He catches my fist, stopping me right before my knuckles collide with his cheek. “Nice try, but you’re going to have to do better than that.” He shoves me back a little before releasing my hand. “Now, it’s time for you to decide your fate because my brothers and I got other shit to do today.”
He acts as if this isn’t a big deal, which makes me wonder what kind of stuff is a big deal to him. Just how bad do things have to get before he feels some sort of guilt?
I guess I’m about to find out.
“I’m not going to sleep with you and be your servant.” I square my shoulders. “I choose to jump off the bridge.”
Disbelief flickers in his dark eyes, but he quickly erases it and shrugs. “Fine.” He gestures at the bridge. “Go ahead then.”
I suck in a breath, and then another, waiting for them to announce that this is all a joke. Not that I really believe that’s going to happen. I can see in his eyes that he doesn’t care what happens to me. Still, I latch on to hope, stupidly probably.
After a few slamming heartbeats go by and no one says anything, I turn and start toward the bridge. Snow flutters from the sky and covers the ground, causing my boots to slip underneath me. Having lived in a rather warm place most of my life, this whole snow thing is relatively new to me. I just hope the water is not too much colder than the air. How cold does it have to be before I get hypothermia?
I really hope I don’t find out the answer to that.
I sigh as I reach the bridge. Then I inch over to the side and peer down. The water isn’t too far down, but I was never worried about the distance. Honestly, I’m not even super concerned about hypothermia either, because freezing to death isn’t going to matter if I can’t figure out how to swim to the surface.
“Just kick your feet, Raven,” my dad tries to encourage as he stands in the pool with me, helping keep me afloat as he tries to teach me how to swim. “You can do this, sweetie. You can do anything if you put your mind to it.”
God, how I wish his words were true, but I’m not sure my mind is going to get me out of this. No, the only thing that’ll be able to save me is for me to either run and hope they don’t kill me, which I kind of think they might, or jump and hope I either float to the surface or that one of them feels sorry enough that they save me.
“Quit stalling!” Zay shouts out, his voice echoing across the hills.
I glance back at him, then at Jax, before finally looking at Hunter, searching for a sign that this is all a big joke or that they feel bad, but I can’t see their expressions through the falling snow.
Sucking in a breath, I direct my attention away from them. Then, taking another inhale and exhale, I hoist myself over the railing and onto the beam. My boots instantly slide against the wet metal, so I grasp on to a beam running above my head. Gripping tightly, I peer down at the water.
It’s not that far.
You’ve got this.
Just jump, get it over with, and then you can …
Can what? Go home to your family and tell them what happened? Yeah, you don’t have a home or a family, you made sure of that. And now you have to live an endless amount of days feeling that emptiness that constantly fills you, day in and day out.
Suddenly, being up here doesn’t seem as scary. No, the future is what is really scary. Knowing nothing is ever going to change. And it’s all my fault.
All of this is.
So, letting out an exhale, I let go.
I let go of everything and fall.
Raven
I hear someone shout something, but the words are stifled as I crash into the river, my body instantly locking up as I sink.
Holy shit, Jax was right. The coldness has taken my breath away. It also feels like a thousand needles are piercing my flesh. That pain is the easiest to handle, though. It’s kind of like the pain that came when those words were carved into my flesh.
Freak.
Loser.
Murderer.
I think my uncle may have enjoyed that punishment more than all the others he’s given me.
Freak.
Loser.
Murderer.
Freak.
Loser.
Murderer.
The girl who killed her parents.
And now I’m going to be the girl who killed her parents and paid for it when she sank to the bottom of a river and froze to death.
This is going to be my tomb.
But as soon as my feet touch the bottom, my instincts kick in, and I try to swim to the surface. The chill of the water burns my muscles, winding them into knots and making them useless.
I start to sink again, darkness taking over. And I start to let it …
Blood on my hands.
