And then walk away from him without a second glance.
Chapter 17
Shep
* * *
“I can’t believe you convinced me to come to this fucking party,” I mutter as I glance around the room, watching everyone with disdain. Yeah, I’m acting the prick. Reveling in it really because fuck me, I’m frustrated. Frustrated with everyone, but especially myself.
“You’ve been such a dick, I figured a night of drinking would do you some good.” Tristan points at the red cup I’m holding. “So bottoms up dude.”
I chug the weak beer, wishing for something stronger. Harder. Preferably vodka. Tristan’s right. I’ve been a total dick. I need to get wasted. Drown my problems with booze and hope to hell I’ll black out by the end of the night.
Anything to help me forget Jade.
“You need to find a girl too,” Tristan says, scanning the room, whistling low. “We definitely have our pick tonight.”
I don’t bother looking. Instead, I stare at the bottom of my cup, which is now disappointingly empty. “No chicks,” I mutter.
“What?” I glance up to find Tristan staring at me like I’ve lost my damn mind. “Are you serious? You definitely need a chick. Fuck the pain away. Isn’t there a song called that?”
I have no idea what he’s talking about. “Women are trouble. Every single one of them,” I mutter, thinking of one in particular. Though she did no wrong. She was fucking perfect. Sucking my dick like she practically got off on it and instead of showing my eternal gratitude—what I should’ve done, I’d been dreaming of those fucking perfect cock sucking lips from the moment I first met her—I pushed her away. Took her home, dropped her off without even a kiss to remember me by and never called her again.
The truth? She scared me. My reaction to her scared me. Instead of being a man and talking to her like a responsible adult, I ran like a little kid. Not that she called me or texted me in return. Knowing Jade, she’s most likely furious at me.
Not that I can blame her.
She’s all I can think about. All I want. I screwed this up royally and I don’t know how to make it right. But I freaked out. Freaked out so bad when all those overwhelming emotions came rushing at me…
Regret washes over me now, and I blow out a harsh breath, tell myself to get a grip. I’ll get over her. I will. I swear I will.
“You’re still twisted up over her, aren’t you?” Tristan shakes his head, his eyes full of…is that concern? Get outta here. “What the hell did she do to you anyway?”
Everything. She blew my mind. Rocked my world. Made me smile. Made me laugh. Made me want something I never considered possible.
A chance with a girl. A chance at a committed relationship, something that usually scared the hell out of me, and with good reason. Look at my parents—worst example of a supposed solid, loving relationship ever. They can barely tolerate each other. I don’t want that. I’d rather be alone.
Or so I thought. A few weeks with Jade and I want…more. Too much. I can’t do it. Can’t face it. Face her. So instead…
I pretended she didn’t exist like I’m some sort of callous, heartless asshole. Guess I’m just following in the steps of my dear old dad.
Inhaling deep, I clench my jaw, my fingers squeezing the cup so hard it crumples under my grip. I freaking hate myself for falling into the same old patterns. For not being man enough to face my fears and go for it.
Instead I’m alone as usual, at a stupid frat party and drowning my sorrows in cheap ass beer while hanging out with my stupid cousin who’s as much of a commitment-phobe as I am.
Life sucks.
“I don’t want to talk about her,” I finally say, offering Tristan a grim smile. “Is there anything harder in this house? I’ll need to drink an entire keg to get a buzz.”
Tristan laughs. “Yeah, man. I know where the secret stash is. You want something in particular?”
Would asking for an entire bottle of vodka seem too greedy? “Vodka. As much as you can find me,” I tell him instead.
“Got it. Give me a couple minutes.” Tristan tilts his head toward the crowd. “Why don’t you go mingle? It might do you some good.”
Mingling sounds like the stupidest idea ever. “I’ll hold up this wall, thanks.”
Tristan shakes his head, muttering something about dudes with no balls as he walks away.
Whatever. I can’t take offense. I am acting like a dude with no balls. All over a girl. Since when do I let a girl have so much power over me?
You’ve never met a girl like Jade before.
Isn’t that the truth?
