Home to Wind River

by Lindsay McKenna

  She nodded and stroked the youngest puppy. “I’m so glad I found Sage. Somehow,” and she shrugged a little, “tonight has been a miracle for me.”

  “How so?” he asked, hungry to have this alone time with her.

  Leaning over, she gently touched each puppy’s fur, watching each wriggle in reaction. “I feel so at peace. I can’t explain it. My anxiety is gone. It hasn’t happened at all since I saw Sage on the highway. Sometimes I’ll get a half a day with no anxiety. I don’t know what makes it go away, but it always comes back. I had low-level anxiety driving home, but after I saw Sage, it disappeared.” She made a worried expression. “I’m sure it will be back.”

  “Maybe less so,” he murmured, watching her eyes grow shadowed. Lily was always in contact with either Sage or her puppies. Her gesture was always graceful, her long fingers reminding him of a dancer’s. “Being home for three years, my anxiety has gotten a lot better. Maybe fifty percent.”

  “What do you think dialed it back?”

  Shrugging, he gently touched the black-and-white pup on the end. “It seems getting back to nature, working around the animals, especially the horses, helped me a lot.”

  “The way Checkers calms me,” she said, nodding.

  “I can see the tension in your face dissolve when you’re working around him or riding him,” Jake said. He saw surprise flare in her eyes. “I used to be a recon Marine,” he reminded her. “We have a knack of seeing very small details, so I’m more observant than most people.”

  She touched her cheek. “Looks like I can’t hide anything from you.” She said it part in jest, but also with a bit of chagrin.

  He held up a hand. “I promise never to use it against you.”

  “You don’t strike me as the type to do that to anyone, Jake. You’re not a mean person.”

  His heart swelled over her quietly offered comment. He wanted to have Lily admire him in small, important ways, and this was one of them. “You’ve been around Jenna long enough to know my parents raised me right. My dad was my role model. He was kind, thoughtful and sensitive. I could go to him and ask about anything and not be embarrassed.”

  “And Jenna was a schoolteacher. You were lucky like me, Jake. We both have great parents. I’m really sorry your dad died so early in your life. Jenna has told me so much about him. I think she’s still just as much in love with him as she was when he was alive.”

  Grunting, Jake said, “I never realized how much they loved each other until I got older. They had something very special. And yes, when my dad died, it took Jenna a full year to get back to teaching. It broke her in a lot of ways. And in some ways, she’s never recovered.”

  “That’s what she said,” Lily offered quietly, seeing the pain in his eyes, missing his father even now. “I’ve never experienced that kind of love, I guess.”

  “Me neither.” He gave her a wry look. “We’re a pair, aren’t we? Stoved in with PTSD, alone and kind of bad at social stuff.”

  She rubbed her brow. “Yes, I’m a hot mess. I admit it.”

  “Hey,” he growled, reaching out, sliding his hand across her shoulders, “don’t say that. Considering what you went through, and you’ve just moved back to civilian life, I’m amazed at your strength, Lily.” He forced himself to pull his hand away. How badly he wanted to explore her, but he knew it wouldn’t be right. Not now. More importantly, Lily needed to be held. How many nights had he wished for the warmth and softness of a woman in his bed, beside him? It wasn’t about sex. It was about being held and comforted because of the war that was continually churning through his body and soul. Just to be held. How many times had he ached for human companionship? To have a woman’s arms come around his body and simply hold him? Jake had lost count. He switched his focus to Lily, who’d seemed to perk up a bit when he’d gently slid his hand across her shoulders.

  “I look at you, Jake, and I know you’re three years into being a civilian with those symptoms. You give me hope because you don’t seem to be as destabilized as I am.”

  He grunted. “Don’t be fooled. I have my days; it’s just that as time wears on, I have less and less of them. You’re in your first year, and not only do you have to grapple with the adjustment to being a civilian, you have these symptoms on your heels every day, without rest. It’s really tough the first year, and I think you’re doing fine. You’re a strong person, whether you realize it or not.”