“Hide, Raven,” my mom begs. “Hide and don’t come out. Do you understand?”
I frantically shake my head. “No. I can’t leave you.”
She grabs my shoulders and looks me in the eyes. “You have to. And you have to promise to forget what’s about to happen. Promise me.”
I shake my head again, tears burning my eyes. “No, I’m not going to. I’m staying with you. I’m not going to hurt—”
Arms wrap around me, and then I’m being pulled upward, toward the sky. I’m dead, and I’m going upward. But that can’t be right.
No, when I die, and if there is a Heaven and a Hell, I definitely won’t be going upward.
You’ve got it wrong.
You’re going the wrong way.
I need to go back down—
I gasp as I break the surface of the water then cough as the air burns my lungs.
“Are you fucking crazy?” Zay glares at me as he holds me in his arms, swimming us over to the shore, the water rushing around us.
I want to answer him, but I’m chattering too hard to form any coherent words.
He shakes his head, his muscles wound tight, water dripping from his soaked hair and onto his face. “Why the hell did you jump?”
I want to gape at his stupid question, but exhaustion is grasping ahold of me. My eyelids start to lower as water drips down my face.
“Don’t you dare go to sleep,” he growls as he drags me onto the shore.
My clothes are soaking wet, and I realize my jacket is no longer on my body.
“You wanted to be stubborn, so you keep it up,” Zay says, leaning over me, his storm cloud eyes full of fire. “Do you understand?”
I give a feeble nod. Or, well, I think I do. My head feels so heavy.
“My jacket …” I mutter. “I need it …”
“Forget your fucking jacket,” Zay snap, droplets of water dripping from his lips as snowflakes fall around him. “It’s gone.”
I start to cry. Well, I think I would, except my eyes are too frozen. “I need it … It’s important to me …”
When he lets go of me, I peel my eyelids open and try to move, but my arms are useless lumps of frozen flesh. So instead, I slump into the dirt.
Zay shouts something, his words muffled, sounding so far away. I’m drifting into the cold with the snowflakes …
Hunter’s gorgeous face appears over mine, his skin as pale as the snow. “Jesus,” he whispers. “I can’t believe you did that, little raven. Why …?” He crouches down beside me and rakes his fingers through his hair. “We need to get her somewhere warm.”
Again, I don’t understand why they’re acting as if they had no part in me jumping.
Jax only adds to that confusion as he rushes down the hill, shouting, “We need to get her in the car and get her warmed up before hypothermia kicks in!” When he reaches us, he nudges Hunter out of the way and scoops me up into his arms.
A drop of warmth starts to seep into me as his body heat engulfs me, but the cold hastily takes over again.
Numb.
I feel numb.
I feel nothing.
Weightless.
And it’s kind of blissful.
“Get the car running,” he orders as he jogs up the muddy, snowy incl
ine that leads to where the SUV is parked.
Hunter hurries ahead, running up the hill much quicker than Jax, but he’s also not carrying my frozen ass. That doesn’t explain where Zay is.
I try to peer around Jax and see what Zay is doing, but my body is useless. Giving up, I turn my head toward Jax’s chest and close my eyes.
He feels so warm…
And smells like snow…
Snow I could drift away with…
Drift away back to that peace I felt for a split second as I sank…
“Raven, look at me.” Jax’s demanding tone yanks me out of my daze.
My eyes roll in my head as I try to do what he said.
Dizzy. Everything is spinning. But I’m starting to not feel cold anymore.
“Dammit, open your eyes,” he orders with a trace of anger in his tone. “Or I’m going to pry them open.”
I force my eyelids open, but only to glare at him.
“Don’t look at me like that. You keep your damn eyes open or I’ll do it for you. And it’ll be a lot more painful if I do it.” His expression is hard, his eyes as cold as that damn water.
I want to keep on glaring at him, but it’s becoming extremely complicated the more numbed over my body gets.
My eyes roll into the back of my head again as my eyelids force their way closed.
