Nobody stops me until I approach Remmy and then a guy about three times my size puts a hand on my chest just firm enough to give me the idea. “You need somethin’, pal?”
“I’m interested in fighting?” I say. The words sound sour on my tongue. It’s like there are two people inside of me fighting for what I do next. Maybe the wrong guy is winning, but I feel riled up on sex with Carrie and the cheers of that crowd and the feel of a wolf’s neck in my jaws telling me I won.
The big guy looks me up and down and nods. “Yeah, alright. I’ll let Mr. Remmy know.” He nods at a bench and says, “Why don’t you wait over there?”
“Sure thing.”
The wait is long. The wait is so long, I feel like I’m being tested and it’s annoying, especially since “Mr. Remmy” doesn’t look particularly busy. He’s just talking to two guys, smoking a cigar, and occasionally laughing. Finally I’m invited over.
“You want to fight for me?” Remmy says. He stands up and looks me up and down like the big guy did. I don’t like his wording. I’m certainly not fighting for him. But whatever.
“Yeah.” I shrug. “Depending on the payout.”
“First three fights, a hundred each. Flat fee. See how you do. After that you get a piece of the pot. Ten percent to start.” He puffs on his cigar. “You look like a fighter. Bet you’d hand some asses over, that’s for sure.”
“How big a piece?”
“Ten percent to start.” He shrugs. “You have no debts with me. You don’t like it, you pull out.”
Well, it sounds fair enough. Assuming I can actually stop when I want to. Ten percent seems low but maybe the pots are really big. I feel like they must be considering how many people show up to these things.
Don’t do it, a voice in my head says. It’s a wise voice. That voice has been keeping me sane since I got put in the Mulligan. But another voice that loved to feel big, that loved to fight and feel that rush of adrenaline when some other wolf wanted to challenge me, is downright howling.
“Yeah alright,” I say, nodding. “Do you want to see me try out or something?”
“Nah, you look like a contender.” He shrugs. “I’m gonna put you on the first fight with another new guy. We’ll see what happens. It’ll be exciting. Come down here at a quarter to ten.” He points to the gym. They’ll let you in. “What’s your name?”
“Jason. Just Jason.”
“Okay, Just Jason. See you tonight.”
Well, that was easy enough. I just hope I haven’t sold away my soul. I was so early to talk to Remmy, I have plenty of time to kill before the fight. I should probably go warm up in the gym, but I find myself overtaken with nerves suddenly so I go upstairs to the bar and order a strong drink. Just one; enough to take the edge off without making me unable to fight as well as I know I can. I chat here and there with the bartender. When I tell him I’m fighting tonight, he gives me a little look like I might be an idiot. Oh well. I might be.
At exactly a quarter to ten, I head back downstairs where the place is already starting to fill up, the spotlights dancing around and all the bleachers in place. I head back to the gym and they already know who I am. I had expected to see Carrie around here somewhere but I’m not seeing her and I don’t see any female wolves around either. I’m almost disappointed although the idea of Carrie wrapped up in this world much less fighting in that cage turns my stomach. This kind of bullshit is good enough for me, but it’s damn sure not good enough for Carrie and the more I think about it, the more I hate the thought of her getting hurt.
The place fills up. It’s a Friday which I’m guessing is a big night at The Ring with little else to entertain anyone in town. Remmy gets up to do his little intro and I shift along with the others before trotting on out to run a circle around the cage.
I didn’t think much about what this would feel like outside of the fight but now I find that it feels humiliating. Everyone is hooting and I feel like a circus animal but soon enough Remmy is announcing the first fight and I trot up the stairs and into the ring with another wolf who I recognize as Al from the bar.
Al? I’m fighting Al? That doesn’t even seem fair and I can smell his fear. I don’t know how he got roped into this but he’s no fighter. I almost feel as if a mistake has been made but then a bell rings and he leaps at me immediately. I’m guessing he’s just going for broke.
