by Sarah Fine
Meri strokes a hand over my hair. “Valtia, we’re almost there,” she says softly. “You’ve been so brave, but you will need more than that now. Please.”
She and Kaisa carry me to the waiting boat. “Do you want us to accompany you, Elder?” Meri asks when we reach it.
“No,” snaps Aleksi. “We’ll manage this by ourselves. Wait for us here.”
I hiss as Kaisa accidentally touches my back, and she jerks her hands away. “Apologies, Valtia,” she says, her blue eyes full of regret. She steps back as I sink onto the floor of the boat. It’s of middling size, with two sets of oars and a large, heavy object sitting at the prow. In the shadowy night, the moon covered over by clouds, I can’t quite make it out.
The elders are grim and quiet as they push off into the lake. They don’t bother with the oars—Aleksi raises his arms and the boat slices through the water as if blown by a steady wind. Leevi sits next to me. “I’m sorry the last trial didn’t help you,” he says. “But this one . . . It has more urgency to it. We think it will work.”
“Good,” I mumble. Because I need my magic. I need to heal myself. I’m certain that my back is a mess of welts and gashes, and my whole body is racked with pain. I’m too hurt to cry now, too tired to fight. Magic is the only thing that can save me now.
We reach a spot where the water is inky and smooth. Leevi drops an anchor, and the three elders take me by the arms and lead me to the front of the boat. Metal clanks softly, and Kauko raises a lantern.
In front of me is a bronze cage attached by a thick chain to a boom and winch that’s bolted to the deck. Aleksi pulls the door open and gestures inside. “When you’re ready, Valtia.”
It’s as if he believes I’m doing this on purpose, and he wants me to suffer for it.
As I remember Meri’s small kindnesses, I will also remember Aleksi’s cruelty. Forever.
I try to stoop to get into the cage, but the pull of fabric against the wounds on my back sends me to my knees with a shrill whimper. Leevi and Kauko pick me up and help me into the tiny prison, so cramped that I have to draw my knees to my chest and bow my head over my legs. My back is screaming. Leevi turns the crank on the winch, and my cage is lifted into the air. Aleksi slams the door and latches it.
“You could freeze the surface of the lake before you fall in,” Aleksi says as my teeth begin to chatter. “Or you could grow an ice platform from the lake’s floor to lift you out of the water. Conversely, you could use fire to evaporate the water around you and hold it back. There are so many ways to use the magic, Valtia.”
Kauko grips the bars. “Trust your instincts. Don’t force it. Just let it come to you.” He reaches into the cage as far as his arm will allow, and his fingertips brush my knee. I know I should grasp his hand, but I’m shaking too much to control my fingers. “We need your magic to survive. Please. We’ve been waiting so long for this. Remember who you are,” he says, his voice harsh with desperation.
I almost laugh. I used to think I knew exactly who I was. Now? I have no idea.
My breaths are ragged and fast as they swing my cage out over the Motherlake, dangling me like bait over her frigid waters. Leevi releases the chain, and my cage plunges into the water. The blast of cold shocks my vision white. I’m no longer on fire—now it’s the cold’s turn. Frozen blades of pain stab into every inch of my skin. An icy noose pulls tight around my neck.
Fire, come to me.
But this time, when it doesn’t come, I’m not even surprised. I claw for air, my arms extending through the top bars of my cage and waving just above the surface of the water. It’s so close. I jerk my face upward, colliding with bronze. I can see the dark shadows of the elders above me, their upheld torch, the moon that’s now visible through a hole in the clouds. The pain in my chest sparks and burns like smoldering charcoal, the hurt moving upward, consuming me. And yet the water stays cold, and so do I.
I’m going to die.
As soon as the thought comes, the rest of me rejects it with the force of a mighty storm. My body convulses, and I fight. Oh, stars, I fight so hard. I claw and kick and grasp and push and shake those bars with all my strength. I suck in a mouthful of water and my chest squeezes tight, my body twisting and writhing against the waters of the fearsome, relentless Motherlake.
This was what it was like for the Soturi invaders. This is how they perished.
