I said nothing. How could I? My throat was tight and if I tried to speak, I knew I would start crying and then, who knew what I might let slip in the heat of the moment? Cade didn’t deserve to know just how much he’d hurt me and how much I’d missed him. He didn’t deserve to know all of that about me.
Cade carefully opened the passenger door of his car for me, so that he didn’t touch me as I got in. I could’ve smacked myself for my stupidity. How could I have let him get so close to me? How could I have lost myself in my reminiscing moment?
The drive back to my car was silent and awkward. Cade didn’t say anything and neither did I. When we pulled into the parking lot, I finally figured out what it was that I had wanted to say. I had my emotions wrestled under control just enough to say it without bursting into tears.
“I appreciate your apology,” I took a deep breath and kept my gaze fixed on the front windshield rather than looking at Cade. “But you have to promise me that it was just a momentary lapse.”
I saw Cade nodding from the corner of my eye. It wasn’t a verbal promise, but I supposed that it was better than nothing. I got out of the car.
“Remember, we have a tuxedo fitting scheduled for tomorrow,” I said, and then I got out, walked over to my car and drove away.
When I glanced in the rearview mirror, Cade was still sitting in his car, staring through the windshield. He didn’t look at me, and I didn’t look at him. Instead, I turned away and focused on the road.
I couldn’t believe that I had let my guard down around him, and so quickly. Stupid, stupid! Now, that I was alone, I let out my tears of frustration and cried a little. Nobody was around to see me. I had fallen back into Cade’s arms and his charm so fast that it might as well have been ten years ago all over again. I was ashamed of myself.
You have to do better, I told myself. And I would. Cade wasn’t going to sweep me off my feet again and catch me off my guard, no way.
9
Cade
I couldn’t believe that I’d been such an idiot. How could I have done that to Laura? How could I have, even for a moment, cheated on Della?
Sure, Della wasn’t in love with me, we were both aware of that. She knew that I wasn’t in love with her, either. But that didn’t change the promises I’d made, and the last thing I wanted to do was humiliate the poor girl. And Laura…she didn’t know the truth. I could’ve put her in a horrible situation. Not to mention an unprofessional one.
I was such a fucking idiot. I could smack myself, I could…. Why was there another car in the driveway at the lake house?
I pulled up, wondering who it could be. Was Mom having visitors over? I hoped not. I wasn’t really in the mood for making nice with strangers.
When I entered the house, I found that it wasn’t a group of strangers. It was Dad. With Della.
“Dad?” I blurted out. “What are you doing here?”
Della looked a bit embarrassed as Dad got up and walked over to me, smiling. “Congress called recess so I’m here for a break. I brought Della along so she can help with the wedding planning.” He lowered his voice, “And you don’t have to worry about all that nonsense if you don’t want to.”
“No, I do want to,” I said firmly.
“Besides!” Dad raised his voice again, ignoring me. “I’m sure the lovebirds want to spend some time together.”
I forced a smile and hoped that it didn’t look as uncomfortable as I felt. Della looked away, her face going pink. Even if we had been in love, I wouldn’t have liked my dad talking like that, embarrassing Della. But as neither of us were in love with each other, the discomfort reached a whole new level of awkwardness and frustration.
“I’ll let you two catch up,” Della said, standing. She offered a small, cordial smile. “I’m going to find Melinda and see about helping her make dinner.”
Mom hadn’t cooked a day in her life, but I wasn’t going to tell Della that. Not right now when she was using it as an excuse to escape than anything else, and certainly not in front of Dad. Della vanished, and I held in a sigh of relief.
Mom and Dad might think that the two of us were a perfect match, but I knew that Della had her doubts too. We had only kissed once or twice when we’d first started dating, to see if there was any spark, even though we’d both known from the first date that we weren’t meant for each other. We’d been introduced at a party by our parents, and we’d been able to clearly see the hints in the faces of our fathers—they had thought that we’d make a good match. When I got home from the party, Dad had been really blunt, saying I’d be a fool not to marry that girl, that I did not understand the opportunity before me, and she was so beautiful and charming....
