I frowned and craned my neck up to meet his gaze. “You’re not weak.”
A wry chuckle met my words. He picked me up then and carried me to the edge of the field before he set me on my feet, then he sat against a tree, patting his lap.
I sat on top of him and caressed his strong jaw.
“I’m a goddamn addict.” He spit out the words. “When shit gets too much, too stressful, pain is the only thing that centers me. I have to have it.” His voice broke and he hung his head. “The harder, the more painful the better. Marr says I’m a masochist.”
I gulped, not sure what to say. “Is it something you need?”
“Yes, sometimes, but I never mix pain and sex at Bound.” His desolate gaze met mine. “As much as I want you back, to talk it out, make it work—you have to know all of me.”
“So you go to Marr for pain when life gets stressful?”
He nodded.
“And you have an appointment today?”
His fingers tapped on his knees. “Yeah, in a half hour.”
“Can I watch, somehow help or be part of it with you? I want to see what you need.” Part of me wanted to reject his needs, but he’d never even judged me.
Maybe it wasn’t as horrible as it sounded.
Yeah, better adjust that thinking too. I will keep an open mind.
Surprise flashed on his face. “Doesn’t it disgust you?”
I liked the ropes and stuff we’d done last night, maybe it just sounded bad.
“Am I disgusting?” I had more than a few quirks that others maligned.
His mouth opened and shut. “Fuck no.”
“If this is important to you, then it is to me too.” I nuzzled his neck enjoying his scent. “I care a lot about you.” Maybe even loved him.
He claimed me, heat scorched my most inner depths. I was at home, safe in his arms.
Leaning his forehead on mine, he sighed. “What I feel for you is so intense, it fills me up, makes me think about you, need to protect you, to give you anything to make you happy—even if that’s not me.”
“That’s how I feel too.” I squeezed him tight. “Now let’s go see Marr.”
“We don’t—”
“We will.” We walked back to the truck hand in hand. United. No matter my reaction, I wouldn’t judge him. I just hoped I could handle whatever this Marr did to him.
Back in the truck, we continued to Bound. Rock gripped my hand tight, but he didn’t speak. He parked in the gravel lot near the back door of the nondescript brick building. We entered the back entrance. “I want to go in the front.”
He gave me a grin. “Next time.”
“Deal.”
The drab beige walls and white tile looked like any business, from this perspective nothing shouted, you’ve walked into a sex club. We passed two women dressed in street clothes heading toward the back door. Were they workers? Turning left, we followed another hallway to a door which led to a stairwell, we went down. This level was different, black walls, white tile with doors all decorated differently.
“These are the masters’ rooms.” Rock pointed to the first door we passed, totally covered in knotted ropes laid out in intricate patterns.
“Masters?”
“They are the top of a club, the highest trained in all kinds of specialties like bondage, medical play.” We passed a pink door with a poster of kittens on it. “Age play.” Then we stood in front of a sleek, black, leather-covered door accented with chrome spikes. “Or Sadism. That’s Marr’s specialty, but she’s also a Dominant.”
“What does being Dominant even mean?” He knew worlds more than me, all the new terms confused me.
“Domination is when a person gives their power, ability to make decisions to another and promises total obedience.” He flicked a glance to me. “I don’t do that, just the pain, always the pain.”
“Okay. What about sex?”
“Depends on the master, but Marr doesn’t have sex with her clients, you can bring an acolyte or contract with one from the club, but not with Marr.” He opened the door, and inside the black and white motif continued with accents of red. Stately, or regal, yet Spartan in appearance. One chair, one abstract, slashing red print on the wall, and clear space. Too stark for my tastes, but then it wasn’t my space.
“So, I will be your acolyte?”
He flipped me to him, holding me at arm’s length. “No.” He almost shouted, then winced. “You could be, if you want, but that’s not my expectation. Watch, leave, just do what you feel.” He removed his shirt before he peeled off those ass-hugging jeans, he studied me. “You sure you still want to do this?”
I stepped closer. “Totally,” I lied, but that was okay. He didn’t need my doubts on top of his own. “Should I undress, too?”
He closed his eyes a minute. “I’d love it if you did, I doubt Marr will let you in dressed, but all of this is your choice.”
I stripped and handed my clothes to Rock who pressed a spot on the wall and it opened. He glanced at me. “Hidden closet. Clothes go in here.”
I picked up my flats and placed them on the shelf by his boots. I shut the door and it disappeared into the wall again. Strange. I turned and found Rock kneeling beside the door to the dungeon, so I kneeled beside him.
Minutes passed, I replayed our conversation in that field—nervous tension ate at my determination. My stomach ached from the acid churning inside me, but I wouldn’t let him down, no matter how sickening it was. Or wasn’t. Again with the judgments, Avery. I blanked my brain and focused on breathing.
The door opened, a goddess strode out with ebony hair streaked with red as bright as her lipstick. Flawless in appearance the woman exuded sex and confidence. Her leather bustier pushed up her cleavage—I was jealous of her large boobs—cinching tight her tiny waist and flared with a ruffle at her hips. The crop in her hand beat against her thigh, actually the very top of her thigh high boots. I’d never seen a more fiercely beautiful woman in my life.
