by Lee, R. A.
Driving as fast as he could safely, Jake navigated the speed traps and dialed Brooke on his phone. When she didn’t pick up he called his mother.
“Where are you?” she scolded him above the noise of people having fun. “MJ is so disappointed.”
“I’m on my way,” he yelled so she could hear him and they agreed to meet at the food court.
Parking his sports car as far away from the haphazardly parked cars in the dirt lot of an abandoned construction project, Jake took off his suit jacket, rolled up his sleeves and took off his tie. Looking more casual, he tried not to be concerned that his designer shoes were being compromised by the dust and rocks he stumbled over on his way to the food court.
Sitting at a table eating hamburgers and cotton candy and ice cream, his mother and Brooke were overcompensating to make up for Jake’s absence.
“Daddy!” MJ yelled, standing on the bench of the picnic table and pointing at him with sticky fingers.
I’ll just get them dry cleaned, he told himself as MJ raced to him and grabbed his slacks.
His mother applauded, but Brooke didn’t even glance at him.
“I want to go on the Spin Blaster, but mom says I’ll get sick,” he whined.
“Maybe she’s right,” he said as they sat at the table. “I would get sick on that as well.”
“You would?” he exclaimed incredulously. Jake really wanted someone to wipe MJ’s face. The ice cream was glue for the cotton candy and MJ’s mouth looked fuzzy pink.
Pouring water over a napkin, his mother wiped MJ’s face and Jake was relieved.
“Maybe we can find something that won’t make us both sick,” he said and MJ looked to Brooke for approval.
“We’ll meet you back here in an hour,” she said, not looking at Jake or revealing the true intensity of her anger.
When MJ held out his hand, Jake saw the sticky fuzz and hesitated. Grabbing another napkin and dousing it with water, Brooke wiped MJ’s hands and lectured her son.
“No running, hold hands and no more junk food,” she told him.
Not really listening, MJ danced back and forth like an addict in the middle of a high. When Brooke was done, MJ ran to Jake and took Jake’s hand as he dragged him away.
Looking for the most innocuous rides, Jake made them sound more interesting and MJ was satisfied with the slower attractions.
Dizzy and exhausted, they made their way back to the table and MJ was excited about another attraction.
“I want a stuffed giraffe!” he yelled, crashing into Brooke breathlessly. Puzzled, Brooke looked to Jake for an explanation.
“There’s a bottle toss game and the big prize is a giraffe,” Jake explained.
Looking at MJ, a mischievous grin crossed Brooke’s angry face.
“I guess Jake will have to win it for you,” Brooke said and Jake knew it was payback time.
How hard could it be to knock over some bottles?
Jake found out as he shelled out bill after bill for another try. Each time he failed, MJ was disappointed. He wanted to say he would buy the kid a giraffe, but Brooke had challenged him. It was punishment for a promise he hadn’t kept.
Just missing each time, Jake was about to give up when physics worked for him and the top bottles pulled down the bottom ones. Jake hadn’t realized what he had done until MJ went hysterically crazy.
Raising his arms in victory, Jake turned to hug everyone in triumph but realized only his mother and MJ were sharing in his glory.
Holding the giraffe that stood equal to his height, MJ was ready for the next adventure.
“The bouncy house,” he declared, forgetting about the giraffe. Holding the prize, Brooke shook her head as MJ ran ahead with Jake’s mother to the big air-filled attraction.
“You’re a hero,” she said sarcastically, trying to hang onto the prize MJ had wanted so desperately earlier. Jake was still living his high but he still didn’t realize how different children were from adults.
Winning the prize should have been the penultimate moment, they should have cheered and gone home, but it was off to the next great adventure.
“When you didn’t show up I had to make up for your lie,” she said. Jake took the giraffe from her and tucked it under his arm.
“Don’t say you were too busy, or anything,” she said. Walking slightly ahead, unburdened by the prize, Brooke stopped and turned to face him.
“Just promise me you’ll never promise him anything again,” she demanded.
Trying to hold the giraffe, Jake realized his mistake.
“I will promise never to promise anything to MJ again,” he declared, mulling it over in his head and hoping he correctly said what he meant.
Relieved, Brooke sighed and started walking again. Jake followed closely behind. When they got to the bouncy house, they sat on a bench.
Sooner than expected, MJ was out of the bouncy house and Jake’s mother motioned for them to follow. She looked alarmed, so they left the giraffe alone on the bench and Brooke ran ahead.
As Jake arrived, he stood next to his mother who was watching in horror as Brooke pulled her son away from an argument with another boy.
“It’s not true,” MJ yelled at the boy. “You’re a liar. They’re not getting a divorce just cause they don’t sleep in the same bed,” MJ was yelling and Jake was horrified as well. The mother of the other boy stood by watching and realized she should intervene.
“Darryl, don’t be rude,” she seemed to reprimand her son. Brooke was controlled.
“Let’s go, MJ,” she said, turning him away from the argument.
“Tell him he’s a liar,” MJ demanded.
The other boy just smirked at MJ. That wasn’t the worst part, Jake saw the mother smirk as well.
