by B L Maxwell
A sad look passed over his face, and then it was gone. “You’re a good one, Tommy. I know I said that before, but I think you need to hear it. There aren’t many people who would have done anything to help Zane. If he decides this is the life he wants to live, that’s his choice, but he’ll always know there was someone out there that cared.”
I nodded, unable to speak around the lump in my throat. Bruce went back to the grill to finish the last few orders, and I hurried to get caught up on the dishes. When I was finally done, I did a quick once-over to make sure I’d done everything.
“Hey, Bruce?”
“Get out of here, kid, have a good night,” he said with a wink. I slipped on my coat and jogged out to my car, the windows were steamed up from it being so cold and wet out. I tapped on the window with my knuckle so I didn’t startle Zane when I opened the door, and he shuffled around in the back seat before he sat up.
“Hey, sorry, I didn’t think I’d sleep the whole time you were working.” He stretched and rubbed the heel of his hand over his eyes.
“You must have been more tired than you thought you were. Did you eat?”
“No, not yet.” He picked up the bag and took out the box of food. “A roast beef sandwich?”
“I wasn’t sure what Bruce fixed, is that okay?”
“Are you kidding? Everything you’ve fed me has been amazing.” He smiled then, a real smile. I forgot for a second that he was homeless and lived behind a dumpster and had nothing, and for just a second I saw him as someone I really could care about. More than just trying to keep him fed and help him get decent clothes that would keep him warm. I saw him as just Zane, a cute guy with a great smile who liked roast beef sandwiches and needed a new pair of shoes. For a moment I saw my future intertwined with his, and then I promised myself I’d see what I could do to help him get his life back, and I added that to my list.
Chapter Ten
A Couch to Sleep On
“I can finish this outside, thanks for letting me sleep in here,” Zane said and rushed to gather his coat and the bag of food.
“Zane, stay where you’re at. I can’t let you go back out in this rain, it hasn’t let up a bit since we got here. Get in the front and buckle up, you’re gonna sleep on my couch.”
“No, I can’t do that.”
“I didn’t ask you if you wanted to, now come on. The weather is really bad, and you’re not equipped to be out in it, let alone sleep in it.” His head dropped forward and he looked so defeated, I started to take back my offer, but then he stepped out of the back door and slid into the passenger seat.
“Tommy, I’ve been living on the street for a while. I know you want to help, but really, I’ll be fine.”
I turned in my seat to face him. He looked so worried, I wasn’t sure if it was out of fear or shame, but I realized I needed to assure him I really meant what I’d said. “I know, and I’m sorry no one has helped you before. I don’t know your story, and it doesn’t matter. All that matters to me right now is knowing you’re not sitting in the rain all night behind a dumpster with no shelter and soaking wet. I can’t drive off and do nothing, I’d never forgive myself.”
His eyes locked with mine, and he seemed to search for answers I probably didn’t have, but finally he nodded and snapped on his seat belt. Without another word, I started my car and drove to my apartment.
“I’ll get you some blankets, and pillows, you can sleep out here,” I said as I headed to my bedroom. When I walked back out, he was still standing in the doorway. “Zane? Everything okay?” He remained quiet and didn’t move. “You’re doing the best you can under the circumstances, I don’t expect more than that.” He still wouldn’t meet my eyes, so I walked up to him and grabbed the side of his hand and tugged him over to the couch. “Lie down and sleep some more. You’ll feel better in the morning. Oh, and eat your sandwich. Bruce would kill me if I didn’t give you a chance to do that.” He finally met my eyes with a watery smile, and with a small nod, he sat on the couch and opened the bag with his dinner in it. I walked into the kitchen and rummaged around for a snack and grabbed each of us a bottle of water, and without another word he opened the box that held his sandwich. “Want to heat that up?” I asked, and he smiled.
