by Clare Lydon
“Nothing like buttercream to bring it out of people.”
“You know it’s true. Perhaps they’ll take some home and lick it off each other later.”
“You always take it a step too far, you know that?”
Gemma grinned. “You’d be disappointed if I didn’t.” She ran her finger through some flour on the worktop. “Anyhow, between those two and then the rest of the class discussing rough pregnancies, it’s been quite a full-on morning.”
“A bit too much oestrogen in the room?” It was a hazard of running a cake school. Too many women in one space always meant conversations about childbirth, marriage, husbands and all the gory details they entailed. Gemma and I often joked we could run a reality TV show from our studio, because all of life was here.
“Far too much this morning. I kept looking at the door hoping Rob would walk in to balance us up a little.” She yawned and stretched. “How’s your morning been?”
“Productive. I got all the videos done.”
Gemma nodded her approval. “Well done. But on a scale of one to ten, how much were you thinking about Maddie the whole time?”
She knew me too well. “I was pretty good this morning, not too much at all.”
Gemma raised a single eyebrow.
I laughed. “It’s all relative.”
“Have you made any decisions on whether or not you’re going to let her back into your life as anything more than a friend?”
“Of course I fucking haven’t.” I dropped my head. “I mean, there is something still there. I think there will always be when it comes to Maddie. But that doesn’t mean I have to act on it, does it? I don’t do every single little thing based on my feelings. It doesn’t work like that. I have to put some rational thought into things.”
“Because that’s worked really well so far.”
I gave her a look. “Can I remind you that you’re my best friend. You’re meant to be on my side.”
Gemma put her arm around me and gave me a squeeze. “I’m always on your side, that’s the point of best friends.” She squeezed one more time, then jumped up. She grabbed a pen and paper, then sat next to me, scrawling the word ‘Maddie’ across the top, underlining it three times.
“Okay,” she said. “I know you like to write things down, make lists. So let’s do that right now.” She wrote ‘For’ on the left side of the page, and ‘Against’ on the other. Then she made a line down the centre and wrote the number one under the ‘For’ list. “Give me the first reason why this might be worth a shot.”
I tilted my head back up to the ceiling, and then glanced back at Gemma. My mind was blank. I had no idea what should be put in that number one spot.
“I can’t think of a single thing. That’s a bad sign in itself, isn’t it?” I was panicked now.
Gemma rolled her eyes.
I punched her arm. “Stop laughing. Best friend in distress here!”
“Best friend being stupid more like.” She sighed. “Okay, I’m going to start you off.” Beside the number one, she wrote ‘Helped us find new business location’.
I leaned over, picked up the pen, crossed out the word ‘location’ and wrote ‘empire’ instead.
Gemma laughed. “Empire it is. Number two?”
I thought for a moment. “She seems genuinely sorry about everything.”
“Good.” Gemma wrote it down, before glancing up again. “And if it helps at all, Ally says she really is. She told me she always knew of this mythical relationship that Maddie measured all her others against, but she was beginning to think it was made up in her head. But then she met you, and she said Maddie is a different person around you. Like you unlock a part of her that nobody else can.”
I frowned. “Ally actually said those words?”
“I might be paraphrasing, but words to that effect.”
“Does that mean you’re making it up?” This wasn’t the time for Gemma to whip up some lies.
She rolled her eyes again. “You’re so difficult when it comes to Maddie.”
“Can you blame me?”
“No, but I think it might be time to put the past behind you and look forward. Even if nothing happens with her, you’ll probably still see her occasionally. The West Country isn’t that big of a place, especially when it comes to lesbians.”
I knew that was true. I still bumped into exes regularly at any event that happened in the area. If you wanted to find new women, you had to go further afield.
Or perhaps go back to someone you’d met before. Back to nearly-new. Shop-soiled.
“The thing is, Ally did say that. She also said Maddie was never settled in London, and she seems more at home here. This is her home, so it makes sense. She also said she’s cut up about her uncle, but she’s so glad she came home to care for him.”
“I know, I saw him the other night. She really loves him.”
“So we know she’s capable of love.” Gemma wrote that down as point three. “She was capable of love before, and she is again. She had a blip. You were a casualty. It happens.”
I got up, and walked over to the end of the benches, starting to tidy up as we spoke. “I know that, but I can’t just pick up where we left off.”
“Nobody’s expecting you to. You’re both different people with different life experiences.” Gemma paused. “And let’s be honest: it might work, it might not. But do you want to live your life wondering, ‘what if’? I wouldn’t. I’d want to have given my all. You owe it to me to be happy.” She wrote that down at the bottom of the page in a separate list she entitled ‘Gemma’.
I leaned over as I passed and pointed at it. “Why have you got your own list?”
“Because I’ve got to see your sad face every day, and it would be useful to have a happy business partner, not a sad one.” She paused. “Plus, seeing as I’m sleeping with Maddie’s business partner, it would make a beautiful symmetry and we could double date.”
Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. “I didn’t think you and Ally went on dates? I thought it was an arrangement.” I put the last word in finger brackets. “At least that’s what you keep telling me. That you’re being all modern and that she’s not your funeral bench-warmer.”
