by Kylie Scott
Still, the words stung. As if doing my best for Jean and Ada would mean getting out of their lives. My stomach clenched with anger at the insinuation. Not sure if I was angry because it was false, or because of the possibility it might be true. "You know, I get that eventually you're old enough to figure out that your folks aren't infallible. They're just people too, they make mistakes," I said. "But some parents just don't seem to learn."
Nell and Lydia frowned in unison, but before they could fashion their frowns into awkward questions, Jean appeared at my side.
"Hey," she said, but her smile dimmed at the look on my face. "Eric, you okay?"
"I'm fine, sweetheart," I murmured, kissing the side of her head.
"You don't look fine. You look angry," she said. "What's going on?"
"Did you have a nice lunch?" I asked, trying to steer the conversation elsewhere. Anywhere. Just the thought of her leaving set me into a spin. I could hardly get my head around the possibility. Her apartment empty. She and Ada living their lives away from me, and on the other side of the country. It was all impossible, stupid nonsense. I slipped my hand around the back of her neck, rubbing the tense muscles there. Touching her because I needed the connection.
And why the hell not? Everyone knew stuff was happening between us. If I wanted to whisper sweet nothings and kiss her in public, then I damn well would. The original agreement might have been friends who fucked, but things had developed since then. Or at least, I thought they had. And it wasn't like Jean was complaining about the open affection.
"Shit," she mumbled, a guilty look immediately going to Ada. "My parents asked you to talk to me about Florida, didn't they?"
I nodded, but my heart sank in my chest at her words. She had known about this. And she hadn't told me.
"They've been pushing for me to move back since we started talking again."
And I'd had no idea. Just like that, the panic surged again, my heart hammering. Maybe I should get checked out by a doctor. "You never said anything."
There were so many things she could have said right then. Like that she had told them the idea was nonsense. That she had a life here. But Jean just sort of shrugged.
"And I'm going to go clear that table," said Lydia, disappearing.
"Damn," muttered Jean. "I'm sorry they tried to drag you into this. They can be a little overwhelming when they get an idea in their heads sometimes."
"Just a little," I muttered. "But is moving back something you've been seriously thinking about?"
"They want you to move back home?" asked Nell, eyes wide.
"Her home is here," I said, reaching for the baby. The fact that Nell handed Ada over without a fuss just went to show her surprise. "They want her to move away."
Jean sighed, saying nothing. Her expression was impossible to read. She was pissed off that her parents had broached it with me, but beneath that I couldn't gauge her thinking.
On a rational level, I could get my head around the idea that she might want to move back to Florida. I mean, she'd spent her whole life there. Obviously it was what she knew best and was probably comfortable with. But she'd gone to a hell of a lot of trouble to start over in Coeur d'Alene. Just the thought of her leaving gave me heart palpitations, made me break out in a cold sweat. The thought of losing her and Ada both. Fuck. We'd barely gotten started and it might all be over. To go back to the way things were, being alone, not having Jean in my life, not seeing Ada every day.
"I should get to the, um, kitchen." Nell's words were slow. Maybe it went against the grain for her to realize that Jean and I had stuff to talk about without her. "To do the, um, thing." Forehead furrowed, she gave Jean and me a somewhat confused look before disappearing back into the kitchen. Seemed she and Jean still had some making up to do after the party at Mal's. But while Nell might not like the state of play between her friend and me, my care factor remained low to nonexistent. Jesus. Relationships were complicated enough without bringing friends and families into it all. Most days, I was too busy trying to figure out what I could do to help Jean to have time to worry about everyone else's delicate little feelings. Especially when it came to shit that was honestly none of their concern.
But now that Jean and I were sort of alone ...
"How do you feel about moving back to Florida?" I asked. "That's the question."
Her hesitation felt like a fist to the gut. "I don't know. Even after everything, I do miss them. People make mistakes, right?"
"Sure. But I thought you were happy here?"
She said nothing.
"Jean, sweetheart?"
