by Fannie Flagg
“Whew,” Tot said. “The thought of anyone else doing your roots just made me crazy. I couldn’t bear to think of you going out to Supercuts: they don’t know you and they don’t know your hair.”
Tot washed Norma’s hair in her kitchen sink, and after she finished rolling it up she felt like a hundred-pound weight had been lifted off her chest.
As she left she said, “Norma, I’ve been thinking, when you come in next week, I want us to go a little lighter with your color. I have a new product for us to try, if you’re up for it.”
“Sure, whatever you want, Tot,” she said. She was so happy to be going back, she would have let Tot dye her hair green if she had wanted to. Both her escrows were closing on time, and she had Tot back. All was right with the world again.
A Very Nice Cat
8:40 AM
Every year on the same day Macky picked Sonny up and took him to the vet’s office for his annual checkup and shots. This morning Aunt Elner was in the living room waiting for Macky, and Sonny was already in his cat cage ready to go.
When he walked in, she said, “Ohhh, Macky, is he mad at me. He knows where he’s headed and he’s not happy about it either.”
Macky picked up the box. “How did you catch him?”
“I tricked him, I opened up a can of cat food and when he tried to eat it I threw a towel over him.”
He looked inside and he could see Sonny was not glad to see him.
“I’ll see you later, Aunt Elner,” he said as he picked the cage up.
“OK, tell Dr. Shaw hey for me.”
When Macky brought Sonny back that afternoon, Aunt Elner was out on the porch to greet him, happy to have Sonny back home.
“How did he do?”
Macky handed him over. “Just fine, he’s good to go for another year.”
“Did he bite anybody?”
“No, not that I know of.”
“Well, good, they say he’s hard to pill.”
Early the next morning Norma was in the kitchen trying to pull together a home inspection and a termite report on the old Whatley place when the phone rang. When she picked it up, it was Aunt Elner.
“Norma, you are going to have to get Macky to come up here and take this cat back over to Dr. Shaw.”
“Why?”
“It’s not my cat.”
“What do you mean, it’s not your cat?”
“It’s not my cat. He’s a very nice cat, but he’s not my cat.”
“Of course it’s your cat.”
“No, it’s not.”
“What makes you think it’s not your cat?”
“I can just tell. You know your own cat, Norma.”
“Well, maybe he’s still traumatized from having to go to the vet, give him a day or so and he’ll be back to his old self.”
“I’m telling you, Norma, this is not my cat. This cat’s hair is fuller around the face than Sonny’s was, and his personality’s not the same.”
“Honey, Dr. Shaw has treated Sonny for years, he would know if it was the right cat or not. What possible reason would he have for giving you the wrong cat?”
“Maybe they gave Sonny to some other person, and I got their cat by mistake. I don’t know, but I do know this is not my cat.”
Norma hung up and called Macky out at The Home Depot.
“Macky, Aunt Elner thinks the cat you picked up yesterday is not Sonny.”
“What?”
“She’s convinced that the cat you brought back is not her cat.”
“What makes her think so?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Macky. What makes her think anything, but you better go over there and talk to her.”
“Have you called Dr. Shaw? Who knows, maybe they did give her the wrong cat.”
“You saw the cat, Macky, didn’t it look like Sonny to you?”
“Yes, but all those orange cats look alike to me, I couldn’t tell one from another.”
Norma felt like a fool but she made the phone call anyway just to be on the safe side.
Dr. Shaw was in the back busy clipping Beverly’s new ferret’s toenails, so Norma spoke to his wife, who worked in the office.
“Abby, it’s Norma, let me ask you a silly question. Did you happen to have more than one orange cat over there the other day?”
“Other than Mrs. Shimfissle’s cat?”
“Yes?”
“Gosh, I don’t think so, why?”
“Oh, she has some crazy idea that the cat Macky picked up yesterday is not her cat.”
