad. In the last six months, she has become the most important thing in the world to me.
It seems like an eternity, but in reality, when the ambulance shows up and I hit end on my phone, the call has lasted less than three minutes. The paramedic kneels down in front of me to take over, but I can’t release her.
“Sir, you have to let her go for me to help her.”
Reluctantly, I allow him to take her from me, and silently watch as they work on her. There is a huge crowd gathering around us. I feel like they’re intruding. I have to temper my anger to keep from screaming at them to back the fuck away as they load Annie’s still body into the back of the ambulance. The guy looks back at me and tells me to follow him to Spartanburg Regional. I want to argue. I need to be in the ambulance with her, need her to know that I’m here. She needs to be able to hear me talking to her. Instead, I climb in my truck and follow the sound of the sirens.
When we arrive
at the emergency room, they take her back without saying a word to me. When I try to follow, a nurse stops me. “Have a seat, sir. I’ll get you some paperwork to fill out for her while we wait to hear what’s going on with her.” Totally defeated, I sink into a chair in the waiting area of the ER. I fill out the forms they gave me the best I can and just wait. Several hours later, the doctor finally comes out to talk to me.
“Are you here with Annie?” I’m the only person in the waiting room, so I guess it is a fairly safe assumption, but I replied, “Yeah, what’s going on? Is she okay?” I’m desperate for answers, but he is hesitant to give them to me.
“Are you related to her?” he questions.
“Um no, I’m her boyfriend. We live together.”
“How much do you know about her substance abuse?” I feel like I’m being accused of something, and it pisses me off instantly.
“I’m not sure what you are trying to say.”
“We’ve run a lot of tests, and Annie has extremely high levels of cocaine in her system. When she came in, her blood pressure was elevated and her pulse was one-twenty. Long-term cocaine use can cause strokes, heart attacks, or stroke-like symptoms. Luckily for Annie, you got her help fast enough that we were able to give her valium to bring her down and stabilize her. We’re going to have someone from Psych come in to talk to her, but that will probably be tomorrow after she’s had some time to rest. We need to keep her here a couple of days for observation.”
“Why does she have to meet with someone from Psych? Do you think she tried to kill herself?” Who is this quack?
“It’s just procedure. Anytime someone overdoses, they go through Psych before they are discharged.”
“She didn’t OD. I know her; she’d never do that. She’s been really stressed with work and school. She had finals this week. I didn’t know she was using.” I don’t really think I’m talking to him; I’m talking to myself. I need to see her. “Can I see her?”
“I can take you back, but she’s asleep. The meds we gave her will probably keep her that way for several hours. She was awake for a few minutes and asked for you.”
Bound by Love Page 10
