Mister Baby Daddy (Bad Boys in Love Book 3)

by Cassie-Ann L. Miller

  He brings his attention back to the parenting guides. He leans forward and snatches a few up from the coffee table. He leafs through a hardback about how fathers can effectively bond with their newborns. “You mind if I borrow this one?”

  My heart catches. I want to ask him why he wants to read about parenting but instead, I shrug a shoulder. “Go ahead.”

  We sit in silence for a few moments. Walker thumbs through his book and I pretend to still be reading mine but his presence next to me is a distraction. There’s a hint of sweat beneath his natural fragrance and it’s calling out to the primal part of me.

  After a while, he drops his book onto the cushion next to him and his attention travels to me. He brushes a lock of hair back from my brow. “I love how invested you are in this.” I glance up right before he says, “You’re gonna be a great mom.”

  “I want that so much, Walker.” I can feel my chest pulling tight. I didn’t grow up with an attentive mother so I want to do my best with my own offspring. “You’re so lucky you come from a perfect family. I don’t ever want my baby to know what it feels like to be unwanted. It’s the worst kind of pain for a child.” I glance down at my lap so he can’t see the emotion on my face.

  His tone is dark and sopping with agony when he speaks. “I know that pain…”

  I sigh. I hate when he takes for granted the childhood he had. “Why do you always say that? Diana is the most dedicated mother. And Lucas is an amazing dad. I see how close you two are. Your family is perfect. I’ve witnessed it firsthand.”

  “My family is great. Loving. Amazing. Supportive…but not perfect.” He enunciates the words like the distinction between each one is important. He grows agitated. He goes so tense I’m afraid his spine might snap. Walker speaks, his voice hoarse as he utters words that fling me headfirst into the Twilight Zone. “I’m not one of them, Penny. I’m not a Kingston.” His throat bobs. “Lucas Kingston is not my father. At least, not biologically.”

  My gut wrenches hard as if I just got punched. “W-what?” I close my book and try to put it onto the table but it drops to the floor.

  He puffs out his chest and flings his arms out to the sides, so much bitterness in his curt sarcastic laugh. “You’re looking at the Kingston family secret, P. In the flesh.”

  “Oh my god, Walker. Oh my god.” My fingers cover my lips. The pretty picture I spent a lifetime exhalting is crashing before my eyes.

  He shrugs and shakes his head, looking more vulnerable than I’ve ever seen him. “Ma had just broken up with her first boyfriend when Dad first came to town. They didn’t realize Ma was already pregnant when they got together. Dad loved my mother so much that my paternity didn’t make a difference to him. He decided to claim me as his own kid. It worked for the most part, except…”

  “Except…?”

  I can tell that he has so much more to say, so much bottled up inside him, but he can’t get it out. Not now.

  “I had no idea, Walker.” I’m dumfounded.

  Head hung, he laughs bitterly. “Of course you didn’t. I kept that shit to myself. Not even my brothers know. I didn’t want anyone to see, to know that I was different, that I didn’t belong in the picture-perfect family.”

  Still shocked, I examine his face. He and his brothers look so similar. But as I study him closely, the features all the boys inherited from Diana are magnified. I don’t see any of Lucas’s features in his face.

  Damn. I’ve known the guy my whole life. How did I not figure it out? I guess I was so distracted by my infatuation that I never took the time to see the person beneath the image I created of him. Guilt weighs me down. My heart breaks that he had to carry that secret for so long. I wish he’d let me carry it alongside him. The way he’s helped me carry my own troubles.

  I take his hand. I squeeze it. My way of letting him know that nothing has changed in my eyes, nothing has changed in the way I see him.

  “Don’t get me wrong. Lucas Kingston is a great man. Really, he’s the best father. But most of the time, I think it’s only because he’s overcompensating for the fact that we’re not actually related.”

  Unable to fight the urge to be near him any longer, I lean forward, wrapping my arms around his neck and hanging on for dear life. I whisper against his chest. “Well, as your best friend, I strongly disagree with that statement. You’re an awesome human being, Walker. Lucas is lucky to have you as his son.”

