I stand by Lai’s side as a messenger reports on the arrival of what backup the military could provide. Behind her, a group of about a hundred soldiers stand uncertainly but at the ready. Since only Austin and Noah knew of the military and Order’s alliance, it’s little surprise they’re confused. Yet I feel no suspicion from them. They know why they’re here and what we’re all attempting to do.
Once Lai has greeted them—most of their presences shifting to shock at the sight of the ex-lieutenant—and assigned them to their respective groups, I say, “You’re doing a great job. I’m sure Fiona would be proud.”
Lai closes her eyes as she leans her forehead into my shoulder. “I hope so. I keep trying to figure out if I overlooked something, but I’m out of ideas. This is the best I can do.”
“Your best got the Order in motion again,” I say softly. “Because of you, we have this huge defense team and the promise of help from the military once the Council’s been taken care of.”
“No,” Lai says. “I might’ve helped, but all of this isn’t because of me. It’s because of everyone fighting together.” She looks up at me and smiles. I’ve never seen her expression so gentle. “Thank you for everything, Jay. You’ve always helped me, even when you knew I was keeping things from you.”
My heart scrapes up my throat. “That sounds too much like a goodbye.”
“It’s not,” she says. “But, well. Just in case. I wanted you to know how much I—”
“No.” I put my fingers over her lips. “Tell me after all this is over.”
Her mouth rises into a smile under my fingers. “Yeah. Sure thing.”
“Lai, you got a minute?” Peter calls from some distance away. He’s with Clemente, Syon, and some of the captains. Syon’s and Clemente’s presences radiate discontent. The two of them are very reluctantly remaining behind to watch over the rest of the Order. They’ve made it clear they’re unhappy about the situation, but Syon is too young, and one of the leaders had to stay. Since no one could convince Lai to stand down, the responsibility fell to Clemente.
Lai and I share a glance. “I’ll be right back,” she says.
“Yeah.” It’s difficult to get the single word out and even more so to watch her leave. Everything is going to be okay. We’ll both make it out of this.
When I finally force myself to look away from her, I catch sight of Father nearby. He’s lingering, waiting for me to notice him.
I hesitate. His previous burst of concern surprised me. I don’t particularly want to talk to him right now, when there’s so much going on and I’m still uncertain how to deal with him. However, there’s every chance this could be our last opportunity to speak. If anything were to happen to me during this battle, would I really want his last memory of me to be me walking away from him? I can at least give him some peace of mind. I can do that much.
He barely waits until I’ve reached him before he says, “Are you sure you’re going back out there? So soon—after what happened last time?”
“This could be the only chance we have,” I say. “If we can’t stop the rebels here, now, the sector will be lost. If they decide to aim for the dome and manage to crack it, all the ungifted will die within minutes. You know that.”
“I do. But I would rather it wasn’t you who was going out to fight.”
“Doesn’t everyone wish it were someone else?”
“Sometimes, I’m not so sure you do.”
His comment takes me aback. However, when I think about it, I realize he’s right. I don’t want to transfer this responsibility to anyone else. I want to do this myself. I want to fight for what I believe in—and protect the people important to me. Lai. Al, Erik. My friends in the Order. Even Father.
“I’ll be as safe as I can,” I say when I can find no other answer. “I don’t have a death wish.”
“I know.”
I hesitate. I still haven’t fully decided what I want to do about Father yet. I don’t know if I want any kind of relationship with him. I haven’t forgotten everything he did when I was a child. I still recall the exhilarating sense of freedom when I realized I no longer needed anything from him during that Order screening. I’m not sure I want to give that up. However, this all seems like something I can decide if—when I return. I can at least part with him on good terms.
“I’ll see you when I get back,” I say. That feels safe.
He also hesitates before answering. “Yes. I’ll see you soon.”
We hug, awkwardly and briefly, before I pull away.
