Pause (ROCK HARD Book 2)

by Kat Mizera

  “I’d been in prison four days when I got beat up,” he said quietly. “Four bloody days and I couldn’t stop them. It wasn’t even a fight. There were six of them. I can hold my own in general, but those guys came at me in the yard and kicked the shit out of me. I went from stoic and resigned to terrified. They took most of my pride and all of my resolve that day, and when I agreed to let Nolan protect me, he took what was left of my pride and every ounce of dignity I’d ever had.”

  “Oh, baby.” I buried my head in his chest.

  “Every time I think about the things I let him do, I want to vomit. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t raped or abused in that way. He made an offer and would have left it alone had I said no, but I wouldn’t have survived without his protection.”

  “You don’t have to tell me,” I whispered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how awful it was for you.”

  “But I do,” he whispered back. “I’ve never said the words. I’ve never gotten it off my chest, but if you want to listen, I’ll tell you.”

  “I’ll do anything you want.”

  We sat there in the dark and he told me every detail of what had happened to him in prison. Of his horror, his shame, his pain. And when he was done, he told me about the accident, about how Freddie had manipulated him and their friendship for so many years, he hadn’t known how to break the pattern. It came out in a rush in some places, and in others he had to stop and breathe, because I felt him break out in a cold sweat.

  In the end, we cried together. It gutted me to know how much he’d gone through and it felt like his tears were a long time coming. I’d never seen such a strong, proud man sob like he did, and I wrapped my arms around him, hopefully showing him that I was here, no matter what.

  “Is this what you wanted?” he asked after a while. “To see me break down like the weak, broken man I am? Is this the man you love, Lindsay?”

  “Absolutely. But you’re not weak. You’re strong and resilient, talented and loving, the other half of my soul. I love you, Stu. Broken pieces and all.”

  “Say it again,” he said, his voice a little raspy, as if he didn’t quite believe me.

  “I. Love. You.”

  He tilted his head and kissed me, taking my mouth with soft, sweet strokes of his tongue. He held my face between his hands and deepened the kiss, our mouths locking together with building intensity. I felt his erection growing against my ass and I pressed against it, my body yearning for his.

  “You taste like Scotland,” he whispered when he finally broke the kiss.

  “What does that mean?”

  “Home, lass. You taste like home.”

  “Make love to me, Stu.”

  He adjusted our positions so I was straddling him, and his eyes found mine. “I’ve been with no one but you since the first time… Are you good with no condom?”

  “Mm, yes.” I immediately started to slide down and moaned at the exquisite feelings he aroused in me whenever we touched. I felt every bump of those barbells in his cock, the hardness of the metal against my sensitive inner walls, and it was amazing. He was huge and thick, filling me completely, and I grinded on his lap, anxious for more.

  “Slowly, lass, I want to take my time tonight.”

  “I haven’t had you in over a month,” I panted. “There’s no slow for me right now.”

  He rumbled out a laugh. “Don’t make me put you over my knee and give you a good spanking.”

  I stopped moving and met his gaze. “Is that an option?”

  “You ever done anything like that?”

  I shook my head.

  “Well, one day we’ll do all that. But tonight, this is all I need. You are all I need.”

  He moved slowly, making me wait, his mouth finding mine as our bodies worked in tandem. His hands cupped my ass, his tongue stroked mine, and the pressure inside of me built to a crescendo I couldn’t stop. My orgasm washed over me with ferocity, shaking me from head to toe, rendering me unable to do anything but ride it out, even when he growled through his own release.

  Then we sat there, fingers and limbs intertwined, hearts racing, eyes locked.

  “What changed?” I asked once I could think again.

  “What do you mean?”

  “What made you want to tell me everything now, when you wouldn’t before?”

  “I love you more than I’ve hated myself,” he said simply. “And the relief I felt when Gavin made his statement, well…it showed me you were right. I wanted the truth to come out, but was so afraid of being called a liar, again, I tried to make it all go away. And somehow, you knew that. You knew what I needed long before I did. You’re my heart, lass. My everything.”

