by Claire Woods
“This isn’t just turf and bleachers, Gayle. Lives are made and broken on this field.” Helping her out of my car, I swipe my card at the back entrance, leading her into the tunnel.
Her cell rings echoing around us. “It’s Callie.”
“Don’t tell her that you’re with me. Makeup something… anything…”
“Callie? What? No, I’m fine. You don’t need to know where I am… I’m the parent, remember? What? I don’t know what time I’ll be home… there’s no curfew for me, either. Be good. Don’t throw any more wild pity parties or burn the house down baking break-up cookies. You ate two dozen at least in the past week…”
I laugh, trying to cover it as a cough as she waves at me to shut up.
She hangs up, shaking her head at me, “she’d die of embarrassment if she knew you heard about the cookies.”
“It’s cute as hell. Make sure she saves me some.”
We reach the end of the tunnel, leading to the field and I turn to her. “I love this moment the most… the roar of the fans sound like thunder as you step to the edge, hidden from view but able to see everything. The second you take one step onto the field everything changes. You don’t know which way things are going to go—but you put it all out there, leaving nothing behind.”
I take her hand in mine and step forward. She stands at the precipice with me; imagining the picture I painted in her head. “I believe… that’s it’s never too late for a comeback. No matter your age, where you are in your life—or what roadblocks stand in your way. I’m about ready to make mine, are you in?”
She takes a deep breath trying not to cry.
“It’s okay—I’ve got you.”
“I know you must think I’m terribly weak. No one understands—the pain. Not just the physical pain, but knowing this thing has a hold of your body that you can’t fight. I’m tired, Gabe. So, tired of spending endless days in a hospital bed, wearing a hospital gown, smelling hospital smells. I missed the ocean, my home—my girl. I just wanted to live on my terms, even if it meant I lived for a shorter amount of time—I felt like I was taking back control. But while I did that—everyone else around me was losing theirs.”
Contemplating her words, I walk forward, standing until we reach the fifty-yard line. “Here we are, Gayle. We have three plays to get to the end zone. The first: go back for more chemo. The second: get the bone marrow transplant. The third: do nothing and let it ride. Choose wisely; you might not get another chance to play on the big field again.”
She stares at me, the real deep, read your soul stare. “Thanks, I will.”
She starts walking slowly, eyes on the end zone, when she turns, “walk with me?”
“Tell me about your life Gabe—outside all of this…”
“The truth?”
She nods.
“My mother was my world… then I met Callie, and I could see her being the same. I lost my mother unexpectedly a few years ago. I’ll never get over it. She drove me to every practice, cheered at every game. Sometimes when I play under the lights, I find myself automatically looking for her. She used to sit at the twenty-yard line five rows deep. She said it was the lucky spot. No matter how old I was or where I played I could always find her there.” I pause choking on my words as my eyes find that spot in this stadium.
Now Gayle’s the one comforting me as she takes my hand. “I don’t know how I’m going to leave them.”
“Then don’t. Keep fighting Gayle. Leave it all on the field.”
“I’m afraid.”
“That’s okay. You get used to it.”
She bends her head, deep in thought for a few minutes. “That day, when Charlie was missing… I knew I wasn’t ready to go. He needs me. I can’t ever imagine not being there to protect my baby.”
“That’s good. Keep digging….”
“Then, seeing you and Callie. I want to be there when she gets married—even if it’s not to you. I want to be there and not in spirit.”
“It will be to me. Use this. Harness this to push through the wall holding you back.”
We reach the twenty-yard line pausing. “She’d be so proud of you, Gabe. Any woman would be to call you their son.”
I nod, suck in a shaky breath and let my tears fall freely. It hurts so damn much. Callie once told me everyone she loves leaves her—I guess it’s the same for me too.
“Okay. I’ll do it. You’re quite convincing.”
“That’s good since you’re not dying anytime soon. You never heard your last test results. They were better. You have a solid chance to beat it. Don’t breathe a word of this to Callie. I want her to come back to me on her own. It needs to be that way. She needs to feel strong enough to enter the world I’ll be living in.”
“I understand. She’ll get there. She’s never been in the spotlight before, and the two of you were in it all summer.”
“There’s one more thing—Jackie had her court date yesterday. The judge gave her time served and one hundred hours of community service. I could press stalking charges… but they might not stick. Her lawyer did call mine though. She’s leaving Virginia for good.”
“Okay, just make sure of it Gabe. I can’t protect any of my children from room one-twenty-two in the ICU ward.”
“You have my word she won’t step one foot back in this state.”
She picks up a practice ball from the bin by the bench. “Show me. Catch!” She cocks her arm back, throwing a perfect spiral straight at my chest. I catch it running hard, feet flying over the turf as I pass the end zone spiking the ball.
“Well done.”
Clapping emerges from behind us. “Lincoln’s replaced. You’ve got some arm.”
“Thanks?”
“Coach?”
“Hey, Parker. I knew you couldn’t stay away.”
“I’m not staying yet—I still have a few things to wrap-up but yeah Coach, I’m ready for my comeback.”
“The girl?”
“This is her mother.”
“Jesus Parker, that’s a new headline.”