I have him submitted inside a minute and everyone cheers. I wasn’t supposed to be in the second fight but at the last second, Remmy directs me to stay in the cage and fight the next wolf. The next wolf is a much better fighter than Al and a lot bigger than me. He doesn’t pounce immediately. We circle each other. He’s a careful type which means he’s not just relying on his size.
But I get his throat in my jaws in about three minutes.
Remmy directs me to the bag and one of his guys hands me two hundred bucks and tells me to come back the next night.
I haven’t lived in the human world long. I haven’t grown up with the constant desire to get more money but it doesn’t take long to realize the importance of it in this world. The importance of it was inescapable even at Hardwidge. We weren’t fully living as wolves all the time and some things needed to be bought although they were stolen whenever possible.
But two hundred bucks for about ten minutes of work…
That’s not bad at all. It feels damn good to have a roll of cash in my pocket. I stay for a couple fights and order a beer and then I head home, feeling like I had a pretty good day but once again wishing I had Carrie in my bed. I start thinking about what I could do with the money. I could use a good coat but then again, I’d like to get a television…
When I finally turn into bed that night I’m in a good mood, falling asleep. For one dumb moment, I even think I’m going to have a really good sleep like I did when Carrie slept here.
But as soon as I drop off, the nightmares start.
It’s nothing that I don’t deserve and I’ve had them a million times before. It’s as if my brain is trying to remind me of where I come from and what I’ve done and what I’m allowed to have as a result.
And that’s nothing.
I dream of the cave and of tying up Alice as she cried. I dream of letting her go hungry and I feel again the absolute conviction that I must rebuild the pack. Alice will come around, I tell myself even as her cries echo in the cave, and even as I slap her for talking back. She’ll be happy with Kyle as her mate once she accepts it, I tell myself. It’s for the good of shifter kind. It’s for our revolution. My sister is hurt and cold and terrified and hungry and I tell myself that I’m treating her with love.
When I wake up, I’m sobbing.
I feel like shit and I don’t want to get out of bed. It’s another day off from Casey’s and I’ll be fighting tonight. I feel dark and empty. I feel as if I don’t even care what happens to me because there’s no way I can possibly make up for the things I’ve done. Alice is the worst of it, but it’s not just that. I helped kidnap that Tremblay guy, and I was ready to declare war on them for...what? We said it was for the good of shifter kind but I see now we were just jealous of what they had. We felt like we were entitled to so much more. Now I don’t feel entitled to anything.
I stay in bed too long, feeling shitty and like I want to disappear. I finally drag my ass out of bed and into the shower. I said I’d fight tonight. I should be ready. I get better fighters than I did the night before.
I spend time in the woods again that day. Except this time I’m not as careful and I run deeper half hoping a hunter will find me and put me out of my misery. I hunt half heartedly and it’s not until I hear the echo of a gunshot that I’m startled into reality and I run home quick on survival mode. But I don’t feel any better when I get back.
At eight, I head to The Ring intending to work out in that gym and spar with other fighters if anyone’s up for it. But I end up just lifting free weights and trying to get out of my head. It doesn’t work. Nothing seems to work.
I end up downing three shots of whiskey before the show starts at ten. I have no business fighting. At least not if I want to win. But right now, I don’t care about that at all. I just want to get out of my head.
I’m not in the first fight and I’m not paying attention, I’m just hunched over on a bench in the gym, rubbing my eyes and trying to focus on the noise of the crowd so it will drown out my dark thoughts. I’m called up for the second fight and I shift and trot out, the lights a blur around me. They throw me in the cage with a pup. Or at least he’s not far from a pup and he looks like he’s already been beaten to hell. The bell rings and we go at each other. I try not to think about anything and just go on instinct and even only half trying and more than half drunk, I get him caught in my jaws pretty quick. It doesn’t feel good but at least I didn’t do him any more real harm.
The next fight is much different.