  “You’re my soul, Stu. I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  Epilogue

  Stu

  The tour was supposed to end by Christmas, but after a show one night in mid-November, Kingston sat down with Tyler and me. We were outside, having a quick smoke while we waited for some photographer to finish up a backstage photo shoot. We’d all been involved before, but when I’d taken a break to smoke, Kingston had followed and asked Tyler to come too.

  “What’s up?” Tyler asked, eyeing my cigarette.

  “Band and I had a chat,” Kingston said, his eyes gleaming. “We wondered if you’d like to stay on tour with us through April. Come June, we’re co-headlining a stadium tour with Riot’s Edge, but we hoped you’d stick around until then. Ticket sales are better than ever with you on the bill, and as far as I know, there haven’t been any issues with merchandise or any of that.”

  Tyler shook his head. “No, it’s been a good situation. We’ll need a band meeting before I can commit, but I’ll get back to you by tomorrow.”

  “Cool.” Kingston nodded, put out his cigarette, and walked back inside.

  Tyler waited until he was gone before asking, “What do you think? Is this going to make your life with Lindsay more complicated?”

  I shook my head. “Nah. We knew what it was going to be like. She has to be in L.A. most of the time, and I have to be here. She’s going to take a week off after she takes the bar in February, and come to wherever I am.”

  “I’m thinking the timing works out,” he said. “If we finish the tour in April, it’ll give us a little time off and then we can either start working on the second album or find another tour, but either way, it’s been a good jumping-off point for us. We’ve been making a little money and the album has started selling like crazy.”

  “I’m good, so we’ll talk to the others when we get back to the hotel tonight and go from there.”

  “Right.” Tyler nodded, pulled out his phone, and went back inside.

  It was a little chilly out since it was late November and we were in the Northeast, but this was the only place I’d have any privacy to talk to Lindsay.

  “Hey, how was the show?” she asked when she answered.

  “It was excellent.”

  “I’m glad. How are you?”

  “Well, I have good news and bad news.”

  “Uh-oh.”

  “The good news is that Onyx Knight wants us to stay on tour with them until April.”

  “The bad news is that we won’t see much of each other if you do,” she finished for me.

  “Right.”

  “Well, the good news on my end is that Madeline’s firm is closed the week of Christmas, so wherever you are, that’s where I’ll go.”

  “We have five days off around the holiday as well, so we can go wherever you like.”

  “Minneapolis?” she whispered. “My parents haven’t met you and I’ve never been away from them at Christmas before.”

  “Aye. We can do that.”

  “I love you, Stu.”

  “I love you too, Linz.”

  The weeks leading up to Christmas flew by. It was a long, busy tour, and Lindsay had come to surprise me two different weekends in the last month, but we’d just finished the last show before the holidays and I’d jumped on a
plane to Minneapolis. I wasn’t thrilled about going, having wanted to spend time with just the two of us, but that wasn’t what she wanted, and I found myself giving in to her more often than not. It was okay, I loved her enough to make sacrifices, but it wasn’t easy.

  I’d never had to meet the parents of any of my girlfriends since high school, so it made me a little nervous, but Lindsay assured me her parents knew everything pertinent about my past, including that I’d been wrongfully convicted, and they didn’t hold it against me. Beyond that, we were going to hang out, eat, go to a handful of parties, and enjoy our first Christmas together. Today was the twenty-fourth and I’d have to leave on the twenty-ninth to meet up with the band because we had a gig on the thirtieth. It wasn’t much of a break, but I’d take any amount of time with my girl.

  I walked through security and out into the terminal and froze. Standing there with Lindsay was Gran and my parents. I was so shocked to see them, I was momentarily rooted in place, simply standing there staring.

  “Hi.” Lindsay moved first, running to greet me and throwing her arms around my neck, whispering, “Merry Christmas, my love. Try not to break up with me until after Christmas, okay?”