  His strong arms reach around me, pulling me close for a long hug. I inhale his mossy scent and I absorb each pounding beat of his heart. I feel closer to him than ever before.

  I’ve been trying to keep my distance but having him share such a deep, hidden part of his identity with me only lassos me tighter to this cowboy.

  42

  Penny

  I squirm around in the hard vinyl seat, trying to calm my nerves and get comfortable. But my toes are tingling and my heart is beating hard enough to rattle my bones.

  Leaning back in the exam chair, I close my eyes on the blinding fluorescent lights. I force myself to take a calming breath. My hand finds my belly subconsciously, and I rub my abdomen under my crinkly paper gown, imagining the face of my newborn baby.

  I’m almost four months pregnant. I’m showing already. I can’t believe how fast this is all happening.

  Am I really ready? Can I face this alone?

  Quickly, I shrug off the doubts that have been trying to creep into my consciousness. I’ve got this. I’ve got this.

  “We’re going to do just fine, Little Bug,” I murmur quietly to my baby. I don’t know if he or she can hear me yet, but that doesn’t stop me from talking to this kid every single day. I’m desperate to make sure my child knows how much I love him or her. From the very start.

  I was hoping that becoming a mother would fill the throbbing hole in my heart I’ve felt all my life but I never knew how quickly I’d feel needed. I never realized how suddenly my sense of loneliness would vanish.

  The day I found out I was pregnant, I felt Little Bug’s presence. And since that day, I just don’t feel alone anymore. I may not have anyone on the outside I can call my own but inside me, there’s a tiny, little person who’s depending on me.

  “I don’t know what our future holds, but we’re going to be fine,” I whisper. “I love you so much already. Nothing will ever change that…”

  I hear the sound of the door swinging open and I look up to find Walker entering the room, his eyes on me. From the look on his face, I suspect that he heard every word I just said.

  “Did I miss anything?” he asks softly.

  I shake my head and smile. “No. The ultrasound technician will be here in a second.”

  He lowers onto the little stool near my exam chair. My friend is silent, his gaze fixed on the linoleum floor. He sits there with his leg bouncing and his face an unreadable mask.

  I know Walker better than almost anyone in this world but sometimes even I have a hard time getting to the root of what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling. Right now, as we’re waiting to see the first images of this baby that we made together, I just wish there were a way to climb into that head of his and find out exactly what’s going on in there.

  A moment later, there’s a knock at the door. A beautiful woman with glowing brown skin, a radiant smile and a curly Afro sticks her head inside. “Good morning, folks. Sorry, we’re running a little late this morning. I’m Kim and I’m your ultrasound technician today.”

  I extend a hand as the woman enters the room. “I’m Penny.” I smile. “This is Walker, my—”

  “Baby daddy,” a husky voice supplies.

  My head snaps over to him as he takes Kim’s outstretched hand.

  “Oh my god, Walker…” I mumble and bury my face in my hands.

  Awkward.

  Kim doesn’t flinch. She just smiles. “Don’t blush, hun. Trust me—I’ve seen all kinds of arrangements in here.”

  Walker pins me with an unapologetic look, silently communicating that he
needs me to acknowledge his part in this. He’s reminding me that he’s not just a stranger on the periphery of this situation. Caution spools in my belly because I can’t tell where he could possibly be going with this.

  It’s okay, Penny, I tell myself. It doesn’t mean anything. I’m just overanalyzing everything.

  Kim chatters cheerfully as she fiddles with wands and gadgets and sets up the machine for the ultrasound.

  Then, she squeezes a cool jelly onto my stomach and presses the head of the ultrasound wand to my bump. On the monitor, a grainy image takes form.

  Instantly, I have tears in my eyes. One hand leaps to my mouth. “That’s my baby?” I choke back sobs.

  Walker is holding my other hand. I glance at him and give him a squeeze. He’s grinning widely when our eyes connect and lock.

  For a fraction of a second, I see my entire future unfolding in the depths of his honey eyes.