I’d asked Della out just to get our folks off of our backs, and I’d known that she knew, that we weren’t meant to be. But my parents had been so happy, and Della hadn’t objected so we just…kept dating. Without any passion or romance. It had helped that most of the time, we were going to political and social events as each other’s plus one and could lose each other in a crowd or team up to schmooze together. She was more of an ally than a girlfriend to me.
No offense to Della, but I wanted someone with fire, someone who made me laugh and teased me. Della was so serious all the time. She reminded me of a beautiful white lily, delicate and lovely and elegant, and there wasn’t anything wrong with that. It just wasn’t for me.
Dad nudged me after Della had left the room. “Seriously, how’s the planning going? I’m sure you’re glad that Della will be here now to take over the reins.”
“The planning’s going very well, actually, and I’m still going to be involved in it even with Della here,” I said, keeping my tone light but firm. “I’ve already nailed down a menu and put in an order for tables and chairs and something called ‘chair covers’. Laura insisted that they’re very important….”
I trailed off as I saw that faraway look in his eyes that told me that Dad wasn’t listening to me. He nodded absently, then said, “Everything has to go off perfectly. Della’s father and his compatriots will be there, and we can’t afford to screw anything up. Remember! Nothing’s ever just a party or a time to relax in politics. Everything is an opportunity, both to win and to fail.”
Yeah, I was aware. Dad had been lecturing me on that ever since I was old enough to understand him. “I know, Dad. I know what’s required.”
He clapped me on the shoulder. “Excellent. You know, I spent a little time talking to the strategist about your future campaign. Our district is ripe for flipping, everyone agrees, we just have to come up with the right messaging.”
Oh God. I could feel my stomach churning. The last thing I wanted to discuss was politics or my career in it. “I’d be happy to discuss this later, but right now, my head is filled with table runners and color schemes and I’d prefer to let Della know about my choices before I forget it all.”
Laura knew all my choices, of course. She’d written everything down dutifully in the little notebook that she carried with her. But Dad didn’t know that, and it was a chance for me to escape.
I found Della out on the docks, dangling her feet in the water.
The last time I’d been with a woman on these docks, it had been with Laura, and I’d been in love with her. But I couldn’t keep her, couldn’t have her, no matter how much I wanted her. Now, I stood here with a woman that I didn’t love, and who I was going to have for the rest of my life, whether I liked it or not.
“Are you cold?” I asked.
Della shook her head. She’d undoubtedly heard me walking up to her, but didn’t turn her head toward me. She just kept staring out over the water. It reminded me of Laura, from earlier in the evening, staring through the windshield and not looking at me. I would’ve given anything for Laura to look at me, but then, Laura looking at me was how I’d ended up kissing her, and we couldn’t repeat that.
“You sure?” I asked.
Della nodded. “I grew up spending time here too, remember? I’m used to i
t. Dad’s place is just over that way.” She nodded in the direction of her father’s lake house.
“Ah. Right.”
I rolled up my pant legs and sat down next to her, dangling my feet in the water. The chill of the water was nice this time of year, with the summer starting to get hotter around us.
“How do you feel about all of this?” I asked.
Della shrugged. “Back in D.C., it was just an idea. Now that I’m here, in the place where we’re going to say ‘I do’, it feels much more real.”
Her voice was measured and soft, as it always was. I could never be entirely sure of what Della was thinking, compared with Laura, whose every emotion I knew—or I once had.
“I understand,” I told her. “And you know that you don’t have to do this.”
Della finally looked at me. “You don’t have to, either.”
She looked like a painting, with her ice blonde hair and pale blue eyes. I felt like I wasn’t looking at a person but an oracle.
