I started shaking my head even before Caitlyn had finished speaking. “No. I can’t. I can’t! That was just one date where things went well. A romantic date between two adults who were catching up and then had sex. That’s not the same thing as springing the existence of a child on him.”
“Okay, fine. Then tell me, what’s the worst that could happen?” Caitlyn dried off her hands, then passed me the towel. I took it from her and wiped my hands clean.
“Well, first of all, he’s going to be angry that I didn’t tell him about Drew earlier. So that might implode our relationship, to start with.”
“Well, that’s stupid. How would you have known that you could trust him? He was going to marry someone else, for crying out loud. If he gets angry that’s just ridiculous and you shouldn’t be with him anyway.”
“You’re taking a hard stance against a man. How unlike you,” I said, deadpan.
Caitlyn rolled her eyes. “Look, I’ve seen how awful men can get, up close and personal, so if I see warning signs and red flags, I tell you. Aren’t you lucky that I share my expertise?”
“Even if he’s not angry about me keeping the secret, who says he wants to be a father? We never got around to discussing kids when we we’d been together because that step was far away for us. Why would we talk about kids when we had to get through school first, you know? So, I don’t know if he’d want that now,”
I hung the towel up to dry. “And what if he thinks that he wants kids now, and starts a relationship with Drew, only to decide later—once he’s had a solid taste of it—that he doesn’t want to be a father? Drew would be crushed.
“I mean, my father didn’t want anything to do with me or my mother. I never even met him. But just knowing that he knew about me and chose to walk away, that hurt me. Growing up with that knowledge, it really affected my self-esteem. I can’t let that happen to my son.
“And we’re adults now! What if we find out that we aren’t compatible beyond the sex and the reminiscing about old times? What if the distance, the Detroit-D.C. issue, doesn’t work out? Either of those things would affect his relationship with Drew. I can’t let my son be hurt because of this. I can’t.”
Caitlyn watched me with a sympathetic look on her. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down. “It’s better to be safe than sorry,” I finished up. “I don’t want Drew to be heartbroken. Not like I was ten years ago.”
Caitlyn sighed, then looked out the kitchen window. “In my experience, keeping secrets, even for a good reason, can really bite you in the ass. But it’s your choice, and I understand why you’re doing this. I just hope that it all works out.”
I hoped so, too.
23
Cade
My heart sank as I read the report on Laura.
I’d paid a private investigator to look into Laura and see what they could dig up. It had been only a day since I’d given them the assignment, but they already had information that was…devastating— that was the only word that I could think of.
Laura had a child.
All of it was laid out, right there in the report. The school that the kid attended, photos of him with Laura in front of a small house. His name was Andrew Loomis.
So that was what she was hiding. Not a boyfriend, but a child. In a way, it was almost worse than a boyfriend, and not at all what I had been expecting.
I couldn’t understand why she hadn’t told me this information. Why would she want to hide the fact that she had a child? Did she think that I’d judge her or be ashamed of her? I couldn’t possibly. Things happened, surprises happened, and if she’d found herself with a child because the father had abandoned her or died—I wouldn’t ever—
Wait….
I put down the picture of Laura outside her house, holding her son’s hand, and picked up the piece of paper that detailed the information on Andrew. The child was about to turn nine years old.
And I had left town a little over nine and a half years ago.
The paper slipped out of my hands and fell to the floor. My fingers felt numb. I couldn’t even describe the wave of emotions that washed over me. There was anger, there was sadness—but there was also confusion and disappointment. How could she have kept something like this from me? Especially in light of my—well, my father’s—political aspirations. Having a child out of wedlock when I had been a teenager wasn’t going to play well among the more conservative factions in the state.
The emotions churning inside me coalesced into one single feeling: betrayal.
I had to confront her. I needed to know her reasons. I needed to know how she could keep something so vital and important from me, something that could completely change my life. She’d had ten years, and now I was right in front of her, and she had never told me about this.
The reasons she wanted to keep things casual and didn’t want us to get into a relationship were clear now. It wasn’t just distance or transplanting herself to a new city. It was her son. It was our son. She hadn’t wanted me to find out about my own child.
It was just around dinnertime now, so Laura would be heading back home from her office. I could go to her house and see her.
I could go see my son.
I wanted to meet him. This child looked adorable, and I wanted to know everything about him. What did he like? What were his favorite foods? Was he loud and talkative or quiet and thoughtful? Did he have a sense of humor? What was his favorite color? Did he prefer fantasy books that had knights and dragons, or science fiction that had space battles and aliens?
As I got into my car, I doubted for a moment whether this was a good idea. Should I really barge into Laura’s home unannounced and demand answers? I shook off those thoughts. No, it was a good idea. She’d kept this secret from me, and she had some explaining to do now. I wasn’t the one who should be worried. She should.
24
Laura
I had just cleaned the dishes off the table after dinner when the doorbell rang. Caitlyn hollered that she’d get it, so I went back to my cleaning.
A moment later I heard Caitlyn call, “Laura, you have company.”
