His vow made me tremble because I knew he had the power to deliver, but the only thing I really wanted or needed was right here in this bed with me. Him. “I just don’t want us to throw this away, not when we’re finally getting a shot.” I ran my hand over the scruff on his jaw. “That’s something I’ve been fantasizing about for a long time. A shot with you.” Admitting that made me vulnerable, but I didn’t feel weak. I felt stronger for finally speaking my truth and giving him a glimpse into my heart.
“Me too.” He closed his eyes, curling his arms under my body so he was holding me close. “When Knox showed me that picture of you and I found out you were Cece’s sister, I wondered if fate might play a hand in our lives after all.”
I smiled, curling my legs around his waist. He was still ready and so was I. All this talking hadn’t diminished our desire for each other. If anything, I was even more fired up now because I knew our connection was deeper than the physical.
“Fate, huh?” My smile widened. “I like knowing that you think this might’ve been fate.”
“How else would you describe it? It’s crazy that we’re here, right?”
“So crazy.” My lips landed on his before I said, “And so right.”
He nodded before his look told me it was game time. Time to solidify the bond we’d started building even before we knew we’d end up here eventually, wrapped up in each other’s arms, sharing our fears and secrets, speculating about things we had no way of knowing for sure.
He breached me slowly, licking his lips while his eyes wandered over my face, like he was trying to memorize it.
I was falling in love with him. It was scary as hell to admit, even to myself, since it had been so long since those words had fallen from my lips. But it was true, and I didn’t want to hide from it. I knew Dade wasn’t ready to hear it, or face how real this was getting for me, so I got lost in the physical sensations sweeping through my body, saving the emotional to unpack and analyze another time.
The pinch of pain gave way to pleasure as I enveloped him, locking my arms around his neck while we both adjusted to the intensity. Every time he filled me, I got the overwhelming sense that this was it. He was the one. It felt like his body was made for mine. And making love to him heightened the growing intimacy until it felt like I was getting lost in him.
The build-up, as his eyes locked on mine, trapped the breath in my throat. He was saying with his body, his eyes, what he was too afraid to say with words. He was falling for me too. I could feel it. Every time he grimaced when I gripped him, rubbing me sensually while trying to hold back because he cared more about my pleasure than his own, told me he was willing to put me first.
His pace fuelled my helpless whimpers as he unleashed his repressed frustration at a situation he couldn’t control. His hands dug into my hips as the heat flushed my skin, twisting my hands into the sheets as I tried to suppress cries no one else could hear.
His tempo was demanding and relentless, forcing my surrender as my body clenched, trying to resist the blast that would eventually result in a full-blown eruption.
“Let go for me.” His handsome face was drawn with lines of tension as he fought his body for control of his release. “Damn it, Charli…” He dropped his head, sucking in a breath as he stilled. “I need this.”
I need this.
Those words reverberated through my brain as I felt the uncoiling, followed by a burst that resulted in a hot and trembling rush. That drew a groan from him as I clenched him harder, bathing his shaft in my arousal as he stroked me to a stupefying end.
He took a minute to breathe as he brushed my hair off my face. His kiss was sweet and tender and if I could have communicated with him telepathically, I would have shouted, “Just say it,” because I knew he was feeling it too. He had to be. I couldn’t be the only one trapped in this twister of terror and elation.
When I curled my hand around his neck and whispered in his ear, “You’ve ruined me for other men,” he practically snarled before pinning my hands overhead and resuming the wild onslaught that turned me on all over again.
He was out of control. And I loved it.
My breasts bounced with the power of his thrusts while the marriage of his grunts and my cries echoed off the walls. I was scaling the peak again, one orgasm rolling into another as he rocked his hips ruthlessly, making demands that pushed me to the limit.
“Don’t talk to me about other men,” he rumbled, slamming into me more forcefully. “Ever. Again.”
He was bleeding green as I tried to suppress the smile teasing my lips. Jealousy. One more sign that he was falling as hard as I was. “Why not?” Pushing him was the only way through the past. Into the present. And future.
“You know why.”
I felt deliriously defenseless as he unleashed all of his possessiveness and irritation, trying to claim me without having to say the words. But I needed words. Because words were the key to his heart. And that, to me, was the ultimate prize.
“No.” It wasn’t easy to find my voice while my body was reeling from the fiery thrashing, but I needed more. And was determined to get it. “You need to tell me.”
His roar of frustration was almost animalistic… and I was all about it. It marked a release I knew he desperately needed.
“Because you’re mine.” His jaw was clenched as he hissed the words between his teeth. “Mine, goddammit.” The shield he’d been protecting himself with finally cracked, and so did he, as his body jerked, prompting the hot rush of my own release as he gave in to his.
Chapter 16
Dade
Mine. I still couldn’t believe I said that. It was akin to dropping the L-bomb, something I swore I’d never say again.
Charli sighed, burrowing deeper into my arms, on the verge of giving in to sleep.
Damn. It felt incredible to hold her like this. To feel her little body wrapped around mine. I wanted to claim her, to tell the world she was mine. My girlfriend. My lover. But Jesus, every time I thought about spilling those words publicly again, my gut clenched.
