Cam waved us off with a dreamy smile. “Go ahead, I’m fine.”
~ ♥ ~
Haikeem and I lay in my bed watching a movie, or rather it was watching us. Final Destination played in the background while I lay on top of my comforter on my back, and he lay next to me with his head propped on his hand, his sweet lips moving over mine in slow and methodic caresses.
There were still no butterflies but I grew to like him more each day we spent together. His amazing kisses may have had something to do with it. Plus, he had a way of making me feel like I was the only woman in the room. Maybe one day it could blossom into love. Perhaps one that could extinguish the torch I held for Jay.
Keem’s hand moved across my belly, inching upward.
I caught it before it reached its mark, then pulled back to look at him.
He lowered his head and looked up at me through his lashes with a sheepish grin spread over his face. “Sorry.”
I offered a small smile in return, then looked over at the TV. I wasn’t ready for him to leave, but the pace at which things were moving was out of my comfort.
Something brushed against my neck and I jumped, thinking it was a bug.
Keem laughed at me, and then lifted my necklace between his fingers, running his thumb over the tiny dolphin. “What’s the story here? It’s gotta be important, you never take it off.”
“It was a gift...from a friend.”
His gaze locked with mine for a long moment. “You look sad when you talk about him.”
“I never said it was a him.”
“I know. Just a hunch.” He tucked his bottom lip into his mouth and stared at me some more, something he did a lot. “I don’t like when you’re sad, so I’m just going to kiss you until it goes away. Is that alright?”
I nodded, wishing it was that simple, and hating myself for what I was doing to Keem. It was obvious his feelings for me were far beyond mine for him, but being with him was easy, it didn’t hurt, so I let his kisses be my Novocain. What was wrong with me?
He coaxed my mouth open with his sweet tongue, but I pulled away, guilt weighing heavy on my chest.
His stare was penetrating as he searched my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just...Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“Why does your mouth always taste like cinnamon? No matter what time of day, whenever you kiss me, cinnamon.”
His laughter shook the bed, and he reached into his pocket, producing a tin of mints.
I laughed too until I saw the foil package that had fallen out with it.
He noticed it the same time I did and cursed. “This isn’t what it looks like.”
I sat up and scooted away from him. “Really? Because it looks like a condom.”
Pushing against the bed, he sat up and squeezed his eyes shut. “Okay, so it is what it looks like. But I hadn’t planned on using it.”
“Something we can agree on.”
He sighed and turned so his back was to me. “I know it looks bad, but the only reason I even carry it is to keep my brothers from making fun of me.” Leaning forward with his forearms on his knees, he hung his head and let out another deep breath.
I eased a bit closer, curious if it was just some ploy to get me out of clothes. “Make fun of you for what?”
“For being almost twenty and still a virgin.”
That was the last thing I expected him to say. “You-you’re a virgin?”
He nodded, his blush so endearing I had to force my smile away so he wouldn’t think I was making fun, too.
Closing the remaining space, I rested my hand on his arm. “That’s not reason for embarrassment.”
His gaze finally landed on me, and he shook his head. “I’m not. I just get sick of them bothering me about it. Like because I’m a man I should want to get as much as I can.”
“Are you waiting for marriage?”
“No. I just want it to mean something, you know? I’ve never understood casual sex. Sharing your body with someone, on such a spiritual level, should be cherished, not squandered away on a whim.”
My god, he’s perfect. I often imagined my first time. I held no illusions that it would be some earth shattering event, complete with violins and fireworks. But with the right person, it would be special no matter what.
His arm encircled my waist and he leaned into me. “I kind of hoped it’d be you though. The one who’s worth it.”
A knock at the door saved me from having to respond to his weighted statement.
I eased away from him and went to answer it.
Jay stood on the other side looking like a lost puppy. He wore a black muscle tee and a pair of wrinkled sweat pants. A couple days’ worth of stubble framed his face, and lifeless eyes glanced behind me where Haikeem still sat on my bed. “I’ll come back.” Jay turned to leave and I grabbed his hand.
“What’s wrong?”
He looked at Haikeem again and rubbed at the back of his neck. “You have company, it can wait.”
Haikeem appeared next to me pulling on his jacket. “It’s cool, I was just leaving.” He leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss on my lips. “I’ll call you later, baby.”
My brow shot up. Baby? That was new, but I’d address it later. Right now my priority was Jay, and why he looked like death had beaten him with a scythe.
Haikeem stepped past Jay, who then entered and shut the door. “I didn’t mean to crash your date, this time.”
“It wasn’t a date, and it’s okay. Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” I took his hand and led him over to the bed to sit.
He looked down at it and his face distorted into a frown.
I followed his gaze, and mentally slapped Haikeem in the back of his head. “Nothing happened.” When I got my hands on Keem, I was going to kill him.
Jay tore his gaze away from the condom and looked at me. I could’ve sworn I saw a flash of anger in his eyes, then he just looked morose. “It’s none of my business.”
His words cut deep. What happened to my protector who didn’t even want me to go on a date with Keem? “Jay, we didn’t do anything, I swear.”
He held my gaze for a long time, as if trying to determine my honesty.
