by Catie Rhodes
“Good morning,” Wade said.
I raised my head to find him sitting at a round table with a cute little red checkered tablecloth.
Who had decorated this place? Not Wade. I’d lived with him. His idea of decorating was a calendar with a nude woman on it thumbtacked to the wall. His sister must have done all this. She had a real flair for decorating. I loved this cute little space.
“Mmmph.” I pointed my toes and raised my arms over my head to stretch. My body screamed, especially the area below my navel where Oscar had stabbed me. I let out a squeak.
“That’s gonna hurt for a while.” Wade got out of his chair and lumbered to the kitchen counter. He spooned coffee grounds into the spotless, stainless steel coffee maker, poured in some water, and started it.
I picked my way out from under the sheets and quilt mounded on me and sat on the edge of the bed. I put one foot on the floor and tried to stand. Just that effort sent a stab of agony through my middle that doubled me over.
Wade watched me, head tilted to one side, dark brows raised. I glanced down at my body. Naked. The night before came back in vivid detail. My skin heated.
The fact that had nagged at the edge of my mind the night before jumped into full view. Wade’s sister, Desiree, had predicted he’d die if he ever hooked up with me. That had been the detail I’d kept shying away from. That was why Wade walked out of my life. If Desiree was right, I’d just helped Wade sign his death warrant.
I drew in a sharp gasp. Oh, no. What had I done? Traded sex for someone’s life, that’s what. And not just anybody. This was Wade. A man who’d risked himself to save me more than once. A man who’d been my friend when I desperately needed one.
Iron bands of guilt squeezed my heart. Bile crawled up my throat, stinging all the way. The reality of what I’d done spread over me like poison ivy. It burned with a fire nothing could soothe. I’d done the wrong thing. Again.
The worst part? I regretted what Wade and I had done. He was no longer my heart’s desire. Tanner was. Wade held the key to a long lurking, unsatisfied question. After Tanner’s rejection, I couldn’t pass up the chance to answer that question.
But things were always clearer in the rearview mirror. I should have used some restraint. Wade’s sister had asked me to stay out of his life because doing so might save it. Now look what I’d done.
The guilt put on weight, growing fat on my self-pity. It pressed against my heart hard enough to make it ache. A sob built in my throat. I gave it a savage push back. No crying. A bunch of weak, girlish tears wouldn’t change a damn thing. I cut a guilty glance at the table to find Wade smiling at me.
“I dried your clothes this morning.” He pointed to a neatly folded pile of clothes on the floor next to my side of the bed. The hag’s heart lay next to them on a strip of paper towel. Hopefully being washed and dried hadn’t ruin any value it might have.
* * *
I nodded my thanks and snatched my panties off the top of the pile. I jerked them on, relishing the rough feel of the material against my skin. I didn’t deserve for the material to feel soft. Not after what I’d done. By the time I got to my jeans, I had to stop and pant from the pain. I embraced that too, welcomed it as a sick little penance. Wade got up and walked to the shining white stove.
“Breakfast? I got bacon and eggs.” He held up a black cast iron skillet.
Who had time to think about breakfast? I was busy beating myself up. When would I ever get my shit together and do things right?
I glanced out the window at Wade’s tree-covered yard. A narrow driveway cut through the trees. The Cutlass was gone, but Tubby had to be somewhere out there. He wouldn’t just leave me. Would he? I hoped not. He was my way out of this situation. I might not have deserved to run away, but I wanted to.
“Where’s Tubby?” I directed the question to Wade’s broad back.
“Up at my sister’s,” he answered without turning around.
I nodded, glad Wade couldn’t see how much I wanted out of here. Soon as I could, I’d find Tubby and get him to take me back to my family. I didn’t even know if they were okay.
A white 1970s Cadillac, its distinctive boxy headlights dim, eased down the narrow lane through the trees. It stopped in front of Wade’s house. The door opened, and a woman with big boobs, long legs, and a bush of blonde hair got out.