Beautiful eyes looked my way. "Eric ... let's talk about it later. I need to get Mom and Dad to the airport."
"Right."
She took Ada.
"Dive safe, okay?"
"Will do." A fleeting smile curved her lips, there and gone in an instant.
It didn't help the sudden horrible feeling she might be slipping away from me.
*
When I went to talk to her that night, everything was silent. A towel hanging over the doorknob signaled all lines of communication were closed. I had the worst fucking feeling she was avoiding me.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
The moment Jean opened the door, I sprang into action. "Mom, this is Jean. Jean, this my mom, Audrey. She wanted to meet Ada. Now's a good time, right?"
"Hi." Jean put a hand to her bed hair, trying to smooth the tangled nest out. "Ah..."
After shooting me a perplexed look, Mom attempted a smile. "Nice to meet you!"
I didn't drag Mom down the hallway because how rude. But I did steer her inside the apartment and straight over to where Ada was lying on her blanket, whaling on the plastic turtle as per usual.
"See, Mom?" I asked. "Here she is. Isn't she gorgeous?"
"She's beautiful."
"Sit down there beside her," I directed. "You two should spend some time together. I bet you'll get along great."
Mom's gaze went from me to Jean and back again. "Honey..."
"This is cool with you, right, Jean?"
The woman opened her mouth to answer, but it took a while for the words to start flowing. "Of, um, course. How lovely to meet you, Audrey."
"I'll get some coffee going," I said, wandering over to the kitchen. "You having sugar or not today, sweetheart?"
Jean just gave me a weird look. Guess she was still waking up.
"Some days she doesn't have it, 'cause she worries about the weight she put on when she was pregnant," I told Mom, shaking my head. "Crazy, right? She looks great. Doesn't she look great?"
"You look wonderful, dear." Mom held the tip of her tongue between her teeth. Something she often did when she was thinking. "Eric, you said Jean knew we were visiting this morning."
"I did?" I asked, sorting out the coffeepot.
"You did."
"Right, I meant to say that I was going to check, but that last night she had this towel signal out so--"
"Its fine," said Jean, her smile steadier now. More awake.
God, she was gorgeous. I couldn't resist stealing a quick kiss off of her.
"Morning-breath alert," she mumbled.
"I don't care." I grinned. "You know what those hedgehog pajamas do to me."
Mom cleared her throat. "Jean, I'm terribly sorry about this. And Eric, honey, it's really not right to descend on people at eight in the morning without warning them first. I thought I raised you a little better than that."
"But you've been dying to hang out with the baby."
"Even so," said Mom, kneeling beside Ada's play mat. "I hope you don't mind, Jean, if I quickly say hello to her?"
"You're very welcome to stay for coffee, Audrey," said Jean. "It's lovely to meet you."
"See?" I said, not that I'm sure anyone was listening to me right then. "Everything's fine."
Jean grabbed my arm. "Let's make coffee, Eric."
"Sure thing."
"What's going on?" she asked in a lower voice while Mom got c
hatting with Ada. It was a mostly one-sided conversation, but Mom didn't seem to mind.
"Well," I said. "I was reading in the baby book last night about how important multigenerational influences can be for creating a stable and secure environment for children to grow in. You seemed worried about your parents living so far away and everything. Them not being able to have the kind of close relationship you had with your grandma. So I thought ... we need to get Ada and Mom together."
"You thought all of that, huh?"
"I did." I smiled. "You should see what Mom's like every time I go over there. It's always, 'Show me pictures of the baby.' I'm pretty sure she doesn't give a damn about me at all anymore. Ever since Ada was born, it's all about her. Honestly, I feel a little neglected."
Jean relaxed, the line between her brows fading. "I think it's lovely she wanted to meet her. But eight in the morning?"
"Too early?"
"Just a little," she said. "And you couldn't give me any warning?"
"You had the towel on the door last night so I didn't want to disturb you."
"Okay." She sighed. "Let me go brush my teeth and put on some clothes. We're not finished talking about this."