I’m not even sure why I felt the need to explain myself when he didn’t even care–
“Good.”
“Good?”
He nodded. “Good.” He took the condom and crumpled it before tossing it in the trash. He then climbed into my bed and opened his arms for me to fill.
I snuggled close, and laid my head on his bicep.
Lifting his hand to my cheek, he brushed his fingers against it and frowned. “What happened to your face?” He sat up half way, his eyes hardened, and a scowl claimed his handsome features. “Did he hurt you?”
“What? Jay, no, Keem didn’t do this.”
“Then who did?”
Unable to take his hard stare, I looked at his chest instead.
“Gabrielle.”
I let out a hard sigh and flopped on my back. “I had a run in with your girlfriend earlier.”
“She hit you?” His scowl deepened, and he sat up completely.
I nodded. “After I called her a slut.” As much as I hated her, I wouldn’t deny my part in the situation.
“That doesn’t give her an excuse to put her hands on you.”
“Jay, I’m okay. That’s not important right now.” I had a feeling it wouldn’t be our last run in, and next time she wouldn’t walk away unscathed. I wouldn’t start the fight, but I sure as hell would win it.
He lay back down and stared at the ceiling.
I rolled on my side and rested a hand on his shoulder. “You wanna talk about it?”
Facing me, he shook his head and pulled me closer. “Just hold me.”
Chest to chest we lay, staring into each other’s eyes. An unknown amount of time passed before he spoke, so low I had to strain to hear. “He’s gonna replace me.”
“Who?”
/>
“Hakieem. You’re gonna fall in love with him, then you won’t need me anymore.” A tear leaked from his eye, sliding across his nose and into the other.
I cupped his face, raking my nails against the stubble on his jaw. “No one can ever replace you, JJ.”
He closed his eyes as more tears broke free. “Promise?”
I pressed my forehead against his until he looked at me. “I promise.”
A smile twitched on his lips for just a second. He pressed a kiss to the space between my brows then met my gaze again. “Don’t ever leave me, Gabi.”
His actions were starting to worry me. The only time I’d ever seen him cry was when he’d told me–oh no.
“Did something happen? Is it your mom?”
He nodded, then buried his face in my chest, his body shaking with hard sobs.
I squeezed him as tight as I could and rubbed his back.
When he finally gathered enough composure, he told me the news, shattering my heart into a million pieces. I tried not to but couldn’t keep the tears from spilling. We took turns crying throughout the night and consoling each other to no avail.
Twelve
Jay
Gabi stirred and snuggled closer. She’d woken me close to a half hour ago, mumbling in her sleep. It was the cutest thing the way her lips twitched and tiniest amount of drool collected in the corner of her mouth. She’d kill me if she knew I’d seen it, but as long as I stayed completely still I could continue to watch her and she’d never know.
I’d considered waking her so she could distract me from my overwhelming urge to scream at the sky, but she needed her rest for class in a few hours. After three days at my parents they’d sent me packing. My mom was adamant about me not missing anymore school. So as much as I dreaded it, I knew I’d be attending mine today as well.
Gabi stirred again, rolling onto her back this time. Her shirt rose a bit, exposing a hint of her abdomen.
I found my hand inching closer, wanting to experience the feel of her soft honey skin. I stopped and pulled back. What the hell was I doing? Not only was it wrong to be thinking of my friend that way, but just about as creepy as I could get.
Looking at her sleeping face, I thought back to what my mom had said about figuring out how I felt. That was a lot easier said than done, especially with my emotions all over the place. The closeness I’d shared with Gabi the night before was incomparable. She’d held me as I cried, not an ounce judgement. Had even shed tears with me, sharing in my pain. I wasn’t doubtful she’d be there for me, but something was different this time. The way she’d looked at me when she’d made that promise, calling me by the name I’d reserved only for her.
When our eyes had connected, for a moment I saw more than my best friend. I saw Gabi, and I had a feeling the same was true for her. I didn’t know if it meant I was in love with her, but things were definitely changing. I wasn’t sure I was ready to consider what that meant.
Just as I reached out to caress her face, her alarm clock let out a loud screech, making my heart jump.
Her eyes popped open, one look at me and she frowned. “What are you doing?”
The raspiness of her sleep coated voice caught me a bit by surprise. Not it in itself but how sexy it sounded all of a sudden. I tucked my hand beneath my head to soothe the ached from the unfulfilled touch it desired. “Nothing.”
“Well, stop it.” She reached over and shut off the clock.
I laughed as her mouth stretched into a wide yawn. “How can I stop nothing?”
She sat up wiping at the wetness on her mouth, and looked down at me. Her eyes squinted and she pursed her lips like she was waiting for a kiss. “You’re up to something.”
“I am not.” The face she was making caused me to laugh, which furthered her suspicions.
She looked down at herself then back to me. “Quit it, Jay. What’d you do?” Now she was whining, which was also unexpectedly pleasant.
I grabbed her arm and pulled her down next to me.
She squirmed when I hugged her, whining again as I squeezed her tight.
“Stop being a baby. Nobody’s doing anything to you.”
She finally gave in and poked out her bottom lip.