“I know what I have to lose,” I pointed out. “And I know who I’ll disappoint, if I don’t marry you. If it wasn’t you, it would be someone else with a powerful father and a good pedigree. But I have to admit…I don’t understand your motivations.”
Della sighed and looked back out over the lake. “I’ve always wanted to be a part of politics, and your father’s ambitious plans for your trajectory could land you in the White House someday.”
I shook my head. “I know that’s what my father wants, he’s made that very clear. He feels it’s too late for him, that he didn’t do things right, and so I think he’s trying to live out that dream through me instead. But I’m not sure I’m cut out for that.”
“I think you are,” Della replied. “And even if you’re not sure, I know I’m cut out for it. I could help you.” She paused. “I want to make a difference and being First Lady makes a hell of a difference.”
This was the first time I’d heard Della swear. I grinned at her, then realized what she was saying. “What about love? You marry me, sure, you might use me to get the career you want and the position of power you want, but what does that mean? Sharing your life with someone you only see as an ally? Or a friend?”
Della shrugged. “I never thought I’d end up in love anyway. I know what I am. I’m rich, I’m the daughter of a powerful man, I’m conventionally pretty. I could never truly know if the person loved me for myself or for my looks and what my father and my money could do for him. I’m willing to give up on love because though it would be nice, we all want someone to tell us that we’re the most important person in their lives, don’t we? But—to me—public service is more important than romance. If I have to give up one of them, I’ll give up falling in love because that was always going to be difficult for me anyway.”
“I admire your selflessness,” I told her honestly. “Even if it…makes me a little sad. But if we have to go through with this, I’m glad I’m doing it with someone like you, Della.”
“Thank you.” Della smiled at me. “I do consider you a friend, Cade.”
“Same here.”
We looked out over the water together, and I hated myself for wishing that Laura be the one beside me. Della had no idea that I had feelings for someone else. She thought she was having a nice moment with a friend, and here I was pining over another woman. But I couldn’t help it. I missed Laura even more fiercely now than I had ever back in D.C. Everything I’d tried to stow away and forget about was returning full force to the surface.
I dared to feel sorry for Della, as if I was in a better position than hers, as if I had any right to feel superior to her in any way. I was in the same boat as her, except that she was passionate about politics and ready to devote her life to public service. She wanted to do great things, she had dreams and ambitions that she felt could only be realized by marrying me, or someone like me. She was making a necessary sacrifice to achieve her goals.
And what was I doing? I was doing this because I was supposed to. Because it was what my parents said I had to do.
Maybe I shouldn’t waste time on being sad for Della and spend more time feeling sad for how pathetic I was.
10
Laura
Picking out what to wear should not have been this difficult.
I stared at my closet, still wearing my robe, arms crossed. I just couldn’t seem to find anything that fit the image I wanted to project.
Caitlyn popped her head in. “Drew’s going to be late for school if you don’t put some clothes on.”
I groaned and flopped back onto the bed. “Thanks, I needed the reminder.”
“I can take him on the way to a consult?” Caitlyn suggested. “It’s not a problem.”
“Would you?” I sat up. “That would be amazing, thanks. I want to dress to impress today and I just can’t seem to decide.”
“Is this about…” Caitlyn lowered her voice. “Cade?”
“I want to show him how amazing and professional I am, and that I don’t need him. I want him to see what he missed out on, but I don’t want to dress like I’m coming onto him.”
“Wear something that’s long sleeved but form-fitting,” Caitlyn suggested. “I’ll get Drew, you just focus on work, okay? And don’t let him get to you!”
She disappeared, closing the door behind her. Don’t let Cade get to me. Right. Easier said than done. He’d already gotten to me a bit yesterday—which I couldn’t stop berating myself over.
I had let him kiss me. I’d let him get that close to me. I couldn’t let that happen again. He couldn’t know how much I still wanted him, firstly. He didn’t get to know that I still desired him, that I’d missed him, not after how he’d treated me. Secondly, he was engaged. I wouldn’t help him cheat on someone.
