“I’m glad I was able to help.”
“Telling Samuel was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” She looked around. “Where’s Lois?”
“She’s asleep in one of the bedrooms with five other young ones. There are six of them, all asleep in there. It certainly saves my arms.”
“I guess you don’t have to look for a new job now.”
“Nee, I don’t.”
On the way home from the meeting that day, Samuel seemed preoccupied. He finally spoke. “I’m a little surprised Trevor’s leaving.”
“You’ve finished your business with him?”
“Jah, but he stayed on after that. I thought he was staying for you.”
“Me?”
“Jah. I noticed he was interested in you.”
“Maybe for a second.” Mary felt sorry for him. He didn’t know that the man was interested in Dorothea. The way Dorothea was speaking about Trevor, he’d find out soon enough.
“Listen,” he continued. “I know that I’ve been horrible. I’ve said mean, unforgivable things especially when you first arrived, but that is no longer the man I wish to be. I’m sorry, and I hope to earn your forgiveness one day or another.”
“You have my forgiveness, and if you were as bad as you say, I must admit I didn’t really notice.”
“That’s the kind of person you are, full of goodness.”
Mary giggled. “I hope so. I’m not sure if that’s true, but I do try.”
That night Mary went to sleep contented. Her position in the house was secure and all was right with her world. It would be better if Samuel saw her as a woman rather than the person who looked after Lois, but she doubted that would ever change.
The next day Samuel asked to see her in the garden as soon as Lois was down for her nap. When she walked outside to find him, she saw him pacing up and down. He looked up and smiled when she approached.
“Let’s sit.” They walked to a nearby stone bench. “I have something to say and it’s rather longwinded, so please don’t say anything until I’ve finished.”
“Okay.”
“I can be truthful and say I was hasty in asking Dorothea to marry me. The woman I should’ve asked is you.”
She gasped. Was he proposing? She’d made that mistake once before, this time she would not jump to conclusions.
“I can see that we could be a real family - all of us, you, me, and Lois. I didn’t see it at first, not until my eyes were opened for me. That baby loves you dearly, and she obviously has a special place in your heart. It would be the best answer to all of our problems,” Samuel said, his voice sincere.
“Oh,” Mary replied trying to recover from the shock of what he was asking.
He glanced down. “For Lois, for you, or for all of us; please, at least, think it over?”
It was the ultimate solution to the biggest problem she had ever faced, but there was another issue that would follow her answer, and she knew it. Burying the thought in the deepest part of her mind, she looked at Samuel. “Do you think this is sudden?” It was too close to losing Dorothea, she thought, and he was on the rebound because he was upset.
“Nee, I don’t. I’ve come to the age where I know what I want. The decision will now be yours to make. I’ve already decided that I would like to marry you.”
“It’s too soon for me,” she said before swallowing the lump in her throat. “You were set to marry Dorothea.”
“I was fearful of asking such a thing given our past, but every man makes mistakes. I’ll be happy that you’re willing to overlook my own. I must say that I never thought of you as someone I might marry until Trevor opened my eyes.”
Mary smiled. Ah, I was right. He didn’t notice me until Trevor liked me.
“Please don’t hold that against me,” he added. “I was a fool not to see what a good woman you were right from the start. I guess I saw you just as a friend of my little schweschder, Beth.”
“Can I ask what you like about me?”
“Your honesty and openness. It’s refreshing.” Samuel smiled at her.
Marriage to a man such as Samuel might be a difficult path, but it wouldn’t be too difficult to handle, and even if it were, the reward at the end would be worth anything it took. If she married him, she could be a real mother to her daughter. “I couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“I couldn’t promise that I’d be the perfect fraa for you or the perfect mudder for Lois, but I hope we can both leave our pasts behind and start anew,” she said, knowing how important forgiveness really was.
“I will work on it to change your mind.” He smiled at her. “I’ll have your belongings moved to a guest room. You’ll like it better than the one you’re in now. I have work to do.” He stood and walked away.
