by Cara Wylde
“I went to a shaman a couple of weeks ago. I thought she could help me, but she only managed to dig up even more problems, issues that I never knew about, and now I have more questions. And not a single answer. I mean, I did get some answers, but they only complicated things more.”
Femi nodded. He poured more tea.
“Do you know what a Higher Self is?” When he simply smiled at her, she felt silly. Of course he knew. “Well, the voice that I’ve always thought was my Higher Self turned out to be my twin sister’s Higher Self. The twin sister that I reabsorbed in my mother’s womb. I’m what in the medical community is known as a chimera. I have my own DNA, but I also have my twin sister’s DNA. Apparently, I’m also stuck with her Higher Self, while mine is lost somewhere so deep and dark that I can’t access her. So, this is my story. In as few words as possible.”
“But that’s not why you’re here.”
“Yes and no. You see, in order to get my own Higher Self back, I have to release Ravenna. That’s her name. Or, I guess that was supposed to be her name if she were ever to be born. What happened to us is not normal. Chimeras are rare, but they do exist. I’m not some kind of weird exception. I’m not special. But her Higher Self getting trapped in this world, attached to my energy field, while mine is Goddess knows where... That’s not normal. The shaman tried to contact my ancestors to get answers.”
“And what happened?”
“They didn’t want to show up.” Valentina shrugged. “I don’t know why. She went into the shadow world, found out who Ravenna is, but none of my ancestors wanted to assist us. Maybe they couldn’t. Maybe they didn’t have any answers for me, so why bother?”
“All right. So far, so good. But there’s more.”
She sighed deeply. “Yes, there’s more.” She shifted in her seat, crossed and uncrossed her legs, then finally placed her elbows on the edge of the table and leaned forward to catch the old man’s gaze. “There’s a curse in my family. An ancient one. We call it la maledizione della luna. The Curse of the Moon. I don’t know much about it, and I remember very little from the stories my Nana used to tell me. I must have been four or five years old. Then my mother found out and she forbid Nana from speaking of the curse ever again.”
The man nodded. “Tell me what you remember.”
“I’m not sure what the curse does, how it manifests... The story goes like this. There was once a witch who fell in love with the wrong man. This man had a daughter with another woman, and after the witch married him, she also gave him two sons. The man loved his sons more than he loved his daughter, and one day, the young girl decided to take revenge on her step-mother. She invoked the powers of the Moon Goddess and cast a curse on the woman who’d stolen her father from her. But the girl was barely a witch. Inexperienced, ignored... Her powers had never been nurtured by her father, so she never learned how to use her magic properly. The curse didn’t affect her step-mother, so the young witch thought she had failed. But she hadn’t. Instead, the curse fell upon the entire lineage of her step-mother, and generation after generation of witches had to learn how to protect themselves from it. Well, you can imagine the lineage I’m talking about is mine and my family’s. The De Rossis. The curse never caught any of the De Rossi witches because they made sure to protect themselves from it and teach their daughters to do the same. It has loomed over our heads for centuries, waiting for a victim. And I believe, Femi, that the Curse of the Moon has finally found its victim. Me.”
“Why are you so sure?”
“So that’s why you smell funny!” Magny squealed. “I knew there was something... I thought it was Ravenna, but no. It was your curse! So old and obscure that my hobgoblin nose couldn’t quite figure out what it was for sure.”
Femi silenced Magnus with a gentle gesture. “Keeper? Why are you so sure that you caught this curse of your ancestors?”
“Because what’s happening to me is not normal. I’ve never heard of anything like it. My Higher Self is missing, which means that I’m not... whole. Instead, I’m stuck with a voice in my head, a voice that’s constantly trying to sabotage me.”
“Is the voice present now? Is Ravenna here?”
“She is. She’s been more silent lately. For some reason, the presence of gods affects her.”
“You said the witches in your family learned how to block the curse. So, why didn’t you learn too?”
“My mother refused to teach me. Her mother taught her, but she never believed in it. Maybe she didn’t want it to be real. She swore that if she ever had a daughter, she wouldn’t feed her nonsense about an ancient curse that had never manifested itself, so it must not have been real at all. Imaginary. Old wives’ tales. She didn’t let Nana teach me either, and when I was old enough to make my own decisions, Nana wasn’t there anymore. She died when I was 12.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, child. She’s watching over you.”
Valentina smiled. “Yes, I know she is. Thank you.”
There was a long moment of silence. Val was thinking about her grandmother and how she used to tell her stories before bedtime. Now that she thought about it, most of them were probably true. Facts, not stories. She’d been too little then to make the difference. Meanwhile, Femi was thinking of how best to proceed. Magny was bouncing his plump, short legs back and forth. He was there for the past-life regression thing, not for what seemed to be an endless therapy session.
“If you’re ready, we can go downstairs,” the old man finally said.
Valentina looked longingly at the pyramids. “I like it here.”
“Too much feedback. The street noise, the wind, the soft hum of the water in the fountain... For a smooth past-life journey and clear messages, you need as much peace and quiet as possible.”