Knowing Brooke just well enough, Jake became tense. He knew she was capable of great fury, and this seemed like the time to unleash it. Even he was feeling defensive at the obvious attack on his family.
“They’re just kids,” Brooke said calmly but loudly as she found the safety of her family. Once in their circle, she made a civilized version of her usual attack. “They only know what others teach them,” she snapped back at the mother. Jake watched the other mother’s reaction. Cringing slightly, the woman was about to leave with her son.
“Too bad you have to make others miserable just because your own marriage collapsed,” Brooke said as if simply wishing the woman well. Glaring, the woman jerked her son away.
Without another word, Brooke walked away holding MJ’s hand. Seeing the giraffe, he begged to hold it and Jake grabbed it as they left the carnival.
When he arrived at the house just behind them, Jake figured Brooke was putting MJ to bed, so he passed through the living room to go to his room when he realized he was not alone. Sitting in the dark, a sleeping MJ on her lap, Brooke didn’t acknowledge Jake.
Worried, but not sure about what, Jake walked over and sat on the armchair next to the couch and said nothing.
Making out her face as he adjusted to the darkness, Jake realized she was in deep thought and Brooke was getting more and more furious as the anger ratcheted up in her brain.
“I never considered this when Melinda made the proposal,” she said quietly. “I thought MJ would be protected. I never thought this through. Never realized he’d be caught in the middle defending my actions. What the hell kind of mother does that. What kind of mother watches as her kid defends her lie and she doesn’t say anything?”
Silent again, Brooke sighed and another wave of anger overcame her.
“I saw what that other mother was doing and I saw myself,” Brooke confided. “What she did was reprehensible, projecting her misery on her child. I realized I was no better. No better and no worse,” she mused.
“I don’t know how to resolve this, Jake,” she said. “I know I have to explain something to MJ. He can’t go on thinking we’re this wonderful family. That there are many different kinds and he lost the kind that he thinks he has.”
; “He’s just a kid,” Jake interjected. “If you think you’ve already messed him up, you’d better think it through before you make it worse.”
Turning, Brooke looked at him as if he didn’t have a right to intercede with how she dealt with her son.
“Do you know how many unhappy marriages are out there?” he asked quietly. “You happened to find one of the few happy marriages on this planet. Now you want to take MJ off looking for something that may take time to find again. So what if some angry housewife knows your marriage is just a show for everyone else? Figure out how to deal with it or get out, Brooke. If you think MJ would be better off the way things were, then we’ll discuss it. I just can’t stand the constant self-pity. There’s nothing holding us together now. I know my mother’s heart will be broken but I can deal with that now.”
Eyes darting in confusion, Brooke didn’t know how to respond.
“Some mommies and daddies sleep in separate beds sometimes,” he shrugged. “If that’s not good enough, let me know and we’ll make arrangements,” Jake said and stood.
Looking down at her, Jake knew he had to wake up the core that was dying within her.
“Just don’t base your decision on embarrassment,” Jake recommended. Walking away, he was not proud of himself.
He wasn’t better well adjusted or wiser than she was. It was just that he knew she needed to be motivated, needed someone to get her engine running again.
Flickers of the Brooke that had once lived proved she was a woman who could handle herself if she ever unleashed the inner strength dying inside of her.
Lying in bed, Jake knew that if Brooke ever revived herself, awakened the woman she once was, the woman who held the heart of another so deeply, he would no longer be perplexed by the woman so uninhibited and daring when they shared a bed.
Chapter 18
Brooke thought a lot about Jake’s words in the days after the carnival catastrophe. The mother of the other boy had tried to tear her down, and Brooke wanted to run from the devastating embarrassment instead of rebuilding her dignity.
Sitting MJ down, Brooke explained to him exactly what Jake had suggested. It was true. There were marriages based on love and others based on an understanding. She put it in a child-friendly version, but it was still the truth.
Until Brooke understood what she needed to do, this was where she needed to be. If there was ever an emergency, Brooke knew her son had a support system, her mother would be taken care of and that was what mattered.
The fact his mommy and daddy didn’t sleep together didn’t mean they were going to break up, which worried MJ the most. As soon as she explained it, MJ wanted to go play in the park.
Closing her eyes, Brooke agreed. She knew that the mother would be at the park. She knew that the mother wasn’t the only one who looked down on Brooke, pitied her.
Agreeing, they walked to the park and Brooke found her usual spot at a nearby bench where she sat alone. The other mothers clung in groups.
Sitting with a pack of four other women, the mother gave Brooke a glare and that was it. Brooke could handle a glare. These were not her friends.
Looking away, Brooke didn’t notice another group of women getting up and heading over to her. Before she knew it, they asked if they could join her. Puzzled and somewhat alarmed, Brooke nodded. It wouldn’t do any good to deny them.
“We heard what Miranda did to you at the carnival,” one of them consoled Brooke, and she got tense. Was this a different attempt to degrade and pity her?
“That’s between us,” Brooke said while watching MJ having fun playing with all the kids. Even Darryl joined in as if they had never argued with each other.
“Miranda’s just miserable,” another explained. “Her husband left her for a younger woman.”