Mary leaned back staring after him. She let out a long, drawn-out sigh before closing her eyes tightly. The issue that was now popping into her thoughts was that of whether or not she should come clean to him. It was bad enough that Samuel was raising Lois thinking she was his niece. Should he be left to believe the lie? It was obvious that his marriage proposal was only made with Lois in mind, which made the prospect of confronting him with the truth that much harder.
After Mary had collected Lois from Freda, she changed her diaper and played with her until she readied her for bed. Once Lois was nearly asleep in her crib, Mary returned to her room. She had never dreamed he’d ask her to marry him, but she also never reckoned on the fact that the man would only be marrying her because of her child.
What a web of lies she’d created!
Collapsing onto her bed, she then stared up at the ceiling and closed her eyes.
I should have told him as soon as Beth and William died. But, he was too distraught, and then he would’ve also had to face losing a niece. I can’t care for Lois alone and give her everything she’ll need. She had to keep the lie going for everyone’s sake.
Lying there in the pitch-black room, Mary rolled onto her side and peered out the window. It wouldn’t be easy to keep such a secret, especially if she and Samuel grew close. If he was truly the nice man that he’d been around her lately, then maybe they might even come to love each other at some point.
Sighing loudly, she made herself a promise; a promise that she would deal with such things if and when they arose, but for now, only Lois mattered. Samuel’s feelings were important, but not important enough to risk losing a good life for her daughter.
As sleep tugged at her consciousness, Mary heard soft whimpers from the room next door. Without hesitation, she jumped out of bed and hurried to the nursery. Through the doorway, Mary saw Lois’s arms waving around frantically. When she stepped inside the room, she noticed the baby’s bright eyes staring up at her. “It’s okay, my boppli. I’m not leaving you.” She placed Lois onto her side and patted her on the back until she fell back asleep.
Chapter 21
The next few weeks went by in a guilt-filled blur. Mary’s life had gone from nearly impossible to almost perfect. Samuel had continued to be nice, and Mary finally saw the possibility of happiness at the end of her journey. Samuel was growing on her, and he was devoted to Lois. Despite the positivity that Mary felt, the fact that she held a dark secret from Samuel was weighing on her tremendously. It’s all worth the risk, she kept telling herself.
That Friday night, Mary met Samuel for dinner. As she started on her soup, she could feel his heated gaze upon her. Looking up slowly, she noticed that Samuel was watching her carefully; his hands folded together and propped up by his elbows on the table. “Yes?” she asked after she swallowed her mouthful.
“Oh, I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I was going to wait until you’d finished,” he said, a faint smile reaching his lips.
Mary tilted her head. It seemed like he had something he wanted to discuss, but what was it? Did he find out something that she had been trying to keep under wraps?
As her hands trembled from the fear, he said, “It’s nothing bad I assure
you. I’m hoping it’s the opposite,”
“Oh, then just tell me what’s on your mind. We can discuss anything you’d like,” Mary said.
“Well, when you put it like that, it does make it easier to mention,” he said, worrying her a bit further. Mary just sat there, as goose bumps dotted her arms. “I was hoping we could set the date for the wedding.”
She giggled. “I haven’t said yes.”
“Not yet. I’d like it to be within the next few weeks if you’d be so inclined because I want to marry you as soon as possible.”
Mary froze, overwhelmed by his affection. “I have to think about it.”
“How long will that take?”
“As long as it takes.”
He continued, “Whatever day you want is fine with me. The sooner, the better.”
Dinner continued happily, but once it was nearly over, Samuel cleared his throat. “I’d hate to risk ruining the mood, but I don’t want this evening to end. Is there a chance you’d like to go for a walk?”
Just as Mary was about to respond, a soft murmur could be heard down the hall. “Oh, I think that’s Lois,” she said, jumping to her feet. “I’ll just check on her.”