Her tone was light, probably to not alert Drew or wake him up, but I’d known Caitlyn for nearly a decade now and I knew when she was concerned. My heartbeat picked up as I walked to the front door—and nearly choked when I saw who it was.
Cade.
Caitlyn had her arm out, blocking the doorway, blocking his way in. “This man says that he knows you,” she said. “He wanted to come in. I said over my dead body.”
Caitlyn’s distrust of men and her instinctively protective nature were suddenly two things that I was insanely grateful for. Thanks to her, Cade hadn’t gotten into the house. He hadn’t seen Drew, and Drew hadn’t seen him.
“We need to talk,” Cade said, looking at me with a stern expression.
Caitlyn looked at him suspiciously. “Yeah, well you can talk when you’re calm, jackass.”
Cade really did look angry. Luckily, I could handle an angry Cade. I knew he wouldn’t ever hurt me. “It’s okay, Caitlyn, we’re just going to talk outside.”
She still looked dubious about him, but moved aside when I put my hand on her arm. “Okay. I’ll be right inside.” She pointed a finger at Cade, “You try anything, and I’ll break your kneecaps.”
Quickly, I stepped outside onto the porch and closed the front door. “That’s Caitlyn. Like I said, she had a bad experience with a man. She’s not very trusting.”
Cade nodded, his face impassive.
I folded my arms, determined to get some answers. “How did you get my address?”
Cade didn’t answer my question. “Is there anything you’d like to tell me, Laura?”
“That I don’t like your tone,” I replied in a flat tone. “You’re not my boss, you don’t get to be condescending to me.”
“So, there’s nothing that you want to tell me? Maybe something that happened about, oh, nearly ten years ago? Something you’ve kept to yourse
lf all these years?”
I wanted to throw up, shock crashing over me. “How did you find out?”
Cade gave me an oh, please look. “I knew you were hiding something because of how you kept running away after sex. So, I decided to hire a private investigator to look into it. I figured that you were hiding a boyfriend. But it was something much worse, wasn’t it?”
My jaw dropped. Anger—no, fury—rose in me.
“Wow,” I grunted through gritted teeth. “Wow, that is—that is rich. I should have known. Are you anything like that man I’d fallen in love with, or was it all just a lie? A show? Get as much sex out of me as possible and then dump me? Because you are turning out to be the world’s biggest piece of shit.”
Cade blinked, like he hadn’t expected that response, but I was just tapping into the anger I’d harbored inside me for all these years.
“You assumed that I was using you to cheat on someone? You assumed that of me! That I was hiding a boyfriend from you! That’s what you think of me? And here, I thought that you really meant it when you’d told me that I was beautiful and amazing. You can’t really think those things of me if you also think that I have no goddamn morals.
“Instead of asking me whether or not I had a boyfriend or trusting that, I don’t know, that my private business is my private business, you invaded my life! You hired someone to tail me! I can’t believe this, Cade. I’ve never been so disappointed with someone in my entire life. You are nothing like the man I thought you were. You’re as spoiled and selfish as your parents.”
Cade gaped at me, unsure of what to say, but then he rallied and countered, “You had no right to hide my child from me.”
I snorted. “Oh, please. That’s rich. You left me. You dumped me and told me that every dream we’d had together, all of our plans, were lies. You told me that I was just a fling to you and that it was over. You acted like I was nothing! A toy that you were done playing with! I knew that if I meant nothing to you, your son would mean nothing to you.”
Despite my best efforts, my throat tightened, and my voice began to falter, my eyes tearing up as I remembered the deep fear that had gripped me when I’d realized that I was pregnant.
“You think I didn’t consider going to you? I was a nobody! Meanwhile, your parents had money and aspirations for you. Are you telling me that your father wouldn’t have tried to bury me somehow to get me out of the way so that your career would be safe? What if they’d hired lawyers to take my baby away from me, so that I never saw him again? And even if you had known, what if you just flew in and out of my child’s life whenever you felt like it, and ignored him when you were tired of him? What would that do to him? I could never put my child through that. Never! I wouldn’t let you treat him as if he was nothing, and I wouldn’t let your parents take him from me or hurt both of us.”
“You’re wrong!” Cade blurted out. “That’s not how it would’ve gone down, and you never should’ve made that choice for me. I had a right to know that I had a son, and I have a right to get to know him now.”
I laughed, bitter and slightly hysterical. “You’re wrong, hotshot. You can’t come bulldozing your way into our lives like this. I used to find that alpha male thing you had going on hot, but wow, it just makes you an entitled asshole, doesn’t it? Drew isn’t a toy, to pick up when you want to play with him and then put away when you’re bored.”
“You have no right to assume those things of me,” Cade growled.
I took a step forward so that I was right up in his face. “Oh, trust me, I know exactly what’s within my rights. I am Drew’s mother, and I decide if you can meet him. Right now, the answer is no. You didn’t ask me, you went behind my back and invaded my privacy and had me investigated. You assumed that I was a cheater, and now you’ve shown up at my house unannounced like some psycho stalker, and you’re demanding to see a boy that you gave up the rights to seeing when you treated his mother like she was trash.”
