by A L Makin
Destined
Copyright © 2020 by A.L. Makin
Published by A.L. Makin
Cover Design by Crimson Phoenix Creations | Formatted by A.L. Makin
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Acknowledgements
To my husband, children and mum,
You have always stood by me in everything that I do and believe in me one hundred percent. There’s no dream too big, no challenge too complicated in this life that I cannot accomplish with you all by my side.
Thank you for support, always.
This one is for you xx
Chapter One
“Do you have to go?” My best friend asks as I pack cups into boxes ready for storage. She’s asked me the same question every day since I announced that I’m selling my home and moving to live with my older brother in Ravenhills.
I stop what I’m doing and give her a knowing look. “Becca, you know I do.”
Her shoulders sag as she sighs. “I know. I just don’t see why he should win and you leave. I say you stay here and make his life a living fucking nightmare.”
I place the box of cups I’m holding on to the kitchen unit, and shuffle to the cold hardwood floor sitting cross-legged. I’m exhausted from repeatedly having the same conversation with everyone I know. The only person who has supported my decision to move away is my big brother ... and for that I thank him. Without his support, I don’t know what I would’ve done.
“But don’t you see that if I stay, the only person I would end up torturing would be myself?” I try to reason.
Becca nods her answer slowly as she slumps down next to me on the hardwood floor. Reaching out, she holds my hands in hers and I look into her puffy tear-stained eyes. The sadness that pours from Becca sucker punches me squarely in the chest, and it hurts … literally hurts. It’s one of the not-so-pleasant joys of being an empath.
Her light blue eyes mist over as she stares down at our connected hands. “Will you at least come back and visit?” She asks quietly.
I bite the inside of my lip. “Maybe ... Eventually.”
Her whole body stiffens as she breaks our contact, making my hand instantly cold from the rejection.
“What do you mean maybe? Eventually? You can’t stay away! What about me?” She rushes her words out, her voice rising.
“Look, Becca, you have to understand where I’m coming from. All this crap with Drew nearly killed me. I need time to lick my wounds and get my head back together.” I sigh. “When I feel like I’m strong enough, I’ll come and visit then … but only then.” I finish.
“But when will that be?” She asks holding her breath.
I hate to do this to her. To intentionally say things which I know are only going to hurt her more. But I have to continue to be honest. I straighten my back and focus only on Becca.
“The short answer is, I’ve got no idea. It could be a few months; maybe a year ... it might even be longer? I really can’t put a time limit on it.”
Her arms flail in the air as she scrambles to her feet. “Longer! How can it be longer than a year? You can’t leave me for a year, let alone even longer. There’s no bloody way, I won’t have it!” She rambles out quickly as she begins to pace back and forth. The noise of her heels clicking against the hardwood floor feels like a drill to my head.
“If you insist on staying away then you’ll leave me no choice but to come and visit you!”
The power in the room has shifted, and I don’t like it. I feel small, sat on the floor. I take my time standing up before answering; she needs to know I’m serious with my words.
“Hold on a minute Becca. I love you; you know I do. You’re practically a sister to me. But I mean it when I say I need a bit of just ‘me’ time … alone.” I explain.
Becca goes to open her mouth in protest, but I hold my hand up, interrupting her. “I promise though, you’ll be the first one to know when I feel like I’m ready to face people again.”
She holds my stare a few more moments hoping I’ll crack and give in, but I don’t budge. Feeling defeated she tucks a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear as she hangs her head. Another wave of emotion – rejection - hits me hard making me gasp as the air in my lungs is knocked out.
Looking at Becca, my chest tightens painfully at the grief I’m causing her. I don’t mean, or want to hurt her purposely, but I desperately need the space to clear my head. I need to figure out where my life goes from now on. I need to make her understand. But making her understand is going to hurt her ... hurt me. I have no choice but to block out Becca’s emotions. Every muscle in my body relaxes as I mentally sever the tie between us.
Becca eventually lifts her head, a slack expression on her pretty face. “But what about your brother? If you want to be alone, it’s gonna be hard to do that when you’ll be living with him.”
Inhaling I take a small step forward. She feels so far. If I can close the gap between us, maybe I can close the gap that moving away is starting to create.
“But that’s the thing; the part you don’t know is that Tom is going away with work for a few months. He’s being shipped off over to California somewhere to install some new computer programmes for a big law firm. If all goes to plan with the installation, he’ll be gone for at least six months while he works out the kinks and trains the staff.” I finish and wait for some kind of response ... but I don’t get one. Instead, the slack expression on her face remains firmly in place. I’ve had enough of trying to make her see my side by being nice and gentle.