I don’t look back as I head to where Al and Erik are checking their equipment. They’re both in their old officer combat uniforms with their red strips of cloth tied over their armor, the same as Lai and me. Whereas Lai’s is tied around her upper left arm and mine above my right knee, Al wears hers around her neck and Erik around his right wrist.
Al’s eyes lock on me immediately. “Everything okay?”
Her concern makes me oddly relaxed as I join them in double-checking my equipment. “As good as it could be, I suppose.”
“Glad to hear you’re as optimistic as ever,” Erik says. “You’re going to have to fill me in on the details with all that once we get back, by the way.”
I laugh. Over the course of the past few days, I’ve realized just how much I missed Erik—in some heartbeats, it feels as though he never left at all. I forget there are things he missed in his absence. Things we missed in his absence. “We’ll all have to catch up after this is done. I still haven’t had the chance to ask about your memories. Any luck?”
Erik smiles ruefully. “Some. Still missing too much to say the risk paid off.”
“I’m sure everything’ll come back someday,” Al says. She grips Erik’s shoulder, and he offers a tired smile in return.
“It doesn’t really matter if they do or not,” he says. “I don’t need them anymore.”
Al and I exchange a look of surprise; however, Erik doesn’t seem particularly perturbed by his statement. He looks over at Lai as she hugs Peter, Syon, and Clemente for a long moment before breaking off to come join us.
Her presence on my grid settles and grows calmer as she nears us. I take her hand in mine and smile at her. She smiles back, and despite her obvious exhaustion, it’s genuine.
“Remember,” Lai says, turning to all of us, “the goal is to buy as much time as possible. We’ll start with trying to negotiate. Assuming that fails, we go after the rebels’ leaders. If they fall, it should cause enough confusion in their ranks to buy us the time we need.”
Erik’s presence wavers. Lai looks to him, and I have a feeling they trade some sort of telepathic communication, because his presence settles once more. He’s still upset but more resolved somehow.
“I’ll go after Ellis,” Lai says. “She’s probably going to be coming for me anyway, so I’ll have to face her one way or another.” Before any of us can protest, she holds up her hand. “I know the risks. But this is something I have to do. Besides, I won’t be alone. I’ve asked several of the captains to help me. We don’t need to win against her, either—so long as we can hold her off until the military arrives, it’ll be our victory.”
“I’ll take Cal,” Erik says after a heartbeat of hesitation. “I think he—I want to try to convince him to stop. I think I can do it.”
Lai’s gaze is hard when it locks with his. “If you can’t, are you prepared to kill him?”
It’s an extended period of time before Erik answers. “I’ll do what I have to.”
He’s not lying, but his words don’t put me at ease, either. I’ll have to ask later who this Cal is to him.
“Dibs on my stupid brother,” Al says. She doesn’t look at any of us when she says it, and my heart goes out to her. She told us of her confrontation with her older brother a few days ago, once things had calmed down a bit, and of the things he said. Erik’s shock at their relation might have been the biggest surprise of all. After that, he spoke a lot about Gabriel and why he was with the rebels
. From the way he talked, I gather they were close.
“So that leaves Joan and Devin?” I ask. I’m not sure which of the two I’d be less eager to face. However, I’ve realized a problem with this plan. I have no intention of leaving Lai’s side during this battle—but that leaves two rebel leaders unaccounted for, and both of them formidable enemies.
For the first time, Lai hesitates. “Peter volunteered to go after Devin, but I don’t like it. I know he wants revenge for Paul after what that rebel did to him. But Devin is strong, and I’m worried Peter might not be able to stay calm. I don’t think he can do it alone.” She looks me in the eye. I know what she’s going to ask of me even before she says it. “Jay. Will you help him?”
I don’t want to leave you, I think to her.
I know, she responds in my head. But this is important. We have to make sure all the rebel leaders go down. And if anything happened to Peter and I didn’t try to prevent it somehow, I’d never forgive myself. Please, Jay. This means everything to me. There’s no one else I’d trust this to.