“Who’s that?” I yanked on Cecil’s ruined flannel shirt. The bloodstains had seasoned to an ugly chocolate milk color, but it at least smelled clean. Wade let the cast iron skillet clatter to the stove.
“Shit. I forgot she was coming. Stay away from the windows.” Wade bolted out the door, closing it securely behind him.
I stepped out of direct sight of the window and watched Wade jog up to the woman. They kissed. She curled her hands in his hair and hooked one leg over his hip. She broke the kiss and stared into his eyes.
Wade, face creased into a charming smile, put both hands on the woman’s cheeks and began talking. Judging by his posture, he was apologizing for something.
That was when I let myself see Wade’s one-room house through clearer eyes. The carefully painted fern on the whitewashed coffee table. The floral quilt on the bed. The clean kitchen. The gingham tablecloth. His sister didn’t do all that. The woman who shared his bed did.
And this one looked like an actual girlfriend. One who cared enough to put little Día De Los Muertos painted skulls in his kitchen window for Samhain. The guilt came roaring back, more intense than ever. How much worse could this get?
Chest tight, I glanced out the window. The long-legged woman smiled and shook her finger at Wade. She grabbed his shirt in both hands and pulled him in for another kiss. He obliged, hands roaming over her body, and squeezing her shapely butt. She got back into her car, did a quick turnaround in the yard, and was gone.
Shame radiated through my entire body until sweat popped out on the back of my neck. That little exchange made it obvious Wade had a girlfriend he liked, and here I was, the ultimate white elephant. Wade came back in, cheeks flushed, and let out a deep breath.
“That was Aspen. I was supposed to go garage sale-ing with her this morning. She buys furniture, refinishes it, and sells it. It pays for her… Why am I telling you this?” He made a face.
I could barely look at him. “Wade, I am sorry for everything. Tubby shouldn’t have brought me here.”
He approached me and gripped my upper arms. “Shut the hell up and look at me.”
Face flaming, I couldn’t imagine doing any such thing. He put a finger under my chin and forced me to raise my head.
“If Tubby hadn’t brought you here, you’d be dead right now. No hospital could have fixed that. As it was, Tubby barely got you here in time.” He stared into my eyes, eyebrows raised.
“We did the wrong thing.” I stepped away, sat on the bed, and pulled on my boots. Every movement hurt.
He came to stand next to me and plucked at my blood-stained flannel shirt. “Take off that disgusting thing. It looks like death.”
He pulled the shirt off my shoulders, tossed it in the garbage can, and brought me one of his. It hung to my knees and smelled like sunshine and gasoline. Like Wade. A tear spilled out of my eye. I’d probably never smell Tanner’s earthy musk again.
I peeled off the shirt and held it out to him. “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. Come here. Let’s talk.” He took my hand, led me to the table, and motioned for me to sit down. I did with an audible grunt. The coffee was ready. Wade got us both cups and sat down. “Two spoons of fake creamer, right?”
I took a sip. It chased away a little gloom, but not much. “We shouldn’t have done what we did last night. That woman likes you. A lot.”
Wade chuckled into his coffee and took a long drink. “They all do, baby.” He lit a cigarette and passed it to me. “Here. This’ll make it better.”
I took the cigarette and smoked, staring out at the gray morning because I couldn’t stand to look at the man across from me.<
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“Do I have to ask you to look at me again?” He put his hand over my wrist. I drew away. He laughed this time, loud and long, throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling.
“Damn. I never expected this from you,” he said almost to himself. “You don’t have anything to feel guilty over. I knew what I was going to do the second Tubby dragged you in here half-dead. It’s my fault.”
I stared at him across the table. The wide, straight smile. The fan of wrinkles at the corner of each eye. And those black eyes. They sparkled like magic. He wasn’t sorry. Not a bit.
As though to prove it, he said, “I figured the timing was perfect. One night, you know?”
A new emotion had come to stand next to the shame. I wasn’t sure what to call it yet, but it made my stomach hurt. Nausea ripped through me.
Wade continued, completely oblivious. “I mean, you’ve got your thing with Mr. Rockabilly…what’s his name? Tyson?” He snapped his fingers, still grinning ear to ear. “Tristen?”
