by A L Makin
However, with how much he despises Ryder, I can’t imagine that he’ll see the good in what he did by saving me. Everything is just lies and deceit when it comes to that man with him. No, I’m best just keeping my mouth shut. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. I’ll only end up hurting his feelings for not keeping my promise of staying away from him … even if on both occasions Ryder came to me.
As the day winds on, I toy with the idea of calling Travis and cancelling. But who am I kidding? I’m not the type of person to let people down. Never have been, so don’t plan on starting now. Anyway, it might do me some good to get out and have an evening like a normal person, instead of finding myself in some kind of trouble. The things that have happened to me in the short time I’ve lived here … you can’t even make it up.
I catch up with phone calls to my parents and Becca. Between them, they keep me on the phone for hours so the time ticks by quickly. I keep details of life here brief. They wouldn’t understand and would only freak out if they knew the truth of whats happened while I’ve been living here. Also, they’d try to convince me into moving back home to Newthorpe. Something I can’t ever imagine doing again.
The evening draws in and I get ready for my date by having a shower and getting changed. Reaching into my closet I take out a long black backless dress. Pulling it on, it matches my dark smoky eyes and glossed lips. I keep my hair simple with long loose curls cascading down my back. Some sparkly jewellery and strappy black shoes finish the look.
Just because we’re not going on a ‘proper’ date, doesn’t mean I don’t make an effort. I enjoy getting dressed up and looking at myself in the full-length mirror on the wardrobe, I can’t help but smile at how good I look.
My blonde highlights have faded loads, allowing my rich chocolate coloured hair to shine through. And without the constant sunbed top-ups, my skin looks paler, but against my emerald eyes and darker hair, it looks good. So much better than the orange tan and peroxide blonde. I look more like the real me, the one who was buried under all those fake layers for all those fake years.
Spraying some perfume, I hear a knock at the door. I grab my purse and make my way down the steps to the front door, opening it up. Travis is stood in the doorway holding a bunch of red roses. He looks good dressed in smart black trousers and a charcoal grey shirt that’s unbuttoned at the neck. He’s smooth combed his blonde hair back off his face.
His eyes widen and his mouth falls open. With an outstretched arm, he holds the roses towards me.
“Wow, Willow. You look ... amazing! Truly amazing!”
As I take the flowers heat floods my cheeks. I’ve never had someone look at me the way Travis just did. Even in all the years, I was together with Drew, he never looked at me that way.
“Thanks, you don’t scrub up too bad yourself,” I say playfully.
“Will you come in and wait while I find a vase for these? I don’t want to leave them out of water too long. They’re beautiful,” I smile.
“If you’re inviting me in, then I’m happy to wait,” he smiles back.
He steps through the doorway as I turn and walk into the kitchen. Following me through, he leans against a countertop while I pull a glass vase out from a cupboard next to the sink.
Turning on the cold tap I start filling the vase when he clears his throat gently.
“So what did you do yesterday?”
Caught off guard, I pause, vase in hand. The cold water quickly reaches the top and begins to overflow, covering my hand and dripping off my wrist. The cold feeling against my skin brings me back into the room and I’m forced to lie.
“Yesterday? Erm, nothing much. Took Max for a walk. Read some books. Caught up on some box sets on Netflix. You know, the usual,” I reply awkwardly.
I take the flowers out of their wrapping and thrust them into their water bath.
“Oh really?” he sounds genuinely intrigued.
“What you watching? Anything good I might like?”
Shit! I think to myself. Why did I lie about watching Netflix? The truth is, apart from watching re-runs of Brooklynn 99 or The Big Bang Theory, I’ve not watched anything new in ages. I’ve no idea what else is on there.
Walking towards the dining table, I try and brush off the question, “Erm I can’t remember the name. I’ll have a look and let you know,” I say as I place the vase in the middle of the table.