She paused before us and I wondered if my presence surprised her. After all, Rock hadn’t mentioned me, so I had to be unexpected.
“Into the dungeon,” she commanded.
Eyes down I followed Rock into the space. I don’t know what I expected but a huge room in all black wasn’t it. No chains hung down, equipment didn’t line walls, one mirror lined a far wall. It reminded me of a dance studio. The same sparse decoration style dominated here in the clean lines and monochromatic color scheme.
I stood about five feet from Rock in the middle of the space.
“How is your sub to take place in our session?” Marr spoke to Rock. I detected some kind of accent, but I wasn’t sure what it was.
He met my eyes. “She has my permission to act in any way that doesn’t interfere with your punishment, Mistress.”
She directed her intense gaze at me. “Do you understand what that means?”
“No, Mistress.” I barely got the words out over the huge lump of fear that congealed in my throat.
“You may not speak to me, ask me to stop, or try and stop me in any way. You are not trained so you may not administer pain. You may sexually service your master, service yourself or merely watch. You may not leave without ending the session.”
I gulped. “Yes, Mistress.” This was suddenly real to me.
“How much discipline?” The woman’s gaze focused on Rock
“The cane. I’m driving home.” He spoke in a dead monotone I’d never heard from him before.
Animated expressions, tone and gestures defined him—always a joke and smile—who was the man in front of me?
Marr pushed a button and a bar descended. “Please move into position.”
“Uh, where should I be?” I asked Rock, amazed at the equipment descending from the ceiling.
Rock stood, stepped forward, holding his thick arms above his head. Marr secured each one. She placed leather restraints around his ankles and attached them with rope to two fixtures in the floor. She moved back to the same wall and did something making the bar rise until Rock was held taut between the bars and floor.
I met his eyes, he glanced down and away.
“For this session, you must maintain eye contact or touch with your submissive, if you look away I will stop. She may release you from this condition if her eyes close.”
Rock squeezed his eyes tight. I wished I understood what was going through his mind. He opened his eyes, met mine. “Yes, Mistress.”
“Your safe word is red. Say it now.”
“Red, Mistress.”
I started when a heavy, industrial sounding music blasted through the room so loud it drowned out all other sound.
Our gazes locked, but I couldn’t decipher anything from his blank face. Marr strode forward with a flexible, thin pole, and with a whipping smack it landed on his shoulders. He didn’t flinch. His gaze never left mine. She moved with a fast precision down his body and back up again. Rock breathed deep in and out, but showed no other reaction. I’d never seen his face so expressionless.
I searched my thoughts, my emotions, but came up blank. No disgust, unease, fear—just a mild curiosity. I’d love to be able to read his mind right now.
The rhythmic smacks fit the loud metallic-sounding music—kind of like Nine Inch Nails but without words. Marr strode to his front where she used a different tool—a small handle with several wicked-looking ends on it. She started on his shoulders, while I couldn’t hear it hit, Rock’s breathing became faster and his nostrils flared. This one he liked more. She worked down his chest torso leaving angry-looking welts in her wake.
Ouch. I shivered, but was it excitement or fear?
With Marr in front of him I could no longer see enough, so I repositioned myself until I was looking at an angle. Rock’s eyes trailed me and his cock hardened. I knelt and met his stare. I was closer now and could see the way he panted with eyes dilated.
He was turned on. From the pain? From me watching? From both? The questions fired faster than I could register. My breathing turned shallow, I couldn’t have looked away if I tried. The scene mesmerized me.
After she moved down each leg she smacked hard to his groin.
No fucking way!
A spasm of pleasure or relief crossed his face before his eyes closed. I could tell he liked his eyes closed now, so I closed mine, letting him enjoy the moment. Of what? Cock torture?
I didn’t understand how he enjoyed such pain. Yet his excitement was contagious, infecting me. I opened my eyes and found him looking at me, a twisted smile on his face. Marr had left.
I glanced at his angry red cock, if anything it was harder than before. I wanted to pleasure him, give him something Marr wouldn’t. I had to do it.
“I want to suck your cock.” I spoke loudly to be heard over the music.
Chapter Fourteen
Rock
Had she just said what I think she said? She wanted to suck my cock? My God that would be so fucking perfect, but I couldn’t let her do that for me. Could I?
“Come here,” I gasped, more plea than command.
She stood and moved to me before kneeling directly in front of me.
“You closed your eyes, this is too much.”
“No, you wanted to close your eyes, so I closed mine.” Her soft words were breathy, out of control.
How the hell does she know that? I looked down at her to see her nipples taut and skin flushed—she wasn’t repulsed. How could I be so fucking lucky?
“Yeah, but don’t make me come until I tell you, when I come the session ends.”
She stood again and without touching me anywhere else, she kissed me, fucking my mouth. “I will wait to make you come,” she spoke into my lips and I wanted to come right then.
“Can I touch your chest?” she whispered the words.
“Yes, please.” I groaned already anticipating the new wave of pain.