“Tanner.” My voice sounded dead. A chill spread through me.
“I knew it was something with a T and an N. But something hip. Not Tyrone.” Wade snickered.
“Tanner,” I muttered again because my mind was frozen. Wade had done this, thinking I was still with Tanner, which was okay because he was with Aspen and it was just one night of his life.
The smile fell off Wade’s face. He sat back in his chair. “This is not the first time I’ve been unfaithful to Aspen. It certainly won’t be the last. I’m working my ass off to pay for that stupid damn Cadillac she insisted on. I wanted to have some fun, so I did.”
He stared across the table, eyes flat and stubborn, edging toward pissed. More than ever, I wanted away from him. I wished I could have kept my memories of him the way they were. I pushed back my chair.
“Wait a minute. What are you so mad about? You sure weren’t mad last night.” His voice had that sharp edge to it, the one I knew to stay away from.
I raised my head and locked eyes with him. “I’m mad that you don’t even have enough respect for that woman out there, who obviously likes you, to not sleep with other people.”
His eyes went flat black. “No. I’m not faithful to Aspen, but let me tell you something, sweetie. I wouldn’t have been faithful to you either.” He waited a beat for that to sink in.
It sank in with the kind of sting I never wanted to feel again.
Wade leveled that flat, dangerous gaze on me. “The reason I walked away from you wasn’t fear that I’d get killed hanging around with you. It was that I didn’t want you looking at me like you’re looking at me right now. And eventually you would have.”
He took out his cigarettes and popped the pack on the table, even though he held a burning cigarette between his first and second fingers. It was time for me to go.
I pushed out of my chair, stood, and patted my pockets. No phone. I walked to where my clothes had been. Each step felt wobbly and insubstantial. Like I might float off at any second. I searched on the floor and under the bed. Still no phone.
I turned back to Wade. “Where’s my phone?”
He stood, towering over the table, and stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray. “Don’t go yet. I want to tell you something. Last night was what I’ve wanted since the first time I saw you. Did I ever tell you about that?”
“Does Tubby have my phone?” I stared at the door, longing to go through it and leave this awful scene.
Wade hurried to me and grabbed my arm. “The first time I saw you, I’d just moved to Gaslight City and joined the Six Gun Revolutionaries. You were telling off Chase Fischer.” Wade turned me so I was facing him, but I wouldn’t look at him. “Chase had apparently stood you up, and you’d gone to find him. He was standing in front of you glassy-eyed stoned, and you were screaming at him in the street. I said to myself, ‘I’ve got to have that girl.’” His voice trailed off on the last word, and he let go of me, shoulders rounded.
“But you’d have never been faithful to me.” The revelation, though it didn’t matter now, shook me to the core. I’d completely misjudged Wade. What else had I misjudged?
“Sex doesn’t mean anything,” he yelled at the top of his lungs.
I backed away from him. He could kill me with one hit.
He stormed toward me and grabbed me. “I left because I loved you too much for it to end like this.”
I was too scared to speak. Wade had never come close to losing his temper with me, but I was afraid he might now. He took in the look on my face and slowly released me.
He whispered, “I’m sorry.”
“I want Tubby.” My voice shook. I couldn’t stand this anymore.
“He took his car up to my sister’s and slept there.” Wade’s voice trembled.
I walked toward the door. My hand was shaking so hard, I had trouble getting hold of the doorknob. Then I had a hard time turning it. Finally I got the door open.
“Peri Jean,” Wade said from behind me. “I did love you. Still do. I wish I was a different kind of man…”
I stepped outside and shut the door on his words. The truth had been there. Wade had been a shark where women were concerned the whole time I’d known him. But I had refused to see that the same rules would apply to me.
I had idealized him, tried to make him into what I wanted. If I had never come to this place, I could have kept telling myself that story. But now I knew the truth. It stung like a million red ant bites, hurting the kind of deep feelings I never told anybody about.