“That would be great, you have no idea how much I appreciate hot food now.” He brought his sandwich into the kitchen, and I put it on a plate and stuck it in the microwave. The smell of roast beef had me wishing I’d brought one home for myself. He must have noticed because when I took it out, he cut his sandwich in half and pushed it toward me.
“I can’t take this,” I said and tried to push it back at him.
“Yes, you can, I’ve been eating alone for months, and I really enjoyed eating with you earlier. I know you’re probably tired after working, but would you mind if we ate together before we go to bed?”
“Sure, let me see what else I have to add to it.” I took out some chips, and we sat down to another meal together. I never thought when I woke up my day would end this way. But I liked it. A thought niggled at the back of my mind, this might not be safe, but a different part of me told me I was safe with Zane, he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. I hoped I was right about him.
We finished eating, and he helped me clean up the kitchen before he started getting ready to go to bed. He sat there for a moment, once again looking lost. I was about to go into the bathroom when I thought of something. “Did you need a toothbrush? I have an extra one.”
“I can’t take anything else from you. You’ve done so much already.”
“Dude, my dentist gives me one every time I go in. Here.” I tossed it to him, and he caught it as he was rising off the couch.
“If you’re sure?”
“I’m sure. Go for it.” I finished brushing my teeth and told him goodnight before walking back to my bedroom. Once again, I couldn’t sleep, thoughts of what else Zane needed running through my mind. His shirts and jeans were as worn as his shoes. I thought about offering to buy him some jeans when I took him to Goodwill to buy shoes. I didn’t see him going along with that idea, but I’d try. It made me feel a little better, hoping that with a few more items, he could at least have a change of clothes. Maybe he’d need something to carry his things in? Something to think about, and with that I drifted off to sleep, hoping somehow Zane’s life would get easier for him.
Chapter Eleven
Lost in the Rain
I finally fell asleep just before the sun started to rise. It was a cold night so I snuggled into my blankets and fell asleep to dreams of short brown hair, beautiful blue eyes, and a smile I couldn’t seem to get enough of. Something told me to wake up, but I rolled to my side, curled my legs up, and drifted back to sleep. The click of my front door woke me. I sat up in bed and listened to make sure I’d heard what I thought I had. But there was nothing but silence.
I crawled out of bed, already knowing what I’d find when I walked into my living room. The blankets were folded neatly, and on top, the pillows rested where Zane had left them. I dragged my hand down my face and tried to get a grip on the urge I had to run for the door and see if he was still in sight. I reminded myself he wasn’t my responsibility and he was an adult. Capable of making his own choices and taking care of himself. None of that made me feel better, but it did stop me from running after him. I went to the bathroom, and after finishing my morning routine, I made myself a cup of coffee and settled onto the couch for a morning of homework. I had a few tough classes and needed to focus on them in order to graduate on time.
That kept me busy for a couple of hours. It was a struggle to concentrate at first, but once I focused, I was completely engrossed with my assignment in statistics. I welcomed the reprieve of worrying about Zane. It wasn’t his fault, he never complained about his situation at all, and if I never mentioned that I was worried about him, he’d never have brought it up. But I couldn’t help caring about him, and the more time I spent with him, the more curious I was about what had put him in his c
urrent situation.
My phone sounded with a text, and I read it then shot off a quick reply. The restaurant was slammed, and Bruce had asked if I could help out for a few hours. I usually had today off, but I could always use the extra money, and Bruce knew it. I gulped down the last of my coffee and changed into my work clothes. As I stepped out of my apartment, I stood there for a second and looked around, still hoping to get a glimpse of Zane. But he was nowhere to be seen.
The Sunday crowd was a lot more casual and friendly than the rowdy nighttime crowd, so even though the afternoon was busy, it wasn’t stressful. And it was good to have something to keep my mind busy. I clocked in and immediately got to work; Bruce was working at the grill as usual, and keeping a sharp eye on everything he was cooking. I stayed as busy as I could and forced myself not to ask about Zane.