I could almost hear the laughter. See the eye rolls. The sarcastic comments and questions about how long it would last this time. I couldn’t put Charli through that. Making her doubt us, because everyone else did. Total strangers planting seeds of fear and doubt in her mind that would eventually grow into anger, frustration, and resentment. I knew. I’d been there. Lived it. And had the scars to prove it.
Charli had never lived through a shitstorm like the one she was inviting into her life if she linked herself to me romantically. She might think she could handle it, but she had no idea how ugly it could get. Or how nasty online trolls could be, when hiding behind the safety of their computer screen.
My cell phone rang, vibrating. It was lying in the pocket of my jeans on the floor and I cursed as I slid out from under Charli, trying not wake her as I made a grab for it. I didn’t want to wake her, so I slipped out of the room, looking back to make sure she was asleep.
She looked so cute, curled up under the snowy white duvet, in the fetal position. If I could wake up to that sight every morning I’d be a happy man.
I grimaced when I saw Reed’s number. I thought about ignoring it, but if he was calling this late, it had to be for a good reason. “Hey, man. What’s up?”
“Heard your interview tonight.” His words were slurred. “Single sounded good, man.”
That’s what he was calling me about? We did interviews all the time. TV. Print. Podcasts. Radio. It was no big deal. I got the feeling he wanted to talk and felt he needed an excuse. “Thanks. You okay? You sound a little—”
“Drunk?” He chuckled. “Yeah, you could say that.”
“What’s goin’ on, Reed? For real.”
I knew, but I wanted to hear him admit he was treading into dangerous territory. We’d both been in this business a long time and had seen too many friends succumb to the lifestyle. Partying too much. Drinking too hard. Drugs. Women. It was a potent cocktail that c
ould take out the most talented musicians.
“What can I say?” He sighed. “Some days are harder than others.”
“Have you talked to her?” I sank down on the couch, kicking my feet up on a reclaimed wood chest my mother found on one of her travels and had shipped to me, claiming it would be perfect for my guest house.
“She won’t talk to me.” He coughed, holding the phone away from his mouth. “I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna do. This shit is supposed to get easier, isn’t it?”
I rolled my eyes, tipping my head back on the cushion. “Seriously? You’re asking me?”
“Who better to ask?” He chuckled. “No one I know has been through more break-ups.”
“Thanks for the reminder, asshole.”
I snagged a framed photo off the end table. One Charli had placed there. She was with her parents and Cece. It was a candid shot and they were all laughing. Damn. Seeing her like that made my gut twist. I wanted to be the one to put that smile on her face. Every day.
“How do you do it?”
I considered my friend’s question before I admitted the truth. “You were right, what you said before. I never loved any of my ex’s the way you loved Brook, so I can’t say.”
“How messed up are we?” He growled his frustration. “I didn’t marry the girl I should have and you married girls you shouldn’t have. Why the hell couldn’t we get it right?”
Good question. It still felt like I was screwing things up. A girl like Charli didn’t deserve to be anyone’s dirty little secret. Yet we were sneaking around like criminals on the lamb.
“I wish I knew.” I considered what Chee said earlier. “Maybe we had to go through that shit to help us figure things out. At least now you know Brook’s the girl for you, right? No more doubts.”
His snort of derision made me smile, until he said, “Lot of good that does me. She’s done with me.” There was a moment’s hesitation before he said, “Gotta tell you, I’m scared shitless.”
“Of what?”
“That she’ll find someone else.” My heart started beating faster as I put myself in his position. “Someone who’ll treat her the way I should have. You hear about it happening all the time, that insta-lust bullshit leading to more. Jesus, Dade. You know my girl. She looks like a freakin’ supermodel and has a heart of gold. Any guy would fall in love with her. And most would be smart enough to put a ring on her finger before it was too late.”
It was amazing how facing his worst nightmare made my buddy sound stone cold sober all of a sudden. “Maybe it’s not too late.” I was torn between giving him hope and feeling like an asshole for setting him up for another fall. I knew Brook. When she made up her mind there was no going back.
“You don’t believe that any more than I do.”
“Maybe a grand gesture, like a marriage proposal, would make her think twice, huh?”
“You don’t think I’ve thought of that? Hell, I’d show up at her door with a goddamn black band tattooed on my finger to show the world I was taken, if I thought it would get her back.”
Brook wanted Reed to own their commitment. To show everyone that he took it seriously. How long would it be before Charli got tired of living in the shadows and started making the same demands on me? Not that I’d blame her, any more than I blamed Brook for demanding more of the man who claimed to love her.
“I want Brook on my next tour,” Reed said, drawing me back to his problem. “I’m gonna strong arm her boss, make sure she’s the one handling my promo on the road.”
I knew he was desperate, but I didn’t think backing his ex into a corner was the best way to win her over. “Uh, you sure that’s a good idea?”
“If you’ve got a better one, let’s hear it.”
I already threw one out there, but I was sure Brook would laugh in his face if he showed up at her door with a ring. “I wish I did.” Knox told me he’d called Brook, tried to plead Reed’s case, but she wouldn’t budge. “Give it some time though.”