“Dammit,” he curses, quickening his pace. I’m not sure it’s going to do any good. I’m fairly sure I’m dying. And while part of me is scared shitless over the idea, another part of me, a part I wasn’t even aware existed, welcomes it.
I deserve to die for what I did to them.
I continue fading in and out of consciousness until Jax sets me down. That startles me enough that I force my eyelids open to see where I am. I half-expect to be lying in the snow somewhere with them beside me, digging my grave. But I’m not. No, I’m lying on the back seat of the SUV, soaking wet and shivering. I can’t see any of The Raven Three, so maybe they decided to set me in here while they dig my grave …
“Are there any blankets in the back?” Jax’s voice floats from somewhere.
“Yeah, I keep a couple in there for …” Hunter trails off. “Well, I guess that doesn’t matter right now.”
Jax sighs. “Just go get them.”
A beat of silence skips by, and my eyelids close.
“So, we’re gonna just what? Wrap her in blankets?” Zay snaps harshly. “That’s your brilliant fucking idea.”
“No, we’re going to take her clothes off first,” Jax replies over the sound of banging. “You and Hunter can do that, while we drive back to the house. Then we’ll figure things out from there.”
WTF? They’re going to take my clothes off?
“And what if this doesn’t work?” Zay snaps. “What if she—”
“She’s not,” Jax insists, though a drop of worry resides in his tone. “God, this is a disaster. I should’ve just gone with my gut instinct and not let you follow through with your stupid plan. We don’t need to be dealing with this shit right now. Not with everything else going on. We should be focusing on bigger, more important things.”
“Yeah, well … I didn’t think she’d jump,” Zay bites back. Then he lowers his voice to a whisper. “Why do you think she did?”
“I have no idea,” Jax mutters. “But I guess, now that this is happened, we might have to find out.” He sounds less than pleased about that.
Again, it grows quiet, and panic manages to rise inside me, lacing with the cold.
They said they’re going to take my clothes off? Are they going to rape me before they kill me?
No, no, no!
I try to flip over so I can crawl off the seat and out of the car. The door above my head is open, so all I need to do is get that far. Then I can tumble into the snow and … Well, I don’t really know where I’ll go from there. All I know is I’ve got to get out of here.
By some miracle, I get my body turned over. But as I’m dragging myself toward the edge of the seat, Zay steps up in front of the open door.
His hoodie is off, so I finally get a good look at him. His short, brown hair is covered in snowflakes, his eyes are somehow darker, and that scar I noticed earlier is way more prominent in the daylight.
As he stares at me silently with a hesitant expression, I start to slide back on the seat to try to climb out the other side. The movement seems to draw him out of his hesitancy and he moves, climbing into the back seat with me. Then he shuts the door and peels off his wet shirt.
I attempt to move, panic soaring through me. Holy hell, being frozen makes it really freakin’ complicated to move, so I barely get anywhere before Zay grabs the sleeve of my plaid shirt.
“Easy,” he says as he sits me up and pulls me toward him, even while I try to kick and hit him. My efforts are pathetic, and before I know it, I’m sitting right beside him. Or, well, leaning against him since I can’t hold my body up very well.
He pauses, staring at me undecidedly. “You’re gonna have to chill while I do this. Don’t fight or it’s going to complicate things.”
Is he kidding me?
“N-no,” I chatter.
He rolls his eyes then start tugging off my plaid shirt. I lift my hand and push against his chest, but he merely removes my hand and yanks the soaked fabric off me, tossing it into the back. Then he reaches for the hem of my shirt.
As a glimmer of strength blazes through me, I grip his hands. “S-stop,” I chatter, my body shaking, either from the cold or the fear.
He rolls his eyes again. “Stop being a pain in the ass. I’m trying to help you.” Then he tugs my shirt over my head and throws it back with my other shirt.
I hug my arms around myself, every muscle in my body quivering.