“Huh…well, let me check it out and make sure, but I don’t remember and I was here. Hold on…. No, no other orange cats were here.”
“Aunt Elner, I just spoke to Abby. Honey, that had to be Sonny, she said they didn’t have any other orange cats over there.”
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you, but this is not my cat. It’s too bad cats don’t have fingerprints or I could prove it to you once and for all. Like I say, he’s a very nice cat but he’s not my cat.”
“Well, what are you going to do?”
“What can I do, just keep him, I guess. I’ve gotten used to him now. I just hope whoever has Sonny is sweet to him.”
“Ironic,” thought Norma. They had switched cats on her in the past and she had not noticed, and now, when she really did have the right cat, she thought she didn’t. Go figure.
Something’s Wrong
6:30 AM
After the cat incident, they should have been concerned about Aunt Elner, but Macky just laughed, and for the past year Norma had been so busy with her real estate, they had not thought any more about it. However, in early March they suddenly started to notice she wasn’t hearing as well, and she began to be confused about who people were. As the months went by she would often call Norma, Ida, and sometimes would call Macky, Luther. Soon, other little things started to happen. She started forgetting conversations and would call three or four times and repeat the same things over and over, and after a while she started to become confused as to where she was, as though she were back on the farm again. Then a few weeks later, when Macky went over for coffee, he walked into the kitchen and found she had left the stove burner on, but was not in the house. He went next door to Ruby’s, looking for her, but she was not there. He then walked out into the back field behind the house and found her wandering around, lost and confused. When she saw him, she said, “The barn’s gone, I can’t find the barn, and I’ve got to feed the cows.” Macky knew something was wrong. After he told Norma what had happened, she said, “It’s just not safe for her to be alone anymore, Macky. I’m afraid she’s liable to burn the house down. We are going to have to put her out at Happy Acres for her own good, before she hurts herself.” As much as he didn’t want to, he had to agree. The time had come. They had the initial meeting, and as they walked down the hall on a tour of the place, it almost killed Macky. On every door the management had placed a photograph of the person so they could find their room. As he went by he saw face after face of someone who used to be young. It was so sad to think that a woman as bright as Aunt Elner would wind up in a place like this. The room they did pick out for her was one with a nice view, at least. He knew she would like that. As they were driving home, they said nothing for a while, then Macky asked, “Who’s going to tell her?”
Norma thought about it. “I think you should, Macky, she’ll listen to you.”
The next morning he walked up the steps thinking he would rather cut off his own arm than have to tell her what he was going to have to tell her. Fortunately, today was one of her good days and she was perfectly lucid.
He waited until they were sitting out on the back porch, then he said, “Aunt Elner, you know Norma and I love you very much.”
“And I love you too,” she said.
“I know you do…but sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do, things that…” He struggled for the right words. “Things that seem…but in the long run are really…You know Norma worries about you living
all alone, and she thinks maybe it would be best if you were in a place where there were people around to look out for you.”
Elner looked out into the yard, but did not say anything.
Macky sat there feeling sick.
After a while she looked over at him. “Do you think I should go on out there, Macky?”
He took a deep breath. “Yes.”
“Oh,” she said. “Well, if you think it’s best.”
“I do, honey.”
They sat saying nothing for a while, then she asked, “Can I take Sonny?”
“No, I’m afraid not, they don’t allow pets.”
“I see, well, like I say, he’s a nice cat, but he’s not my cat, but you will find a good home for him, won’t you?”
“Of course.”
“When do I have to go?”
He looked at her. “When do you want to go?”
“Can I wait till after Easter?”
Easter was only a few weeks away, so Macky said, “Sure.”
Getting Ready
9:30 AM
In the following few days, they helped Elner pack up the few things she wanted to take: her glass paperweight with the Empire State Building inside, a few photographs of Will and of little Apple, and her picture of the dancing mice. She had given most everything else away. A lot went to neighbors, and she gave her five bulldog doorstoppers to Louise Franks, who had always admired them.
