by Fiona Murphy
“No, I didn’t. I wanted to but I managed to fight my asshole instincts.”
The brat tweaks my nipple, and I grab her by the back of her throat and yank her down to me. Damn it, she shakes her head, keeping her arms between us. “I’m going to spank your ass if you keep this up.”
Giving in, she smacks her lips against my cheek. “I’m trying to be serious here, Dominic. I totally get where your brother is coming from. While I’m glad you didn’t say it, you thinking it isn’t a whole lot better. When you’re cranky and frustrated you are a way easier read than you think you are. He’s going to know how you feel and it will make him resent you.”
“How do you get where he’s coming from?” How the fuck am I an easy read? I don’t like that at all.
“Um, hello? Me and Johnny. Yes I wanted to know him, but I didn’t. And he never let me get close. I’m in America all of one week and he expects me to be who he wants me to be. Without ever taking into account who I’ve been all this time on my own terms.”
I don’t like the sadness in her eyes. Taking her hand, I fight the desire to pull her into my arms. This is important to her, I need to let her get it out.
“Luca might not have loved or even liked Al, but he’s been living that life, been Luca Toro for thirty-five freaking years. Yes, Pop is awesome, I love him to death. It’s been easy to see him as a father-figure in a way I never did with Johnny, but even then there are times when it still feels odd to wake up and have Pop and Chloe and all these cousins and their kids running around. It’s like being thrown into the deep end of the ocean sometimes.” Her eyes go honey soft and she runs her fingers over my cheek.
“I love my life now. It’s better than any fantasy I ever had growing up, stuck in boarding school where I felt so alone. But, a soft but, I wanted it badly and it’s still hard to get used to. Luca probably never allowed himself to even go there because he’s this big, strong, tough man who doesn’t need anyone.”
She rolls her eyes. Why do I like it when she does it, when it should annoy me? “I’m sure there’s a part of him worried if he accepts it too easily, it will make him seem weak, and god forbid that happen in the mafia. Give him a little more time to adjust. He’ll come around.”
Catching her hand, I bring it up to my mouth. “Deep end of the ocean, huh? You worried you’re gonna drown?
Shaking her head, she smiles and she’s glowing, and fuck, it hits me in my chest all over again. “I did in the beginning. Then I took Chloe’s advice and let go. When I did that it felt like I was floating, and the current carries me along. I love it. Let Luca come to terms and love it in his own time. He will, and it will be that much better for everyone.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to Pop and make sure Luca gets all the time he needs. It’s been more than five minutes and I’m done fighting my asshole tendencies. Come here.” I pull her down to me. This time, she doesn’t fight me as she giggles.
24
Dominic
“Cosa C’e?”
I shrug as I stare into my scotch. I’m not sure what Pop is doing here at the club so late. I should be the one asking him what’s wrong.
“That’s not going to give you any answers. Talk to me, mimmo.”
“Regina,” I sigh as I shake my head. Guilt fills me all over again. “Watching her with Allegra and Mass earlier today. She wants that. I want to give her everything her heart fucking desires. Except to do so would end in more pain than I think she could take.”
Pop takes the glass from me and drinks it. “There are other ways to give her what she wants.”
My head comes up.
“Adoption is the easiest. Our last name could be Luciano, and so could the kid’s and he still wouldn’t be accepted into the Outfit. There are kids clogging up the system.”
I consider the option. “I don’t care if it’s selfish, I don’t want to worry in fifteen years the kid is going to scream at Regina she isn’t his real mom, or deal with Regina having to share a kid with another woman when she decides she wants to be in the kid’s life. Even though I’m pretty sure you’re right, I don’t want to take the chance that twenty years from now people might get desperate enough for any man with the same last name, blood or not. If there was a way to just get girls...”
It hits me then, fuck, it was right fucking there. But was it fair to put Regina through?
“What?”