The contender is big, fast, and talented in the cage. I’m not prepared for him at all and when I leave myself wide open he snaps and gets a bite of my flank and I just let him. He ends pinning me, his claws are thick and sharp and get a lot of damage in. It hurts like hell but I barely fight back.
You deserve this, a voice inside me says.
The next fight goes about the same and I barely make it out of the cage without a stretcher. Everyone is booing me and I hang my head but I don’t really care.
I should go in the back and get patched up but I find myself curling up on the floor by the bleachers and watching the next fight.
The next fight is a female wolf, and she seems to be a favorite. Everyone's cheering for her more than I’ve heard them cheer for anyone else.
Then I hear what they’re cheering, “Carrie! Carrie!”
It can’t be…
I shift into human form and squint, watching the fight. She’s a great fighter. She’s swift and strategic and she has no mercy. Some part of my heart that’s still left beating breaks a little bit watching the fight and yet I can’t look away. Why on earth would she be in this?
“You lose on purpose?” Remmy says. He’s standing right beside me but he doesn’t look very upset.
“Uh...no. Wasn’t feelin’ too hot.” I’m still a little drunk. I don’t even know how to come up with a decent explanation and I feel too drained to try.
“That’s okay,” he says, shrugging. “Everybody bet on you. Made me some cash. If you’re at one hundred percent, you think you’d could beat her?” He nods at the cage and my stomach sinks. “That’s your next fight.”
Fuck.
“Ah...I...can’t fight her,” I mumble.
I see Remmy’s eyes flash and he’s grinning just the way any wolf does when they’ve got their kill in their sights. “That’s cute.” He pats my shoulder and then grips it hard just where I got hurt and I grit my teeth in pain. “But it really wasn’t a question. Sunday night you’re fighting Carrie. If you don’t get your ass over here, no worries. We’ll find you.”
Ah. Well, I guess I really fucked up then.
I watch Remmy walk away under a cloud of cigar smoke as the crowd cheers: “CARRIE! CARRIE! CARRIE!”
Carrie wins the fight, but she doesn’t leave the cage right away. She trots over to the bars facing me and looks at me as I lean there against the bleachers, looking like the huge pathetic loser I am. I can’t really read her expression but she just stares as everyone cheers for her and the other beaten wolf limps off. Remmy gives me two hundred bucks and I feel like shit.
We both know.
Chapter Nine: Carrie
Jason’s fighting for Remmy. I can’t figure out if Remmy already has something on him or if Jason was just stupid and fell into it. I hate thinking about it. I’d rather think about the times we’ve made love. This guy’s my mate. I’m sure of it. I’m also sure that whatever he’s done, he’s a different person now. I don’t think he believes that.
Every time I see Jason, I find myself wanting to chase him. Though I’d much rather he chase me. But I’m not going to demure either. He clearly thinks he doesn’t deserve this or some shit. I’m going to have to convince him otherwise.
I don’t know how Remmy fits into this and I hate that I even have to think about it.
On Saturday morning, I wake up with a burning need for Jason to hold me again. We had sex in a parking lot and even that was fantastic. It’s kind of ridiculous. But I felt that powerful thing that mates feel when they find each other. If I’m honest, I didn’t even think that was real. But now I need it. I need him and more importantly I want him.
On Saturday morning, I go hunting. Not for prey, but for Jason. I head to Casey’s first but he’s not working and I cross the street to his place and track his scent.
There are a lot shifters in Grayling who don’t even bother with cell phones because not only is the town super small but everyone can just sniff each other out pretty quickly.
Jason is working at the dock, hauling fish from a boat. I don’t think he ever mentioned anything about working on the docks so I’m guessing this is new. It’s gray and cloudy, like usual, today but even on such a moody day, the water does look pretty with the mountains across the gulf peeking through the fog. I lean on a wood post and watch Jason pour fish from a net into a crate and haul it up a ramp to shore. When he sees me, he does a little double-take before glancing back down at the boat. He hauls a few more crates. If he came out here early enough when most of this type of work starts he must be finishing up soon. I can wait.