Gemma cocked her head. “Promise me that’s a phrase you only use when it’s just the two of us? It should never leave this room, you know that, right?”
“I’m not stupid.”
Gemma gave me a grin. “You’re not, I know that. I don’t have a stupid person as my best friend. But sometimes, when it comes to certain things, you need a little push. A helping hand if you will. And didn’t we say at James’s funeral we were going to take every opportunity that came our way in a bid to find our chief mourner, our bench warmer?”
I nodded. We had said that. I just never imagined then Maddie could be an option. Tall, beautiful, broken Maddie. As I thought about her, a warm glow settled around my heart. I put down the decorative sails and feathers the students had made and crossed the room. I filled in another line of ‘For’.
Gemma walked over and glanced at what I’d written, then back up at me. “I can’t believe you wrote that,” she said. “Justine, for once in your life, be impulsive. Do the thing, despite not knowing the outcome. Sometimes, you have to take a chance. If you’re telling the truth and she makes you feel warm, don’t walk away.”
I licked my lips. Maybe she was right. All I knew was, every time I truly thought about Maddie, I broke out in a serious case of goosebumps mixed with overwhelming want.
It was true. Maddie made me feel it all.
Chapter 23
Dean was like a cat on a hot tin roof in the company van on the way over. He was sandwiched between Gemma and I, and about to burst with excitement. It was kinda endearing, and also kinda annoying as he kept jiggling his leg, flicking his foot and generally bothering me.
“Sit still!” I told him. “It’s like you’re bloody ten years old all over again.” He always had been a jiggly little twerp, even as a baby.
“I can’t help it. You don’t seem to be grasping the magnitude of today. We’re going to be on ‘Homes Under The Hammer’! National TV. God, I hope it’s the blonde presenter and not that bloke with the slicked-back hair.”
I grinned. “What about Dion Dublin? You might not fancy him, but he was a pretty nifty footballer in his time.”
“I wouldn’t mind Dion.” He frowned. “But I really hope it’s the blonde.”
“That makes all of us hoping for the blonde.” I plucked my phone from my bag and asked Google for her name. It duly obliged. “Her name’s Lucy, for future reference. And slicked-back hair man is called Martin.”
“Nobody cares about slicked-back hair man.” That was a statement from Dean, not a question.
Outside, the sun was a slice of lemon in the sky, although its rays were more subdued. It’d had a busy summer and was clearly winding down. The van’s black plastic dashboard was still hot to touch, though. It was also sparkly, perhaps down to the wedding cake and cupcake deliveries Gemma had made for a friend the day before, where I knew she’d been liberal with the fairy dust. Making cakes for sale wasn’t a core part of our business, but it was something we did for a select few. When I touched my finger to the dashboard, it left a mark, but I didn’t put my finger in my mouth in case it was dust and not cake debris. You never could be sure.
“Are you nervous?” There was hesitation in Dean’s voice now, a slight pause in his excitement.
I patted his knee. “Not yet. When they turn the cameras on, I might have a little wobble. But nerves are all part of it, right? At least, that’s what I remember from my year 11 drama classes.”
He took a deep breath. “But you’re going to do most of the talking, right?”
I laughed. “Yes, me or Gemma. You just need to stand there and look manly. You think you can manage that?”
“Manly is my middle name.”
“It’s not. It’s Gerald. But we don’t need to let them know that.”
Dean punched me on the arm. “You better not.”
“Ow!” I punched him back.
He grabbed me around the waist, going in for his signature killer tickle manoeuvre. In response, I screamed, then wailed, as Dean’s laughter also punctured the air. Somewhere mixed in with it I heard Gemma tut, then sigh. But my screaming was louder.
“Children!” No, that was definitely louder. “I’m trying to drive here. You think we can keep the brother-sister bonding until the cameras are trained on you?” She was shouting, but I could hear a smile in her voice.
Dean and I both sat up, his face flushed as I’m sure mine was, too. I glanced at him, and he did the same. When our eyes met, we both burst out laughing again.
I shook my head. It didn’t matter how long passed with Dean and I. In the end, we were still the same brother and sister who’d spent their childhood trying to tickle each other to death, or give each other a massive wedgie.
I leaned forward and glanced at Gemma. “Sorry, Mum.” I gave her a sheepish smile.
She laughed. “Try to behave. I’ll give you both a lollipop when we get there if you do.”
“You only had to say.” Dean sat up, pulling his shoulders back. “Lollipops work every time.”
“He’s not even joking,” I added.
Gemma pulled into Archer Street and parked outside our new empire, the large windows gleaming in the sunshine.
I gulped: this was it. The start of a new era, the dawning of Cake Heaven, part two. “It looks good, doesn’t it?”
Gemma nodded. “It really does. And by the time we’re finished, it’s going to look immense.” She got out of the van and stood on the pavement looking up at our building. Gemma was wearing her just-for-TV outfit of ripped jeans and a black shirt printed with tiny white stars. Coupled with her black-and-white Converse and newly cut hair, she was presenting as the ultimate queer style icon, and I told her so.
