Bound by Love

by Stephie Walls

  Topher told me a few weeks ago that she moved out of her apartment to live with Scarlett. Neither one of them needs to be living together, but I don’t have a right to express my opinion on the subject. Topher goes over there a lot and fills me in on what Annie is up to so I don’t have to ask her myself or put forth any effort that might be misconstrued as a relationship. Damn, I sound like a total douche bag hearing my own thoughts. As I suspected, they both work their asses off, Scarlett with her two jobs, and Annie with Waltons and school. Topher says Annie is back to a full-time load with Waltons and is supposed to graduate at the end of this semester. I know exactly what that means. She’s living on heavy drugs to push through to the end.

  The few times I have seen her out on weekends, I haven’t approached her because it was clear that she was rolling or just plain high. It’s hard to see her and not go scoop her into my arms, even if it’s just briefly to remind us both where we belong. Those moments keep her tied to me. It’s selfish, I know that, but when I’m done doing whatever it is I’m doing, I want her to be there. She told me once after I called her from a bar that she felt like a dog. I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about so she explained. Some people keep dogs as pets on a chain in their backyard, never letting them off to run around, they are only allowed to go in the circle that the chain offers them. Every once in a while, the dog manages to get off the chain, running around the neighborhood, until someone sees it’s tag and calls the owner who brings them back to that same chain, alone in the backyard. I had the image in my mind of what she was talking about, but I didn’t get the metaphor. I guess she knew that when there was silence on my end, so she continued to explain. “I’m that dog, Gray. You love me enough to always seek me out and bring me home, but not enough to take me off the chain to play with me, or take me for walks, or let me sit on the couch at your feet. You want to be able to see me in your backyard unable to go anywhere, to be able to say you have a loyal dog, but you neglect me. I’m lonely tied to this chain.” Scoffing at her, I told her that was bullshit. She wasn’t on any chain. She could live her life however she wanted. Now that she is doing just that, Topher has become my neighbor who keeps finding her down the street, who continues calling me to come pick her up.

  Every time I think about what she said that night, I get upset because when I’m honest with myself, she is spot on. I lose myself in those thoughts. Today is no different. I’m riding around on a damn forklift thinking about my ex-girlfriend being chained up in a backyard. It makes zero sense, and yet it makes all the sense in the world. My coworkers must be getting the vibe that I’m off kilter today because no one is talking to me, not even to ask questions, which is unusual. I start to notice that not only is no one talking to me, they are all giving me looks of pity. Unaware of what would cause the guys to avoid me, much less look at me like they feel sorry for me, I pick up my radio. “Topher, where you at?” I say into the speaker.

  He responds in a voice totally devoid of emotion, “On the back dock.”

  “Stay put. I’ll be there in a minute.”

  When I reach the back dock, Topher is standing there with Archer, another weekend shift employee who has worked with us for several years. Annie never liked him, but I think he’s okay. He’s a short little guy, with reddish brown hair, thin, with a napoleon complex. I doubt his body could ever match his bite, but if you’re friends with him, it’s entertaining to watch him interact with other people. Topher looks pale, completely washed out, like he might collapse at any minute. “Topher, what the fuck’s wrong with you? You look horrible, are you sick?”

  “Uhh, I guess. I haven’t felt very good in the last couple of days.”

  “Is that why you’ve been MIA? I figured you were off messing with that girl you took home from the bar the other night.”

  “Nah, I dropped her off and went home. Didn’t even get her number.”

  “If you’re sick, why don’t you go home? You’ve got sick time.”

  He’s acting really strange, but takes me up on my offer. Clocking out and going home within minutes, he leaves me standing there with Archer. “What’s up with everyone today?”

  He looks at me and hesitates just a fraction of a second too long before saying, “I don’t know, man. What do you mean?” He knows and obviously, since he doesn’t want to tell me, it has to do with me.

  “Archer, what the hell is going on around here? Why is everyone avoiding me and giving me weird looks?”

  “I don’t think it’s my place to tell you, Gray. I really don’t want to get involved.”

  “You don’t want to get involved in what?” My face is getting hot, meaning it’s also visibly red, a sign that my anger is about to boil over if I don’t get some answers.

  “There’s just some rumors going around, no big deal. You know how this place is.” Not meeting my eyes, I know he knows more. Whatever it is, he’s got a firsthand account and it’s not just a rumor.

  “Just tell me what’s going on.” I don’t mean to raise my voice, but I’m getting agitated the longer this conversation goes on.

  “It’s about Annie.”

  “What about her?” This should be really interesting. No one in the place has any firsthand knowledge of her except Topher, including me. Any bullshit that’s roaming this DC about her is exactly that, bullshit.

  “Rumor is she’s been with someone else.” It hits me like a blow to the head. Annie hasn’t been with anyone other than me since I met her, with two additional years prior to me which are accounted for as well. She doesn’t do casual encounters so if she’s sleeping with someone, she’s in another relationship.

  “How the hell would anyone here know that? The only person that talks to her or sees her is Topher. He sure as hell wouldn’t be spreading that kind of rumor about her, not here.”