“I’m tired of sitting around doing nothing while she gets used to life without me! Don’t you get it? I can’t do life without Brook, man. I can’t and I won’t!”
I looked out the window. The lit path led to a big empty, lifeless house. No kids screaming. No dogs parking. No woman to warm my bed. No hope I’d ever have those things if I screwed things up with Charli. I’d be like Reed. Facing a future or nothingness… and regrets. I had too many of those marking the last decade of my life. I didn’t need more.
“I hear ya.” I sighed. “I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. But I don’t. I don’t know how to make things right with your girl any more than I can erase my fucked up past and the relationships that never should have happened.”
“Yeah, about that. Like I said, I heard your interview tonight. You’re an idiot. You know that, right?”
“Why?” I thought I’d handled that interview the way I should have. Stuck to the script, more or less.
“He asked you about Charli. That was your chance.”
“My chance?”
“Your chance to tell everyone listening to mind their own goddamn business. That you’d met someone who meant something to you and you wanted to give it a chance without assholes breathing down your neck. Can’t say it would have chased the rag reporters away, but I think the people who matter, your fans, would’ve respected it.”
He was right. I’d had a chance to come clean with everyone and I’d wimped out. What would Charli have said if I’d told a million listeners the truth… that I had feelings for her? That she was my fantasy girl, the one who stood out in a crowd, then slipped away before I could talk to her.
“You know this is doin’ a number on me, Harris. Constantly second-guessing myself, wondering what’s best for Charli, ‘cause that’s all I give a shit about right now. I can’t do that girl wrong.”
Reed was silent for a minute before he said, “She’s into you. Anyone can see that. Hell, the way she was talking about you, looking at you, while we were at Jimmy’s said it all. It’s the way Brook used to look at me. And I’m tellin’ ya, I’d give every goddamn dollar I have for her to look at me like that again. So don’t screw this up. You’ll be sorry if you do.”
I thought about the beautiful girl lying in the bed down the hall. The one who’d pushed when I made love to her, tried to force me to face the truth, instead of running from it and burying it in lies and excuses. I was falling in love with her.
“I know you’re right. I’m tryin’ man. Seriously, I am.”
“I know.” His sigh was heavy when he asked, “You at home now?”
“Not exactly.” I was technically on my own property, but the guest house wasn’t my home. And coming clean with Reed seemed like a good place to start. “Charli’s parents invited me over for coffee tonight, then we came back here. Instead of heading up to my place, we wound up at my guest house.”
“Oh yeah. Where’s she at now?”
“In bed.” I sure as hell wasn’t gonna kiss and tell, but I was getting tired of hiding too. “Down the hall.”
“You slept with her, didn’t you?”
I cleared my throat, wrestling the urge to tell him everything. “Yeah, seems to keep happening, even though we keep telling each other it shouldn’t.”
“Well the hell not? You’re both single and Charli’s a knock-out. Not to mention sweet, funny, talented—”
“I don’t need you to list her attributes,” I mumbled, more than a little irritated that he’d noticed how great she was. “I’m well aware.”
“If you know, then get your head out of your ass and do something about it. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you want to be with her, no one else, ‘cause I’d bet a million bucks that’s the truth.”
He wasn’t wrong. “What the hell is this?” I demanded. “We don’t talk about our feelings and shit. Yet that’s all we seem to be doing lately. You back on the estrogen pills or what?”
He laughed, making me smile. “Thanks
for that. Didn’t think anyone could make me laugh tonight.”
I wanted to be there for him, to support him the way he’d supported me through my break-ups, but I couldn’t make Brook love him again. Couldn’t force her to give him a second chance. Though if she’d been the kind of girl who could be persuaded by money, I’d tell her to name her price, just to see one of my best friends happy again.
“I should get some sleep.” My gaze drifted down the hall and I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping in my own bed tonight. Not when I had the most beautiful girl I’d ever laid eyes on curled up naked under the covers, waiting for me. “And you should do the same. You know the booze won’t change shit.”
“Yeah, I know.” I could almost see him smirking when he said, “I guess your hot little hunny’s waitin’ on you to come back to bed, huh? You lucky bastard.”
I did feel lucky to be sharing a bed with Charli, but it went beyond that. Talking to her, laughing with her, seeing her smile. That’s what it was all about for me. The sex was mind-blowing, but for the first time in a long time it was just a small piece of the puzzle that seemed to make us fit so well together.
I walked into my office the next day and found her sitting at her desk with a half-eaten sandwich, pouring over listings on an antique site.
“How’d the interview go?” she asked, referring to a podcast interview my label lined up.
“Okay.” I shrugged. “They’re all the same.” This one had a smaller audience and less experienced host, so they didn’t risk delving too deep into my personal life, which was good.
I stood behind her, curling my hands around her shoulders. “Whatcha doin’, gorgeous?”
We’d fallen into an easy rhythm that morning, knocking half a dozen things off my list before I had to break for the interview. She fit into my world seamlessly. She was a consummate professional when she talked to my contacts on the phone and her love of music meant she fell into the position like she was born to it.
Dirty Mind (Nashville Outlaws #2) Page 18