“There’s a way to make sure we have nothing but girls. It’s just a lot. Drugs, injections, doctors.” I’m up pacing my office.
“That in vitro stuff.” He tilts his head as he considers it. “I think Regina would go for it. She’s young enough and healthy it would work. Do you want to go through all of that?”
“Are you kidding? I jack off into a cup. The cost is high, it’s nothing though. I won’t even have to get into savings for it. She’s got it ten times harder than me.”
“Exactly, she’s going to get cranky and emotional. It won’t be easy on you either. When the woman you love is going through all of that, you go through it too.”
I freeze. “I’m not in love with Regina.” The words fall heavy from my mouth.
Pop sighs. “I didn’t raise a dumbass. You still want to play it that way? It’s been over six months now. I’ve never seen you this happy in your entire life. If you weren’t in love with her, this baby thing wouldn’t be tearing you up the way it is.”
Pouring another drink, I throw it back. “No, it’s not that. I care about her. I’m not made of stone. She’s with me night and day, it’s normal to want to make my wife happy. Her happiness makes my life easier. But it’s not safe to love her, for either of us.”
“I believe you’re the one who likes to tell people our life isn’t as scary as the movies and books like to say it is. It’s been more than thirty years since someone was stupid enough to go after a wife of anyone in this family. She’s safe. You’re safe. You got all the men in the Outfit happy—they would slit their own throats before going against you. Everybody is making money, our streets are safe.” Pop shakes his head like he can’t believe he has to say it.
“Yeah, we still got to settle shit with the Bratva fuckers to keep them in line, but even then your relationship with Milosh is strong. He respects you, he took care of the last dustup with that Serbian gang to keep it out of your line of fire. The MC were dumb enough to invade his territory and he’s popping them off one by one. Better on him than us. Relax, enjoy this.”
“You say that, but not three days ago I had to kill two start-up dealers who couldn’t get the message not to sell in our territory. Today I had to okay Emilio killing his cousin who thinks he’s going to take over Emilio’s business,” I remind him.
“That business has nothing to do with your wife, and none of those things will ever touch her. Don’t let fear get in the way of giving her the love she wants. You said you’d give her everything her heart desires, it wants you. Take it from me, denying it won’t get you anything but regret.”
There’s something in the way he says it. I want to argue with him, but I can’t, not when he looks the way he does. “Your turn, old man, what’s going on with you?”
“It will be five years tomorrow. I tried again, for the hundredth time tonight. She was gorgeous, tits on her like you wouldn’t believe. When she touched me, I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. I’ve had Hugo looking for her”—Hugo is a private investigator, a former cop who retired after he was caught with a kilo of coke from evidence. Pop has used him since I was a kid—“since about six months after she left. He hasn’t been able to find her. I want to give Valdez a try.”
Christ, five years and he’s still hung up on her. I had an idea, to hear him confirm it is something else. I pull out my phone and bring up Valdez. “You want his number or you want me to call him for you?”
“I’ll take his number.”
I send it to him in a text. “He’s not cheap. You need to be ready and prepared. He’ll find her, whether she wants to be found or not.”
With a nod, he leaves.
Once he’s gone I eye the bottle of scotch and think about it all. He’s wrong. I love Pop, but he’s wrong. I don’t love Regina. Fuck, just thinking it sends an ache through my whole body. No, no, this isn’t— The door opens and she’s in front of me. Just like every time she sees me, whether it’s been five minutes or five hours, the smile on her face steals the air from my chest. Then she’s in my arms, pressing her soft, sexy body into me. The scent of her all around me.
I have her dress up and thank fuck she’s learned by now not to wear any panties. I’m on my knees, setting her down on the leather sofa, devouring her pussy. So fucking wet, she’s soaking my face in seconds with the sweet cream of her come. My cock is on the edge of exploding. For the first time in ever, I need her too much to drive her out of her mind. I’m on the couch, bringing her down on my lap. The way I’ve taught her, Regina guides me into heaven with a sigh of my name. Within minutes of her moving on me she hits her climax, and I’m right with her as her pussy milks my cock with each shudder of her body.