“Have you ever killed someone?” I asked my Valtia. We were eating delicate sweet potato pastries, lying on her massive bed after a long day at the planting ceremony, watching our reflections in the hammered copper ceiling.
“Not yet,” she said. “But I probably will, someday.”
“You sound awfully sure.” And awfully calm. I’d just turned thirteen and was amazed by her serene beauty, her smooth surface. Envy filled me.
She took my hand, sending a pulse of ice along my palm. “I do what I need to, in service of the Kupari. Sometimes you are chosen, and sometimes you must choose. If I take a life, I won’t regret that choice. I’ll know it was to protect our people.” She turned her head and looked into my eyes. “And so will you, Elli, when the time comes. You’ll do what you need to do. Never doubt.”
Never doubt.
I rise from the water like a firebird from ash.
But not by magic.
As the elders swing me back over the deck, I vomit a bucketful of water onto their bald heads. Aleksi grunts with disgust. “That was hardly magical.”
I hear him like I’m still underwater. I’m made of ice. I’m bleeding. All they need to do is set me on fire, and I’d be complete: Blood. Copper. Ice. Fire. It is life.
And now I’ve learned it’s death, too.
With contempt etched onto his fleshy face, Aleksi unlocks the clasp on my cage and swings the door open. Kauko and Leevi pull me out. I’m still convulsing and coughing, shivering so violently that they can barely hold on to me. They set me heavily on the deck. I barely feel it. I sink deep inside the empty, gaping space inside me, drowning again, this time in defeat.
The elders talk quietly among themselves as they use their magic to propel the boat back to shore, but their words are carried away by the breeze and the splash of water against the hull. They help the acolytes carry me to the Saadella’s wing. I know I’m home when I hear Mim cry out. They set me on my bed, soaking my sheets with pink and red. Kauko sits down next to me and touches my shoulder.
“Did you read the stars wrong, Elder?” I whisper.
“No, child. You were the one it referred to. I am certain.”
“The prophecy, then—you said part of it was missing.”
“That is true.” For the first time, I hear anger in his voice. “We have priests scouring all our texts, trying to find hints of what it could have said. In the meantime . . .” His shoulders slump as he looks me over.
“I . . . I will go back in the copper trunk if you think it would help.” Even though the mere thought makes me shudder.
He shakes his head. “It’s not necessary now.”
I nearly choke as the tears come. “I’m sorry for disappointing you.”
His thick lips tremble. “There is one more trial,” he says, sorrow in his eyes. “One more trial, and we’re hoping this one will work.”
“Do it, then,” I croak. “I’m eager to face it.”
He squeezes my arm. “You’ll have to be very brave. But you are, aren’t you? We can all see that. Even Aleksi.”
What they can also see: my bravery is not enough. Not nearly enough.
“I’m courageous enough for one more trial.”
“I wish we didn’t have to ask these things of you, but I’m grateful you understand their necessity.” He bows his head. “Rest tonight. Look at the moon. The clouds are clearing.” His voice falters, and he clamps his lips shut for a few moments before continuing. “It is a sight to behold. Lovely, like you are. Then sleep, and may your dreams be peaceful. I will see you tomorrow.”
After he leaves, I squint at a small
piece of sky through my open balcony doors. I can’t see the moon, but its reflection shines in the Motherlake. I drift outside myself, out of the temple, over the lake, and float toward that gorgeous orb. How heavenly. The weight of responsibility falls away. No one needs me anymore. No one even knows I’m gone. The sweetest sense of freedom envelops me, welcoming me into its embrace. It’s so nice, so peaceful. . . .
“Elli,” whispers Mim. “Wake up.”
She shakes me, and I groan. It’s hard to draw breath. I slip my hand under the loose collar of my gown. A length of gauzy fabric has been wrapped around my chest and back, binding my wounds. My hair is braided. My sheets are clean. I’m wearing a simple dress of brown wool, like the kind Mim wears every day. But it is still dark out, with no sign of the day to come.
“Is it time for the final trial?” I whisper. Stars, I’m so, so tired.