“Isn’t she in the kitchen with Freda?”
“Nee. I fed her earlier and put her down to sleep. She was very tired.”
Samuel rose to his feet. “Shall I go and see to her?”
“I’ll go.” When Mary walked into the nursery, she saw her baby flailing her arms around as she often did. Lois’s gibberish filled the room. “Good evening, my angel,” she said, lifting her up gently. “Perhaps I put you to bed too early tonight. Let’s go and see Samuel.”
“There you are,” Samuel said, smiling as she stepped back into the room with Lois. “Perhaps she can join us on our walk, then. It’s not too cold tonight.”
Mary shook her head. Samuel must have taken that as a sign, because right then, his mood seemed to change. Hoping to avoid upsetting him, she said, “I don’t know if she’d be up for a walk, but we could sit on the porch.”
Samuel’s look of disappointment quickly faded. “That would be even better,” he said as he extended his hand toward her.
Side-by-side, Samuel and Mary headed out to the front porch with Lois clasped tightly in Mary's free arm. The dark azure hues of the sky were offset by magenta streaks caused by the falling sun. Mary took a deep breath of the chilly night air.
Samuel held his arms out for Lois. Mary handed her over, happy that he was so attached to Lois. As she sat there watching the two together, every tickle he gave Lois and every laugh that came from Lois’s lips made Mary feel even better about their future. Maybe it took something so life-altering and emotional like losing his sister for Samuel to see life for what it was. He now seemed like the perfect man.
“You know, I’ve always wondered what it might be like to be a vadder, but I didn’t expect it to happen like this,” Samuel said, now trying to quiet Lois by rocking her gently in his arms. “What will it be like when we have more kinner?”
“We will if I agree to the marriage.”
He sighed. “You’re making me wait and it’s not a bad thing.”
“I would love more, if we get married.”
“When we get married.” Samuel laughed. “There are plenty of rooms in the haus. Or, I’d buy us a new home, a bigger and better one. As I’ve said, I never really thought I’d get married and have a family, even though I’ve secretly wanted that for a long time. Now that I am about to have the improbable, I want to make everything as perfect as it can be. Besides, a larger home with more land would be much more appropriate if we hope to expand our familye.”
Mary smiled. “Is this how you do business?”
“Jah, you’ve got to know what you want and pursue it.”
Once the wind turned colder, they went back into the warm house. Mary took Lois from Samuel, and then they went their separate ways.
“Have a lovely night, my dear,” he called out to Mary.
“And you,” Mary replied. With a smile and a warm heart, she lay Lois back down in her crib and sat beside her in the rocking chair. Staring at Lois as she playfully rolled around and giggled, Mary couldn’t help but feel like Beth was watching over them. Everything that she and her friend tried to put together had nearly fallen apart until Samuel opened up and let her in. If that wasn’t a miracle of some sort, then she didn’t know what was.
After minutes had passed, Lois’s eyelids closed, and the sounds of her rhythmic breathing filled the air. Mary took one last look at Lois before heading to her room. She fell onto her bed exhausted, and then she smiled up at the moon that now hung high in the night’s sky. Moments later, she was fast asleep.
Chapter 22
The next day, Mary had a list of errands to run, along with some mail that had to be delivered to the Postmaster’s office. She also had to stop in and get some groceries for Freda. Freda had an elaborate dinner planned for that night and was missing a few ingredients.
After Mary had dressed, she got Lois ready and headed to say goodbye to Samuel. She peered into Samuel’s office to see him hunched over a table with a piece of paper in his hands. Next to him was a small, ornate box with a hand-written label stuck to it. A chill ran down Mary’s spine when she realized that was Beth’s box where she’d kept her important papers.
In Samuel’s hands was the written agreement between her and Beth and William, about them taking Lois to raise as their own child. She knew it was the document as they’d written it on special lilac heavyweight paper that she and Beth had purchased. Samuel was learning the truth of who Lois was at this very moment, and not learning it from Mary’s lips.