Val nodded and followed him. Magny poofed himself on her shoulder, then chose a comfy spot on the windowsill when they got into the cramped room Femi called his office, right above the couch were Valentina would lie down during hypnosis.
“This is how it’s going to work,” Femi started. “Make yourself comfortable, close your eyes, and listen to my voice. Mr. Luchtar has your phone, and he will record you. You should remember everything when you wake up, but it’s always a good idea to record the session. Details can be lost, and we can’t afford that. Every little thing we discover in the next two hours can prove to be of crucial importance.”
“What about Ravenna?” Valentina could already feel a slight burn growing in her left side. Soon, it would turn into full-blown fire. Invisible, internal, but all too real. “I sense fear. She’s afraid.”
“Damn right I’m afraid,” Ravenna said. “You don’t know what you’re doing, and I’m attached to you. What if something goes wrong?”
Val opened her eyes and turned to Femi, who was sitting cross legged on a round floor pillow. “Is there anything that can go wrong during hypnosis?”
“No. I’ve done this hundreds of times with people from all walks of life. Your physical body is here, and you’re only going to travel with your mind.”
“So, this is not like astral projection?”
“Not at all. Very different things. Let me rephrase: all your bodies will be here, in this room, on this couch, at all times. Past-life regression is not about going to a different place to find the answers, but about looking deep within. It’s like opening a door inside your mind, and that door will lead you to an archive of ancient memories you didn’t even know were there. You put them there yourself, or more like... your Higher Self put them there, and then you forgot about them because it would be too much to remember everything while you’re reincarnated as a new person with a new life, in a new place.”
“All right, I understand.” Silently, she told Ravenna: “See? It’s safe. Now, back off so I can focus.”
“It’s dangerous!”
“We’re doing this.”
“I’m telling you, sister, you’re making a mistake. You don’t know what’s there, yo
u don’t know what you’ll see in your past lives.”
“That’s why we’re going. Back in time, back to who I was before. I’m doing this for us, okay? Don’t you want to be free? This is not just about me getting my Higher Self back. It’s about setting you free, too. Haven’t you spent enough years attached to my aura?”
“I don’t know any other way of living, of being.”
For the first time since she’d become aware of Ravenna’s presence, Valentina could hear and sense sadness in her voice. A chill ran up her spine. The pain in her ribs had subsided, but now she felt cold despite the hot day of July.
“That’s what you’re afraid of... To you, freedom means...”
“Death.”
“Because my sister is...”
“Dead. I live through you. If you release me, then what will become of me?”
“Oh my Goddess!” Val said that out loud. She jumped off the sofa, startling both Magny and Femi.
“What happened?” Magny’s heart jumped so hard in his tiny chest that his leg twitched and he almost knocked the phone off the windowsill.
“Are you all right, child?”
Valentina was now standing in the middle of the room, blue eyes wide, hands curled into tight fists at her sides, her whole body shaking and sweating like she had a fever. She’d never thought that releasing the voice in her head and detaching Ravenna from her energy field would be the same as sentencing her to death. It made sense now. Of course!
“Femi, if I free Ravenna, then what will happen to her? Where will she go? My Higher Self is somewhere inside me. That’s what the shaman told me. But where’s Ravenna’s other half? My sister...” She touched her forehead. It was burning hot. “The human part of my sister, the physical part... is gone. What will her Higher Self attach to if she is no more?”
The old man stood up and poured Valentina a glass of cold water from a carafe he’d prepared specifically for moments like this.
“I don’t know.” He gave her the water, and Val gulped it down in seconds. “I’m not going to lie to you, child. I’m just an Ordinary who has studied the crafts and found his calling in hypnosis and past-life regression. I felt this was my way of being in service to the world. But you’re so much more. You’re more than a witch and a Keeper of the Spades, Valentina. You’ve been on this Earth many times, and you’ve seen things I can’t even dream of. You’re here for a reason. You found me for a reason, and I believe that if you take this chance, you will find the answers you seek. Tell Ravenna that going into your past lives now doesn’t mean that you’re also freeing her today. You’re just trying to learn more, so that when you make a decision on how to proceed, you’ll make the right decision and choose the path that benefits you both.”
“She’s hurt me so much...”
“I know, I know.”
“You hurt me, too,” Ravenna raged in her head, making Val drop the empty glass and cover her face with her hands. “You hurt me before you were even born. You consumed part of me in our mother’s womb! And now, you’re the victim?!” She laughed bitterly.
“I didn’t mean to,” Val said out loud.
“That doesn’t change anything!”
“I know. I...”
Magny poofed himself on her shoulder. Gently, he wrapped both his arms around her wrist and pulled one hand away from her face. She dropped the other one to her side on her own.
“You should summon Loki and Veles. They will take care of her,” he said.
“No!” Valentina was breathing heavily. “It’s not fair. I can’t always rely on them to... to...” What? Get rid of Ravenna for her? Silence the voice that was driving her mad? Make her sane every time she was on the verge of losing control? She took a deep breath. “No, it’s not fair. I have to deal with this myself. Deal with her. All this time, she was trying to tell me something, and I couldn’t hear her because I was too busy thinking about myself.”