  I chuckled, leaning down to kiss her. “I’m not breaking up with you for any reason. You might be getting a spanking tonight, though.”

  She just laughed and tugged me forward.

  The next few minutes were spent hugging and kissing and Gran hanging on to me as if she would never let go.

  “Glen and Alice were so wonderful to invite us for the holidays,” Mum said as we walked through the airport to get my bag, referring to Lindsay’s parents.

  “When did you arrive?” I asked in confusion.

  “Just yesterday. We slept for fourteen hours, but I think we’ve adjusted to the time change.”

  “Lindsay and her mum have been the most gracious hostesses,” Gran said, taking Lindsay’s arm as we walked. “I’m looking forward to spending time together.”

  “It’s a nice surprise,” I told her, and I meant it, though I didn’t necessarily include my parents in that statement. I honestly didn’t know what they were doing here but I couldn’t just ask.

  We got my suitcase and walked out to the parking structure, where I lifted my bag into a massive SUV, which I assumed belonged to Lindsay’s parents. We all piled in with Lindsay at the wheel and she got on the highway.

  “We’re going on a sleigh ride late this afternoon,” Lindsay said, “and then we have some family coming over around seven. I hope you’re not too tired.”

  “Nah, I’m good.” I reached across the console for her hand and she squeezed it.

  I wanted to ask my parents what they were doing here, why they’d come, but that seemed rude, especially on Christmas Eve, and things had changed a lot for me since Gavin had made his announcement. A new guitar manufacturer had contacted me about a sponsorship and “Bedroom Lies” had hit number one on the rock charts last week. It was a little odd, how it had been out for four months before it got the momentum, but the timing coincided with Gavin’s statement and suddenly we were everywhere.

  My last royalty check from my Waking Wonder days had been a hefty amount as well, so money wasn’t an issue, and it occurred to me that Lindsay had probably paid for my parents’ airfare. I needed to pay her back if that was the case.

  “Stu?” I realized Lindsay was talking to me and I glanced over at her.

  “Sorry, love, I was taking in the sights.”

  “If you’re too tired for the sleigh ride, I want you to say so. We can stay home and take a nap.” Her eyes twinkled and I heard my grandmother’s snort from the back seat.

  Bloody hell, this wasn’t a conversation I could have in front of her without dying of embarrassment. “I’m good to go,” I told Lindsay. “I dozed on the plane.”

  “Okay.” We pulled up to a mid-sized two-story house in a quiet, suburban area. Lindsay pulled into the garage and we all filed out. I got my suitcase out of the back and Lindsay went into the house, calling to her mother.

  “Hello!” An attractive woman of about fifty with Lindsay’s big brown eyes and smile came rushing into the kitchen. “Stu! I’m so happy to meet you!” She wrapped me in a big hug and I felt more warmth from her in thirty seconds than I’d felt from my own mother in years.

  I hugged her back before turning to the man who had to be Lindsay’s dad. Introductions were made, there were more hugs, lots of laughter, and a lighthearted mood that felt so natural. As if I belonged here, with Lindsay’s family. Also as if my family belonged here too, as if we were already family.

  God, I loved this woman.

  Once again, she’d given me something I needed before I knew I needed it.

  “So if we’re going on the sleigh ride, we have to get going,” Alice said. “Stu, are you hungry? I can make you a sandwich to eat on the way?”

  “I…” My voice trailed off because I was hungry.

  “I’ll make it,” Lindsay said. “You relax for a few before we head out again.”

  She disappeared into the kitchen and I was pulled in the opposite direction, into a warm, bright room with a fabulous Christmas tree and a fire roaring in the fireplace. Alice and Gran were talking about some fruitcake recipe and Mum came to stand beside me.

  “Stephen and Lorraine couldn’t get away from work this year, not with so little notice, but Lindsay wanted to fly them out as well.”

  “Did she pay for your tickets?” I asked, frowning.