The three of us laugh, toss the ball around for a bit but Gayle’s fading.
“Ready to go?”
“Yes. But not home. Take me back to the hospital, Gabe. My fight starts again tonight.”
“Let’s go then. Should I call anyone?’
“No. Let it be a surprise. But take me to the diner first. I’m hungry as hell again. They don’t feed you in there.”
***
“Can I get you another pillow?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“I feel funny just leaving you alone, like this.”
“I’m not alone. Did you see the five nurses checking you out back there?”
“I did. I had to bribe them with tickets not to snap pictures.”
“I’ll be fine. Go, Gabe. Chase your dreams now. Don’t stop until you get it, either. We made a pact tonight, remember?”
“I do. The two of us are going to make epic comebacks. I’ll be back. Pre-season starts next week.”
“Sneak me in another milkshake? I’m going to need it.”
“Will do.”
I shuffle to the door, turn down the lights, feeling optimistic. She has everything to live for, and I’m so glad she chose to fight. All summer long I wanted this for my girl. I’d give her the moon but giving her mother back is even better.
Four months later….
Callie
THE STADIUM ROARS WITH THOUSANDS of fans eager to see their boys play. I’m caught up in the moment with them, standing on my tippy-toes with anxious eyes hungry for my first glimpse of him in months.
There he is.
Number 18; helmet off, arms pumping up the crowd as he emerges from the tunnel. Even from the distance between us, I can’t miss the gleam of hunger glowing from deep within his eyes. I used to see that same look as I laid beneath him in bed. But now that look is for the game.
My hands cup around my mouth as I hoot and cheer with all the other crazy fan
s.
It’s a crisp fall night. I’m wearing the jersey he gave me under my North Face fleece. Truthfully, I could take it off, but I’m scared.
Uncle Steve offered me his seat behind the bench, but I couldn’t take it. I don’t want to cause a scene or distract Gabe during the last home game of the season. I know he’s already heading to the playoffs and beyond that—the NFL.
Uncle Steve and Gabe are still tight. It’s hard for me, but I’m happy for Gabe since his family is out of the picture.
I’ve seen him on campus a few times, but I always hung back not wanting to be seen.
I still love him with every breath I take, but when Mom chose to fight, we needed to band together and help. Dad stayed in Sea Spray to close out the season and Charlie started back in school.
Dad placed the key to the apartment by UVA in my hand, gave me a pat on the back and told me to pack up my room.
I did.
Sophie moved into the spare bedroom, and I’m finally living the college life. I’ve wanted to find Gabe a million times, but I can’t. It’d be selfish when most of my time is spent at the library or hospital. The nurses give me weird smirks when I visit, too. Which is very strange—like they know some secret, I don’t.
I got a spinal tap hoping I’d be the match for Mom, but I wasn’t. Watching Charlie donate his was heartbreakingly beautiful. He’s the bravest little boy, and one day he’ll realize what he did for me. He saved our mother.
The stadium erupts as our QB Lincoln fakes a handoff and throws it long, right into Gabe’s waiting hands. He sprints hard, evading tackles as he gets closer to the end zone.
Everyone is saying he’s never played better. As soon as we know if Mom’s transplant takes and she has her last treatment, I’ll find him. His season should be over by then, and hopefully, it can just be us again.
He scores!
He takes his helmet off; arms pumping up the crowd.
He’s happy.
Free.
Happier than I’ve ever seen. I understand him even better now; this sport makes him feel like he can do anything.
He makes me feel that way too. With a smile on my face, I slip from my seat, walk through the stands and out to my car.
I did the right thing letting him go—but I wouldn’t bet on the game just yet—there’s more time on the clock for us. Mom’s out of the woods, for now, getting stronger every day, maybe just maybe—the time for me and Gabe to find our way back to each other will be sooner than I thought.
***
The leaves crunch under my boots, the air’s chilly with the smell of fall. It’s quiet as Soph, and I start the five-minute walk to Frat Row. Although I’m a pledge, I’ve managed to avoid most of the parties until tonight. The sisters have welcomed me with opened arms, even baking for my mom and the other patients on her floor.
The hospital staff loves our sorority. It’s funny—I used to feel so alone, but now I’m part of an even larger family.
They all know about Gabe and me but don’t ask. Since we’ve been broken up, I’ve been left alone. I feel like I can breathe again, focus on my life and family without the circus of the press interfering.
Gabe… he’s still everywhere. His handsome face plastered on social media and the local news.
I can’t escape him.
But I carry the memory of our love with me everywhere anyway.
“Are you sure there’s a party tonight? This place is deserted. Eeek!” I jump at the unexpected sound of a hooting owl perched in a tree.
“Yes. There’s no one home at the other frat and sorority houses because the fall bonfire is at ours. You’d know that if you listened to me while we were at the game instead of drooling at the sight of Gabe in his uniform.”
“He did look good,” I sigh.
“He did,” she winks. “Who knows, maybe he’ll be there tonight.
“Really?”
“Did you forget he’s in Kappa Delta.”
“We never talked much about it. I forgot.”
“Have you spoken to him at all?”
“No. We’ve just exchanged a few texts here and there…”
“Hmmm….”
