I was…shocked was an understatement. I had no idea how to feel about this. But it did explain why Cade had refused to talk about his father when we’d been dating, how he’d kept me away from his father. He obviously didn’t have a good relationship with the man. “And…how do you feel about this?”
Cade sighed and looked out the windshield. “I’m not thrilled. Public service is important, I would never say that it isn’t. But I’m not sure that it’s for me. You have to have a passion for it, and I don’t really…have that.”
I was confused. Cade was always so confident and in charge when I saw him. Was he that way only with me? “Then why are you going to run for office if you don’t want to?”
“I have to do what my family wants. It’s my duty to do as my parents say and to live the life that they want for me.”
My jaw dropped, again. “Cade, that’s—do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds? Children aren’t born so that they can be slaves to their parents’ dreams and ideas. A child is a whole, individual person. And you’re not even a child anymore, you’re an adult. To act as though your only purpose is to make them happy…I’ve never heard of anything so absurd. And marriage? You’re marrying someone that your parents picked out for you, because they want it, and you don’t love her? Cade, you’re throwing your life away! You exist to do what you want and to be happy, you don’t exist to be who your parents want you to be.”
Cade shook his head. “At least Della knows what she’s in for. She’s rich, so I know that she’s not after my money. She’s politically minded, so she knows how to behave and how the press will catch you and tear you apart on any little slip-up. She knows all the right people and all the right things to say, and she actually cares about all of this stuff. She cares about public service and running for office.”
“Sounds like Della should run for office herself,” I pointed out.
I was being serious, but Cade chuckled like it was a joke. Based on my disapproving look, he sobered up. “I’m sorry. It’s just—Della’s very shy and withdrawn. It’s demure and elegant in a politician’s wife, and she knows how to be sociable and turn on the charm when she has to but…I don’t know if she has the confidence to run for office.”
Maybe someone needed to give her the confidence. I didn’t say this out loud, though. Cade clearly didn’t have enough confidence in himself to live his own life and refuse to do what his parents wanted. How could he encourage someone else? I was frustrated on his behalf, but also disappointed. I’d thought Cade was a man of more conviction and backbone than this. It saddened me.
“And is Della in love with you?” I asked.
Cade shook his head. “No. I never thought that she was, but we’ve had a couple of talks that have confirmed it. She sees me as a friend and a useful partner. She doesn’t believe in finding love.”
Sounded a bit like Caitlyn—those two might get along. I almost laughed at my own thought—friend-matchmaking between my best friend and the fiancée of the man who, in spite of everything, I still felt a strong pull towards.
I didn’t know what to think of the fact that Della wasn’t in love with him. It made our kissing a little less guilty because it meant that no one had been upset or disappointed. Della might not mind. On the other hand, it was still cheating. They were still together. And whether she was in love with him or not, she’d probably feel embarrassed and humiliated if people found out that her fiancé was making out with another woman.
Honestly, I wondered what it would be like to marry someone that you didn’t love. I hadn’t thought about marriage after Cade had broken my heart. Back then, I’d thought that we would spend the rest of our lives together. Even if I hadn’t really thought about how and when we’d get married—we still had to get through school, and I hadn’t imagined that we’d get married before graduation—I was certain that I would marry him someday because I was going to be with him forever.
After he dumped me, I hadn’t even been in a serious relationships, so marriage fell off the table. All of my energy had gone towards my career and my darling son. By the time I’d finished crying about Cade, I hadn’t been able to look at anyone else. How could I?
It wasn’t until Drew was about five years old that I’d even able to consider going out with someone. Caitlyn had encouraged me to try it out, to go on one date. What could be the harm?—which I’d found hilarious coming from her, of all people, who would shut a man down if he even tried to flirt with her—and I’d gone on a few dates here and there but nothing had ever felt right.
Probably because the man was never Cade.
“It seems wrong to marry someone that you don’t love. You’re spending the rest of your life with them, after all.”
Cade didn’t say anything, he just stared out the window.
Disappointment, bitter and irritable, clawed at my throat. I started the car. “I’ll drive you to the lake house.”
We hadn’t picked out a suit for him, but it was fine. Della was picking out her dress today so I could learn what it was and then Cade could go shopping for a tux tomorrow instead, with his new planner. I’d call the tuxedo place, explain that the event planner was changing, and make an appointment for Cade tomorrow. Easy-peasy.
Well, not easy. It wasn’t going to be easy to let Cade go. But it was for the best.
“I’m sorry,” Cade said, jolting me out of my reverie. “For what happened in the fitting room. You’re right, I can’t…it’s disrespectful to both you and Della, even if Della and I aren’t in love and have an understanding. I’ve been….” Cade took a deep breath. “I’ve been enjoying the time that we spend together too much. I’ve missed you.”
I concentrated on driving and staring out the windshield instead of looking at him, no matter how tempting it was to see the look on his face. Should I answer him?
When Cade said nothing more, I finally replied, “You’re marrying another woman, whether you love her or not. I’m glad you agree that the kiss was out of line. But talking about missing a girl you had a fling with in high school isn’t any better. It’s still crossing an emotional line even if it’s not crossing a physical one.”