Brooke did not want to participate in this kind of gossip. It was counter-productive. Why couldn’t women put their effort into solving the world’s problems? If these women put as much effort into finding a solution to world hunger as they did into making sure no one was happier than they were, no one would starve.
“I don’t like talking about other people’s lives,” Brooke asserted. “I’m just trying to raise a happy healthy kid,” she said.
The mothers didn’t say anything for a moment.
“Aren’t we all,” another woman confessed and the others agreed.
“I haven’t slept with my husband in two months,” one offered and Brooke realized they didn’t understand what she was trying to tell them.
“Mine won’t stop playing those fantasy sports games,” another interjected.
“Mine loves his job more than me,” yet another added and Brooke looked at them puzzled.
“We’re all in this together,” the first woman said and they all sighed. Was she part of their pack now? Brooke had no desire to be a part of their pack.
“We’ll leave you alone, then,” they said and got up to leave. Brooke was grateful. She wasn’t ready to join their group. She wasn’t ready to join any group. With MJ and her mother and her mother-in-law and teaching, she didn’t need any more drama. She was grateful for the women’s honesty and it made her arrangement with Jake feel less undignified than she believed it to be.
Everyone had problems. No one was perfect. Even Matthew drove her nuts with his mountain biking. Brooke did not dwell on that thought.
Jake had offered to provide her with security. That was the most she could ask of anybody at the time. He asked for nothing in return except that she present herself as his wife and make his mother feel needed again.
Someday Jake would find love. Someday Brooke might find love again. Until then, it was true. All mommies and daddies have different relationships. As unconventional as theirs was, MJ was happy and he was healthy. Brooke couldn’t hope for anything better than that for the time being.
Sitting at the bench day after day, though, Brooke realized she did need something more. Isolating herself totally was not the best way to show she was trying to be happy.
Once a month, Brooke joined the mothers for lunch. Without going into details about her unconventional marriage to Jake, she learned that she enjoyed sharing parenting tips and information about the best education for her child. Every mother only wanted the best for her children. They all could agree on that.
Chapter 19
Jake was at the house a lot, and one night Brooke happened to mention it to him as they were watching TV in the kitchen on a bench in the far corner of the room.
Looking around, Brooke was always remodeling the room in her head, but he knew she didn’t want to suggest changes. Then it would be her home. It would be great if there were a couch where they could relax and watch television. The room was big enough for it.
Watching the news and business reports, Brooke dropped her head backwards in defeat.
“We just heard this story ten times on ten different stations,” she cried in exasperation. She could have gone to her own room, but she decided to join him and he hadn’t minded.
Without handing her the remote, or looking at her, Jake asked what she wanted to watch.
Grabbing the remote, Brooke turned on a gardening show. Watching a woman digging a hole with her hands and talking about the proper way to plant the flower, Jake tried to grab the remote back, but Brooke held it out of his reach.
The woman started to plant seeds and Jake decided it was time to go.
As he walked away, Brooke turned it to a movie channel and Jake was indignant.
“Were you just trying to get rid of me?” he asked, turning to the amused woman.
Clutching the remote against her chest and tucking her body around it, Brooke pointed to the door.
“That’s what you’d like me to do,” he said. Brooke ignored him. Jake walked back and sat down.
“You may not comment,” she said as Jake was prepared to wait her out.
“I love this movie,” he shrugged. “Look at that, their eyes met, it’s a horror movie,” Jake said, making a
comment. Brooke was engaged in the romance.
Ignoring him, Brooke just stared at the screen.
“I’ve always wanted to see this and my room doesn’t always get all the channels,” she whispered, trying to watch the movie. “Disclaimer,” she warned, “there’s kissing.”
At commercial, the remote still in her hands, Brooke put it on the counter when she went to make popcorn.
“It’s starting again,” he said and she poured the popcorn in a bowl and ran back, forgetting the remote. As she clutched the popcorn to her chest, Jake tried to grab some, but she had some rules.
“No flicking them at the TV,” she warned. “You will have to pick it up.”
Nodding, Jake took the bowl she extended to him and it ended up on the bench between them.
Jake never watched romance movies. Never took a date to one. Never watched one late at night. He had seen them, but he never chose to watch one for himself. He knew women loved them.
The only woman who didn’t was Jenny. In all the years he knew her she never took him to a romantic movie unless it was an art flick, and Jake didn’t know what he was watching.
Glancing over at Brooke, he could see a yearning and longing in her eyes. It wasn’t just a movie to her; it was her life being played out on the screen.
“If we reach into the bowl at the same time,” he joked, “would that be a meaningful moment?”
Brooke glared at him.
“I thought you were in love?” she reprimanded him. Jake cringed. “Doesn’t this do anything for you?”
It didn’t. Everything in the movie was geared toward the characters’ eventual confirmation of love and Jake knew life didn’t work that way. At least not for him. Maybe for Brooke, and if it did, that made him sad. How often did that kind of love come along? How often did it work out?
Jake reached in for popcorn at the same time she did. Massaging his greasy salted fingers, Brooke made fun of him.
“This was meant to be,” she said, holding his hand to her chest to mock him. “Now that our fingers casually met in a popcorn bowl we can declare our love for each other,” she said in a very whiney voice.