"About what?"
"You rush over here first thing with your mom the day after you find out about my parents wanting me to move back to Florida?" Jean crossed her arms. "I'm meant to think there's no connection there? Seriously?"
I mimicked the movement. "It's not what your parents want that keeps me up half the night with worry, sweetheart. It's trying to figure out what you want."
It was like someone slowly let the air out of her. Her jaw dropped a little, followed by her shoulders. Then she was pressed up against me, holding me tight. And saying something into my shirt, if I wasn't mistaken.
"What was that?" I asked.
Over on the living room floor, Mom did a great job of pretending to ignore us. Ada started fussing and she picked her up, singing her some old song. Not Janis. I'd have to tell her later that Janis was Ada's jam.
"Jean?"
"I said..." She leaned her chin on my chest, looking up at me with wet eyes. "It was meant to be casual."
"Yeah, I know." I shrugged. "But shit happens."
The woman snorted. "Shit happens?"
With my arms wrapped around her, I rested my forehead against hers. "Is this why you jumped me on the kitchen counter the night before last? When I was asking you about the other things in your life, and you said you wanted friends with benefits? Because you were already thinking about Florida, and you wanted to keep it casual?"
Her eyelids shut tight. "Maybe," she admitted. "It was so frustrating that us being together came out at the party, when at the same time I'm wrestling with maybe going back home. So part of me just wanted it to be physical and fun. It would make everything so much easier."
"Look at me. It's okay."
"You're not angry or anything?"
"How hypocritical would that be?" I said. "I've spent my life keeping it casual to keep things easy."
"Hmm." She opened her eyes. "That didn't actually answer my question."
"The question is, is casual still what you want?"
She pressed her ear against my chest, listening to my heartbeat or something. I don't know.
"Because this isn't casual for me, Jean. I want you to know that."
"Ada and I are going on a diaper changing adventure," announced Mom in a singsong voice. Way more cheerful than the topic warranted, honestly.
"Nursery's on the right and everything's in there," I said. "Thanks, Mom."
"Off we go then!"
Glad poop got her so excited. Christ knows, I was more than happy to avoid it if possible.
"Your mom must think I'm so weird," said Jean in a quiet voice.
"No, mostly I think she's upset at me for dragging her out of bed to come visiting so early without even warning you. It was a major crime against manners," I said, resting my head against her hair.
"Mm."
"Bet she gives me like a box of broccoli for Christmas. Maybe a couple of potatoes thrown in for fun."
Jean snickered. "I think I like your mother a lot."
"Great." I took a deep breath. "We casual or not, sweetheart? What's your answer?"
"When other women flirt with you in the bar, I get violent urges," she said, choosing her words with care. "And if I don't see you for a day or two, I miss you. Badly. It's about more than just how good the sex is with you or how you help me with Ada and everything else. I miss talking to you, being with you."
"Same goes for me."
"But, Eric, I don't have an answer about Florida," she said. "I wish I did. There's positives and negatives to living in both places, you know? Mom and Dad shouldn't have talked to you about it. That was wrong. But they were so great with Ada while they were here. She really enjoyed being with them too, and I do have some friends back there."
"All right."
Her sigh seemed bone deep and weary. "On the other hand, I love this apartment and you and Nell and all of your friends have been so great to us. But I'm worried that Mom and Dad were right about how raising a child is always difficult, just in different ways as they get older."
I kept my mouth shut, letting her get it all out.
"I also think I was pretty naive, because winter here has been a lot more challenging than I expected. Beautiful, but a little hard in some ways too. Having to stay inside so much and all of the heavy coats and everything," she said. "Pretty sure long-term I'd be fine in either place, but I just don't know where Ada would have the best life."
"You're right, there's a lot to consider. But there's no rush to make a decision, right?" I asked. "You can take your time, see how you feel about everything."
"Yeah." Her grip on me tightened as a happy voice drifted down the hallway. "Eric, is your mom singing a song about ... baby poop?"