“What’s that mean?”
“Nothing.”
“Soph?” I grab her arm, spinning her around.
“I overheard some girls from another sorority during pledge week… one was bragging about hooking up with Gabe at a back to school mixer. She was probably just making it all up… “
“You don’t look so convinced.”
“She said… he was drunk and kept calling her ‘Fanny…’ she was brunette, like you.”
“It doesn’t sound like him. Gabe doesn’t drink off-season. I can’t picture him drinking during…”
“Like I said, I’m sure she was probably lying.”
My smile’s forced as we reach the end of the block where our sorority house is overflowing. People litter the lawn, the street; fireworks are going off out back.
“This party won’t last long; the campus police won’t let it.”
“We have got a permit for the bonfire and fireworks… it’s all been handled.”
Despite the pit in my stomach, I follow Soph into the crowd.
“Pledges inside!” I’ve barely taken a sip from the warm beer I didn’t want when my hand’s grabbed. Someone puts me in a chicken wing, and a blindfold covers my eyes.
“What’s going on?”
“Silence. Welcome to our watered-down version of hazing.” A sharp voice answers. Unable to see, I’m led forward, told to climb a set of stairs and enter a dim room. My hands are freed, but I’m warned not to remove the blindfold.
“Pledges. Welcome to our fall bonfire. Each of you will enter Eden—our den of pleasure. You may strip, but you can’t talk. Your safe word is red velvet. If you wish to consent to sex with one or more partners at the same time step forward now.”
I’m frozen, in total shock the sorority I trusted—had a hidden dark side. But someone moves next to me—walking forward.
Silence follows.
“Well, we know which pledge is the dirty one! The joke is on Rachel… there is no den of pleasure! Rachel, you are on dish duty for the rest of the week. Will the remaining pledges take a step forward, please? The five of you will be escorted into the butler’s pantry. This old colonial house has a small corridor with one door in and an opposite door out. You must leave your blinds on and meet with one of our frat brothers for five minutes. The boys have been warned—not to take more than a kiss or risk getting kicked out of the frat. This is meant to be for fun—not to make anyone feel uncomfortable.”
I raise my hand, “I already feel uncomfortable.”
“That’s good, Callie. Since you’ve been picked to go first. The boys have been fighting over who gets to kiss you.”
I open my mouth to protest, but it’s too late. Strong hands push me forward, I fall on the floor, hearing the click of a door shut and lock behind me.
“H-hello?”
There’s silence, but I feel someone in the small hall with me.
Hands slide to the back of my head, through my long hair, then fingers trail over my cheek.
It has to be him.
His touch is something I’d never forget.
I stand on shaky legs, arms reaching out to grab hold of him to steady myself.
His hands roam down my back, my butt, and up around my stomach sliding over my breasts. He growls in the dark a second before his mouth crashes down on mine.
Knowing I have only minutes to sate months of pent-up hunger, my tongue dances with his. My thighs ache for him to come between them and my nipples peak dying for his kiss.
I cry into his mouth as his hand cups my breasts, his hips push me into the wall while his other hand picks up my legs to hook it around his waist.
“I should hate you for breaking my heart,” he breathes a second before a piece of foil rips, and my jeans are jerked down my thighs.
“Tell me to stop. T
ell me not to take you like an animal in a frat house with hundreds of people outside.”
But I don’t tell him to stop. Instead, I reach between us, stroking him through his jeans ripping the blindfold off at the same time.
“So, be it.”
He takes his phone out, shooting off a text that he’ll need ten more minutes with me. My eyes reading every word he types. I’m too needy for him to be embarrassed. Music starts pumping from somewhere beyond these four walls. My eyes close, head falls to the side as his mouth finds my neck at the same moment he slams inside.
“Fuck, Callie. You feel so good.” He pumps into me over and over again; my ass is cradled in his hands as his hips pump into me again and again.
One hand falls, my legs are still wrapped around his lower back as he finds my clit with his finger, taking me over the edge.
“I love you,” I moan, biting his shoulder.
“Be with me,” he groans, emptying himself into the condom.
“I-I can’t.”
“Still running?”
His eyes are wounded as they search mine. “You know why. I’d drag you down and you—you haven’t even begun to rise. I just know you’re going to make it big, Gabe. I-I’m not cut out for that. I’m just a local girl from a beach town, with more sand than makeup on her face.”
He shakes his head, fixes himself, and steps back.
“You’re wrong. You were the girl who made me feel like she was all I needed. But if you can’t be her—I’ll need to find a way to live with it.”
He turns away opening the opposite door. I sink to the floor, in a huddled mess, my body humming from pleasure and pain in the dark. I’m not sure how long I sit there stewing in regret, but the opening of the door behind me, has me blinking in the light.
All twenty of my sorority sisters stand with knowing grins on their faces until they see me sitting on the floor in the dark with tears streaming down my face.
“Did he hurt you?”
“No. I hurt him. Again.”
“Why? This whole thing was a set-up. Gabe set all this up so that he could have five minutes in heaven with you. We all thought it was incredibly romantic.” Angela, the Sorority President, stands confused staring at me like I’m the biggest idiot in the world.