Magny crossed his arms over his chest. He didn’t like where this was going. He’d never trusted Ravenna, so why would he change his mind now? Because Val seemed to be going through an identity crisis?
“Okay. What was she trying to tell you, then?”
“That she is scared of dying. I’m the only thing that’s keeping her tethered to this world.”
“She shouldn’t have been in this world at all, Keeper. It’s not your fault you were the stronger twin.”
Valentina shook her head. “No, it’s not. But it wasn’t her fault she was the weaker one, either.”
Magny shrugged. “I know how this goes. It’s no one’s fault.”
“No, it is someone’s fault.” Val sat down on the couch, and after a moment’s thought, she lay back, like before. “The witch who cast the curse. She’s the bad guy in this whole mess, and if there’s any clue as to who she was and who her descendants are in any of my past lives, then I will find it. And I will fix this. Both for me and Ravenna.” She closed her eyes and relaxed her tense muscles one by one, starting with her toes and ending with her face muscles. “I’m ready when you’re ready, Femi. Let’s do this.”
Magny was back on the windowsill. With a sigh and a reluctant shake of his head, he made sure the phone was recording.
“Do you promise?” asked Ravenna in a now calm, almost shy voice. “Do you promise that you won’t let me vanish?”
“I promise. I won’t do a thing to separate us unless I know it’s safe for both of us.”
Femi waited for Valentina to settle down. When he noticed her breath had become slower and more even, he started speaking in a low, gentle voice.
“I want you to imagine a pyramid of golden light materializing in front of your eyes. Do you see it?”
“Yes.”
“Take a moment to imagine it in as much detail as you want, then when you’re ready, step inside the pyramid and feel its warm glow on your skin. From now on, as you travel back in time, you will remain inside the pyramid, and the pyramid will protect you from all harm.”
Femi went on like that for a while, asking Valentina to imagine all sorts of things, then telling her to find a place anywhere in the world where she felt safe and happy. She chose her father’s library, back in her parents’ home in Leavenworth. From there, he guided her to the first past life that chose to reveal itself. He asked her to look around her, then look at her own feet and hands.
“What do you see? Where are you? Who are you?”
Valentina was silent for two long minutes. The images were hazy. As a witch and an astral traveler, she’d thought hypnosis would come easy to her. She’d thought she’d simply follow Femi’s instructions and fall into a deep state of meditation. No such luck. She was about to tell Femi that she’d just discovered she couldn’t be easily hypnotized, when the place she’d reached suddenly came into focus and she saw she was in the inner courtyard of what looked like a Roman villa.
“It’s beautiful,” she whispered.
The old man smiled. He looked up at Magny and nodded. They were finally getting somewhere.
“Take a minute to look around and get used to the place. Observe it. Describe it in as much detail as you can, when you’re ready.”
Valentina turned to look around her. Even though she knew that her own body was in Femi’s house, her mind could also perceive the body in her vision. No, it wasn’t a vision. She had to remember: this was one of her past lives. The girl whose body she was in had existed. She’d lived, breathed, laughed and cried in this world, hundreds of years before. She had been this girl. This girl had been her.
“My name was Aurelia.”
“Try to speak in the present. Identify with Aurelia. Be her. Live her life all over again,” Femi instructed.
Valentina furrowed her brows. The inner courtyard was more like a lush garden. Flowers everywhere, shrubs here and there, and a small fish pond in the middle. Benches, statues, and beautifully embellished columns that supported a shady roofed portico.
�
�This is my home,” she said. “My father lives here, and my mother, too. I like to play in the garden, all by myself. The other children don’t like me.”
“Do you know why?”
“Because my father is rich... I have nice clothes, all the toys I want, fine jewelry, and I study with renowned professors and philosophers. They don’t have any of that. They’re our servants’ children, and they chase me away every time I try to play with them. But I don’t understand why they don’t want to accept me. My father is rich, and he’s the master of the house, but my mother is just like their mothers.”
“A servant?”
“Yes.”
“All right. How do you feel right now, in the garden?”
“At peace. Happy. I also feel lonely, but I’ve gotten used to it by now. I see...” Valentina looked at her hands. “I’m holding a doll. I feel like talking to someone, so I draw a sigil in the air, push it inside my doll, and the doll blinks up at me. She smiles, and I take her to the pond, I sit on the edge, and I tell her about my dreams, fears, hopes. Everything that goes through my mind.”
“So, you’re a witch.”
“Yes. From my father’s side. I don’t think my mother is a witch.”
“How old are you?”
“Eight? Nine?”
“Let’s skip further in time, during the same life. How old are you now?”
Valentina hesitated. It was hard for her to make the switch so quickly. She willed herself to jump to an older age, and her mind was instantly filled with random images and flashes. A birthday, then another birthday... She wasn’t allowed to see her mother as often. She spent her days in her father’s library, with her professors, learning the craft. Something was missing... There was a hole in her chest. Her father... He didn’t like her much. Why?