  Archer just looks at me, apparently waiting for it to dawn on me what exactly I just said and how it coincides with what he just said. “Why don’t you be a little more specific?” It comes out as a challenge, one I’m sure he doesn’t want to meet.

  “Gray, don’t do this.” It’s the only warning he issues before I’m in his face with his shirt in my fist.

  “Tell me what the fuck you are talking about Archer.”

  “She slept with Topher.” He pulls away, jerking his shirt back as he finishes the sentence.

  “She did what? How THE FUCK do you know that? Is that what everyone in this damn building thinks, that she fucked my best friend? Is that what the looks are for?” My questions are coming out faster than he can answer them. I finally shut up allowing him to speak.

  “Topher told me. It’s true, Gray, unless you believe he would lie about it.” He’s moved back far enough that I can’t swing at him and make contact. I’m not going to hit him, but I’m raging fucking mad.

  “He told you he slept with Annie?” Archer just nods. “Why did he tell you? How did everyone in this place find out?”

  “He needed someone to talk to. He’s pretty racked with guilt. He was drunk, she was high, it happened. It was a one-time thing.”

  “You’re fucking kidding me, right? My best friend slept with my girlfriend?” I’m incredulous. This must be a horrible joke.

  “Gray, buddy, she’s not your girlfriend. You dumped her, remember?”

  “You know what I mean. Whether we are together or not, she’s off limits to my friends, especially my best friend.”

  “Hence the reason he needed someone to talk to. I have no idea how everyone else found out about it unless someone overheard us talking, but, Gray, everyone here knows. They’ve been waiting for you to find out and staying the hell away from Topher. No one wants to be associated with him when your wrath falls. All of us know how you feel about Annie, even if you are a total dick to her.”

  “I’m clocking out for a while. I’ll be back. If you need me, call my cell.”

  I full out run to my truck like my ass is on fire. Getting inside, I pound my fists on the steering wheel, and th
en my head. I’m not sure if I should beat the hell out of Topher or Annie, maybe both. The two people closest to me both betrayed me. I know that if Topher told Archer it happened, then it happened. I don’t need to hear him admit it to me for it to be real, but I call him anyhow.

  He answers on the third ring. “Topher, please tell me it’s not true.”

  “I wish I could, Gray; I really do. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did. I’m sorry, man. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. We were on the floor at Scarlett’s, it just happened.”

  Topher and I talk for a few minutes. I’m angry, but he’s still my best friend. Annie on the other hand, I can’t forgive her as easily. I don’t share the intimacy with Topher that I have with Annie. I haven’t stuck my dick in Topher. Topher hasn’t been pregnant with my son. My relationship with Annie is just different on every level. Knowing I can’t talk to her without screaming, I text her instead.

  Me: Tell me it’s a horrible rumor

  She doesn’t respond immediately, but hell that could be for a hundred different reasons, mainly the fact that she owes me nothing and I’m not her top priority anymore. Finally my phone pings with her response.

  Annie: What rumor?

  Me: U know what I’m talking about

  Annie: Actually, I don’t

  Me: U fucked Topher

  Annie: What r u talking about?

  Me: Don’t play dumb. I already know. Just tell me y

  Annie: I’m not doing this by text, Gray

  Me: Then when can I c u?

  Annie: Not b4 u calm down

  Me: I’ll b there n 30 min

  Annie: B where?

  Me: Where r u?

  Annie: I’m n class, Gray.

  Me: Fine, I’ll wait 4 u @ ur place

  She doesn’t respond again. An hour later, she pulls into her driveway, guilt written all over her face. She walks past my truck, throwing her hand up at the window in a make shift hello. Never looking my direction, she goes to the front door. I follow behind her as she unlocks the door. She tosses her book bag on the kitchen table before throwing herself into a recliner in the living room. Finally meeting my eyes, coldly she says, “What do you want, Gray?”

  This was not the reception I expected to get from her. I expected her to beg for forgiveness, to try to make things right, but at this point, she hasn’t even admitted to doing anything.

  “What do I want?” I’m practically screaming at her. She interrupts me, warning me that if I don’t calm down, she will show me the door, conversation over. I try again. “I just want the truth, Annie. Did you sleep with Topher?”

  “Out of curiosity, Gray, what right do you have to ask who I have sex with? I don’t ask you about your exploits. Hell, you introduce me to your stupid fucking girlfriends, and even ask me to conduct ‘Gray 101’ classes with them, yet I still don’t ask one fucking question.”

  “What right? He’s my best friend, Annie! Don’t you think that crosses a line?”

  “I guess my question for you would be, since he’s your best friend, and I have zero connection to you anymore, why are you here having this conversation with me and not with Topher confronting him?”

  “So you admit it happened?”

  “What good does this do, Gray?” I don’t respond, waiting on her to continue. “You want to know the truth? Is that really what you think you want?”

  I nod, confirming I need the truth. “Yes, Gray. He fucked me. We had sex. One night. One time. It was a mistake. Both of us were trashed and it never should have happened, but it did. I can’t take it back. I’m not going to apologize to you for it. We aren’t dating. We aren’t even sleeping together anymore, so what I do with my body is my business.”