“Sit up, my Valtia. Sit up now.” She pulls my arms and then apologizes when I let out a strangled moan. Once I’m up, she slides a pair of plain leather slippers onto my feet and takes my face in her hands. “You must be very brave.”
“Kauko said the same,” I mumble. “I’m doing my best. Mim, I’m so sorry for letting you down.”
Her blue eyes shine with tears. “Oh, my love, you could never do that. Get up now.”
“Where are we going?”
Her brow creases with fear and sorrow. “Away, Elli. We’re going away.”
“But the trial—” My words are cut off when she presses her fingers over my lips.
“I overheard the elders speaking in the domed chamber, making preparations.”
I cringe. “I don’t think I want to know.”
“Yes, you do.” She carefully helps me to my feet. “Because in a few hours, they’re going to come get you, and they’re going to take you deep into the catacombs.” Her eyes meet mine. “And then they’re going to cut your throat.”
CHAPTER 7
They’re going to kill me. Kauko must have consented to it. Even he gave up on me in the end. I should be shocked. I should be enraged and hurt. But right now, all I can summon is weary resignation.
“Have they found the new Saadella?” I ask as Mim leads me to the door and peeks into the corridor.
“I don’t think so. But she’s out in the city somewhere, and they’re determined to find her. They think that if they drain your blood, it’ll strip the magic from you and free it to be awakened in the Saadella. They’re desperate to appease the people, and the Kupari cannot be without a Valtia, even if she’s still a child. I think it’s ludicrous, but I bet Aleksi and Leevi are pleased at the chance to mold an impressionable young queen. The last Valtia was too headstrong for their tastes.” She guides me to lean against the wall.
“Sofia,” I whisper, remembering Aleksi’s clenched fists as she refused to bow to his wishes. “Aleksi was trying to get her to act quickly.”
Mim rushes over to a chair and pulls a brown cloak from the cushion. “The acolytes and apprentices are full of information. The elders wanted to get the Valtia to cleanse the thieves’ caverns, but she had refused until she knew more about the situation. The elders were offended that she didn’t trust them. They’re supposed to be her eyes and ears—but she wanted to see for herself.”
“So they’re going to make a little girl the Valtia so they can have their way?” I ask in a choked voice.
Mim doesn’t seem to hear me as she shakes out the cloak and returns to my side. “I don’t agree with the elders’ methods, but imagine what would happen if the other city-states knew we had no Valtia. Or even those bandits in the caverns. Our Valtia is what keeps them from raiding the town and taking what they want. We must have a queen.” She probably doesn’t realize how every word stabs failure a little deeper into my heart.
“Even with all of that, my first priority is you,” she adds. “Elli. You will always be my queen.”
But not your Valtia, my mind whispers as she wraps the cloak around my shoulders, tying it loosely so as not to aggravate my wounds. I look like a maid now, a common, ordinary girl. And maybe that’s what I’ve been all along. Maybe all this time, I’ve been a pretender, and now I’m wearing the garments that were always meant for me. “Mim, why do you think this is happening to me?”
Her eyes are shadowed with sorrow. “I don’t know, Elli. And it’s not my place to know.” As I watch, her sadness seems to crystallize, glittering in the darkness. “But there is one thing of which I’m certain—you’ve done nothing wrong. Let the elders use their magic to give us winter warmth and save us from our enemies. It’s about time they did some of the work.”
Mim leads me into the corridor, to the right, away from the domed chamber. Not a single torch lights our way, but Mim appears to know exactly where she’s going, and her confidence seems to grow with every step. “Where are the acolytes who stand guard at night?” I whisper.
“Some are helping clean the Valtia’s chamber. It was nearly destroyed when she died, and they’re working at all hours to fix it. And then I bribed another.” She smiles when she sees my wide eyes. “Elli, if you think for a moment I would hand you over to be slaughtered by the elders, you don’t know me at all.”
I lean on her gratefully as she takes me to the servants’ stairs and helps me descend. “I love you, Mim,” I mumble against her ear. “I always have.”