  It was her turn to grimace. “I don’t feel strong at all. There are so many things that stop me from finding work.”

  “Well,” he soothed, “go talk to Maud about becoming her assistant. I’m sure she would like to know you’re interested.” And part of his reason was purely personal. He’d become used to having Lily in his life, in his cabin. She made it come to life with her little touches here and there.

  Jake knew how anxious Lily was to find a job after Jenna recovered and went home to Casper. He wanted it just as badly for her. But he didn’t like the idea of her leaving the cabin. How could he share that with her? What would she think of him for suggesting it? Lily would probably give him a fish-eyed look of wariness, and Jake didn’t want her to think of him in that light. She looked up to him, admired and respected him. There was no way he wanted to diminish the way she saw him.

  “I’ll go to Maud’s tomorrow,” Lily promised, softly sliding her finger down the back of one of the puppies. She switched subjects. “Are you okay with Sage and her babies being here in the house for now? I think if we could stabilize her and get some meat on her bones, they’ll be better off before I take them to the shelter in Wind River.”

  “Is that what you want to do?” He’d seen sadness in her eyes and heard it in her voice as she asked him.

  “Well,” she whispered unsteadily, “not really, but this isn’t my house. I work here. I need to have a plan for Sage. It’s up to you, Jake.”

  He could feel her wanting the mother and puppies here. Maybe that was his ace in the hole. “What would you think of being a sort of babysitter for them? You could keep them here. I could have some of the wranglers create a nice pen outside for when they get older, make some doghouses for them to sleep in, and you could raise them. They’re going to need human handling and I’m out in the field all day. You could stay here and train them, get them used to being around people. Would you like to do that?”

  She stared at him. “Are you serious?”

  “Sure. I like dogs. I don’t want to see them suffer any more than you do. I have the space inside and outside. It wouldn’t take much to create safe areas for them as they grow. What do you think?”

  Never had Jake wanted anyone to say yes more than right then. He tried to appear nonchalant, as if it didn’t matter one way or another if Lily decided to leave and take the dogs with her. “I would pay you to do it. I’m sure Maud would hire you as her assistant, too. I wouldn’t expect you to take care of them after you quit work for the day.”

  “You mean, live here? Stay here and raise the puppies until they were of an age to be given to good homes?”

  “Yeah,” he said, “something like that. They need human help and guidance. I can’t give them anything except a roof over their heads, food and vet care. You have a nice way with animals, Lily. I know you love Sage and her puppies.” He refused to feel guilty about corralling her into this new job that would keep her at the cabin. Keep her close to him, even though he didn’t really know why. Jake knew he was a hard bastard. Not a mean one. Just unavailable in a warm, human sense. She didn’t know it was due to his symptoms, but he knew she was right. Would this extra time help him become available to Lily? To show her the sides of himself that he hid? And what would she think? Puppies were whelped and usually ready to be given away at six to eight weeks. That would give him another two months with Lily under his roof. He saw her thinking about his offer. Inwardly, he was holding his breath. What would she say? Would she stay or go?

  Chapter Fourteen

  July 7

  Lily’s heart w
as pounding in her chest, and she wondered if Jake could hear it. Barely believing her ears, she studied his hard, unreadable features. “You wouldn’t mind? I mean, if Maud will hire me as her assistant, you’d let me rent a bedroom here and take care of Sage?”

  She tried to ignore her growing feelings for Jake. Being around him this long, despite his hard outer shell, she was discovering more and more about him every day. He was a kind man who cared deeply. She could see the pleasure come to his eyes as he watched the puppies nursing.

  Swallowing hard, she said, “I could pay you rent for the room.”

  “No,” he growled, shaking his head, “the room, the food and everything you have here now is part of the deal. I’ll pay you to take care of Sage and raise her puppies. That’s probably two more months here.”