Head down, tears of shame flooding down my face, I ran right into somebody. At first, I thought it was Tubby. Good. I’d tell him to get me the hell out of here. But women’s perfume flooded my senses. Nothing cheap, but nothing expensive either.
Aspen. She’d seen me through the window and come back to beat the religion out of me. I deserved it. Bracing myself for the first punch, I raised my head.
Desiree stood in front of me, face set in a snarl. I gasped. She grabbed my arm, squeezing too hard and digging in her fingernails. It hurt, but I said nothing. I deserved this. Desiree began dragging me away from Wade’s cabin.
Face set in fury, Desiree towed me through the trees. I wanted to be mad at her. I wanted to call her a bitch and give her a bloody nose. Everything I’d managed to learn about survival required me to fight. But learning who Wade Hill really was had taken all the fight out of me.
Wade’s and my night of passion had so many consequences, none of them good. Wade might not care that he had cheated on Aspen with me, but I cared. I wouldn’t want to be treated that way.
Worse than the betrayal, being with me put Wade in danger. Desiree’s long-ago card reading predicted he’d die if we became lovers. Mad as I was at Wade for using me to betray his girlfriend, I didn’t want him dead. I’d once loved him, wanted to spend my life with him. I still wanted him to find whatever made him happy.
Desiree got me out of sight of Wade’s house and shoved me down in the leaves. My elbows took the weight of the fall, jarring my injured abdominal muscles. I let out a little scream.
Desiree reared back one of her sexy boots, gave me a kick in the thigh, and screamed, “Don’t cry!”
I cut off my cry and stared at her, waiting for more. Maybe a beating would help me feel better. My one night of stupidity with Wade had the potential to create a world of hurt.
Desiree leaned toward me, teeth bared like a vicious animal. “How dare you come on my property? I begged you to stay away from my brother. Don’t you care about anybody but yourself?”
The tears rose up then. I pulled my knees up to my chest, put my hands over my face, and cried. The guilt worked its way through the swell of bitter grief and overtook it. Crying was nothing but a silly little girl’s ploy. I dropped my hands.
“Go ahead, kick me. Kick me to death.” I met Desiree’s furious gaze. “I deserve it.”
Desiree reared back her sexy boot again and kicked me in the hip.
I did nothing to block
the blow but couldn’t stop the tears rolling down my face. “Go on. I deserve this. Wade doesn’t even care. He thinks it’s stupid.”
Desiree, who’d balled up both fists and was drawing one back, stopped short and let her arm fall to her side. A dark cloud of grief passed over her face.
She snorted. “So you finally met the real Wade Hill. The one who gets off on being a walking cloud of destruction. Heartbreaking, isn’t it?”
I didn’t answer. The two kicks she’d delivered throbbed. If she didn’t kill me in these woods, they’d be the color of eggplants soon.
Desiree jammed her hands onto her hips and stared at the sky. “To hell with this. He chose what he did with you. I can love him with all my heart, but I can’t save him.” Her face crumpled for a second. By some force of will, she pulled it straight and held out her hand. “Get up. Let’s go to my house for coffee.”
I peered at her through my tears. “You’re not going to kill me? You should.”
“Nope. You’ve hurt yourself worse than I ever could.” She put her hand in my face. I took it and let her pull me to my feet. Pain ripped through me. My vision wavered. I rocked on my feet, gasping.
Desiree took my arm and held me steady, a far cry from her fury a few moments earlier. “All right?”
I nodded.
“No, you’re not all right. Tubman said you like to have died. I figured he was full of shit.” She gripped my arm with both hands and practically carried me down the path away from Wade’s house.
Every step sent a shot of agony through my injured pelvis. Soon sweat ran down my face and dripped into my eyes. By the time we reached the steps to her wraparound porch, nausea rocked my stomach and my bowels were hot and loose. I grabbed onto the porch step’s railing and hung there.
“Tubman,” Desiree yelled at the house.
Tubby came to the door holding a cup of coffee. As soon as he saw me, he set down his coffee and rushed at me.
“Oh, baby. I’m so glad you’re alive.” Tubby grabbed me in a hug.