My voice rose in pitch. “What was I supposed to do back then? Crawl back to you and say, Hey, I know you just told me that I was nothing to you and that it was time for both of us to move on, but guess what! I’m pregnant! I’m sure that won’t ruin your college and career plans. Yeah, right! How dare you expect me to come groveling back to you, heart in my hands, when you’d just hurt me like that? I was scared and angry, Cade!”
I wouldn’t cry. I wouldn’t let myself. But God, I was so close. “I was terrified! And alone! And it was because of you! So, don’t you dare act like I did something wrong!”
I drew myself up. “Now get out of my front yard or I will set Caitlyn on you and I’ll call the cops!”
Before Cade could answer, I stormed back into the house and slammed the door as hard as I could, making the entire house shake.
I pressed my ear to the door, hardly daring to breathe, waiting. Despite all the things I had just said, I knew, in my heart of hearts, that if he’d just apologized to me and said that he’d been wrong, I would have given him a chance. He had to just apologize.
There was no sound from the other side of the door. After what seemed like a lengthy minute, I heard Cade walk away, and I slumped against the door. I heard a car start up—his car—and drive away.
Caitlyn had been standing in the doorway, as she’d promised, but the hard look on her face softened as I slid down to sit on the floor. “Oh, honey….”
She sat down next to me. “You okay?”
I shook my head and burst into tears.
25
Cade
It was a Friday evening, and I was still moping around the lake house.
Though I never would’ve admitted such a thing out loud to anyone, I didn’t know what else to do. I felt miserable. This was even worse than when I’d broken up with Laura the first time—and this time around, we hadn’t even been a couple.
When I’d broken up with her the first time….
It had been a hurtful thing to do. I’d done it to protect her, but I hadn’t expected it to sting so badly all these years later. Now I knew why. It wasn’t just that I’d broken her heart, but she’d been left pregnant and alone, without any support, and unable to trust me.
Had I really fucked things up so much? Had I really ruined any chance of being in Laura’s life?
My anger at her and going to her house to confront her hadn’t helped at all. I’d invaded her privacy and been exactly like the kind of man my father was, doing what I wanted and expecting the people around me to fall into line without actually considering their feelings, thoughts and free will.
How could I have ever thought that Laura would cheat on someone? She had always been loyal and devoted to me when we’d been dating, and she had refused to do anything with me while I was engaged. If she was cheating on a boyfriend, she wouldn’t have cared about me having a fiancée.
I had been so blinded by wanting things my way that I hadn’t thought about her autonomy. And now, I was worried that I didn’t have any chance to make things right. Laura’s words had been pretty firm. There wasn’t any room for a different interpretation.
I wandered into the kitchen. Should I grab another expensive bottle of scotch and waste it on myself all night, like I had done for the past four days? Dad was going to kill me when he found out how much alcohol I’d gone through, but he was already planning on killing me for not going to Florida with and staying here in Michigan instead. Neither did I go back to D.C., so I figured that he could just add all these affronts to my tab.
My phone rang. My heart leapt for a moment, wondering if it could be Laura. I grabbed it hurriedly.
The caller I.D. showed that it was Gray. I answered it, “Hey.”
“Hey!” I could hear practically the carefree smile in Gray’s voice. “What are you doing tonight? Still in Detroit? We need to get together!”
“I’m not really in the mood.”
“Is this still about Laura?” Gray sounded incredulous.
“Of course, it’s still about Laura,�
� I replied, trying to control my voice. “How about you do me a favor, go fall in love with the perfect woman, then fuck things up with her, and tell me if it takes you only four days to get over it.”
Gray sighed. “Dude, I know you’re still upset, but you need to get out of the house and try to shake off this funk.”
“It’s not a funk—”
“You’re going out tonight, one way or another. Either you agree and do as I say and meet me somewhere, or I’ll track you down and bring the party to you.”
Part of me knew that getting outside the house, getting some fresh air and socializing with some strangers, would be a good thing to get Laura out of my system. The rest of me just wanted to keep suffering in silence and unlimited volumes of alcohol.
But I caved in for Gray’s request. “Fine. I’ll meet you.”
“Good man!” Gray was grinning, the bastard. “I’ve got an address for you, be there at eight.”
To my surprise, the address wasn’t for a nightclub or restaurant. It was for an art gallery. Huh. This wasn’t usually Gray’s speed. I was glad for it and wondered whether we might just have a low-key night than I’d thought earlier.
I went ahead and dressed in a suit, wanting to look respectable enough for the institution that we were going to this night. I might not be in the mood to socialize but that didn’t mean that I would be that person in jeans and a shirt at the art gallery.
Not surprising at all was the fact that I got to the art gallery long before Gray arrived. I ended up sitting in my car for a while and then walking up and down the street, waiting for him before I went in.
The One and Only: A Single Mom Second Chance Romance (Heart of Hope) Page 16