Holding her in place on me, a dozen times I try to find the words to ask the question, yet I discount each one. I’m so lost in thought I don’t even realize Regina has pulled back to look down at me.
“What’s the matter?” The fear in her eyes sends a knife to my chest. I hate it.
Cupping her face, I press my lips to hers, aware that what happens next could change everything. For the first time in my entire life I can’t think straight. “In vitro.” The words spill out of my mouth. Her forehead wrinkles for seconds. Then her eyes go wide with hope, and happiness. “It’s a lot, though, and it’s all on you. Doctor appointments, injections, hormones—”
She’s kissing me with fervor, devouring me.
Coming up for air, I grasp her to hold her in place. Needing to see all of her. “Are you sure? I want to give you everything you want. Anything, it’s yours, all you have to do is ask. We can do it tomorrow or two years from now or whenever you’re ready. I know it’s not fair. I promised you I wouldn’t ask you for more than I was willing to give too. This is so much more than I ever could, and it’s all on you. I’m sorry, Regina.”
Shaking her head, she’s closing her eyes. “I love you, Dominic. I’m sorry. I never meant to—”
Thunder and lightning crash in my ears, my chest aches, I can’t keep from grasping her tight around her throat. “What did you say?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t—I—”
“Not that. Say it again.” I fight not to shake her.
“I love you. From that first minute. From before I ever met you. Since the day I was born.”
No, she can’t. I can’t.
“I love you. Everything I am, have ever been and will be, belongs to you and only you. Every inch of my skin craves your touch every second of every fucking day. Every cell in my body belongs to you. My every thought belongs to you, is about you. All the air in my lungs is taken thinking only of you.”
My grip on her throat tightens in reflex. How?
“I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it. You told me you wouldn’t ask for more than you were willing to give, yet I couldn’t bring myself to even hope that someone as beautiful and amazing as you could really love me. Love me for me, not because you were stuck with me, want me for me, not because you didn’t have a choice.”
Anger burns through me at her doubting how amazing she is. “Jesus, Regina, I took one look at you and it was over. I was dead. Who I was before I met you was done and dusted. But fuck, it scared the shit out of me. I didn’t know up from down, right from left. You are my heart. I will do anything to protect you. I can’t lose you, but this world is so fucked up. If anyone knew I would burn everything down for you, walk away from it and everything I have ever known for you, you wouldn’t be safe.”
Her hand, so soft and gentle, matches her smile as she caresses my cheek. “I’m not going anywhere. I know you’ll keep me safe. I trust you with all of me. No one can take me from you, not if you love me. I’m always with you. Always, until you draw your last breath. The same way you’re always with me. Trust in us. Trust that we’ll get through each day together. We’ll take it one day at a time.”
“I love you, Regina. With everything in me, now and forever.” It isn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be to say it. Especially when my reward is seeing love shining right back at me.
***
Regina
As the doctor speaks Dominic’s hand takes mine, squeezing it tight. Closing my eyes, once again I’m so grateful for his love and his patience. I don’t know why I’m surprised. There has been a niggling sense of unease, of something bad hanging over us. Being told you’re basically infertile by a doctor couldn’t be worse when all you’ve ever wanted was a family of your own.
The doctor takes a deep breath. “You are not infertile, Mrs. Sabatini. It will take some work. You will need surgery to clear the benign tumors in the uterine wall. Once that is done, with the whole reason you came to me, in order to select the sex of your children there is every reason to believe this will be a success. You’re younger than ninety-nine percent of my patients, your egg production is high and healthy on its own which is the hardest part of this for most women. Your husband’s sperm rate is also high and healthy. I understand this wasn’t what you expected to hear. However, you are by no means infertile. There is every reason to believe you could conceive on your own without assistance.”
“Really?”