I start to drink out of my crumpled cup when I remember it’s empty and I leave it on a nearby table. Hopefully Tristan remembers to bring me a cup along with that bottle of vodka. If he even brings a bottle. If not, I’m bailing. Seek out a liquor store and buy my own bottle of vodka I can nurse for the rest of the night.
Shit. I sound like a hopeless drunk.
Girls approach, one after another and I remain stoic. Bored as they try to talk to me, seemingly desperate to engage me in conversation. But I’m not having it. I’m cranky. Not interested. I shut every one of them down, one after the other, until they stop approaching and I’m alone once more, holding up the wall, waiting for Tristan, jonesing for a drink.
That’s when I think I spot her. It has to be her. I’d know that glorious fucking hair anywhere. I push away from the wall, my gaze locked on the spot across the room where I swear I saw her. Jade. The front room is packed full of people and the music is deafeningly loud. I start to push through the crowd, making my way toward the beacon that is her. I catch another glimpse of red hair, long and wavy, hanging down her back. Unbound, unrestrained, and my hands literally itch to touch it. Touch her.
It’s as if the crowd parts, like I’m Moses or some such shit, and there she is. Standing near the entryway of the kitchen, a red cup in her hand, her sexy-as-fuck lips stretched into a giant smile as she laughs at something her roommate Kelli says.
Not that I notice Kelli or anyone else for that matter. All I can see, all I can focus on, is Jade.
I stare at her like a starving man who just caught his first glimpse of a meal after going so long without. She’s wearing…good fucking lord I don’t know where she found those shorts, but all I see is legs. Lots and lots of legs. Pale and long and firm, the denim cutoff shorts she has on barely cover her.
They should be fucking illegal.
The black tank top reminds me of the first time I saw her. She wore a black tank that night too and I fucking approve. Her tits look amazing—unbelievable I still haven’t seen them in their naked glory and that is one of the many serious regrets I have when it comes to Jade—and she pushes her hair off her shoulder, turning in my direction, her gaze meeting mine.
I stand up straighter, releasing a shuddering breath, trying my best to appear cool. Like I’ve got this. If I smile at her I’m afraid she’ll throw a fucking dagger at my chest. Hell, I already feel like a thousand daggers are stabbing me right in my heart just seeing her again like this. She’s so close yet so very, very far away.
She lifts her chin slightly, my ever defiant, ready for a fight Jade. Her eyes narrow the slightest bit—damn they look good, all dark and shadowy and sexy as fuck—and her lips curve downward for the briefest moment.
Then she’s smiling as she turns away from me, hooking her arm through some guy’s that’s standing next to her and realization dawns slowly, making my head spin.
Holy shit. She came here tonight with another guy. I deserve this. Fuck me, I deserve this for shutting her so completely out but it’s only been a week. Does she move that fast? Though how can I judge? I’ve moved that fast—faster—for years.
Working my jaw, I watch as she leans into the guy and he turns to smile down at her. I recognize him. The ex-boyfriend. The asshole who lost her in a bet. Noel or Joel or whatever the fuck his name is.
No way can Jade be serious about that guy
.
“Hey.” I turn to find Tristan standing in front of me, clutching what looks like a jug of vodka. Damn, he’s good to me. It’s like he knows exactly what I need. “It’s cheap but better than foamy warm beer, right?” He hands me a cup with a couple of cubes of ice inside and I take it gratefully.
“Pour it.” I hold the cup out and Tristan undoes the cap, then fills the cup almost to the very top. “Thanks man,” I say before I swallow half of it and hold out the cup again.
“You’re gonna get wasted fast on this,” Tristan warns me and I ignore him, waving my cup at him. Frowning, he refills it.
“That’s the plan,” I mutter as I take a couple of more swallows, slowly turning to see if Jade is still standing there.
She is. The guys are gone. She’s with Kelli and the both of them are watching me, their lips curled like I’m a bug buzzing around their heads and they’re dying to kill me. Squash me dead.