I had a sudden urge to bite it. What the hell was getting into me?
“I better not have a mustache.”
“Now what makes you think I’d do something like that?”
Her eyes narrowed, and I fought to contain my laugh. She was right to worry. I’d played the same trick on her when she was thirteen and had fallen asleep at my house. She’d woken up looking like Cap’n Crunch. Sweet revenge for the cup full of ice water I’d gotten dumped down my pants earlier that day.
I tapped her top lip, still laughing. “If you do have a mustache, it isn’t because of me.”
Her mouth fell open, and she raised her hand to strike me.
I grabbed it and trapped it beneath my bicep. Let’s see her get out of that.
She struggled, but I didn’t budge. “Meany.”
“Weakling.”
She snapped at me, nipping my pec.
“Ouch!” I rubbed my abused skin through my shirt. “No biting.”
She stuck her tongue out, then snatched her hand from under me and wiggled away.
“Now you’re gonna get it.” I grabbed her before she could flee from the bed, and pulled her back down. Holding her wrists together, I clamped my teeth down on her shoulder just enough to show her who was boss.
She let out a loud yelp and flailed her legs, trying to escape. “Owww, stop it, Jaws.”
I pinned her legs down with one of mine and inched toward her neck. “Don’t start things you can’t finish, little one.” I nipped her collar bone, and then just below her jaw line. “Have you learned your lesson?”
She lay still now, her breathing ragged.
Heat coated in an electrical current washed through me, zapping my heart and causing it to beat out of sync. I released her hands and fell back on the bed beside her.
I whispered her name a moment later, penetrating the thick silence.
She faced me but didn’t respond. Her eyes were on mine but at the same time a million miles away. Turning back to the ceiling, she pushed away from the bed. “I should start getting ready.”
For the briefest second I imagined pulling her back down, wrapping her in my arms, and feasting upon her lips. But, friends didn’t do that…right? Instead I watched her shuffle to the dresser and collect her clothes before heading to the bathroom.
As she passed her gaze caught mine. She paused, her lips twitching as if to speak. She didn’t. Her eyes dropped and she continued on her path, shutting the door behind her.
I turned my attention to the ceiling and released a slow breath through my nose. That was…I couldn’t even describe it. While Gabi showered I stayed in her bed, my imagination running wild, once again with possibilities. Was it possible that they were right, Benij, my mom? Were my feelings for Gabi deeper than I was willing to admit? And if so, was love really worth the possible loss of our friendship?
Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to get my thoughts together. With everything that was happening right now it was all too much. I didn’t even know how to begin to sort through them or figure out if the feelings were real or brought on by the stress of my mother’s impending death.
With a heavy sigh I pulled myself of from the bed and waited until Gabi finished before leaving to get ready for my own classes. There was however one stop I needed to make first.
~ ♥ ~
The door swung open upon my third time knocking and I was greeted with a face full of attitude. Brooke relaxed a bit when she saw that it was me. “What the hell Jayson? It’s not even fucking eight o’clock. You know how I feel about mornings.”
I just shook my head and brushed past her. “We need to talk.”
“Oh now you wanna talk? After ignoring my calls for three fucking days?” She slammed the door behind her as she marched over to me. �
��You must think I’m some dumb bitch. Like I don’t know you been fucking around. Who the hell have you been with?” She rammed her index finger into my chest. “Huh Jayson? Who you been fuckin’?”
I took a few relaxing breaths before speaking. “I’m not here to argue with you, Brooke.” I didn’t even bother telling her my whereabouts the past few days. I doubted she’d care. Of all the months my mom had been sick I could count on one hand how many times Brook had asked about her wellbeing. “I heard what happened between you and Gabi yesterday.”
She crossed her arms, giving a little shrug. “And?”
“And, you left a damn bruise on her face.” I reared back when she actually had the audacity to smirk. My shoulders sagged and for a minute I just stared at her. At least I was clear about one decision I needed to make. “You know what…I’m done.”
The amusement crumbled from her face in an instant. “What?”
“This,” I said gesturing between us. “Whatever the hell it is, it’s over. We’re over.”
I didn’t wait for her reaction, just brushed past her and out the door, bringing a long overdue end to that chapter of my life.
~ ♥ ~
Saturday afternoon Gabi and I headed to Angelo’s. We’d hung out downtown all morning, listened to Jazz and even grabbed some cupcakes from Blue Velvet in the next town over. It was lunchtime now, then back out again, this time headed to the beach. Gabi wanted to take a boat ride before it got too cold.
She thought she was slick, but I knew she was just trying to keep my mind occupied. It was sweet of her, and worked for the most part, but no sooner than we’d pause our conversations, the depression would sink back in.
At the end of the day we were going to visit my parents for dinner, and then spend the night to have breakfast the next morning. Turns out my dad wasn’t such a bad cook after all, but still nothing compared to my mom’s.
I’d yet to tell them or Gabi about my break up, though I wasn’t sure why. Maybe I’d tell them over tonight’s meal.
Gabi handed me a menu, pulling me out of my daze, and we sat at bar to place our to-go orders.
Excuse Me, First Love (College Daze #1) Page 12