“Perfect,” I smile standing back admiring the flowers. Spinning on my heels I turn to Travis, “Shall we go?”
He’s not noticed I evaded the question. I feel terrible for not telling him about what happened yesterday. But I know if I were, to be honest, I’d ruin the evening for sure. They’d be no point in even going.
The evening air is cool again, so I make sure I pick up my warm shawl on the way out. Everything is so close in the village that there’s never any real need to take the car unless you’re going out of the village. With my arm comfortably locked through Travis’s, we walk the short journey to town and to a quaint little Italian restaurant.
Our evening goes a lot better than I anticipated, and conversation flowed easily between us. He asked me about my time in Newthorpe and listened empathetically as I opened up about everything with Drew. I attempt to ask similar questions back, but he either avoids details keeping things brief and vague or instead manages to steer the topic back onto me. Maybe he’s being polite, maybe he’s had a boring life so far ... or maybe he’s hiding something? Who knows? I’m just thankful that we’ve been able to avoid the topic of Ryder.
We finish our drinks as the waiter clears our dessert plates away. Sat opposite he smiles softly. “I’ve really enjoyed tonight.”
“So have I,” I answer honestly.
“So what’s say we go to the pub from here? It’s still early yet,” Travis asks looking at the watch on his wrist.
There’s no reason not to. The T.V. and fluffy pyjamas are all that’s waiting for me back at home. And as much as I wanted to do that before our date, I’m having a great time and glad I came out.
“That sounds fab,” I smile.
Travis pays the bill, even after I offered to split it. Leaving the restaurant I link my arm through his again, squeezing in tight as the nights' air only gets colder. Walking across the village square, we enter the pub that I went to with Tom the first night I arrived.
Stepping into the relaxed atmosphere, I notice Lorna behind the bar. Does the girl never get a day off? I think to myself. She nods over to me with eyes wide and a big smile on her face. I smile back at her, I know exactly what she’s thinking.
I sit at a table in the corner of the pub, while Travis goes to the bar to order some drinks. It’s quiet in here again, and he’s not gone long before he’s back placing our drinks on the table. Sitting back in his chair he lets out a long satisfied sigh.
“This is nice,” he states. “I can’t remember the last time I did anything like this.”
His statement surprises me. Travis is a great looking guy. I find it hard to believe that he’s unable to remember the last time he was out on a date.
“You’re joking aren’t you?” I laugh picking up my glass and taking a sip.
He cocks his head to the side and looks at me confused.
“What?” he replies.
I laugh again placing my drink back on the table. “You have seen you, haven’t you?”
“Yeah …” He answers slowly, his brow further furrowed. The poor guy really doesn’t have a clue about what I’m trying to get at.
“So then you’ll understand why I find it difficult to believe that someone who looks like you do and is as nice as you are; can’t remember the last time he was out on a date,” I chuckle.
A warm smile spreads across his face. “Thank you … I think?”
“So what’s your deal then, if you don’t mind me asking?” I pause for a moment. “How come you’ve not found Mrs Right yet?” I ask bluntly.
Travis’s face falls and he looks down to his hands in
his lap. Sadness slowly begins to filter through the air as he picks at his thumbnail. I don’t rush him and give him the time he needs until he lifts his head and looks at me with sad eyes. My question has hit a nerve. He clears his throat and is about to answer when behind me I hear the door to the pub open.
I try my best not to react, to remain still. But my body betrays me covering me in goosebumps instantly as I shudder where I sit. It was only the faintest and quickest of reactions, but it was enough for Travis to notice.
“You ok?” he asks putting aside what he was just about to tell me.
Keeping focused forward I smile to him, “Yeah I’m fine. I think someone has just walked over my grave,” I laugh attempting to brush it off while keeping him focused on only me. It would have worked too, and all would have been fine if Travis didn’t look over my shoulder and straight at Ryder.