  Quickly, I blink and turn my focus back to the monitor. I remind myself of our reality. Walker’s not a part of the future I envisioned for myself and my child.

  Kim is tapping away at her keyboard and punching buttons on the monitor. She leans closer to the screen and squints.

  My pulse increases at the furrowed look on her brow. I sit up in my chair. “Is there…is there a problem?” I bend closer to the monitor. Hell if I can make out the undulating blur of black and white on the screen but I don’t like that expression on her face. It makes me uneasy.

  Please, lord—don’t let there be anything wrong with my baby.

  Walker squeezes my hand tighter. When I peek at him, I see the concern on his own face.

  “What is it, Kim?” I ask again.

  Her eyes don’t leave the screen. “There are two heartbeats…”

  Oh my god. An alien baby. I just knew I’d have an alien baby. I’m wailing on the inside.

  Walker’s body lurches forward like he’s ready to jump into the screen and fix it, make it right. “What does that mean?”

  Kim turns to us, her face stretching into a smile. Her eyes twinkle. “Guys, you're having twins.”

  43

  Penny

  When we get back to the cabin, Walker goes off to catch up with his farm hands and I spend most of the day in bed. I check emails on my phone—two of my design clients backed out on me and another one didn’t pay his bill—but aside from that, I don’t have it in me to get work done or to eat or to make conversation.

  I’m having twins.

  Two babies to think about, two mouths to feed and two cute bums to diaper.

  Everything seems so uncertain now. My plans seem to be cracking under the weight of this new reality. What if my business fizzles out? What if I can’t find a new job? Or an apartment? It feels like my whole life is falling apart.

  I’m exhausted from my mind running a million miles per minute, spitting out dozens of different scenarios. Scenarios that all end in me failing miserably at this motherhood thing.

  Late in the evening, I shower and change into one of Walker’s large button-up shirts and an old pair of thick leggings.

  I’m worn out from the day. I don’t bother blow-drying my hair like I normally would before bed, and I leave my face clean and bare.

  I pad out to the front porch, inhaling the fresh, cool air. Barefoot and pregnant, I think, smiling wistfully to myself.

  I lower to the top step, pulling my wet, fiery hair over my shoulder. I stare out over the darkening fields as I tie it up in a messy bun to keep the wind from blowing it into my face. It’s just so peaceful out here. I try to embrace the quiet, let it wash over me, soothe the anxiety attacking me from all angles.

  Twins…

  I knew that multiples was a possibility when I started this impregnation journey. I just didn’t think it would happen for real, especially since I got pregnant the natural way. Every time I imagine what that will look like, I’m hit with alternating bursts of terror and awe. Of course, I’m insanely grateful for these babies. But I’m worried about money. I’m worried about balancing a new business with having two children to care for. I’m worried about my damn sanity.

  The moon sits high in the night’s sky, ushering in a splattering of stars and rogue fireflies. It’s magical. Surreal. I cradle my belly, hoping I get to share this with my children some day.

  Being out here now reminds me of when Walker and I were kids. Sometimes, after going over for dinner at the Kingston guesthouse, we’d stay outside playing as the sun set. We’d run around chasing fireflies all evening. Mr. Kingston would poke holes in mason jar lids for us to create homemade nightlights.

  My nose tingles and my heart hurts as I wonder who’ll make mason jar nightlights for my children. I feel tears taking form.

  Maybe I could ask Walker. He won't be their dad. But maybe he can be their friend. Maybe he could still love them and have a unique kind of bond with them.

  Though, as I stare off toward the expanse of the tall, swaying fields, I can’t help but imagine another alternative. I imagine living here. Living here for real. As a family. I can picture Walker and me sitting side-by-side on this porch, in matching rocking chairs every evening, while our children run wild in these fields. Our children.

  The vision is so real, I shiver. It’s a fantasy, Penny. You’ve got to be realistic.

  Gosh, I’m so confused. Nerves and hopes and common sense war inside my body. When my pregnancy test came back positive, I told myself I was done with this infatuation, that I was done abandoning myself to my feelings for Walker. But at every turn, the beautiful man’s grip on me goes tighter.

