“What are-”
But then his hand pressed right in between my shoulder blades, pressing me down into the mattress while the other made sure to keep my hips up.
Oh right, I had heard about this before. Read about it a couple of times in sex tips from women’s magazines. Doggy style, apparently. I thought it was a pretty stupid name and almost said something about it, but then Michael was sliding back into me with more force than ever.
And I liked it.
I liked it a lot.
Cries tumbled out of my mouth as he pounded into me, hitting what felt like entirely new areas even though I knew that wasn’t possible. The pleasant burn-stretch was back and I knew that the next day that I was going to be walking a bit crookedly.
Once he seemed sure that my upper half was going to stay in place, the side of my face pressed into the mattress and my back bent in a deep curve, both of his hands gripped my hips tightly. His fingers were ten little pinpricks of pressure, and I wanted him to hold me so hard that I would have little marks there to cherish for a couple of days.
“Keep going,” I panted, barely able to speak. I felt like I was coming apart at all of my seams, unraveling in front of him and enjoying every moment of it.
Before, when I thought about sex, I would always self-consciously wonder how my fat would jiggle and how grossly sweaty I would be. But in the moment, nothing like that came into my mind. I just felt beautiful and wanted and deliciously fucked out of my own mind. If I had known that I would feel so powerful just from having a man lose himself inside of me, maybe I wouldn’t have waited so long to lose my virginity.
Or maybe it was just Michael who brought it out of me. Who knew? I certainly didn’t. The only thing I knew was that his hand was wrapping around my hip and soon his fingers were on my clit again, working it in tight circles.
I knew what he was aiming for, and the pleasure swamped me so thickly that it was borderline painful.
“Micheal, I can’t!” I panted, whining into the mattress below him.
“Yes, you can, baby. Just one more orgasm. Just one more for me.”
“I can’t,” I pleaded. “I can’t, I can’t, I-” my words cut off and a strangled sound erupted from my throat as I came a third and final time. The sheer force of it took everything out of me, and I bore down so hard with my muscles that I felt my back pop in response.
I was faintly aware that Michael let go of whatever last bit he was holding back and then pouring into me as he let out a roar, but it barely registered over the heaven that I was enveloped in. I stayed there, my body falling forward, and I just let myself exist in the haze.
I couldn’t say how long the delicious, perfect pleasure lasted, but when I came to we were curled together, Michael gently wiping between my legs and pressing tender kisses to my shoulder and neck.
Utterly listless, I let out a sleepy sound. Michael chuckled, and pressed a soft kiss to my cheek.
“You just relax now. I’ll take care of everything.”
And he did. Although I was drifting in and out, I didn’t really fall asleep until he settled and wrapped me up in his big, strong arms. I knew that I would have to wake up early and get back to my place before Griffin woke up, but for the moment, I didn’t mind.
Because perhaps, for the first time in years, I didn’t feel exhausted down to my soul.
17
Anabelle
I became aware of reality slowly, consciousness flowing to me in bit by bit. Along with consciousness came a healthy dose of de ja vu. I’d had this sensation before, four years ago, in a hotel room that I would have never been able to afford on my own.
My eyes fluttered and I felt surprisingly well rested considering I was waking up before my alarm. I had set it for some time around four am just to make sure I’d get home in time.
Wait a minute… it was way too bright for four am.
I jolted up, scrambling out of the bed and searching for my cellphone. Of course, it was in my bag that I had left at the table Michael and I had eaten at.
Buck naked, I rushed out into the main area only to skid to a stop when I smelled bacon and other delicious things.
Like something out of my deepest fantasies, Michael was standing in the middle of the kitchen, a couple of pans already on the stove.
“Hey there, sleepy head,” he said with a crooked smile. “You don’t have to worry, I paid the babysitter to stay overnight and she’s been texting me for the past half hour. Apparently, Griffin is still out like a light. She says she’ll wake him up in an hour to eat a snack and take his med. She also said she remembers that you told her his meds make him really sleepy, so she’ll make sure he goes potty too.”
“That’s, uh, that’s really sweet of you,” I said, completely stunned. He’d paid Stacy to stay overnight? When? And that certainly had to cost a pretty penny. Well, maybe not to him, but certainly to me.
Also, I felt like I was looking at what it could have been like if I had stuck around that first time. It wasn’t anything like any one-night stand with a rich guy that I had ever heard of, and yet it was really happening right in front of me.
“I hope you like waffles,” he said, still looking pleased as punch. “Because I made a few of them.” He pointed to a plate and I saw that it was stacked ridiculously high with the breakfast food.
“Uh, I think you made more than enough.”
“Maybe. I kinda worked up an appetite last night.”
“Did you?” I said nonchalantly. “Huh, I can’t imagine what could have possibly cause that.”
“Oh you can’t huh?”
He turned off the various burners and loaded up two plates, bringing them both to the table and pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Do I have to remind you?”
I leaned into him, already pulled into his allure, but the moment was popped when my stomach let out a shockingly loud growl.