Fearing what would come next, Mary turned away, her back pressed up against the wall. What do I do? she wondered, swallowing nervously. What was going through Samuel’s mind right then? Was he upset and angry, or just hurt and disappointed? Either way, she knew that confronting him so soon would never work in her favor. All Mary hoped was that it wouldn’t change the plans they had for marriage, but she knew in her heart that it would. She’d taken things too far. She should’ve been happy to leave things be with the promise of being there with Lois forever.
With no other option, Mary made the decision to leave with Lois without saying goodbye. She asked Freda to let Samuel know she’d be gone for the day. The closer they got to the door, the more fearful Mary felt that she would get caught. Only a few steps away now, she could hear her heart beating so loudly that it drowned out her thoughts. With the cold doorknob in her hand, Mary pushed the door open. With one last look back inside, she sighed, letting a tear trickle down her face. I’m so sorry, Samuel.
Mary looked down at her daughter and held her tightly while walking toward the buggy that Luke had readied.
On the trip to town, Mary tried to organize her thoughts. In one day, weeks of happiness had become meaningless. Why hadn’t she remembered that piece of paper? Of course Beth's things would have been given to her brother. She’d forgotten about Beth's copy of the agreement long ago.
It was difficult to know the pain Samuel would have now, but she wasn’t about to find out right away. Time alone was what he needed. He would undoubtedly hate her, even if he wanted to continue taking care of Lois. It was over; her chance at a full, happy life with her daughter and a future husband was over.
Everything Mary had worked toward was gone. Looking back on it, Mary was so ashamed of all that she had done in her life. Mistakes were commonplace—she knew that, but she was sure she was the only woman her age still making them.
After she had run her errands, Mary sat with Lois on a hill that overlooked Samuel’s land, watching the day slowly fade as her hopes of a bright future did the same.
As the leaves fell slowly to the ground all around her, they fluttered in the sky as the wind caught them in its clutches and tossed them about wildly. Mary watched Lois carefully, worried that the chilling breeze might be too cold for her. “It’s starting to get dar
k now, so it’s probably almost dinnertime. We can go back soon,” she whispered.
Lois looked up at her and smiled, but made no sound. She did look like she was starting to get too cold, but Mary didn’t want to return to the house just yet. She took her shawl off and wrapped it around Lois. Confrontation with Samuel was what Mary had been avoiding all day. Mary had decided against the option of running away as there was nowhere she could go.
Mary could see the house clearly. The setting sun filled the sky with different shades of pinks and yellows, but the beauty of it left her unimpressed. Mary was too nervous to see the good in anything. “Let’s go home,” she said as she placed Lois safely into the buggy.
On the short drive, Mary found it impossible to think clearly. Everything that she had been trying to keep under wraps was now exposed: her secrets, her lies, and the painful truth. What Samuel would think or say was something that she just couldn’t know. He would most likely be angry, but would he throw them out? Or even worse, would he only throw her out and fight her for Lois?
When they arrived home, Luke ran out and took charge of the buggy. Mary, with Lois in her arms, proceeded quietly to the house, hoping to slip in without being heard. When she pushed the door open, the haunting silence made her uneasy. Stepping lightly to avoid making unnecessary noise, Mary made her way to the nursery.
Placing her daughter safely in the crib, she lifted the side-rail, and then stepped back and watched in silence. There in that nursery at that very moment, everything seemed right. Her precious baby girl lay there, now fast asleep without a single worry. It wouldn’t be that way much longer, but Mary wanted to hold onto it for as long as she could. “I’m sorry that I failed you. I’m sorry for everything.”
She’d have to face Samuel soon. She hadn’t been able to see his reaction very clearly as he read the paper, but she had seen enough to know that it had affected him greatly. The only thing she didn’t know was the future that it would lead to. Would she lose everything?
The Amish Woman And Her Secret Baby_Amish Romance Page 9