“It wasn’t a fling,” Cade said, sounding firm.
I glanced at him, shocked. “You’re the one who called it a fling. The day you broke up with me and kicked me out of the lake house. Remember that? You said you were going to Georgetown and that this had been fun and all, but you had a life to live now.”
Cade said nothing, just looked out the window.
I concentrated on the road again. I had thought that Cade had run out of ways to hurt me, but it seemed that I’d been wrong. I had never been so disappointed in a man in all my life.
“I’ll send you the names of some other wedding planners once I get back to the office,” I told him, spying the lake house up ahead. “I’ll make you a new tux appointment for tomorrow, and you can go with your new planner. You’ll have Della’s dress in mind, now.”
Cade sighed. “What will it take to keep your services?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “We can’t seem to keep our hands off each other.”
I could admit to my part in this. I had wanted him for so long, that having him in front of me meant that it took little to persuade me to leap into his arms. I felt like we were both constantly on the edge of making out, that even looking at each other or being in each other’s presence constituted as foreplay.
“Well, I don’t want you to give up such a lucrative job because I was weak,” Cade replied. “And I enjoy spending time with you, I don’t just want to….” He cleared his throat before he could finish the sentence, but my pulse raced. “I could wear handcuffs to all of our meetings?”
I laughed. “You should add a muzzle as our lips keep getting you into trouble.”
“I will,” Cade said, smiling but with a serious tone, “If it’ll get me back into your good graces.”
He was being sweet. I couldn’t deny that. And I really did want—and need—this jo
b for my career. And—while I didn’t think I could ever admit it out loud to him—I missed him, too. I wanted to spend time with him and be around him, even if it was becoming more and more clear to me that I would never get to have him the way that I wanted to.
I took a deep breath. “I’ll keep planning the event. But this can’t happen again, all right? I need you to promise me this.”
Cade nodded. “I understand.”
We parked and he got out of the car, then leaned back in. “By the way, I already have plenty of suits that could work for the wedding, including a couple of tuxedos.”
He winked at me and then closed the door, jogging up to the house.
I rolled my eyes, even as I felt my cheeks heat up. So, he’d agreed to a tux fitting…to see me. That shouldn’t make me feel happy inside and yet…it did.
I was clearly getting in way over my head here.
13
Cade
It was my once-in-a-week night out with Gray, and I really needed it. I could use some help clearing my head and figuring out what to do about this whole Laura situation. I had given in to my temptation for her twice now, and one of those times I’d nearly had sex with her in a public place. I needed to get my head on straight, somehow.
Gray had found a local sports bar where we could relax, shoot the shit over a couple of beers and play some pool if we felt like it. It was the escape that I needed, the one place Mom or Dad wouldn’t try and muscle in on my time. They were always trying to be in my life, to guide me and put their opinions and plans on me. With the wedding, things were getting even more ramped up.
Gray let me rant about it for a bit, and then I let him talk about his work for a while to get my damn mind off of my own problems. Not that Gray had any problems. He was working with an activism campaign and was in Detroit helping them with their social media blitz, lending his name and image to the cause.
To be honest, I was surprised and impressed. Gray was a good guy, and he wasn’t as shallow as he led people to believe, but he did have a bit of a lazy, party boy lifestyle and he didn’t like the idea of working hard.
“That’s noble of you,” I pointed out.
Gray shrugged and took a sip of his beer, looking away. “It is what it is.”
Gray was never comfortable with praise. Probably because growing up handsome and rich and with such famous parents, he had no idea when people were being genuine about it and when they were saying whatever it took to get him to do something for them.
“Uh, wedding planning is more fun than I thought,” I said, trying to change the subject for his sake and wanting to confide in him about Laura.
“Oh?” Gray looked over at me, curious. “But you and Della aren’t….”
“It’s not about Della,” I admitted. “The wedding planner is my old flame.”
“You don’t have any old flames.”
I winced. “Actually….”
I told him everything about Laura, right up to the present day—meeting her again, kissing her, nearly fucking her in the dressing room. Gray was practically gaping at me by the time I was finished.
“Jesus! And this whole time I thought you were just not into that whole thing. You’re a tiger underneath it all!” Gray laughed. “Guess you just need the right prey to hunt, huh?”
“Very funny.”
Gray sobered up. “Seriously, man, how does it feel? Knowing that you’re going into a loveless, sexless marriage while trying to get into your wedding planner’s pants.”
“It’s disgusting,” I snapped. “You think I like the idea of cheating on my bride-to-be? I don’t want to do that to Della. And I don’t want Laura to be my mistress in the shadows. She deserves better, too.”
“That means you’re basically resigning yourself to celibacy.”
“I’m aware,” I said dryly. “It didn’t seem to be such an onerous thing before. There was nobody that I wanted, so there was nothing to miss. But then I came here and ran into Laura and now, she’s all I can think about. I want her so much it fucking aches, man. It’s like being a teenager all over again. Thinking about marrying Della and having to leave Laura behind…it sounds like the worst thing to do.”