“Huh. I guess I’m hungry too.”
“Well, good thing I made plenty then, huh?”
I nodded and we both sat down at the table. The food was just as delicious as the night before, but the more moments passed, the more anxious I became.
I was completely caught up in the sweetness of it. Of him. Of how he still looked a little sex-mussed and how whenever our eyes met his face would crinkle into a truly happy smile.
He was so kind, so protective. He took such care of me even though I really was just a hook up, and he went above and beyond for Griffin more than once now. He was kind and thoughtful and I was stealing something irreplaceable from him and he didn’t even know.
That was wrong of me. So wrong. And finally, all of it came welling up and I couldn’t contain it any longer. Sure, there were great and terrible repercussions if my actions came to light, but hadn’t I always taught Griffin that when we made mistakes, we needed to be responsible for our actions?
I had done wrong. I had been cruel. And I couldn’t just sit across from Michael and eat the delicious breakfast he made for me, feeling sexually sated in a way I never knew possible, while still living the lie I had so thoughtlessly created.
“Something wrong?” Michael asked, setting his fork down.
Because of course he had noticed my change in mood. For someone I had spent so little time with, he certainly seemed to be able to read me like an open book.
“No. I mean, yes.” I sputtered, trying to think of how to say it. But what kind of words would explain the terrible thing that I had done? “I-I, I mean, I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry-”
“No, I do!” I rushed to get the words up and out even though I wanted to clam up and let him think the best of me. I didn’t want him to know the truth. To think of me as this evil, manipulative woman. “I… I, look, I never meant to do this. I never meant to lie to you, or hurt you, but I-” My voice went higher with every word out of my mouth and I could feel tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. I was just so damned ashamed. How had I let it all come to this?!
“Belle, I’ve told you. I understand why you left-”
“No! It’s not about that, Michael. I wish it was about that!” I let out a shuddering gasp and forced myself to say the words. “Griffin is your son, Michael! I hid it from you because I was afraid that you would take him away from me, but I’m so sorry! That wasn’t my choice to make for you!”
The tears came in earnest, my throat squeezing tightly. There. I had said it. I had done the right thing. Whatever consequences that came, I knew that I had at least tried.
I just had to hope that Michael showed me mercy that I didn’t deserve.
18
Michael
I rested my chin on my elbow, staring out the window and my thoughts about a million miles away. I was faintly aware that one of my lead managers was talking to me, but his words washed over me like water, barely taking hold before they were whisked away entirely.
No, instead my mind was on two days earlier, when Anabelle had sat at my table and told me that Griffin was my son.
“But I thought you said you were safe. Did you lie to me?”
“No!” she cried, cheeks red, nose red, and eyes red as tears tracked down her face. She looked so distraught, so truly guilty that I wanted to pull her into my side and comfort her. But at the same time, how could I? I had a son. I had a son and I’d never even known it. Not to mention that she had lied to my face when I’d asked about it.
“I’m so sorry. I was young and stupid. When you asked if I was safe, I thought you were asking if I had any STIs. And I didn’t, I promise.”
“Didn’t you notice that I didn’t have protection?”
“I thought you grabbed a condom from your bag.”
“Jesus Christ, Belle, that was just some lube since you were a virgin!”
“I’m sorry. I just didn’t know. And by the time I found out I was pregnant, I’d already quit for a month and I was afraid you would think I was blackmailing you, or that you might pressure me to get an abortion, and I knew I didn’t want one. Even though it wasn’t planned, and wasn’t smart, I wanted to have a family again. I knew I had to have him.”
I felt like I was still in shock.
I suppose that in some way I had known ever since I had seen the two of them. With his green eyes, and his height, and that very particular angle of his jaw, he was just as much my doppelganger as he was his mother’s.
So I had a son.
A son who had lived almost four years of his life before I even met him. I didn’t know his first words, or his first big booboo. I didn’t know his favorite food, or even his favorite color. All I knew was that he was smart and what superheroes and video games he liked.
Oh, and that he loved coloring with a burning passion.
But I was a bachelor, through and through. Despite all my charitable acts towards children, I had never planned on having any myself. Children were for people with more time and domestic desires. I’d never even so much as been in love with someone.
Except maybe his mother.
But how could I be in love with a woman who had tricked me so thoroughly? She had shared my bed, eaten dinner with me all the while holding such an important secret inside of her.
How could she?
“Uh, Sir. Did you hear me?”
I looked up to see that my leaders of the company were all staring at me, expectations across their expressions. Normally, nothing could distract me from my work and the challenge of a new quarter, but suddenly, I just wasn’t interested.
“You know what?” I said slowly, the idea solidifying in my head as I spoke. “I’m taking a personal day.”
“You’re what sir?”
“A personal day. I’m sure you remember what those are, Branson. You all can conclude this meeting how you wish. I’ll be back in tomorrow.”