Oh my God, this is really going to happen …
Zay shifts his weight forward, reaching toward my feet, but then he pauses, his gaze locking on my side.
I know what he’s looking at, and I hate it. Hate that he can see all the ugliness all over me. Hate that he can see me at all.
Blinking then shaking his head, he leans down and tugs off my boots. I move to kick him, but he easily swats away my lethargic attempts. Dizziness overtakes me again, and I slump back against the seat, my eyelids lowering as I veer toward passing out.
Zay works on peeling my tights off, and I try to kick him again, but my legs won’t budge and he gets those off. Next, he moves toward my shorts. That’s when I really begin to freak the hell out and that will I thought was lost ignites.
“Stop … Stop … Stop …” I tip to the side, digging my fingernails into the edge of the seat, pulling myself away from him and toward the door.
“Goddammit,” Zay growls out. “Will you just hold still?”
I shake my head as I grab the door handle, but the door swings open on its own. Hunter appears on the other side with an armful of blankets, snowflakes falling around him. When he catches sight of me, he frowns, his gaze straying to Zay.
“Why don’t you have her clothes off already?” he asks him. “You need to move more quickly, Zay. I mean, I know you have issues with this shit, but get over it.”
“I’m trying to take off her clothes.” Zay grabs ahold of my ankle. “She’s not being very cooperative.”
Hunter’s gaze returns to me. “Little raven, you gotta relax and let us help you.”
“Just hold her down,” Zay tells him, “while I take off her shorts.”
“No,” I plead with Hunter.
He ignores me, setting the blankets down on the floor. Then he hops into the car and rolls me over, holding my arms. “Just relax.” He stares down at me while skimming his thumb along the inside of my wrist.
I can barely feel the movement. Can barely feel Zay tugging my shorts down my legs. Can barely feel anything.
Numb.
I am numb.
This isn’t happening.
I’m not going to feel it.
Somehow, through the sea of numbness consuming my body, tears for
ce their way into the corners of my eyes.
Hunter’s eyes soften, and then he lets go of one of my wrists to brush away a tear with the pad of his thumb. “Aw, don’t cry. We’re not going to let anything happened to you. You’re one of us now.”
His words barely register as he looks at Zay. “Are you sure you can handle this? It might be better if I do it.”
“I … I can handle it.”
“You don’t sound so sure.”
“Oh, shut the hell up … I’m fine.” He doesn’t sound fine, though. He sounds like he’s freaking out. “And besides, I need to warm up, too.” He sucks in an uneven breath. “Just give her to me. I can handle this.”
“If you say so.” Hunter sounds doubtful as he helps me sit up until I’m facing Zay. He’s only wearing a pair of boxers now, and all I have on is my bra and underwear. But even the little scraps of clothing I have left give me no sense of security. Even worse, Jax has climbed into the driver’s seat.
He cranks up the heat, flips on the windshield wipers, then casts a glance back at us. “Is everyone good?”
“Yep,” Hunter answers, reaching down to pick up the blankets.
Jax drives forward then turns the vehicle around while Zay pulls me onto his lap. I try to fight, but I’m pretty sure my body has shut down.
Moments later, my chest is pressed against his, and his body heat seeps into my skin.
Warmth.
I thought I’d never feel it again.
Never thought I’d be this close to anyone ever again.
I’ve been so cold for the last handful of years.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been touched, I realize this now, and I stupidly sink into it instead of pushing away.
Weak. I’m so weak right now.
“Wrap the blankets around us,” Zay mutters, slipping his arms around me and tucking my head beneath his chin, a move that confuses the hell out of me.
“Fuck, she’s so cold.” His muscles stiffen as he pulls me closer against him until my ear is resting against his chest right where his heart is beating. Soaring. So, so fast. He’s either got a lot of adrenaline rushing through him or he’s freaking the hell out.
The Raven Four: Books 1-2 Page 7