She giggles. “You’re delirious.”
I think about that for a second. Every part of me hurts, but my mind is clear. And the more I think about what’s happening, the more frightened I am. “Where are we going?”
“I’m taking you to my family. But first I have to report in to the temple matron to keep her from raising the alarm, so you’ll be on your own for an hour or two. I’ll join you as the sun rises, before the elders even know we’re gone.”
“You’re really coming with me?”
Her grip on me tightens. “I would never leave you.” She chuckles. “Who would dress you in the morning? Who would brush your pretty hair? And we could go anywhere from here. It’s an adventure, if you think about it.”
I am thinking about it—the possibility of living with her, however humbly, is like a bright torch in all this darkness. And so is her love for me. I know it’s the love of a servant for her mistress, perhaps a big sister for a little one, not the same as mine for her. Still, it’s real and warm and I need it, especially now that I’ve lost everything else.
We reach the bottom of the steps and Mim pushes open a thick wooden door, wincing as it grates against the stone frame. The inky wash of night greets us, though I know dawn must be approaching. “If you walk this path here—” She moves her finger along a trail of white stones shielded by a high wall so that the views from the temple and the white plaza aren’t marred by servants going back and forth. “You can go around the gates this way—it’ll get you to the northern road. Follow it until you reach the square, then wait for me next to the blacksmith’s. It’s a warm place to sit and rest. I’ll bring more food with me when I come.” She presses a hunk of bread into my hand. It’s been ripped open and a thick slice of hard cheese has been wedged into its center. My mouth fills with saliva.
“Go,” she whispers. “I’ll see you soon.”
Her brown curls are a chaotic tangle around her face, and the brightness has returned to her blue eyes. Her cheeks are flushed. She’s so beautiful and cheerful as she saves me from certain death, and it makes salvation seem possible.
“I’m not delirious,” I tell her. “I meant what I said.”
Her face crumples, and for an instant I see the fear she’s been working so hard to hide. “Elli, go. Please. If they catch you, I won’t be able to protect you.”
“But what about you?” Aleksi might blame me, but what if he blames Mim, too, for giving me information? “Come with me now. We can—”
Mim shakes her head. “We’ll have more time to get you hidden if I check in with the matron first. But I’ll be with you before you start to miss me. I promise.�
�� She tugs my hood up until it covers my half my face, then gives me a gentle nudge toward the world outside the temple. My slipper hovers over the dirt and grass and stone. I haven’t set foot on the bare ground since I was four years old. In all the years since then, I’ve been carried on a paarit or in a sedan chair. But if I don’t take these steps, I’ll die.
It makes it surprisingly easy to move forward.
My feet are silent as I tread the white stones that lead me away from the only home I remember, the fortress from which I was supposed to rule. I should be weeping or falling to my knees in despair, but like the magic, I can’t find those feelings inside me. I am sad, though. Desperately so.
I let everyone down. I failed my people. I failed my Valtia. And when they find the child Saadella, who will love her and watch over her? I’ve failed her, too.
Maybe I deserve to be cast out. Perhaps I even deserve to be killed. I reach the edge of the grounds and look back at the domed silhouette of the Temple on the Rock towering above me, majestic and mighty, pale-green copper and snowy marble ice. Am I being selfish? Should I go back and offer myself up?
Or would that doom a little Saadella to an early death after spending her youth serving the will of the priests?
I shiver and keep moving, walking along the road that leads south to the main square. Far off to my right, over by the docks, I can hear the distant rumbling voices of the sailors, our earliest risers, preparing for a day of pulling nets full of shimmering trout from the great Motherlake. My stomach grumbles at the thought of a steaming dish of glazed trout, cooked crisp and dripping. I take a bite of my bread and cheese and moan at the salty taste. Before I know it, I’ve shoved the entire hunk in my mouth. My cheeks bulge and I chew fiercely. I’m alive. I feel the chill of autumn on my face and hard cobblestones beneath my feet. I breathe. My back aches and itches and burns. My heart beats. Surely I’m not meant to die? Not yet. I’m not ready for that.
