by Fay Keenan
‘Well, as you just told me, he has been through a hell of a lot over the past week or two.’
‘So he hasn’t said anything to you about being forced to spend so much time with Tara, then?’ Charlotte looked at her best friend. ‘Nothing at all? No bitching about her, no moaning about her bad habits, no overcompensating for the trickiness of the situation by trying to reassure you he’s not going to fall back in love with her?’
‘No.’ Anna felt vaguely irritated by the line of questioning. ‘Do you think I should ask him? Call him out on it?’
‘Well, darling, honesty is the best policy… except when it isn’t.’
‘Meaning what?’
‘Meaning that, if you push him for an explanation, you might not like what you get in return.’
‘You think he’s still in love with her?’
‘Not if he’s got any sense, but, in my experience, sense rarely comes into it.’ Charlotte gave Anna’s hand a squeeze. ‘It’s up to you, really. If it were me, I’d give him a bit of breathing space, let him work out what it is he really wants. If it’s you, he’ll make it plain soon enough.’
‘So in the meantime I have to sit tight and act like the dutiful little woman?’ Anna drained her glass of wine. ‘I’m not sure I can do that.’
‘Then put some distance between the two of you,’ Charlotte said. ‘Let him come to you when he’s ready.’
‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be snapping at you. Just when I feel like I’m finally getting my head around my life, something like this happens and I’m back feeling like the world’s most emotionally illiterate moron.’
‘No harm done, lovely,’ Charlotte said. ‘If love was easy, we’d be doing it all the time, wouldn’t we?’
As Anna heard the clock strike the half hour, she reached back over to her bedside table and turned her phone off.
40
Matthew woke with a headache that was only marginally worse than the thumping guilt in his gut. Blearily, he staggered out of the uncomfortable spare bed, feeling a wave of nausea. He’d brought the rest of the bottle of whisky to bed, and he couldn’t recollect exactly how much of it he’d consumed. Stubbing his toe on the empty bottle as he crossed the bedroom, the answer, as well as the pain, made him swear out loud.
Fiver for the swear box, Dad! He could hear Meredith’s voice in his head as he walked down the creaking stairs and into the kitchen. The cottage felt cold and charmless without her. By now, she’d have been rattling a cereal bowl in the kitchen, clicking on the kettle for a cup of instant coffee and pouring biscuits into Sefton’s metal bowl. The dog, still residing at Pat’s, would doubtless miss his mistress on his return.
The quiet was oppressive as Matthew waited for the kettle to boil. Glancing at the kitchen table, he saw a note propped up on an empty milk bottle.
Matthew,
I’ve got a cab back to the hospital. I’ll be staying at the Coach House nearby if you need to reach me, but I daresay I’ll see you at Merry’s bedside.
Yours ever,
Tara.
Matthew felt a churning sense of relief. At least he’d have time to gather his thoughts before he encountered Tara again. Unable to stomach a solid breakfast, he gulped back the still scalding cup of instant coffee. Yours ever – that was a joke, surely. Tara had never really been his, even when she had been married to him. He might have given his heart to her, but he had never felt he’d had hers fully. Last night had, undoubtedly, been a monumental mistake, but it had given Matthew a sense of clarity about his ex-wife he’d never really had before.
This realisation did precisely nothing to alleviate the situation he found himself in. He’d done the one thing he swore he never would; he’d gone back to Tara. Albeit for a few, reckless moments, and under great stress, but he’d done it. While their daughter was lying in a hospital bed. He’d betrayed his own heart, and, worse, he’d potentially broken someone else’s into the bargain.
Anna.
The thought of her, lying in bed at Pippin Cottage, her pretty face peaceful in an unknowing slumber, unaware of what the man who claimed to love her had just done, was enough to make the bile rise. He felt the distance between them already becoming insurmountable, and for a second he entertained the notion that he just wouldn’t tell her what had happened. He’d close his eyes to the events of last night, and they would go away, like everything else he found difficult to manage.
But this was different.