Ryder … I knew it was him as soon as he walked through the door. I can sense when he’s around. Strange, but true. The more time I spend with the guy, the more I feel connected to him. I knew he was here the instant his foot crossed the threshold. The instant he took his first breath in the room. The instant the air was disturbed by him moving. I knew he was here the instant he arrived.
With every ounce of strength I have, I keep focused on Travis.
Don’t turn around, don’t turn around, I repeat to myself.
But my body is screaming at me to turn to him. It physically hurts trying to stay still when every muscle in your body is trying to move. Travis’s body language changed the instant he realised Ryder was in the building. The sadness that filled his eyes only moments ago is replaced with hatred and the air around us becomes thick making it hard to breathe.
“Travis? You ok?” I feign innocence like I don’t know who has just walked in.
He relaxes a little looking back at me but not answering.
“You ok?” I ask again. “I thought I’d lost you for a second then,” I finish smiling.
“Yeah, sorry about that,” He takes a deep breath as his eyes soften slightly.
“It’s just,” he clears his throat. “Well, you should know that Ryder has just come into the pub,” he answers carefully.
Muscles burning, I continue to fight the urge to turn and look at him.
“And … ?” I reply nonchalantly shrugging my shoulders.
“Erm … well, I thought with everything that happened the other night, you might be bothered about him being here?” Travis replies confused.
I force a smile at him. Hopefully, I can reassure him that what I’m about to say next is the truth, even if I know in truth it’s so far from it.
“And just as I said to you that night, Ryder means nothing to me. I don’t even know the guy for goodness sake.”
He relaxes further and begins to smile again.
“Ok then,” he pauses. “In that case, I’m not afraid to tell you he’s not alone either,” he finishes bluntly.
‘He’s not alone?’ I repeat to myself.
‘He’s not alone!’ The information slams into me like a freight train and my heart begins to beat erratically in my chest as Travis’s words whirl around in my head.
I can’t answer. If I open my mouth, my voice will only give me away. I gently nod my head as I try as hard as I can to keep the smile fixed to my face. But with every second that passes, I can slowly feel it slipping as the corner of my lip begins to twitch while I wait for Travis to tell me what I’ve been dreading to hear. I don’t know why the knowledge of Ryder not being alone is affecting me so much.
“I’m sorry Willow, I should have told you the other night in the church. But I never expected to see him again so soon,” he pauses a moment while I pick up my drink. I press it to my lips as he answers. I need to try and mask my reaction to what I know deep down is coming next.
“He’s not alone because he’s here … here with his fiancée.”
With the glass now pressed hard against my lips, I grip it tighter in my hand and cool condensation drips down my fingers and along my wrist. I feel sick as the room begins to spin. I need to leave. I need to regain composure.
But as much as I try to fight my reaction, my body betrays me once again as the colour drains from my face while his words take hold. Travis sees I’ve been affected by what he’s just said. To the degree of how it’s affected me I don’t think he’ll ever know. He quickly continues explaining, attempting to make it better but unknowingly making it worse.
“That’s another one of the reasons why I wanted you to stay away from him. He’s been engaged to her for quite a while now. I didn’t want you to get hurt,” he explains before continuing.
“He doesn’t give a shit about anyone else’s feelings, only his own!” he finishes as he looks at Ryder over my shoulder again.
This could all go horribly wrong. If Travis says anything to Ryder, and what happened the last two nights comes out, a whole shit storm of lies and secrets will undoubtedly unfold. I need to try and keep him distracted, and myself for that matter. I can’t risk losing one of my only friendships here.
I reach out with my free hand while placing my drink back onto the table. Taking one of Travis’s cool hands in mine, I give it a gentle squeeze. He focuses back on to only me.
“Hey, it’s ok,” I pause giving his hand another squeeze.
“I won’t lie and say I wasn’t at least a little surprised that he’s here with someone because I’ll admit I was. But it wasn’t because of any feelings for him or crap like that. I was just surprised that he’s engaged. I mean, with everything you’ve told me about him, I wouldn’t have thought he’d be capable of loving someone other than himself,” I say honestly.