Feeling brave with vodka coursing through my veins, I start to approach them, ignoring Tristan as he calls my name, ignoring the girls who giggle and offer up squeaky greetings as I pass by. I hear no one else, see no one else with the exception of Jade.
I stop just in front of her, my gaze dropping to her legs. Good God, they’re long. Why did I never notice this before? I can only imagine having them wrapped around me as I fuck her deep.
You blew that chance asshole.
“What do you want?” she asks snidely. No hi, no what’s up Shep. Not that I deserve anything more.
“You,” I tell her like an idiot. I swallow hard, ignoring the buzzing sound swarming in my head that’s most likely vodka-induced. “I want you, Jade.”
Her eyes flare the slightest bit and then narrow. Like she had a glimmer of hope there for about two seconds before she realized oh that’s right, I’m a total asshole. “You had your chance,” she whispers as she steps closer to me. Was she always this tall? I let my gaze drop to her feet, see that they’re encased in wedge sandals—I know about wedges, don’t forget I have two older, very fashion conscious sisters—that make her impossibly tall.
Impossibly sexy.
“And you ruined it,” she continues, her eyes sparkling and full of anger. I’ve never seen her look prettier.
Well, that’s a lie. I loved seeing her with no makeup, just bare skin covered in freckles.
“Yeah. I did. I’m sure you won’t accept my apology and I totally understand why,” I start, clamping my lips shut when her roommate appears at her side.
“Is this asshole giving you trouble, J?” Kelli sends me a look, one that says she’d like to poke me in the balls with an extra sharp stick.
“No.” She tears her gaze away from mine to smile at Kelli. “He’s harmless.” She looks at me once more, her lips curling in distaste. “Like a rat.”
“Rats are disgusting, dirty creatures,” Kelli says, sneering at me.
I say nothing. I deserve their shitty words, Jade’s hatred. She hates me. She has to. I’d hate me too.
I do hate me.
“Sometimes you can keep them as pets,” Jade points out, like maybe she has hope I could change. Does she? God, I wish. “They can be really sweet.”
“Yeah, but they’re all beady eyed with pointy little noses and long, disgusting tails.” Kelli visibly shudders. “They’re awful.”
“Hey.” Noel-Joel reappears on the opposite side of Jade, turning to look at me. His eyes go wide when he recognizes me and I don’t smile. I don't react at all. This guy can go suck a dick for all I care. “Prescott. What’s up?”
I nod, still not saying a word.
“You remember Joel, don’t you?” Jade asks me sweetly. Too sweetly.
Joel. I knew it was one or the other. Hmm, Joel and Jade. Don’t they make a cute couple? I think I’m going to throw up. “Hey,” I tell him, lifting my chin in greeting.
Jade rolls her eyes as Joel asks politely, “How are you, man?”
He appears uneasy and he should. He’s got his eye on my prize. Hell, I’m fairly certain he brought my prize here tonight and while I’m tempted to thank him for bringing Jade to me, I know she wouldn’t appreciate that.
And I bet he wouldn’t either.
Speaking of bets…
“I’m good. Sort of pissed at your girl here for reneging on her part of our bet,” I say, earning a pissed off glare from Jade.
“Trust me, we’re paid up on that stupid bet,” she mutters, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
Big mistake. I see her cleavage, remember how I’ve had my mouth there, kissing along the tops of her breasts and I break out in a sweat.
“You’re really going to hold her to it?” Joel asks incredulously. “That was all talk, bro.”
“Yeah, well I’m sure if I’d lost and didn’t pay you your fifty grand, I could offer up the it was all talk bro excuse and you’d go for it?” When Joel frowns I continue. “Didn’t think so.”
“Let it go.” Jade steps closer to me, her gaze pleading. She doesn’t look mad anymore. No, she looks…sad. It kills me that I put that look on her face. I hate this. What I’ve done to her, what I’ve done to us. If there ever really was an us. “Please?”
“You owe me fair and square,” I murmur, wishing I could touch her. Having her this close, I can smell her, see the freckles on the bridge of her nose, watch as those perfect, juicy peach colored lips part, as if she’s searching for words and can come up with nothing.