As he pictured Anna’s face again, tired and vulnerable as she had been the last time he’d seen her at the hospital, fear like he had never known curled itself around his gut, making his stomach churn and his hands tremble. The hell of eternity without her loomed large, and all for a few moments of sex that had been more like a battle. Bolting for the sink, he retched, bringing up coffee and bile until he had nothing left.
*
As she started her morning shift at the tea shop, Anna tried to ignore the fact that three texts she’d sent Matthew had yet to be answered. She stuck her phone resolutely into her handbag.
The tea shop was busy with a group of walkers who had started from the Congresbury end of the Strawberry Line. After an hour and a half of walking, they were all gagging for a cuppa and a fruit scone, so by the time her break came at just gone eleven o’clock Anna was more than ready for it. She avoided checking her phone while she drank her own cup of coffee, and when she noticed there was one last slice of her own carrot and orange cake left on the display, she broke her own rule and tucked into it. But, eventually, she couldn’t avoid it any longer. She reached into her bag for her phone, steeling herself for yet another blank screen. When she saw the envelope icon, her heart lurched.
Merry wants to see you. Visiting hours 2-6pm.
Anna felt her stomach join her heart. It didn’t take a genius to work out that something was amiss. The question was, what the hell was it? Texting a quick, neutral affirmative, she shoved her phone back in her bag and restarted her shift.
As fate would have it, ‘Fudge Cake and Fiction’ were meeting at half past five when the tea shop closed. It was their second official book club meeting, and Anna didn’t have the heart to cancel it. She’d even changed the time to ensure a bit more take-up on the feedback from the first meeting. Her mum was picking up Ellie from nursery and would keep her until the meeting was over at about six thirty. Guiltily aware that she hadn’t had the chance to read anything she could swap this month, except for a few pages of Meredith’s copy of The Hunger Games that she’d left in the tea shop a couple of weeks ago, she hoped she’d be able to make up for it with slices of actual chocolate fudge cake. Perhaps the discussion about books would go some way to taking her mind off the horrors of the present, at least.
*
After the book club meeting, Anna arrived back at Pippin Cottage to see a carrier bag hanging over the door knocker. Inside it was Meredith’s phone charger, which Pat must have unearthed from the teenager’s bedroom. Anna knew Meredith lived on the phone, and she had no doubt the girl would be most grateful for the opportunity to reconnect with the outside world. Grabbing the bag, and adding it to the leftover cake slices that weren’t going to last another day on the counter, she and Ellie headed up to the hospital. She’d decided to take Ellie with her this time, feeling as though she needed the moral support for facing Matthew, and still at a loss about his abrupt text message. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she worried that Matthew might be blaming her for Meredith’s accident; it was she, after all, who’d encouraged him to allow Meredith to start seeing Flynn in the first place. Perhaps Matthew felt that this terrible situation was partly her doing? She tried to dismiss it; Meredith was strong-willed enough to defy her father if she wanted to, but she couldn’t quite shake off the thought.
When they arrived at the hospital, Anna automatically found herself scanning the rows of parked cars for Matthew’s Land Rover. The car park, however, was crammed, and entirely too big for a casual glance. She’d know if he was here soo
n enough, she thought.
As Anna and Ellie boarded the lift up to where Meredith was residing, Ellie kept up an endless stream of chatter. Anna, trying to appear as though she was listening, nodded and murmured affirmatives where necessary. The lift juddered to a halt. The doors opened, and Anna couldn’t help the breath that hitched in her throat as she saw Matthew stepping in through the rapidly closing doors of the other one.
‘Matthew!’ she called out, but it was too late; the doors had closed again.
‘Come on, Mummy!’ Ellie squeaked, grabbing Anna’s hand once more. ‘Want to see Merry.’
‘All right, hang on a second,’ Anna said, a little more sharply than she’d intended.
Working her way down the corridor, she eventually found Meredith’s ward, and plastered the brightest smile she could muster to her face.