  She nodded. “She’s such a good lass, Stu. I hope you love her.”

  “I do, but I wish you’d let me know because she can’t afford stuff like this.”

  “This was her holiday gift to you. Don’t be a cockwomble.”

  I shook my head, smiling. “I try not to be.”

  “Son, I know we’ve not been close these last few years, but that’s our fault and we want to make it up to you.” She lifted her gaze to mine, her eyes filled with regret.

  “Because you missed me or because you finally believe I’m innocent?” I met her eyes, though I wasn’t trying to be difficult.

  “Because we’ve realized that we made a terrible mistake, that you’re our son no matter what, and the truth is that we didn’t know what to do, so we did everything wrong. We were so afraid for you, but instead of doing something to help, we got lost in our fear and our own shame—not that we were ashamed of you, but that we were eventually ashamed of ourselves, of our own behavior. And we didn’t know how to fix it.” Mum’s eyes puddled with tears and something inside of me broke a little, but not in a bad way.

  “Christ.” I pulled her close and hugged her, letting her cry against my shoulder. Then dad came over and put his arms around both of us.

  “We’re sorry, Stu,” he said in a gruff voice.

  Bloody hell, my eyes were a bit scratchy too, and when Gran joined us, it was a blubbery mess of emotion and tears and things I didn’t like feeling. Luckily, it didn’t last long and when I looked up, Lindsay was watching from a few feet away, a smile on her pretty face.

  She looked amazing today, in a pair of tight black leggings, knee-high black boots, and a long red sweater that covered her bum but was fitted around the waist and hips. I hadn’t touched her since Thanksgiving, so four long weeks apart, and now I wished I’d opted for the nap instead of the sleigh ride.

  “We need to get going,” she said, a mischievous glint in her eyes that told me she knew what I was thinking.

  “I’m ready.” Gran reached for her scarf, wrapping it around her neck in a loose loop. “Never been on a sleigh.”

  “We do it every year,” Lindsay said. “We sing carols and they pass out warm cider and hot chocolate. It’s fun.”

  “It’s cold,” Alice said, shaking her head, “but we’ve done it every year since Lindsay and her sister were babies.”

  “Is Diana coming?” I asked Lindsay. She’d told me about her sister a few times and I just realized she wasn’t here.

  “T
omorrow,” Lindsay said. “She just got engaged so they’re with his family tonight, with us tomorrow.”

  “Right, then, let’s go.”

  The sleigh ride was a blast. I’d thought it might be a bit tacky, and while it probably was, it was sweet too. We laughed and sang Christmas carols, snuggling together under a blanket since it was colder than the devil’s balls. It got cold in Scotland, but this was ridiculous. As it got dark, it got colder and I looked forward to getting back to the house. But this was nice too, especially with Lindsay by my side.

  “So, what were you saying about me getting a spanking?” she whispered at one point.

  I chuckled. “We’ll talk about it later.”

  She giggled and I pulled her against my side, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

  “You’re a bit of a troublemaker, you know?”

  “I know. That’s what you love about me.”

  “One of many things.” I looked down at her. “You’re my soul, Linz. You know that, yeah?”

  “I know. I love you too.” She grinned. “And I have a huge surprise for you.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I’m not going back to work until after the bar.”

  “What?” I had no idea what she was talking about.

  “I need to get serious about studying now that the California bar is coming up in less than two months, so Madeline is giving me the time off to do it. So, I can stay on tour with you until mid-February.”

  “Madeline doesn’t need you?”

  “She needs me to pass the bar, and honestly, I can take a couple of hours off at night for the shows and for us to be together, but during the day, I can study from anywhere. I did well on the Minnesota bar, so I’m somewhat confident about this one.”

  “What about money? Don’t you have the car payment and such? I can give you—”

  She smiled, shaking her head as she cut me off. “I’m good. Madeline is still paying me half my salary while I study. It was her idea.”

  “She’s a good lady. We should send her something. Maybe a nice case of scotch.”