“Nothing about that guy surprises me anymore. I’m sure he’s got an ulterior motive to why he’s with her. I know for sure it won’t be because of love. That’s an emotion he’s incapable of feeling,” he says.
I don’t say anything, just nod my head.
“If you want we can leave?” he asks.
“No, it’s ok. It doesn’t bother me that he’s here,” I lie.
“Ok then,” he smiles. “If he doesn’t bother you, I’m not going to let him bother me. Do you want another drink?” he asks as he leans forward picking up my empty glass.
I want to say no. I want to go back home and try to figure out what the hell is going on in my head. But I can’t. I need to continue the charade that I don’t give damn. If I make an excuse to end the evening now, Travis will see through everything I’ve just said and the friendship we’ve built so far will be ruined. So reluctantly I agree to another drink.
“Sounds good. Same again please,” I reply as I join him in standing up. “I’m just going to nip to the restroom first,” I explain. If I can’t leave the pub, then I need to have two minutes alone to give my head a wobble.
He smiles and nods, then makes his way to the bar, so I grab my bag and turn towards the restroom. From the corner of my eye, I can see that Ryder and his fiancée are sat not too far away from the doors that lead towards the restrooms. I carefully navigate the pub making sure that I don’t look straight at him or acknowledge that he’s here. However, as I weave between the tables and chairs I can feel him watch me as I cross the room.
Once in the restroom, I dash to into the closest cubicle. Closing the door quickly behind me I rest my back against it and close my eyes. My legs begin to go weak and my head starts to spin again as I try and catch my breath. Before my legs give way under me, I lower the toilet seat and sit on top of it resting my head in my hands steadying my breathing.
I can’t believe how Ryder has affected me. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any more confusing, this happens.
I sit for a few more moments until my breathing returns to normal and my head stops spinning. Pulling open the door I walk over to the sinks and look into one of the large mirrors. My makeup is still flawless and I look good … real good. If Ryder had to see me at any time, I suppose I’m glad it’s tonight when I look like this
. I sweep my lips with another coat of gloss and make sure my hair is perfect. Taking a deep breath I leave ready to make my way back to our table.
This time on the way back, I’m not going to be able to avoid seeing Ryder and his fiancée. As soon as I open the door Ryder’s eyes are immediately on me. As hard as I try to resist, curiosity gets the better of me and I have to look for myself at the woman he’s engaged to.
I only look at her briefly, but I get all the information I need from that short moment. She’s tall and thin, with peroxide blonde hair. Her bony fingered hand rests on Ryder’s thigh. Her face, although covered in far too much makeup, is pretty in a conventional sense. But there is something about her that’s ugly. As I have another glance I can see there’s a tortured soul full of bitterness and anger hiding in her dark eyes. Apart from the tortured souls, they both seem to share, the pair of them couldn’t look more different and ill-matched. I just don’t see them ‘together’. But that’s probably just my screwed up mind talking.
I can’t help having one last look towards their table, finishing on Ryder. It’s only for the briefest moment, but it manages to satiate my soul. He looks perfect as he sits there in his dark blue jeans and a thin dark blue jumper. I think this is the first time I’ve seen him not dressed in head to toe black. I mean the darkness of the blue is as close to black as it can be, but it’s still blue. His hair is in its usual floppy style that he wears, and he looks good – real good.
He stares back at me; watching me move through the room. His fiancée turns her attention away from me and towards Ryder. She squeezes his leg, but he doesn’t flinch. She follows the line of his gaze and it lands on me. Her pale complexion reddens as anger and jealously distorts her face. If I thought bitterness made her look ugly, it has nothing on what jealousy does to her.
I know I shouldn’t, but I enjoy having his full attention as I hold my head up and sway through the room.
Travis smiles at me as I arrive at our table.