‘Thank god you’re here, I’m, like, so bored of Mum and Dad checking my eyes aren’t rolling back in my head every second. And they won’t tell me when I can go home.’ Meredith smiled down at Ellie, who was looking very unsettled. ‘It’s all right, titch, I’m fine, really.’
‘The doctors have to make sure you’re really better, Merry,’ Anna said. She was pleased to see Meredith had much more colour in her cheeks, and life in general.
Meredith’s eyes lit up as Anna produced first the leftover cake, and then her phone charger, and she wasted no time in plugging her phone in. Immediately, it stated to beep. At least twenty of the received messages were from Flynn. Meredith alternated between tears and excitement as she read them, a look of increasing desperation on her face.
‘He must feel so awful,’ she whispered. ‘I can’t imagine what he’s been going through.’
‘You’ve been very ill, Merry, everyone who cares about you has been worried.’
‘I need to see him,’ Meredith said, sitting up suddenly in bed. ‘Please Anna, please get him in here to see me.’
‘Merry, you know I can’t go behind your dad’s back. He doesn’t want Flynn within fifty miles of you right now.’
A tear trickled out from under Meredith’s lashes. ‘It’s so unfair. The accident wasn’t his fault.’
‘Merry—’
‘Anna, please listen to me,’ Meredith said. ‘Honestly, it really wasn’t Flynn’s fault what happened.’
‘He was driving the car, Merry, and there were no other cars involved. Ultimately it was his responsibility.’
Meredith looked guilty. ‘Yes, he was driving, but it was my fault he hit the tree, I’m telling you. It’s well unfair of Dad to blame him for the accident.’
Anna sighed. ‘Why don’t you tell me what happened?’
Meredith began pleating the top of the hospital sheet that lay across her thighs. ‘We were going to be late. Flynn knew Dad would chuck a mental if we got home after my curfew – it took me long enough to convince him to let me go out with him in the first place. We left the ski centre in a rush, and as we were coming back down Church Road, I was teasing Flynn for wanting to suck up to my Dad. I was messing about a bit, and I started blowing in his ear, trying to get him to lighten up. He turned to look at me, and out of nowhere this massive deer appeared, right in the middle of the road.’ Meredith shuddered at the memory. ‘Flynn swerved to avoid it, but he didn’t realise how close we were to the oak tree outside the church. The next thing I knew, I was waking up here.’
Anna drew in a sharp breath. Meredith had a very matter-of-fact way of speaking, but as she finished, tears took over and splashed onto the back of her hands.
‘Oh, lovely,’ Anna said gently. ‘Your dad’s bound to want to murder Flynn for what happened, regardless of who did what. Yes, you were a bit daft, and yes, he should have kept his eyes on the road, but everyone is so thankful you’re alive. Give your dad time – he’ll come round.’ She reached out and put a gentle arm around Meredith’s shoulders.
‘Even if he does, I’ll be grounded for, like, the next fifteen years!’ Meredith said gloomily. ‘And I’ll probably never be allowed to see Flynn again.’
‘Let’s cross that bridge when we come to it,’ Anna said. ‘It might be easier if you kept your distance from Flynn for a while, though, just to be on the safe side.’
‘But it’s the Harvest Ball at the end of September!’ Meredith groaned.
‘Concentrate on getting out of here, first,’ Anna said, smiling again. ‘And perhaps by the time the ball comes, we’ll have worked on your father.’
Meredith smiled, and for a moment she looked like her old self again. ‘I knew I could count on you,’ she said. ‘Now why don’t you just get on with it and marry my dad, too?’
Anna felt a stab of unease at the yearning in Meredith’s tone. ‘Let’s not get too carried away, Meredith – we’ve got a long way to go.’
‘Yes, but at your age you can’t afford to hang around,’ Meredith replied. ‘And you do like him, right?’
Anna blushed, shaking her head. ‘Sometimes I think you’re too nosy for your own good, young lady.’
‘See, you’re talking like my stepmother already!’
‘I’ll go and get you some more water,’ Anna said firmly, grabbing Meredith’s hospital issue water jug and standing up hastily.
‘So I take it I can start planning the wedding, then?’