Gray sighed. “Look, I know that it’s like to have everyone’s expectations on you. Trust me. Maybe you should take a page out of my book? Just go rogue. You can’t be forced to meet anyone’s expectations if no one has any expectations of you.”
“Right, because you don’t mind that you’re disappointing your parents.”
“That’s the thing!” Gray took a swig of beer. “I flit from thing to thing, place to place, and I never do what they want me to do, so now they’ve stopped expecting me to do anything. They’re happy to hear about me doing something like this campaign because their expectations for me have been exceeded. They’re not disappointed anymore. Disappointment means you had hopes in the first place.”
“I think it’s a little late for me to start down that path,” I pointed out.
Gray shook his head. “It’s never too late. Why do you feel like you have to do what your parents want, anyway?”
“Because…” I fumbled, feeling so unsure that it almost made me sick. “I don’t want to let them down. They have such high hopes for me, and it means so much to them. Besides, I’ve always done what they wanted. What kind of life would I have if I stopped doing that?”
“You’d have a life that was your own, and not theirs,” Gray replied. “It’s not your job to be who your parents want you to be or do everything they want you to do. It’s your life and you get to do what you want with it. I think you should get to be happy. And honestly, if you were truly happy, I think your parents would come around. I know they’re overbearing but they’ve just got a skewed view of things and you’ve gotta admit, man, you’ve enabled that skewed view by never standing up to them all this time. You’ve let them think it’s okay to rule over you.”
I considered that. Honestly, there was a part of me that wondered if I even deserved to be happy. Not that I’d done anything wrong, exactly…just that a part of me that had been raised to make my parents happy, upset at the idea of doing anything that went against them. Why should I put my own happiness in front of theirs when they’d done so much for me?
On the other hand, much of what my parents had done for me hadn’t been what I’d wanted them to do. It had been what they’d wanted for me, and I’d just never argued with them. They controlled my life. Nothing of my life was my own.
Didn’t I deserve to live my own life? Didn’t I deserve to take ownership of that?
I wanted Laura, more than anything. But could I truly defy my parents for her?
14
Laura
Cade and Della nodded along as I sat in my office with them, going over aspects of the ceremony. Did they want a DJ or a band, did they want a priest or another officiant, these sorts of things.
Most couples had a strong opinion on certain things, like the officiant, but would be lost about other things they hadn’t thought about, like whether they wanted a live band or a DJ (or a combination, like a live band to start with for the couple and family dances and then move on to a DJ for when everyone was on the dance floor tipsy and partying).
Della and Cade didn’t seem to have any opinions. I understood now why Cade didn’t really have any, but I would have thought that Della would have a few. Even if she wasn’t in love with Cade—as he claimed—surely, she would still have some opinions about her wedding day, a day that was supposed to be all about her.
We were halfway through the meeting, and I really didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was giving them my opinion and they were going along with it. It would’ve been great if this was my wedding, but it wasn’t. It was theirs.
Cade’s phone rang and I nearly sighed in relief. He grimaced, pulling it out, and shot me an apologetic look. “I’ll just take this really quickly, sorry Laura.”
“No problem,” I assured him.
Cade left the ro
om to take the call, leaving me alone with Della.
Well, there was nothing but to keep seeing what opinions I could get from her. I was nervous to be alone with her, I will admit that. She was beautiful, rich and intimidating. She exuded an air of elegance that made me worry that I was…inferior. How could Cade want me and not her when she was right in front of him? It baffled me. I hadn’t felt this insecure in years.
It was a clear sign of how much Cade messed with my heart and how much I was still hung up on him, even if I didn’t want to be, that this woman could make me feel unsure about myself. Cade didn’t even want Della, or so he’d said, and I couldn’t quite keep a check on my emotions.
“So, Della,” I said, continuing our conversation. “What do you think about a live band? Any preference of the genre? Swing band, country….”
Della stared out the window. She seemed lost in a reverie.
“Della?” I repeated.
She started, like I’d startled her, and turned to face me. “I’m…sorry, I’m sorry. I just feel very overwhelmed by all the choices. I’m sure whatever you think is best or whatever Cade wants will be fine.”
“But it’s not my wedding, Della,” I pointed out gently. “It’s yours. Don’t you want a wedding that has everything you have ever wanted?”
Della gave a small, pained laugh, then looked away from me, out the window again. “I’m sorry. I’m…this isn’t any of your business, I’m sorry….”
To my shock, she began to cry.
She was a very composed and quiet crier. I had the suspicion that Della had to be composed throughout her life, every day. I immediately grabbed some tissues out of my drawer, my heart going out to her, and handed them to her. “It’s okay, whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.”
Della began to cry even harder, crying properly now. I wondered if she’d ever let go in front of someone like this, just let herself cry without any concern, about what she looked like or the impression she made on them.
The One and Only: A Single Mom Second Chance Romance (Heart of Hope) Page 10