I understand the feeling.
“I owe you nothing,” she whispers fiercely. “Go away.”
I stand my ground. “No.”
An exasperated breath leaves her and she turns to look at Kelli. “This was a mistake,” she tells her.
“Wait a minute,” Joel says, touching Jade’s arm. I see red. He can so casually touch her while I can’t makes me want to rip his fingers off, one by one. “Did you come here with me tonight in the hopes of seeing him?”
Jade sends me a look that reminds me of a death sentence before she turns to face Joel. “Of course not. I came tonight so I could hang out with you.”
“Doesn’t look like it to me. More like you just wanted to see this asshole again.” He waves a hand in my general direction, not bothering to look at me. I take a step back and sip from my cup, enjoying the show.
I only have hopes the evening continues playing out in my favor.
* * *
Jade
* * *
Okay this is backfiring big time and I don’t like it. I wanted to drive Shep crazy with lust, but I certainly didn't expect him to approach me. And I didn’t expect him to say that he wanted me either. God, that had been all sorts of hot, how serious he sounded, the forlorn look on his stupidly handsome face.
You. I want you, Jade.
I shake the words out of my brain and try to focus on reassuring Joel. I’ve already half lost him though. He looks angry, with a little bit of butt hurt to add for good measure.
“I didn’t know he’d be here,” I tell Joel quietly, taking his arm and guiding him a few steps away so no one can hear us talk. And when I mean no one, I’m referring to Kelli and Shep. They haven’t really budged. Kelli’s scowling at Shep and he’s drinking continuously from the cup he’s holding, like it’s bottomless. “I swear.”
That’s the truth. I’d hope he’d show up and he didn’t disappoint. But I didn’t come with Joel to hurt him. I came here to hurt Shep. And maybe I did, maybe I am hurting him, but I’m also taking Joel down along with him.
And that’s not cool.
“Do you like me, Jade?” Joel asks, his voice low, his expression earnest.
I sigh, unsure how to answer. “I do. But just as a friend, Joel. I already told you this. I don’t—it’s not going to work between us anymore. I don’t want to lead you on,” I explain, biting my lower lip. I feel like a jerk. I knew he wanted more and I came to this party with him anyway. All in the hopes of seeing Shep and making him jealous.
I’m awful. I deserve Joel’s anger
.
Joel studies me for a long, quiet moment, his jaw tight, his gaze narrowing. Then he does something so unexpected, so un-Joel-like, I have no choice but to take it for a few brief, mind-numbing seconds.
He’s kissing me. Like he’s trying to push my lips off my face, kissing me so hard and so ferociously I have to shove at his chest to get him to stop.
Joel springs away from me, his expression hard, his lips damp. “You’d rather have him than me,” he says accusingly, though he’s not asking, he’s stating it as fact. There’s no use denying my feelings. Though I’m not going to give them all up. Shep doesn’t deserve them.
“I don't want either of you.” Lifting my chin, I try my best for haughty, aloof ice queen and I think it’s working. At least Joel is falling for it. But then I catch sight of Shep, see the way he’s studying me with a mixture of disgust and arousal, his mouth grim, his jaw tight. He’s angry, most likely because Joel kissed me, but it couldn’t be helped.
In fact, I’m glad he saw that. Maybe he’ll realize that I am desirable, that I can find someone else. I don’t need Shep.
I don’t need any stupid guy.
Without another word I leave them all where they stand, pissed at Kelli for not trying to get me out of there sooner. Pissed at Joel for calling me out on my crap. Pissed the most at Shep for saying such sweet, sexy things and looking so damn good and sad and wonderful and sexy that I want to both punch him and kiss him, though I haven’t decided yet what I’d do first.
Most likely kiss him. I miss those stupid lips of his. I could get around to punching him later.
I shove through the crowds of people, angry that I left my cup of beer back at the stupid table next to where Kelli’s standing and I glance in the direction of the open kitchen, see that it’s incredibly packed with a ping pong table set up in the middle of the room, a bunch of people surrounding it playing beer pong.
Keep This Promise Page 39