They all stared at me as if I had sprouted wings and tried to climb the empire state building, but I didn’t care. I headed out, only stopping to swing by my office and grab my things.
I had some serious thinking to do, and it wasn’t the kind of thinking that gelled with the office environment.
Soon I was in my car and driving out of the city, heading to a spot that I had found in college, back when I had gotten drunk with some friends in the countryside and ended up running around for the whole night.
It had been a while since I’d gone there, maybe three or four years, but I was still able to find it. It was this little hill beside a hiking trail that overlooked a creek that eventually fell into a small waterfall. Nothing too spectacular, but it was enough for there to always be the sound of rushing water and moving currents.
Maybe it was strange, but those sounds helped me calm down and figure things out. How to sort my thoughts. And all things considered, I had a lot of thoughts to sort.
I had a son. A four year old son who was recovering from losing an organ. A son who was bright and talkative and tall for his age.
I had a son with a woman that I definitely had feelings for.
I couldn’t say that it was love, especially considering that I didn’t even know if I could trust her after she kept Griffin a secret from me for four years, but I would be lying if I said there was nothing there.
The way I felt about her was unlike how I had ever felt about anyone else in my entire life. Like I was drawn to her. Like I was meant to protect her. And how mad could I be considering that the only reason that she ever got pregnant was because I potentially abused my position over her? She was twenty-two and high on adrenaline after punching a guy out, and I was the owner who controlled her paycheck. I had experience, and she was a virgin. I should have specifically asked what kind of birth control she was on and if I could come inside of her, but I didn’t.
Because I’d needed to come inside of her. Or at least that was what I told myself. So when I asked if she was safe and she said yes, I took that as the gospel truth because that was what I wanted to hear.
I shook my head. I really had been an idiot.
But if I had been an idiot, then how could I expect better from Belle? She had just been twenty-two at the time, and from what I had learned, she didn’t have a support system at all. I didn’t know what happened to her parents, and her ex-boyfriend seemed like an absolute tool, so pretty much it was just her and Griffin. And back then it had been just her.
Yeah, what she had done was shitty. Yeah, there was no getting back the four years that I had lost. But did that mean I wanted to give up on the whole situation entirely, or could it all be chalked up to both of us making mistakes and having to deal with the consequences of those errors?
Was it something that we could move past, or had the way that we started things doomed all of our interactions before they even began?
That was the question, wasn’t it?
I sat down on the hill and closed my eyes, just letting my mind take me where it wanted to.
And where it took me was Belle’s face, then Griffins. I saw her deep, depthless eyes, her pronounced cupid’s bow. I saw the curl of her lip that always happened before she laughed, and the way her brows furrowed when she thought.
And with Griffin, I saw the utter love he had whenever he looked at his mom. I thought of how he would stick his tongue out of his mouth when he was concentrating especially hard, and how he had been so scared in the hospital but had pretended everything was alright so he wouldn’t worry his mom.
I thought of how smart he was. How thoughtful and insightful he was. He really didn’t seem like a three year old, but rather a preteen stuck in a tiny body. It would be one heck of a trip to watch him grow.
And I wanted to… didn’t I?
I couldn’t say how long I sat there, turning the question this way and that. But in the end, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. When I finally stood, the sun had moved considerably across the sky and my stomach was growling viciously. But food could wait until later, because I had a mission to attend to.
Jogging back to my car, I got in and plugged Belle’s ad
dress right in. Thankfully, it was enough before rush hour that the traffic wasn’t too terrible, and not too much later I was standing in front of her building’s door.
I pressed the buzzer for her door and waited. Unlike the last time, when it opened right away, her voice came over the speaker.
“Hello?”
“It’s me,” I said, leaning into the speaker, hoping she could hear how earnest I was through the thing.
“What do you want?”
I supposed that things hadn’t ended between us. I was a little fuzzy on the details, but I was pretty sure that I asked her to leave my apartment.
“I’d like to talk.”
She was silent a long moment, and I thought that she had left. I didn’t know what I would do if that was the case, but thankfully she started to speak again. “I suppose I owe you at least that much.”
I didn’t like to think of her ‘owing’ me anything, but I didn’t get a chance to say that before the door was buzzing open and I walked in.
A second later I was at her door, and then a few more seconds later, it opened.
I gazed down at her face, uncertain what I would see there. She looked worried, a bit suspicious, but at least it didn’t seem like she had been bawling her eyes out.
“Griffin in his room?” I asked, holding up the pint of ice cream that I had stopped to get.
But Belle shook her head. “Because of everything that happened with the hospital, he really missed a lot of his friends. He asked today if he could have a playdate and I was lucky enough that his best friend’s mom was willing to take them to the movies while I catch up on all the office work I missed.”
“That’s real nice of her,” I said slowly, a bit thrown off.
I didn’t know why, but I had expected Griffin to be there. I suppose it didn’t really matter that he wasn’t, because his mother was the one I needed to speak to, but I found myself tripping up over my words.
Baby Daddy (Forever Daddies Book 1) Page 15