  She stroked Sage’s head. She lay with her eyes closed, but Lily knew she needed affection and attention right now. “I’d love to do that, Jake, but you don’t need to pay me to help Sage. I’d do it for free.”

  “I know that,” he rumbled, “but you need to start saving money to build a nest egg for your future. This would be a way to do it. I’m fine with you not paying rent. If I could trade for you making me dinner at night, that would be fair. Maud has her housekeepers come over here once a week, as you know, to clean the place. So it isn’t something I’d expect you to do.”

  “What if Maud doesn’t think I’m right for the position, Jake?”

  “I’d still want you to stay here and take care of Sage.”

  Drawing in a ragged breath, she said, “I’d like to, Jake.” She laid her hand on several of the puppies, who were now curling up, tummies full and sleeping. “I’ll take you up on your offer. Thank you . . .”

  Hope bolted through Jake as he saw a sheen of tears come to her eyes. And then she swallowed and looked away, fighting them back. “Sounds good,” he murmured. “We can make this work. It will be good for everyone.” In some ways, he felt like a thief, stealing the time to be with Lily but not letting on why he wanted her to stay with him. Jake knew she wasn’t looking for a relationship. Lily was trying to survive, to adjust back into civilian life.

  She reached out, touching his lower arm. “Thank you for being there for all of us. It means a lot to me. . . .”

  * * *

  Lily tried to tamp down her anxiety as she took the steps up to Maud’s office on the crisp, clear morning. It was nearly ten, and she’d called earlier to make the appointment. She had finished helping Jenna with her morning exercises at nine. She was almost well enough to go home. Lily would miss Jenna when that day came.

  “Hey,” Maud called from inside the office, “come on in, Lily.”

  “Hi,” she said tentatively, shutting the door behind her. In the summer, it was cool and in the forties in the morning. There was heat on in the office and it felt good. “I’m here for the interview.”

  Maud stood and gestured toward her inner office at the end of the hall. “Come on in. Want some coffee?”

  “No, thank you. I just finished breakfast with Jenna.” Besides, her stomach was so tight with fear that Maud wouldn’t think she would measure up for the job that Lily was battling nausea. She got that way whenever something important to her hung in the balance. It was as if her old self, who had the capacity to put such moments into context, had been lost. Now she had this awful reaction in moments of severe stress. She had trained herself to appear calm outwardly, but she was far from feeling that way inside. Maud pulled up a chair beside her desk as they walked into the small office at the far end of the building. She quietly closed the door once Lily had entered. “Have a seat,” she invited, sitting down at her desk. “And relax, will you? This isn’t going to be the Inquisition,” she teased, giving her a concerned look.

  Sitting, her purse on her lap, her hands tight around it, Lily said, “I’m a little nervous.”

  “It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” Maud said, gathering up some papers. “Here, I’d like you to look at these. My assistant, Helen, handles these sorts of things all the time and so would you. She has free rein to make them her own, and I’d like you to do that, too. Jake said you’re the most responsible person he’s ever met. Jenna sings your praises. I think you’d be perfect for this job, but you have to know what’s involved. Okay?”

  Heartened, Lily took the sheaf of papers, feeling marginally better. Her stomach stopped roiling. “Yes, okay.”

  “Take a moment to look through them. Your job here would involve typing, keeping my files in alphabetical order, answering the phone, faxing stuff, and making reservations for the tourists who stay with us.” She gestured to her right, where there were five-foot-tall dark green metal file drawers against one wall of the office. “Steve wants me to move into the twenty-first century and put all those files and their information on a computer, but I don’t trust the internet. They get hacked, and I don’t like the idea of our employees or tourists having their private information for sale on the Dark Web. So I do everything the old-fashioned way, like before computers and the internet came into being.”

  “I don’t blame you,” Lily said, slowly perusing each paper. “This looks pretty straightforward to me, Maud.”

  “You’d also be the first person tourists meet when they come to get the keys to their cabins. Are you comfortable with that, Lily? With working with small groups of people?”

  “Sure. There’s nothing here I can’t handle.”