“Look, you’re not being fair Becca! Why can’t you see it from my side? My life is a shit storm of a mess right now, and all I want to do is have a place to go and be alone. To think, to reconnect with the old me. The one before Drew came into my life and royally fucked it all up. Is that so wrong? Am I really being so selfish? Or are you the one being selfish for wanting me to stay and continue my old life? Because I’m sorry Becca, I can’t! I can’t for you, I can’t for anyone. I’m going, and there is nothing anyone can say or do to stop me!”
There has only ever been a handful of times I’ve had to speak to Becca like that. To be firm and put my foot down. To make her see sense over her own selfish needs. And I think it’s worked because Becca finally relents with a half-hearted shrug. I can see she
’s not been fully convinced, and she definitely hates my plan, but she’s reluctantly accepted it at least. It’s bad enough I’ve lost the love of my life Drew, but it would destroy me if I was to lose Becca too - especially because all of this is his bloody fault anyway!
We remain looking at each other, locked in some kind of Mexican standoff. The only sound I can hear is the thrumming of my own heart beating hard in my chest. Do I move or do I stay? I’m busy trying to decide what to do when suddenly Becca throws herself at me, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. I hug her back and can feel her shoulders begin to gently bob up and down.
“Please don’t cry, Becca.” I beg.
She pulls away sniffing hard while swiping at a stray tear on her cheek. Her eyes remain red and puffy, and her face is stained from crying.
“How can I not cry, Willow? I’m losing my best friend.”
I grab her by the hand and pull her down onto one of the big comfy couches next to us. I’ve lost count at the number of nights Becca and I have sat huddled together under a duvet watching trashy romcoms on this couch. She looks at me with a vacant expression. The blonde strand of hair has fallen in front of her face again. I reach out and tuck it neatly behind her ear, making sure I keep hold of our contact.
“But you’re not losing me. You will never lose me. I love you. So that means you’re stuck with me for life. See this change as though ... as though you’re just loaning me out for a little while, that’s all,” I explain softly.
She nods slowly as she stares down at her empty hands sat in her lap. Clearing her throat she replies, “I understand that you need to get away and clear your head. But just because I understand it, it doesn’t mean I like it.” She sniffs wiping her nose with the back of her hand. “The part in all this that I don’t understand though is, if you’re on loan like you say - then why sell your home? I mean, selling your home is so final, permanent. Not having a home here makes me feel like you have no plans to return anytime soon. Maybe ever ...” She says the last bit almost at a whisper.
I should have seen this bit coming. It was inevitable – the big bloody ‘sold’ sign outside the house is a bit of a giveaway that I don’t plan on coming back anytime soon. And as much as I didn’t think about it before, Becca is probably right. I think subconsciously when I put it up for sale, I didn’t plan to return. I take a deep breath straightening my back.
“Maybe that’s because I don’t plan on returning, not to this house anyway. I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do yet. I need to see how getting away works first,” I pause. “But regardless of what I do end up doing, I can’t keep this house. There are far too many memories here. Even all the good ones have now been tarnished by the bad because of him,” I say honestly.
“That makes sense I suppose,” she replies with a small smile as the light in her blue eyes begins to return. “I understand you’ve got to do what’s best for you. But promise me you won’t leave me too long. As soon as you feel like you’ve had some space and cleared your head, I want you to ring me and I’ll come to visit. The instant you’re back to the old Willow I know and love, I’ll help you to find a new place to live.” She straightens herself as her smile grows wider. “I know you Willow, you won’t want to live in a poky little village for forever. It’s not your style. You need a big city. Just promise me you won’t leave it too long till I can come and visit. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you as it is, so the thought of not seeing you for months kills me.”
I reach out and grab her hands in mine, giving them a gentle squeeze, “I can’t promise I’ll be the same old Willow, but I do promise that I won’t leave it too long.”
Chapter Two
The journey to my brothers went a lot quicker than I thought it would, and I’m greeted by a grey and gloomy sky while a light drizzle of rain falls gently from the clouds above. As I drive through the village, the squeaking of the windscreen wipers can be easily heard over the radio. I turn up the fan in the car to de-mist the windscreen faster, but it doesn’t work. My car is a piece of crap! Drew bought me it a few years ago, and from day one it has caused me nothing but problems. I should have known then that Drew will bring nothing but shite into my life. I lean forward and hunch over the steering wheel in a lame attempt to see better. As I look out to my new home, I’m shocked by how abundantly beautiful the village is. Even the miserable weather can’t dampen its natural beauty.