  “Bullshit, Annie. You belong to me and you have since the day I laid eyes on you in the DC. We both know that hasn’t changed. You don’t want to be with anyone else, so why the hell would you have sex with my best friend?”

  She stands up and I stand in response. Before I know it she’s pounding on my chest with her little fists, shouting up at me, tears streaming down her face. “You’re right, Gray. You do own me – heart, mind, body, and soul. The only problem is, you don’t want me, you son of a bitch! How dare you try to make me feel bad for the only night in the last four and half years that any man other than you has touched me!” She’s shaking, sobbing through the words.

  I push her back from me, gripping her shoulders. I bend down to meet her eye to eye. “You’re right, baby. I do want you to feel bad for fucking my best friend in the floor like a whore, because you’re better than that. I love you and I don’t want any man, especially not my best friend, taking advantage of you.”

  “Gray, he didn’t take advantage of me. It just happened.” There’s remorse in her eyes. Even if she’s not willing to say the words, I know she’s sorry. She may not be sorry she hurt me, but she’s sorry she made what she considers a horrible mistake. This is the only time in our entire relationship she’s ever done anything to hurt me, hurt herself yes, but me directly, never.

  I lift her chin up to look in her eyes. “I don’t want you living here, baby. I need you where I can take care of you, where I can protect you.”

  “Gray, you don’t want to live with me. You just don’t want me where you can’t keep tabs on me.”

  “That might have been true yesterday, but it’s not anymore. I guess I needed a smack in the face to see what I was doing. I assure you, I got my wakeup call today. Please, sweetheart.”

  “You live with Topher, Gray, how the hell would that even work?”

  “Oh, I can assure you, you won’t be living with Topher. We’ll get an apartment.”

  “I don’t know, Gray. I can’t just leave Scarlett. She’s depending on my rent.”

  “Then pay her for next month. I’ll pay the bills at our new apartment. You paid all the bills when I was living with you.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “She works on Saturdays. I’ll be here then to pick you and all of your stuff up. I’m not taking no for an answer. Tell her whatever you want, but you’re not staying here.”

  I’m not letting her stay here any longer than I have to. This gives me two days to find an apartment, well a day and a half really, since today is half gone. I lean down, kissing her, reassuring her in the way we communicate best, physically. I don’t want her anywhere but with me.

  “Gray, what about your girlfriend?”

  “Baby, I don’t have a girlfriend. I have been dating, but I haven’t committed to anyone. I can assure you none of them will be an issue by Saturday. I’m all yours.”

  Chapter Thirty-One – Annie

  As promised, Gray shows up on Saturday morning with his truck and a trailer. I haven’t packed a thing because I wasn’t sure I was going with him. Scarlett had gone to work early this morning without me ever mentioning the possibility of moving out. When I hear him pull in the driveway, my heart sinks right before it jumps in my throat. I had hoped with just a small portion of my being that he wouldn’t show, and therefore, I wouldn’t have to make a decision. Lucky me. Gray is back in prime form. Meeting him at the door, I let him in. He quickly glances around before he groans, almost growling, “Annie, why is none of your stuff packed?”

  “Umm…” I’m stumbling for words and coherent thoughts.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” His eyes are sweet, lovingly seeking answers in my face.

  “I didn’t talk to Scarlett,” I admit.

  “Why not?” Stunned would be an appropriate word to describe the look on his face. I know what he’s thinking. I always do what he asks without question, so why not this time.

  “I wasn’t sure you were serious. Then I thought about how upset she is going to be when she comes home with me gone, no explanation. I don’t know, Gray. We haven’t even been dating, and now you up and want me to move in with you? I’m scared.” Honesty is like a razor dragging the skin. It doesn’t hurt when the blade first crosses, but stings like hell
after.

  “Why would you think I’m not serious?” I just shrug at his question. He acts like he is Mr. Predictable and hasn’t screwed me seven ways from Sunday in the last few months. “Sweetheart, I rented an apartment. Topher helped me move out yesterday. Why on Earth wouldn’t I want you with me?” He kisses my forehead waiting for my response.

  “I just wonder about your motivation. I haven’t been a priority for you recently. All of a sudden, you want me to stop what I’m doing, when I’m finally starting to move on, and dive right back in to a life with you.” Looking in to his baby blues, I see a twinge of hurt, but he quickly blinks it away.

  “I’m not going to lie to you. I know I haven’t been very good to you. I can name a list of things I should have, and wish I had, done differently where you are concerned. But, baby, I can’t change that now. All I can change is going forward. We both know we belong together. You aren’t meant to be here. You aren’t supposed to be with anyone other than me. Pretending you are doesn’t change where you need to be or who you should be with. I just need you to give me the chance to show you again.”

  This is the man I love. This is the one who melted my heart over two years ago, drawing me in to him. He is well aware that I can’t say no to him, not like this. I nod in agreement at his last statement before walking away to start gathering my things. I just became that girl that every girl hates, the one who ditches her friends for a hot guy who makes her cream her panties. Don’t get me wrong, there is more to my relationship with Gray than just being some random hot guy, but Scarlett won’t feel that way. This is just a shitty thing to do, yet I continue grabbing my stuff as Gray loads up my furniture.