My jaw clamps shut. I don’t want to say yes. I want to say there’s no way I’ll leave her to fight the rebels’ leader alone—especially after their last confrontation and her current state. But her presence is solid, sure. She knows what she wants. If I say no, I don’t know if she’d ever forgive me. “Of course,” I say. “I’ll do everything I can to make sure he’s safe. I promise.”
Her shoulders slump as though a weight has been lifted from them. “Thank you. And be careful. As for Joan, with her gift, she’s going to be tricky to deal with. I’ve asked two of our gifted captains to take care of her.” She takes a shaky breath. “If any of us fail, we’ll have to cover for whoever’s fallen.”
A heavy silence follows her words. Her meaning is clear. If any of us die, we’ll have to try to kill that person’s target as well as our own—with the knowledge that they killed one of our teammates.
“We’ve made it through a lot together,” I say. “In worse situations than this, with much lower numbers on our side. We’ll make it through this, too.”
“We’ll do more than make it through,” Lai says. “We’re going to win.” Her eyes flash as she thrusts her hand forward.
Al slowly grins as she throws her own hand on top, then me, then Erik. I don’t know who initiates it, but we’re suddenly crushed together in a group hug, all of us hanging tightly onto one another.
“Just you watch,” Al says. “All of us together? Nothing can beat us.”
“Well, that’s a given,” Erik says with a half-laugh.
An extended period of time passes before Lai draws back first. I follow her gaze to see one of the scouts standing just off to the side.
His hands are shaking. “They’re almost here.”
33
LAI
WHEN THE REBELS reach Sector Eight, a mass of Order members and soldiers borrowed from the military stand between them and the domed city. They came out in full force—this must be most of their members. Some of the rebels still show signs of injuries from our last fight. They’re all so young. Too young.
Ellis stands at their head. When only several dozen yards separate us, she waves her hand for everyone to hold. With her eyes on me, she keeps marching forward.
I feel surprisingly calm as I walk out to meet her. I’d thought my heart would be about to explode. I’d thought I wouldn’t be able to look at Ellis without seeing Sara and feeling sick. Just like the last times we met. But now when I look at her, I don’t see the girl who taught me to fight. I don’t feel any of the warmth I used to when I’d catch sight of her. Despite how I try to search for it, I can’t find any of the kindness I remember from our days together. This isn’t the Sara I love. Not anymore. And it’s about time I stop thinking of this person as her.
We both halt when there are only a few strides separating us. I still can’t read her thoughts. I can’t read the thoughts of anyone immediately behind her, either, which means Gabriel must be here somewhere. I vaguely wonder how he’s changed over the years. Has he become cold and cruel like Ellis? Secretive and manipulative like me? Somehow, I can’t imagine that.
“We’re asking you to stop here.” My voice carries to both armies in the dead air. There’s no wind, nothing to help abate the oppressive heat. It must be unbearable for the ungifted who have to wear the Outside armor. But they still came to fight with us.
“I’m afraid I have to decline,” Ellis says. Her expression is inscrutable. “We’ve come too far to stop now. We will have victory today.”
“Victory doesn’t come only when you’ve killed all your enemies. There are protests against the Councilors’ experiments throughout the sector—just as I’m sure you knew there would be. People are speaking up for us. They’re outraged for us.”
“And you think that will last?” Ellis spits on the ground. “They didn’t hesitate to stab us in the back before, but now that they’ve been handed someone different to hate, suddenly they’re our allies? Ridiculous. They’re just reveling in their temporary feelings of self-righteousness.”
“And if they’re not?” I ask. “If they really want to help the gifted? You’re not even going to give them a chance?”
“There’s no need. An Etiole is an Etiole through and through.”