"Yes, she is."
"Wow. I think I love her."
*
Jean trailed kisses over my stubbly chin, down my neck, and onto my chest while I lay flat on my back on her bed. An excellent place to be. When the baby slept, the adults played. If that meant midday sex shenanigans, then so be it. Fine with me. I still wasn't sure where Jean's head was at, and whether sex with me was just what she liked to do to avoid making any big decisions. But I was beginning to think maybe the thing that mattered was where my head was at. And I had some increasingly firm thoughts about that. So I just relaxed back into the mattress and enjoyed her attentions.
"Can't believe you made your poor mom show up here at the crack of dawn," she murmured.
"Let's not talk about my mom while we're naked."
Amusement lit in her eyes. "Hmm."
"Please?"
"All right." Her hand wrapped around my aching dick, giving it a pump, making my head spin. Ever so slowly she worked her way down my torso.
"You're going to be the death of me."
The grin she gave me was an even mix of evil and delighted. Wicked woman.
Basically, being in bed with Jean was like every Christmas, birthday, and any other happy event all rolled into one. I shoved another pillow beneath my head, all the better to watch her do her thing. Currently, that involved lightly nibbling high on my hip bone. I shifted restlessly, sucking in a breath, and her fingers tightened, playing with me.
"You're ticklish," she said.
"Am not."
"Liar. But I'll revisit the issue later."
I just watched her.
"I have other plans right now."
Thank fuck for that. So being tickled wasn't my favorite thing in the world. Pretty sure, however, having Jean's gorgeous lips wrapped around my dick would be. It was on the edge of my tongue to blurt out that I loved her or other such craziness (not saying it wasn't necessarily true--just that spitting it out right at that point in time would be insane). To tell her all my secrets, though she probably knew most of them already. But luckily, she used her tongue first, swiping it ac
ross the head of my cock.
She smacked her lips at the bead of pre-cum and honest to god purred. "Salty."
"I love ... being with you." Oh, shit. Good save. "Yeah. This is ... this is really nice."
"Nice?" Her brows quirked. "I'll give you nice."
And she did.
The woman sucked my cock like she owned it. Let's face facts, she probably did. Eager tongue and just a trace of teeth. Her lips working me up and up. Holy hell, I'd never been so hard in my life. Clever fingers rolled my balls, pausing to tug a little now and then. Next, the pads of her fingers massaged my perineum, slipping back to tease over my asshole occasionally. At some stage, I gave up trying to watch and just let my eyes roll back into my head. So much sensation.
"Jean. Sweetheart," I said, voice hard and gritty.
"Nice enough, Eric?"
"Fuck me, yes."
Her tongue traced lines along the veins in my dick before teasing around the ridge around the head. Then she took me deep, dragging her lips up the length of me before giving me her tongue again. The muscles in my thighs and stomach were rock hard. Come boiled in my ball sack, just like my blood. Then, when I was almost there, she whipped out a condom and got me sheathed. Threw a leg over me, and took me deep into her hot wet cunt.
I tried to say something appreciative. But nothing came out.
Over the last thirty years, I'd been to bed with a lot of women. But nothing came close to Jean. The way she rode me hard, digging her knees into the mattress beside me, giving me everything. Fingernails dug into my pecs, her gaze boring into mine. She whispered my name, rising and falling onto me again and again. My hands grabbed her hips, guiding her, not that she needed it. Jean had it all under control, including me.
Happily, sucking me seemed to have gotten her good and hot. Because the chances of me holding out for long were nil to none. My sexual prowess was shot to shit. Just when her body started tensing around me, her back bowed, pushing out her spectacular tits, and I came. My body emptyed, every emotion and sensation going into overload. Electricity filled my body, the current short-circuiting my head. I went into free fall and so did she, collapsing against my chest.
When I came to, the perfect, familiar scent of our sex and sweat filled the room. I dragged up a blanket, covering her before she could start to cool. My arms went around her, holding on tight.