  Sitting back in her black leather chair, Maud studied her for a moment. “Good. As my assistant, you’ll do a little of everything.”

  “I get bored easily, so this would be a great job for me. I like variety.”

  Smiling, Maud said, “I spoke to Jake earlier this morning. He told me how you rescued a starving dog along the highway, that she had seven puppies last night.”

  Coloring, Lily felt heat stealing up her neck and into her face. “Oh . . . that. Well, I love my volunteer work at the shelter. I couldn’t let a poor, starving dog just keep walking on the shoulder of the highway. I was so relieved when Jake said it was okay to let them grow up at his place until they’re old enough to be given away to good homes.”

  “Yes, he was telling me that he’s going to pay you to care for them. I was going to offer you one of our employee houses, but he told me you were willing to remain at his cabin and care for them until then.”

  “It’s the best of many worlds,” Lily said. “I love babies of any kind and I grew up with a dog, like Jake did. I was shocked at his offer, but I was so relieved he wanted me to help him with Sage. I wasn’t sure how he’d feel about me bringing home a pregnant, stray dog.”

  “Well, as foreman, he’s people-centric” Maud said drily. “I know he appears hard and unreadable, but he’s got a big heart, compassionate, which is why he’s been a superior manager for our ranch hands. They love him because he’s fair-minded, he doesn’t expect perfection from anyone and he’s got everyone’s back. Which is typical of anyone who has been in the military. The downside is that he’s not at home very much. He puts in fourteen-hour days during the summer, always out working with his wranglers.”

  “I know.”

  “He’s a good man.”

  Nodding, Lily wanted to say more, but she resisted because what she wanted to say was personal.

  “Do you want the job, Lily? You’re a known quality here on the ranch and Jake has vouched for you. You’ll work five days a week from nine a.m. to four p.m. Weekends off. I pay my people well because I want them to know we value them and their contribution. I’ll start you out at sixty thousand dollars a year. You’ll be the hub of the ranch here, so your responsibilities will be important, many and we can’t function without someone like you as the rudder to our ship. What do you say?”

  Stunned, she stared at Maud. “Sixty thousand dollars?” she whispered.

  “Yes. With yearly raises. You’ll have a comprehensive health insurance plan, too. The best in Wyoming. And if you remain in the job for five years, we’
ll offer you a cabin package and five acres of your choice on the ranch. What do you say?”

  For a moment, Lily felt as if her broken, fragile reality had fallen over a cliff and, instead, she’d found herself in the middle of a fabulous dream. She put down the sheaf of papers on Maud’s large, rectangular bird’s-eye maple desk. “I’d love to take the job.”

  Nodding, Maud said, “Good. Helen is at the dentist in Wind River right now, but she’ll be here at one this afternoon and will start training you for the next two weeks, before she retires. You’ll know how everything operates so we have a seamless transition. And as you know, we all dress down around here. We’re a working ranch. You wear what you want, but it doesn’t have to be fancy. No heels. Those things are horrible for women’s feet. Wear simple, comfortable shoes, Lily. I don’t care if you wear cowboy duds or not. Okay?”

  “Okay,” she said, disbelief in her voice. “I’ll be here at one to start training.”

  Maud sat up in her chair. “Good. Maybe Jake should take you out to Kassie’s for dinner to celebrate your new job.”

  * * *

  It was nearly six when Lily returned home. The first thing she did was feed Sage, then take her outside. The dog remained at her side as they stepped out on the porch. Her babies had been fed and were sleeping in small piles here and there in the wicker basket. Lily made a gesture with her hand and Sage bounded off the porch, loping toward the pond to do her business. She saw Jake’s truck in the distance, a rooster tail of dust rising in its wake as he drove down the dirt road, coming toward the cabin.

  Standing there, Lily watched with joy as Sage, who was much stronger now, sniffed here and there, squatted to pee and then followed a few more scents into the lush grass around the edge of the pond before trotting back toward the cabin and her.