“You’re such a hypocrite,” I say, finally unable to hold back the outburst. Surprise colors Ellis’s expression. “What gives you the right to stand there and judge an entire sector of people? You’re no better than the people who abuse Nytes. It’d be one thing if you said you wanted to bring people to justice for what they’ve done, but you just want to indiscriminately kill everyone—even the people who’ve helped the gifted.”
I wave my hand behind me at all the Order members, gifted and ungifted, who’ve saved me countless times in immeasurable ways, the people who are risking their lives and everything they love to stand here and fight. “What about the ungifted who fight with the gifted? What about the people who’ve protected Nytes? You’re just going to kill them all because of how they were born? How does that make you any better than the Etioles who hurt us?”
The surprise is still on Ellis’s face, and I realize it’s because I’ve stopped talking so formally. I started to talk the way I did when we were friends and it was just the two of us and Luke. My throat tightens, but Ellis’s expression returns to its former blankness, and that somehow makes everything easier.
“How is it those sympathetic Etioles you speak so highly of are never anywhere to be found when the gifted need them most?” she demands. Now she gestures to her own assembled army. “Where were they when our friends were beaten or chased out or killed? Why haven’t there been protests before? Why are they only acting now that they’ve found out it’s their own damn kind’s fault we exist to begin with? So ready to turn the blame on someone else at the drop of a word—those kinds of people aren’t to be trusted.” Ellis’s hands ball into fists. “And what about after the outrage dies down? Once the High Council’s creation of Nytes is old news? People will act in the heat of the moment, but give it another few weeks, and they’ll be tired of this already. No one will be trying to help us anymore. That’s why we’re going to fight for ourselves.”
She says that, but when I look at the gifted behind her, it’s to find their expressions much less certain than their leader’s. Their grips are loose on their weapons, a fact I can see even from here. Their faces are less resolute than the last time we met in battle, their shoulders hunched over. Erik didn’t know about the tapes and Council experiments when he was supposedly one of Ellis’s high-commanding officers. I doubt most rebels knew. How do they feel about all this? Do they really still want this war? Just from a glance, I wouldn’t be so sure. Even Ellis’s officers look less hardened than usual—other than Devin, who always looks ready and happy to kill. My stomach twists at the sight of him, and I remember the moment his dagger came down on Paul’s back, once, then again, the blood—
“What abou
t all of you?” I ask in a raised voice to the rebel army. Some of them startle at being addressed. “Is this really what you want, even after seeing those videos? Even knowing the ungifted in the sector are protesting for you? You still think they deserve to die?”
No one answers. Several of them shift their weight and won’t look in my direction. But for all their fidgeting, no one responds. No one throws down their weapon or says they refuse to fight. They might be unsure about this war, but from what I gather from the thoughts I can hear, no one is going to betray Ellis or their friends. Not after coming this far. I won’t get any help from them.
I shift my focus back to Ellis. “Don’t do this.”
In a low, harsh whisper meant only for me, she says, “You shouldn’t be here. You’re hurt. You lost a fucking arm, for gods’ sakes.”
“You, invoking the gods?” I ask quietly, unable to help my amusement. It always seems to come out at the worst times. “You don’t even believe in them.”
“I’m serious, Lai.”
“So am I.”
“You could die.” Her voice is oddly strained.
“As could you. I know what I’m fighting for. That’s why I’m here.”
“It’s not too late. It doesn’t have to be like this—you can still join us.” A desperation I’ve never seen in Sara or Ellis fills her eyes. “The sectors are wrong, Lai—why can’t you see that?”
“Why can you only see the parts that are wrong?” I ask. “What about our friends? What about Trist and his dad, who were only ever kind to us? What about Austin, the man who took us both in?” Something feels stuck in my throat. “What about what Luke wanted—peace for everyone? That’s how everything started, isn’t it?”
“Luke is dead!” Ellis hisses. Her voice cracks on the last word. “The Council killed him.”
My breath catches in my throat. “You know how he died,” I manage to say. “It wasn’t murder.”
An Outcast and an Ally Page 26