“Good.” She stepped forward and gave me a hug. “We need to be visible, to represent.” She moved her sunglasses up her face. “They need to know we’re here, we’re queer and we’re building fantastic businesses.”
I snorted. “Yep we are.” I’d opted for blue jeans and a short-sleeved shirt with glasses printed all over it, along with white lace-ups. I’d spent an extra minute polishing my shoes too, in case there was a walking shot. “Let’s hope we’re advertised as the queer pin-up girls of the auction world. Who knows, we might get some attention next time we’re in town, now we’re on national TV.”
“Paparazzi on our tails, 24/7,” Gemma replied with a grin. “What time are the TV people coming?”
I checked my phone. “Half an hour.”
“And Maddie’s architect?”
“She’s due after lunch, so hopefully the TV people should be done by then. They said they’d need a couple of hours.”
Maddie and I had exchanged a couple of texts about us using her architect to get some plans drawn up for the new space. We’d skirted around what had happened last week, what she’d said. I didn’t want to bring it up on text, it was something that had to be done face to face. Even then, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get the words out. That I wanted to give this a try, that she better not let me down. All the evidence pointed to Maddie living her life like her surname: in a kind manner. I had to believe that would continue.
Because even though it had only been a week since I’d last seen her, I missed her. Somehow, in the space of a few months, Maddie had lodged herself back in my brain and back in my heart.
Clapping broke my thoughts, and I looked up to see Gemma giving me a puzzled look, keys dangling from her fingers. “You ready?”
I nodded, walking over to her. “I’m here, I’m here.”
She gave me a look that told me she knew me better. “I need you to be here for this.” She grabbed my hand and with her other, put the key in the front door.
“Dean, you ready?” Gemma asked.
To our left, Dean was standing with his phone poised, giving us a thumbs up. “Born ready.”
“Smile,” Gemma said, fixing me with a look.
I did as I was told.
Dean continued, “In five, four, three, two, one, action.”
Gemma gave me a grin, then turned to Dean. “We’re here today at the brand-new premises for Cake Heaven in stylish Bristol. This is a whole new chapter of our business, and Justine and I could not be more excited to welcome you through our doors when they open in a few months. In the meantime, book your cake-making course at our website. Link in bio!”
With that Gemma opened the door and we stepped over the threshold, and into our new chapter.
It was the bloke with the slicked-back hair who turned up for ‘Homes Under The Hammer’, but he turned out to be lovely, as were the whole team. Dean was a nightmare, fluffing his lines. They kept having to retake the scenes, until eventually, we all agreed Gemma and I would do the talking. By the time we waved them off, Dean was exhausted, the pressure of being manly on camera too much to bear. He left, telling me he had to meet some mates at the pub for ‘a football thing’.
Gemma and I had been calm with the crew and Dean there, but when they left and it was just the two of us, we did a little scream. It was probably a good thing the cameras didn’t record that. Then we walked around the corner for a coffee and a debrief on our morning.
When we got back, Maddie’s architect was waiting — as was Maddie. I hadn’t expected to see her, and I was suddenly glad I was looking TV-ready: hair, make-up, outfit, the works.
Gemma glanced at me, silently asking whether or not I’d known she was coming. I gave her a shake of the head before stepping forward and shaking hands with the architect, who was exactly as I imagined an architect would be. She was wearing trousers that were artfully too short, a choppy fringe she could barely see out of, and dark-rimmed glasses that were so big, they almost swallowed her face.
“Lovely to meet you, I’m Justine and this is Gemma. You must be Octavia.” I’m normally
not that good with names, but I remembered hers. You didn’t get many Octavias to the pound in our area.
She nodded, peering at me through her fringe. Did she spend all day pushing it aside? Or was she skilled at dealing with it? “Great to meet you, too. Any friend of Maddie’s is a friend of mine.” Her accent was straight off Radio 4, but her tone was as warm as the day, and I immediately relaxed in her grip. She was still pumping my hand when I glanced over at Maddie, who was smiling at me hesitantly.
I returned the smile and got my hand back from Octavia. What was Maddie doing here?
“I was chatting to Octavia yesterday, and thought I’d come along to advise her on what I thought about the space,” Maddie said, as if reading my mind. “Of course, it’s yours and Gemma’s decision, but as I know what you’re after, I thought it might be helpful.”
I nodded. It made sense. “You told me you were crazy busy when we texted.” She had. She’d cited her work and her uncle as reasons she couldn’t get away. But was it something else, too? Was there a hint of uncertainty in Maddie’s eyes?
Maddie gave me a warm smile. “I can spare the time when it’s important. You fall into that category.”
She thought I was important. I couldn’t help the smile that waltzed onto my face or the golden glow that surrounded my heart.
Gemma must have been able to see I was a lost cause, because she took over. “Right, shall we go inside and see what we’re dealing with?” Her voice was raised, and it was enough to snag everyone’s attention.
Octavia did a little skip, before leading the way. “I can’t wait,” she said, looking back over her shoulder.
Maddie held out an arm. “After you.”
Chapter 24