My brother lives in a small village called Ravenhills; named for its black ‘raven’ bracken covered hills that lie to the north of the village. It’s only a small village so the three black hills take centre stage from the rest of the lush rolling green hills that surround the village. The view of the black hills entering the village is spookily breath-taking and makes every hair on my body stand on end. The closer I drive to my brothers, the more my muscles begin to relax. I can feel the last few months pain and anxiety begin to flow away like the rain off the windshield.
Turning the wheel, I drive along my brother’s vast driveway, parking outside his grand country home. The house has one of those cute large open white porches. Just like you see in the movies that are filmed in the deep South. It’s a huge house, and I’ve always said it’s far too pretentious and big for just him. But Tom has always liked the finer things in life and appreciates the solitude that the house brings. I suppose if it makes him happy, who am I to judge?
With arms stretched out wide, Tom walks out of his home to greet me. His golden retriever Max follows close behind him barking playfully. I leave what little belongings I’ve brought with me in the car and run up to him. Crashing into his built six-foot frame, I almost knock him over. We both stumble but Tom somehow manages to keep us both upright. It feels like it’s been forever since I last saw him and he takes me in a tight bear hug.
“Whoa, little sis. You’ll have us both on our arses in the mud if you’re not careful.” He laughs at me while squeezing me even tighter.
I hug him back while nuzzling my face into his chest. His clothes feel soft and he smells of fresh laundry. I smile remembering our time growing up. Tom was a great big brother, always protecting and looking out for me. No matter the problem, Tom could solve it. And as I’m stood here, wrapped in his arms, I feel safe and protected once again. Moving here was without a doubt the right decision.
He looks down at me with his big brown eyes. His chin is covered with a dark blonde beard, and his blonde hair flops about his shoulders. He looks a complete contrast to the brother I grew up with. I stand back and hold his hands in mine. Looking him up and down, I finally settle on his tired face. It’s been two years, but I can see that he’s still not over everything that happened. Growing up he was always so well-groomed and took great pride in his appearance. His pretty-boy looks and the life of the party personality always made him stand out from a crowd. He never had a problem attracting or holding the attention of women. He worked hard in the day for a big computer programme company; and at night he played even harder, often burning the candle at both ends. It’s, for this reason, I never imagined in a million years that he’d settle down with just one woman. But to mine and everyone else’s surprise, he did … And he was happy, truly happy.
But like any good thing, it didn’t last.
His world came crashing down two years ago when he found out his now ex-fiancé Megan had been cheating on him with as many different men as she could lay her skanky little hands on. Because of Megan, Tom turned his back on his old life, quit his job and cut ties with all his friends. He left the only place he knew … the place where he grew up. She broke his heart so spectacularly, that as I continue to look at him, I can still feel the same raw pain as the day he found out what she’d done.
Stood looking at each other, it only just dawns on me that the circumstances which brought Tom to Ravenhills all that time ago, are the same ones which have brought me here today too. To quote the words of Alannis Morisette ‘isn’t it ironic’.
Tom squeezes my hands as h
e examines me back. “What’s he done to you, Willow? If I ever see him again, I’m gonna bloody kill him!”
“Thanks, Tom. I appreciate the brotherly love, but I’ll be ok.” I smile.
He studies me for a few more moments until the rain above us starts to fall harder. “If you say so.” He replies while looking questioningly at me.
I know he doesn’t believe me. I’m not sure I’m convinced either, but I have to at least try.
“Well, this reunion has been lovely and all, but what's say we get inside before the both of us are completely soaked. We’ll wait for the rain to pass before we collect your stuff from the car.” He smiles.
I smile up to him and nod as he drapes an arm over my shoulder and pulls me in against his body. We turn and walk a few steps before going up the stairs of the porch, and through the front door to my new home. Max bounds happily in front of us, and I follow Tom into the main living room. He’s kept the country feel with all the furniture and furnishings in creams, browns and beiges. The smooth floors are mahogany hardwood and there is a large open fire as the main focal point. Everything matches and suits the decor – that is apart from Tom’s extremely large 60” telly mounted to the wall. It is one of the strangest sights I’ve ever seen. But my brother is all about the latest technology, and even living in a 14th Century house in a remote village won’t stop him from having everything the 21st Century has to offer.
~
We spend some time catching up over a cup of coffee, and when the rain finally relented, we collected my stuff from the car. I choose one of the large spare bedrooms to the northside of the house and take my time unpacking my things. Lost in thought, I can’t help reflecting over everything that has happened recently. It’s crazy to think that three months ago I was a happy carefree 28-year-old living in the city of Newthorpe. I had a wonderful job as a primary school teacher, a great social life, owned my own home and was engaged to be married to the love of my life Drew.