I fool around on my phone and smoke and about a half hour later, Jason trudges up the ramp and stands by me, tossing me a nod. “Hi.”
“Hey, yourself.” I’m just wearing jeans and a sweatshirt today, not exactly dressed for seduction but I did my hair and put on some lipstick.
But Jason looks at me like I’m a goddess. It does too many things to my heart.
He stands close to me, pressing up against me like he did on the wall. I feel like a teenager. “I didn’t know you were working the dock?”
“Couldn’t sleep last night,” he mutters. “Came down here at the crack of dawn and they hired me for some work. Nothing regular. Extra cash.”
“Yeah.” I take a drag and squint over at him. He’s got a soft smile on his face that makes him look young. My hair is blowing around and he pushes a lock around my ear. “You getting extra cash at The Ring too?”
He grimaces at that and looks out to the water. “I just wanted to feel like...I was good at something again? Wanted to feel like a wolf again, I guess. I mean why do you do it?”
I’m angry at him which isn’t maybe fair. He’s new here and he didn’t know any better.
“I do it because I have to,” I say darkly. “Fuck it. I don’t want to talk about that.”
“Yeah?” Jason smirks at me and it’s cute and I also want to wipe that smirk right off his face, even though I can see all the sadness just beneath it. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Who said I wanted to talk?” I was going to kiss him, but he beats me to it. I can beat any fight Remmy puts in a cage with me. I’ll rip out a wolf’s throat if they look at my baby sister funny and not think twice about it. Yet I feel helpless in Jason’s arms as he wraps them around me and covers my mouth with his. I feel like I’m floating and the kiss is much too heated for standing on a crowded dock in the late morning. I tangle my fingers in his hair and tug gently and he growls, the sound of it making me want to beg him to take me right there.
But that would be weird.
“We’re both fighting tonight,” I whisper in his ear. “Come spend the day with me before. We’ll pretend.” I don’t know what I mean except that I guess we’ll pretend I’m not in debt to Remmy and that Jason doesn’t hate himself for whatever it is he did. We’ll pretend we’re somewhere where the sun shines more often. To give him a little extra incentive I say, “My house is empty right now.”
I pull away and Jason has a furrowed brow. He looks like a confused puppy. I can see him fighting himself. “Okay,” he m
urmurs.
There’s a lot of time until the fights. I tug on Jason’s hand and pull him along, impatient to get him over to my house before he changes his mind. He doesn’t look happy about it so much as helpless to resist which is a nice feeling even if it’s kind of sad. But he holds my hand as we walk down the street, and he keeps staring at me.
“I do want to know why you do it,” he says quietly. “Doesn’t seem like you like it.”
I take a deep breath. When I talk about this, I actually feel kind of sorry for my dad. The story doesn’t do much for his reputation. And even though I’ll probably be angry at him for doing this to us and me forever, I still love him so much. I hate to make him look bad. On the other hand, the truth is the truth.
“I guess you’ve caught on to how everyone bets on the fights?” I ask him. “Or anyone who has nothing better to do and is dumb enough to think it’ll make em’ right?”
“Yeah,” he says, nodding. “It seems like that.”
“Yeah well, if you get in debt to Remmy and you can’t pay him back there are only so many ways to get out of it without a lot of pain.” I kick a rock down the sidewalk with my boot and Jason squeezes my hand, urging me to go on. “I mean you can work for him but ultimately he gets to decide how you pay him back. And his favorite way is fighting in the cage at The Ring. Well, my dad is sweet, but he’s weak. That’s all there is to it. Fell into gambling, racked up a lot of debt with Remmy. The only payment Remmy would accept is me fighting in that cage. So I’m pretty much stuck there.”
Jason’s mouth twists when he looks at me. “And this is your alpha?”
“Yep.”
“Well, how long do you have to fight for?”
Jason's Mate Page 8