Anna fled from the room, before the tears that were prickling at the back of her eyes spilled over.
41
‘But Matthew, it makes perfect sense!’ Tara replied, turning the same blue eyes on him that had captivated him when they’d first met. After a week of trying to avoid her at the hospital, Matthew had cursed inwardly upon opening the door to his ex-wife. She was now standing in his living room, her face betraying nothing of what had happened between them the night Meredith woke up. ‘I have the best health insurance, and Meredith will have access to the best doctors, should she need them. She’s already had a clean bill of health from the medics, and she should be cleared to fly soon. Why shouldn’t she come home with me?’
‘Home?’ Matthew said. ‘This is her home, Tara, or have you forgotten? She’s spent the whole of her life here. A life you walked out on.’ Abstractedly he got up and went to refill his mug, not even realising he was filling it from the tap and not the teapot.
‘This isn’t about us… this is about our daughter’s physical and mental health.’
‘You didn’t think of that when you left, did you?’ Matthew snapped, determined to keep his guard up this time. The guilt over their liaison churned in his stomach. ‘Why, all of a sudden, are you so concerned?’
‘You’re right,’ she said gently. ‘I don’t deserve her. You picked up all of the pieces when I… went away. But Matthew, please let me help now. She had a terrible accident, and she needs time to recuperate. A change of scene would do her good.’
‘What about school?’ Matthew said, starting to feel as though he was clutching at non-existent straws. ‘She’s halfway through her GCSE courses, and doing bloody well.’
‘School’s nearly out for the summer – and if she decides to stay with me a little longer, I’m sure we can arrange a tutor or something.’
‘And what makes you think I’ll be happy to let my daughter go and stay with you and your latest boyfriend when she needs to be recovering?’
Tara rolled her eyes. ‘Please. I am her mother; I know how to take care of her. And Todd and I have been together for four years. As it happens, he’s going to be away on business in Europe for the next few weeks. She’ll be company for me, and we’ll get to spend some quality mother-daughter time together.’
As if you ever cared about that, Matthew thought.
‘Give me some time to think about it,’ Matthew finally said. ‘She’s still so fragile from the accident.’
‘Then the Florida sunshine will be just what she needs,’ Tara said firmly. Draining her cup, she put it down in the sink.
Matthew felt his head start to swim, as he realised he didn’t really have a leg to stand on. ‘All right,’ he
said. ‘I’ll let her stay with you on one condition. You need to go, and soon. She’s on the mend now, there’s no reason for you to stick around. I’ll talk to the doctors and get her over to you as soon as I can.’ He turned to face her again. ‘And I’m warning you, Tara, if you fuck up, I will do everything in my power to make sure that seeing her again will be extremely difficult. She’s too vulnerable for you to decide to give up on her again.’
‘I know that,’ Tara said quietly. ‘Nearly losing her was a wake-up call.’
‘And as for what we did, as far as I’m concerned it didn’t happen. It was a mistake.’ As the words came out, he hated himself for acknowledging his deception.
‘If that’s what you want,’ Tara said flatly. ‘It’s a shame, though. All that history, and you’re putting your head in the sand again.’
‘I’m not interested in history,’ Matthew snapped. ‘I only care about the future.’
‘What’s the matter, Matt? Worried your precious little widow will dump you if she finds out the truth?’
‘I don’t want her hurt,’ Matthew snapped. ‘She’s been through too much already.’
‘Shame you weren’t thinking about that the other night.’
‘I made a mistake,’ Matthew deliberately moved away from Tara. ‘In the heat of the moment. I should have known better.’
‘You didn’t think that at the time!’
‘Well, I do now. It meant nothing. And if you’re being totally honest, it meant nothing to you either. So why don’t we chalk it up to experience and move on?’
‘I’m sure Anna would be more than willing to “chalk it up,” as you put it, as well, don’t you think?’ Tara’s eyes were alight with menace. ‘Why don’t we ask her?’
‘You wouldn’t.’ A cold finger of dread ran down Matthew’s spine.