“Hey, kid, have you seen that guy?” Bruce called from across the kitchen.
“I saw him yesterday, but not since then.”
“I didn’t see him out there earlier when I threw out a bag of trash. Guess I’m so used to him being around, I thought it was odd he wasn’t there.” He didn’t look up as he continued cooking. I couldn’t look away. I thought for sure he’d be here. I hadn’t even stopped to look when I got here because he was always here. Bruce turned to glance at me and did a double take. “What’s wrong?” he said and rushed over to me, still carrying his spatula.
“I’m not sure.” I cleared my throat, not sure what Bruce would think of what I said next. “He stayed at my place last night.”
“Tommy, what are you thinking? You don’t know that guy. I know you want to help, but—”
“I know! I know, okay? I couldn’t just make him go sleep out in the rain all night. It was pouring when I left work, and he’d been sleeping in my car while I was here. I just didn’t have it in me to kick him back out. He slept on the couch, but he was gone when I woke up this morning. I just figured he came back here.”
Bruce stared at me until I finished, and his hand flew to the back of his neck. “Kid, you can’t just take a stranger home with you, no matter how much you want to help.”
“I know, I just couldn’t do it.”
He squeezed my shoulder before he spoke again. “I get it, kid, more than you know. Just please . . . be careful.”
“I will, I promise.” We were both quiet and busy for the rest of my shift, and when I finally was done, I slipped out the back door and into the rain. I jogged over to the dumpster, but I knew before I squeezed behind it, Zane wasn’t there. I also knew I wouldn’t go home until I drove around for a while and looked for him. The sound of a car door slamming brought me back to attention. I was so deep in thought walking back to my car I was on autopilot. I needed to find him, and I’d need to pay attention to do it.
The rain beat down as it had the past few days, and it was going to be even colder than the day before. I drove slowly, hoping to get a glimpse of the coat I’d given him just yesterday. There were very few people out; it was nearly dark, and the glare off the falling rain and the wet windshield didn’t make it easy for me to see anything, but I still drove around. After about an hour I was ready to give up when I saw him stumbling down the sidewalk in the black coat. The hood was pulled up, and he didn’t seem to be able to walk a straight line. I pulled into a parking space and rushed out in the rain to him.
“Zane, what are you doing out in the—” Someone I didn’t know looked up at me through a haze of alcohol or drugs, I wasn’t sure which. Maybe even both. It wasn’t him.
“I done nothing wrong, now get away,” he yelled and took a haphazard swipe at me. I backed away and ran to my car, jammed it into gear, and drove away. My legs shook so bad I needed to pull over for a second to calm down. As soon as I could I drove right to my apartment. I sat in the parking lot and listened to the rain.
“Where the hell are you, Zane?” I said to myself, knowing I might never know.
Chapter Twelve
Pictures
It had been a week since I’d seen Zane, and the weather had gotten even worse.
“Hey, kid, what’s going on?” Bruce asked.
“Not much, just thinking.”
“He’ll be fine, you helped him, that’s more than a lot of people would have done. You treated him like he was a person, and worried about him. I know he appreciated it.”
I took in Bruce’s words and let them wrap around me. I needed to know I’d helped Zane, and I hoped someday I’d know if he was okay.
“This weather is crazy, isn’t it?” I said, changing the subject and hoping he didn’t change it back. He gave me a sad smile and thankfully went along with talking about the weather.
“Yeah, kid, it is, I heard it might snow.”
“Here? Can that even happen?” I asked. In the time I’d lived here I’d never seen it even close to snowing. Sure it rained, hailed, and had lots of fog—but never snow.
“It’s happened before. Not for a lot of years, but it used to happen at least once a year or so.”
“You’re kidding me, I can’t believe that could actually happen.”
“Well, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.” Bruce smiled. “Maybe we’ll have a white Thanksgiving.”