Starting at my shoulders, she spread her fingers and scraped down my chest and torso. The welts buzzed to life, lighting me up again. I fell deeper into the pit where I let all my problems drop away from me, stripped away, one stroke at a time.
“She will start again with my front, move to the side, please,” I told her.
She nodded but didn’t move. Instead she grabbed my cock and I moaned when she slipped it into her mouth and sucked me down until she had all of me. Her hands squeezed my sac tight as she scraped her teeth along my cock setting it to blaze again.
“Fuck, yeah.” I loved the pain scorching my spine, burning away all the shit.
My cock fell out of her mouth, she scrambled back and to my side. Marr must be back. Without gazing at Avery, she moved to my front.
“More?”
“Yes, Mistress.” She always confirmed I wanted to continue after the break—the time where she let my pain settle into me and live with me without the new stimulation of fresh blows.
She stepped back, picked up the smaller of the two canes. I kept my gaze locked with Avery’s, still unsure about her reaction.
The cane hit my shoulder, then the other. Pain screamed inside me. I regulated my breathing, knowing she wouldn’t move to my chest until I did, I sucked in and smack, then out with the breath, down my front the rhythm didn’t change.
Avery didn’t flinch once, I floated with the knowledge that one more worry had been stripped away—she wasn’t running from me, even now.
The rod crashed into my nuts and I gasped, eyes fluttering closed as the pain made me clench everywhere. Were I not held up that blow would always drop me to the floor—my body’s natural defenses kicking in. The waves of pain dominated me in delicious swirls that throbbed in time with my racing heartbeat.
No new blows came, then Avery’s small hand clamped over my cock, pain welled in my chest. Marr had lowered the bar and I dropped to my knees for the last part of the session, finally. I glanced down to see her glancing up, asking silently if I still wanted her to suck me.
I nodded.
Her tongue flicked my tip and pain reverberated through me. Marr moved to my back. The blows came in fast but precise hits. Pain sung its alluring song while Avery sucked me. Free, and satisfied in a new way, my heart stretched wide with emotion.
The cane stopped, then Marr used a tickler, moving across me, to tease and ease at the same time.
I saw Avery’s ass move as she sucked me. I needed inside her now. Her pleasure and my pain, I had to have it. “Ass to me,” I grunted the words.
She backed into me, and slid my cock through her wet folds, oh my God, that was more than I’d ever expected. Marr released my hands and I guided myself inside Avery. She whimpered and pushed her ass back into me. I curled my fingers into her hips and pumped into her. The pain, the pleasure. I couldn’t take it, it all was too much. I wouldn’t last long, and I needed her to come. She touched her tits and I found her swollen clit, pulsing it.
“Coming,” I bellowed. Avery shuddered and clamped down on my cock, coming with me. Pain flashed through me from fingers to toes as I came hard. She stole the last remnants of my shadows, and I’d never been so free, relaxed, at peace. When I released her, she collapsed onto the floor. I followed her down to the floor, scooping her into my arms, kissing her neck with a thousand unspoken thank yous. She couldn’t possibly know the gift she gave me.
In minutes she rolled over and faced me. “Can I—”
“Ask anything.” I kissed her.
“Do you always get...sessions...like that?”
“No.” I sighed. “My head was so fucked
up, and I’d stayed away longer than normal, so I asked for more. I’ll barely be able to move when I wake up tomorrow, but I’ll stretch everything out, and the pain will remind me of today. I’ll feel the session for days, maybe a week.” My shoulders ached and I’d be striped with bruises tomorrow.
She wiggled in my arms. “Did you like me watching you?”
“Yeah, but I loved you touching me. It’s something I don’t have words for.”
She snuggled into my chest. “It excited me.”
I heard her even though it was muffled. My heart tried to burst out of its chest, my body tightened, my head swam. “Even after—”
Red cheeks and dilated eyes, but she met my gaze. “You’re sexy like this, I see how it relaxes you, and I’m glad.”
I didn’t have words for the lightness inside me.
A red light flashed in the corner. Shit. Our time was up, and I wanted to start all over again. “We gotta go, session is over.”
The pain should cripple me, but over time, my tolerance allowed me to move through what would destroy another. Still, it required every ounce of self-determination not to show more effects of the pain throbbing inside me. Marr had taken me at my word, any more and I’d not be able to move or drive. I remember the first time I’d overestimated my tolerance. Two of my brothers had to carry me to a room upstairs. It’d taken two days for me to be able to move somewhat normally, but that’d been five long years ago. Now, the pain fueled me, not hindered me.
In the far corner, I pushed the wall and the shelf with our clothes popped out. “How cool, so it goes all the way through? That’s just organized.” Avery beamed. “Marr knows her shit, doesn’t she?”
I laughed because it was the understatement of the year. We had one of the best Dommes in the world right here in Ardmore. I know Val brought her here because they were a couple then, but I had no idea why she stayed, I’m just glad she did.
“How can you move? I mean she beat the hell out of you.”
“Tolerance. The more it hurts, the more I like it.” I was a twisted fuck. Glancing over, I worried I’d said too much.
Release Page 13