  I hear the screen door creak, and I quickly mop up my tears. I glance back. Walker steps out onto the porch. He’s barefoot, just like me, and his hair is wet, too. He must have snuck into the shower after me. I inhale his fresh, mossy scent as he approaches.

  “I’m sure you could use this,” he says, handing me a steaming mug. It’s lemongrass tea. Walker knows I can’t handle caffeine this late in the day. I’d be up all night long.

  I smile. “Thank you.”

  He lowers next to me on the stairs. He brushes a slick lock of hair from my face. "You had one heck of a day, huh?"

  “You have no idea…” I take a sip.

  We sit, silently staring out into the darkness. Even on the blackest of nights, it’s never really dark here on the farm. The moon and the stars shine so much brighter out here, away from everything.

  Despite the peacefulness of it all, despite the relaxing cicadas chirping from their hiding places, there’s a heavy tension in the air. Walker might be silent, but his presence is far from it. I can’t ignore his body sitting just inches away from me. Even if my eyes were squeezed shut, my own soul could sense his right now. Goosebumps prickle my skin when he’s near.

  “You cold?” Before I even have a chance to respond, he leans back, awarding me a glimpse of his muscled abdomen as he reaches for an old quilt on the porch swing behind us. I avert my gaze quickly but he catches me checking him out anyway.

  Wow, I’m such a mess these days.

  Walker holds eye contact with me as he drapes the blanket around my shoulders.

  “Thank you,” I say quietly, not able to break my gaze away. He’s staring so intensely, I swear the man is reading my soul. I feel seen. Every secret is laid bare, every hidden desire out in the open. If he looks hard enough, he’s going to see it. He’s going to know I’m desperately in love with him, that I’m dreaming about spending my whole life with him even though we both know that was never part of our deal.

  Finally the urge to look away becomes too strong. My eyes fall to my lap and I feign interest in my mug of tea.

  His large hand skims delicately down the side of my jaw. He touches me and my body responds on an electrical level. Cause and effect. I’m pretty sure my brain just blew a fuse.

  His voice comes out low. “What are you thinking, Penn? You’re worrying me. You look like you’re freaking out.”

  I am freaking out.

 
I dare to look at him and make the confession. “I don't know if I can do this.” I rush out. “What if I can't do this? I thought I knew what I was getting into, but now…What the hell made me think I can take this on?” I set down my mug.

  His brows lower and he speaks with gentle force. “Of course you can do this. You’re just scared. But you’ve been preparing for this for a long time.”

  I bolt up and start pacing the yard in front of him. “Walker, I left my bartending job. I’m a wannabe interior designer. I don’t even have my own home. And now I’m having twins? On my own?”

  Heat and cold flash through me, making me sweat and shiver at the same time. My lungs feel like they’ll explode beneath my ribcage and I suddenly can’t remember how to breathe. I’m light-headed and numb-footed and I’m choking on my own fear.

  Fuck—I’m having a panic attack.

  Walker hops up right alongside me. He grabs my shoulders and halts my pacing. “Listen to me, Penelope. You’re allowed to have a moment to freak out. But you are not allowed to forget who you are. Not for one second. You are strong. That backbone of yours, you’ve been building it since you were a little girl. Now, you’re titanium. So, don’t you underestimate that.”

  “And what about the moments when I can’t be strong? What about the moments when I feel I’m going to break?”

  “Then in those moments, you lean on me…” He holds my face in his hands. “You have me in your corner, always.”

  I feel tears coming down my cheeks. “Gosh, I’m so sorry I dragged you into this. It’s more than you signed up for when you agreed to be my donor and you probably hate me by—”

  “Shut up!” His roar rips through the night sky. “Shut your face, Penny.”

  I try to read the emotion in his expression but I just can’t.

  He hauls me up against his body, one arm tight around my back, his other hand lost in my hair as he cradles my head to his chest. And now he’s swaying with me in his arms and I have no choice but to follow the movements of his powerful body. I feel his lips against my scalp and his chest vibrates as he hums a song I think I recognize.