Two days after Easter, the day they were to pick her up and drive her out to Happy Acres, Macky woke up with a pit in his stomach, and even though she knew it was for the best, Norma felt the same way. Ruby was going out with them to help get Elner settled in, but still Macky felt like a hundred-pound weight was on his chest. After Elner had agreed to go, she had surprised both of them at how she had accepted the inevitable. Macky almost wished she had fought it more; her being so accommodating and trying not to make them feel bad only made him feel worse. He was shaving and Norma was running her bath when the phone rang.
“That’s probably her, Macky, tell her we’ll be there by ten.”
He wiped off his face and walked into the bedroom and picked up the phone.
Norma turned the water off and stepped into the tub and sat down. She did not hear Macky and called out, “Honey, was that her?”
But he did not answer. “Macky?”
Macky was still sitting on the bed, and he smiled as he thought, “Well, the old gal got what she wanted after all.” He stood up and went to the bathroom to tell Norma that they would not be taking her to Happy Acres after all.
And although nobody but Elner knew it, the wish she had wished for on the first star every night for so many years had finally come true. Ruby had just informed him that when she went over to Elner’s house a few minutes ago, she had found that Elner had died peacefully in her sleep, at home in her own bed.
A Final Good-bye
A day after Elner died, Cathy Calvert ran the same obituary in the paper that Elner had read at the hospital and liked so much, and it pleased Cathy to know she had gotten a chance to see it. Only the date had been changed.
When Verbena Wheeler called the Bud and Jay show to tell them that Elner Shimfissle had died, Bud listened politely and said, “Thank you very much for calling, Mrs. Wheeler.” But he did not announce it right away. He said to Jay, “I’m giving it a week, to be on the safe side.”
True to her word, Norma did not hold a funeral, but a few weeks later, according to Elner’s wishes, her ashes were scattered out behind her house at sunset, and also according to her wishes, Luther Griggs stood with the family during the ceremony. When it was over and Norma turned around she had been surprised to see what looked like the entire town quietly gathered in the yard, all come to say good-bye to Elner. She would be missed, that was clear.
As it turned out, a few months later, Luther and Bobbie Jo wound up buying Elner’s house and got Sonny the cat in the deal. At first the neighbors were horrified to think about that big truck sitting in the yard, but they needn’t have worried. Bobbie Jo made him sell the truck and stay home. Luther went to work out at The Home Depot with Macky in Automotive Parts, and did quite well. Nine months later Luther and Bobbie Jo had a little girl and named her Elner Jane Griggs. Sonny the cat was not happy there was a baby in the house. Babies grow up to be children.
The Family Bible
2:18 PM
The winter after Elner died was one of the coldest ones on record, and Mr. Rudolf called and told Norma the bad news. Norma had grown up in what was still considered the prettiest house in Elmwood Springs. Because Norma’s father had been a banker, Ida had insisted he build a house to reflect his standing in the community and had hired an architect from Kansas City to build them a large redbrick bungalow, but after Norma’s father died and Ida moved to Poplar Springs, Ida donated the house to the local garden club for safekeeping. Ida told a disappointed Norma, who really would have liked to have the house not for herself and Macky but for Linda, that giving the house to the garden club was the only way she could ensure the future of her English boxwoods. After all these years, the house and the gardens were still there, including her mother’s “ugly English boxwoods,” as they were referred to privately by Norma and her father. Growing up, there had been times when both she and her father had suspected that her mother had cared more for her English boxwoods than she had for them. But unfortunately the boxwoods were now no more. That January freeze had killed them and they all had to be dug up and replaced with a much lesser plant, the dreaded pittosporum, as her mother called it. Norma thought that it was a good thing her mother was not still alive, because she would have died anyway, if she knew.