I shook my head at him. “You almost had me there for a minute, I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“We’ll see, I guess.” We both got back to work after the talk of snow, and I tried hard not to think about what that would mean for Zane, or other people who were living on the streets. I wished I’d had a chance to get to know him better and figure out what happened to him, but now there was very little chance of that happening.
We finished for the evening, and I waved to Bruce before walking out the kitchen door to the alley. I looked over at the dumpster, and released a sigh. Never would have believed a dumpster would be a source of so much grief for me. But it was, it represented where Zane had tried to survive without any help from anyone. And it was the place that would always remind me of him.
I walked over to it and slipped behind it the way I’d seen him do. There was a black garbage bag tucked under the bottom of the dumpster. I pulled it out and found the socks I’d given him, along with a ziplock bag with a few pictures in it. I gathered it all up and carried it to my car. I wasn’t sure Zane would be back for it, and I didn’t want anyone else to take it, or have it ruined in the rain. If I saw him again, I’d give it all back to him.
The rain pelted my car as the wipers fought to keep up with the heavy downpour. I couldn’t stop myself from looking at anyone who happened to be out walking around, hoping to see him. When I turned down my street, I craned my neck to look at any of the spots I had seen homeless people sleep during the day. No one was out, the weather was just too awful.
I rushed to my apartment and set down the bag of Zane’s things. I didn’t want to snoop, but I was curious about the pictures I’d found; maybe they’d give me a clue about how he’d lived before. I sat on the couch and opened the bag, the extra socks I’d bought him were there. I noticed a blanket tucked into the couch cushion and pulled, it was the one I’d given him. It was a little dirty, but not bad. I tugged it out and decided to wash it. Pulling it to my face, I took a sniff and instantly smelled the scent that was unique to Zane. Picturing his face, I buried my nose in it and took a deep breath. Then I realized how it must look and shoved the blanket to the side of me. Taking out the bag of photos next, I looked at them through the clear plastic before I opened it, it felt so invasive, but my curiosity got the best of me.
A younger version of Zane stood next to a woman with blonde hair and a tall, thin man who was obviously an older version of Zane. This had to be his family. I flipped through more photos and saw a picture of the man playing basketball with Zane, and another with the woman baking cookies while Zane looked on. A picture of Zane by a new car giving a thumbs-up, and so many more. I reached up to wipe my face and discovered a tear sliding down my cheek. He has a family. But where are they? Why wouldn’t the
y try to help get him off the street?
I felt even worse after looking through the pictures one more time. This was obviously something that meant a lot to Zane, what if he came back and it was gone? Suddenly I worried I’d done something wrong. I’d only wanted to make sure nothing happened to his things, I didn’t want him to think I’d taken them. I was about ready to drive everything back to the restaurant when I got a text from Bruce: Just wanted to let you know, I didn’t see Zane show up before I left. I’ll let you know if he shows up tomorrow.
I should have felt some relief he wouldn’t be needing his blanket and not have it, but all I felt was more worry. Thanks, Bruce, I hope he shows up eventually, I texted back before I turned off my phone and went to bed. I’d had enough for one day, maybe now I’d actually get some sleep. As I lay there thinking about all the things that could happen to Zane, I knew worry would rule and sleep wouldn’t come.
Chapter Thirteen
Cold Days and Colder Nights
I finally fell asleep a little while before my alarm went off. Today was a school day, something I was glad for. At least I’d be distracted enough not to worry all day. Hopefully.
I showered and was out the door on my way in no time at all. As soon as I stepped outside, the cold hit me square in the face. “Damn, Bruce might be right, maybe it can snow,” I mumbled to myself as I zipped up my coat higher and shoved my hands in my pockets.
“Hey, Tommy, what’s going on?” Rick, a friend from school asked.
“Not much, just trying to stay warm.”
“What is up with this? I moved out here to get out of the cold, looks like it followed me,” he said with a smile.
“You can take it back anytime, I’m not built for this weather.”