“Yes, fertility is still a huge mystery for many couples. I’ve had women and men with perfectly healthy reproduction systems who never manage to conceive on their own after years of trying. I’ve seen a case like yours conceive on her first attempt. This will not be easy, I’m glad you and your husband came in aware of that. But there is every reason to believe you will become pregnant.”
“How soon can we do the surgery, and what will it be like?”
***
Regina
“I’m sorry,” I whisper into Dominic’s neck. He’s holding me tight as we lie in bed. I told him I needed a nap, determined to cry out of his sight, yet he wouldn’t allow me to hide from him.
“For what?” He pulls back to study me.
“You know...not being able to do the one thing I’m supposed to be able to do.”
His frown is a little scary. “Are you fucking serious? The only reason we found out that you might, emphasis on might, have issues getting pregnant was because I’m too much of a control freak to give you the babies you want the way any other couple usually has them. I’m the one not doing the one thing I’m supposed to do. Quit thinking stupid shit like that. This is already going to be a long, hard road, princess. We talked about it, you said you were prepared. I need you to be sure.”
I bury my head in his chest. “I love you, Dominic. There is always going to be a part of me that believes I’m short-changing you in some way.”
“That couldn’t be further from the reality if you tried.”
“Thank you, for loving me. For putting up with my neurotic fears.”
“You’re welcome, sweetheart. No thanks are necessary, though. What do you say we go bug Chloe and have her find us a house to fit the four kids you want so badly?”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
***
Regina
Enzo opens the door with Allegra in his arms. The moment she sees Dominic she tries to throw herself at him. With a chuckle he catches her close. My heart clenches so tight I have a hard time catching my breath. Soon I’ll see him like this every day with our baby girl. I can’t wait.
“Chloe’s in my office waiting for you two. I gave her plenty of chocolate and she’s sipping ginger ale so she should be in a good mood, at least for a few hours.”
“Still with the throwing up?” I ask, wincing.
“Yeah, it’s been rough. No matter how many times she tells the baby her morning sickness should be over, he doesn’t w
ant to listen. She’s blaming it on the fact it’s a boy and she’s putting in for all girls from here on out. Come here, baby girl. Let’s go get you some carrots to gnaw on, not Uncle Dom’s tie.”
Allegra starts to cry when Enzo takes her until he blows a raspberry on her neck, then she’s giggling again. I sigh as they walk away. Dominic catches me close. “Patience, sweetheart, come on.”
We take the stairs up to Enzo’s office, which is massive with not just two monitors but three, and two different laptops. Pushing open the door, Dominic guides me in ahead of him.
“Hey, are you sure you’re good to help us? We could bother Dante.” Dominic eyes her with one eyebrow up.
Shaking her head, she gestures for us to come around to her side of the desk where she has two chairs, one on each side of her. “I’m good. I’ve been on my ass so much it’s starting to hurt. Enzo is also driving me nuts with how he won’t let me do a thing, even hold my daughter. And don’t tell him I said that. We are going to cut it down quick though. Dominic, tell me what are the parameters as far as money and where you want it to be.”
“It needs to be within five miles of the club. Past Uptown is too far, I don’t really want to go south of Lincoln Park. Regina is talking four girls, so we’ll need a room for each and I’ll need an office, as far away from the rest of the house as possible, a carriage house appeals for the office. With that size I’m guessing we’ll need to start at two million. I don’t want to go over five million but if we find the perfect home and it’s seven million, I won’t bitch.”
My jaw becomes unhinged. “Seven million dollars?” Seriously, how rich is he? I give up. “How rich are you?”
Both he and Chloe laugh. “I’m rich enough. And most of it is even legit.”
“Dominic?” I whine, then am annoyed with myself for whining.
He sighs as he looks past Chloe. “Enough to buy a half-dozen seven-million-dollar houses before having to get into the non-legit money, and with that money I could buy another half-dozen seven-million-dollar houses. Okay?”