And yet—as irrational as it was—I wanted to look good when I saw him. I should dress up in a sack or a barrel, like in one of those old cartoons. I should refuse to do my hair or my makeup and show up looking dowdy and boring. But I wanted him to eat his heart out. I wanted him to drool over all that he wanted and couldn’t ever have. I wanted him to regret what he’d done to me and realize what an amazing woman he’d missed out on.
Caitlyn’s advice was good. I certainly didn’t want Cade to think that I was inviting him to kiss me again. I wasn’t. I was showing him what he wasn’t allowed to touch.
I found a lightweight sweater that had long sleeves, but clung to my curves, and a long pencil skirt to go with it—combined, the clothes covered most of my skin, but still showed off my body by accentuating my curves—the look being very classy. I did my hair up to complete the professional look and kept my makeup simple.
Surveying myself in the mirror, I nodded in satisfaction. I looked professional but sexy, exactly what I wanted to achieve. I didn’t look tired, either, which was a good thing. I’d tossed and turned all last night, filled with regret for what had happened. I’d slept fitfully, but when I’d finally woken up in the morning, I told myself sternly to get over it. Cade wasn’t for me and he never would be.
After all, just look at his life!
I was going to be the go-to event planner in Detroit after this wedding and nothing, not even Cade, would get in my way. He was going to marry someone else and then go live his D.C. dream, the dream that I would never fit into. And he was welcome to it! I was going to achieve my own dream, and I would be fulfilled and accomplished, damn it.
I got some work done at my office for a few hours before the tuxedo fitting, handling the nitty-gritty, behind-the-scenes work of the event, such as drawing up contracts, reviewing the budget and emailing suppliers.
When the time came to go to the tailors to meet Cade, my stomach flip-flopped. No matter how many times I told myself to stop being nervous, my body couldn’t help it. I felt betrayed by myself, that he still had such an effect on me when he didn’t deserve it.
“Laura?”
I turned, seeing Cade as I expected him to look—handsome as ever, crap—but he wasn’t alone.
Standing with him was his mother and another woman, a leggy blonde with long, straight, smooth hair and a body of a runway model.
Envy swelled in me so fast that I felt sick. Was this the woman Cade had chosen to be his bride? It had to be; she certainly wasn’t Melinda’s assistant, wearing designer clothes like that. He’d dumped me and then picked up some conventionally beautiful blonde to marry, someone who could probably star in Hollywood movies. I’d never felt so heartsick or disappointed in my life. It had been years since I’d felt this way, but all of my confidence seemed to melt away as I stared at this woman.
How dare he. How dare he pick her instead of me, how dare he be even more shallow than what I’d expected of him. I felt betrayed, like I had been slapped.
I forced myself to smile, regardless. “Hello again, Mrs. James. Hello Cade. And who’s this lovely lady?”
They were words I’d said time and time again while meeting the birthday girl, the bride or the guest of honor. But this was the first time that the words stung my throat.
“Laura, this is Della Frank, my fiancée,” Cade said. “Della, this is Laura Loomis, she’s our wedding planner.”
“Call me Della, please,” Della said, shaking my hand. She had a soft, sweet voice. I hated that I was intimidated by this obviously wealthy, beautiful woman.
“Congratulations on your engagement,” I told her.
Della blushed and looked at the ground, not the sort of reaction I’d expect from a happy bride. “Thank you.”
I decided to move things along before they got awkward. “We can all head inside. You’re just in time for the appointment, but Della, since you’re here, we should find out what kind of dress you plan on wearing so that we can shop for a tux that will compliment it.”
Tux styles were generally much more subtle than dress styles, but you still wanted to pick something that would match the dress. People picked up on subtleties, even if they didn’t realize it, even if they couldn’t explain why they felt that the tux and dress didn’t go together.
The One and Only: A Single Mom Second Chance Romance (Heart of Hope) Page 8