A few days later Norma heard a knock on the door. When she opened it, there stood Mr. Rudolf, the head gardener for the garden club. He said, “Mrs. Warren, the boys were digging around in the garden and they found this. We opened it up and I think it might have belonged to your mother, so I wanted to bring it over.” He tipped his hat and handed her a large plastic Tupperware container; inside, she could see still half wrapped in cotton and Saran wrap a large black Bible. Norma thanked him and went to the living room and sat down and opened it. It was the old Nuckle Knott family Bible that had belonged to her grandparents. Norma’s hands were shaking as she opened it and saw the names listed.
KNOTT
Henry Clay born Nov. 9, 1883 died 1942
Nancy Nuckle born July 18, 1881 died 1919
CHILDREN
Elner Jane born July 28, 1910
Gerta Marie born March 11, 1912
Ida Mae born May 22, 19
Her mother’s birth year had been scratched out completely, of course, and so the exact date of her mother’s birth had followed her to her grave, and beyond. But now Norma knew that Aunt Elner had lived to be almost ninety-six years old. “Good Lord,” Norma thought, with that kind of longevity in her family, she was not too old to start a new career after all.
However, as it so happened, the old Nuckle Knott family Bible was not the only thing that had been buried away by one of the sisters. Elner Shimfissle had a secret as well, and after she died, there was only one person on earth left who knew exactly what it was, where it was, and what had happened.
What Had Happened
Elner’s friend and old neighbor out at the farm, Louise Franks, had not had an easy life. She had worked hard for years, and had had her first and only child late in life. When her daughter, Polly, was born and they were told she was a Down syndrome baby, the news had been difficult for Louise, but it had been devastating for her husband. A year later she woke up one morning and he was gone. He left her the farm and a few thousand dollars in the bank, but that was it. It was just her and Polly from then on. Thank heavens, for the most part Polly was a happy child, and as long as she could sit and color in her coloring books she was content for hours, but even though at that time Polly was twelve years old, Louise usually did not leave her daughter alone in the house. However, on that one fateful day, Polly had
been so preoccupied and busy coloring in her new Casper the Friendly Ghost coloring book that Louise had figured she could leave her while she ran into town and back, and Polly would be fine. She was a good child, and always minded her mother, and she promised not to leave the kitchen until she returned. It was a pretty fall afternoon when Louise walked out and told her hired man, who was chopping wood in the back, that she had to run into town to pick up a few things, and to watch the house while she was gone.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, tipping his hat. As had been his pattern on other farms, he had been waiting for this opportunity for weeks, and now was his chance. He continued chopping wood and watched until Louise’s car was out of sight, then he threw down the hatchet and headed into the house to find that girl. “She may be ugly,” he thought, “and older than most of the other little girls on the farms before, but she is too stupid to tell anybody anything.” Besides, he was ready to move on, and as usual, he would be long gone by the time the mother got back. He came up onto the porch and threw open the kitchen door. Polly was still sitting at the table coloring. “Come here, little girlie,” he said as he unbuckled his pants. “I’ve got something for you.”
When Louise drove up to the house, she thought it was odd that the hired man had not finished chopping the wood, but the second Louise walked in the door, she knew something terrible had just happened. The kitchen was in complete shambles, things knocked over, chairs and dishes broken and scattered everywhere. Polly was still sitting at the table coloring right where Louise had left her, with her face all wet and beaten up, rocking back and forth. Louise screamed, dropped her groceries, and ran over to her daughter. “Oh my God, what happened?” Polly only repeated over and over “Hurt, Momma” and then pointed across the room to over by the sink. Louise looked over to where she was pointing, and to her horror she saw a man naked from the waist down with a mop bucket on his head, sitting propped up against the wall. Louise was terrified and immediately grabbed Polly and pulled her up out of the chair and ran with her to the bedroom, and quickly locked the door behind them. She wanted to call someone for help but her only phone was in the kitchen, so she sat on the bed frozen with fear and prayed that he would not get up and break the door down.
