“You always say that,” she whispers.
“Because it’s true. You deserve so much more…” I clamp my lips shut, afraid I might say something that’ll ruin it. Like usual.
She’s trembling when I withdraw from her and I touch her face, press my hips to hers and wait for her answer.
“I’m scared,” she whispers.
Well, Christ. That’s the last thing I expected to hear her say.
“Why?” It’s what I did to her. She gives me a blowjob, makes me come like a geyser and I never contact her again. I’m a dick. I know this. I can’t explain why I ran like I did beyond offering up the scared explanation too.
But I can’t admit that to her, not now. She’d probably laugh at me.
“I’m not—” She releases a shuddery breath and tips her head down, her hair falling around her face, obscuring her from my view. “I’m not very good at this,” she admits in the barest whisper.
I frown. “At what?”
“At…sex.”
I don’t believe that for even a minute. “Are you serious?”
Her expression turns wounded. I swear she looks like she’s going to cry. “Don’t make fun of me.”
“I’m not,” I say quickly. Fuck, I’m walking a delicate line right about now. One wrong word and I could mess up everything. “It won’t be bad between us, Jade. I promise.” I lean in and press a light kiss to her lips. “It’ll be so fucking good you won’t ever want to leave my bed.”
She starts to laugh. “Awfully confident in your abilities, aren’t you.”
“Merely stating what I believe is true.” I kiss her again, my lips lingering, hers parting so I slip my tongue between them for the quickest moment. I need to convince her that this could work for us. “I’m not saying it’s going to be good because of me. It’ll be good between us because of…us. The connection we share.” I touch her. Cup her breast, run a thumb across the front of it, her nipple rising beneath the lace of her bra.
“I don’t know…” She sighs when I circle her nipple with my thumb, the sound going straight to my dick. “I don’t know if I can fully trust you, Shep.”
I go completely still, shame washing over me. I deserve that. “Let me prove it to you.”
“Prove to me what?” She’s frowning, her eyebrows draw together and damn it, I love every look she wears. When she’s happy, when she’s sad, when she’s mad, when she’s aroused, confused…
All of them. Every single one. I want every expression, every sound, every word she says. I want to know about all of them, I want to share these moments with her, I want them to be all for me and no one else.
Selfish. I sound like a selfish asshole and I’ve always been one. But I desperately want to be selfish with Jade. I want all of her. I need to convince her that I’m worthy to stand by her side. To be a part of her life.
“Prove that I’m worthy of you. That I can earn your trust back. That I’ll be there for you no matter what,” I tell her, noting the way her eyes go wide at my words. She probably doesn’t believe me.
I can’t wait to prove her wrong.
Chapter 19
Shep
* * *
I got Jade the hell out of that frat house as fast as I could. She wanted to tell her roommate she was leaving and I could respect that. I didn’t much appreciate the dirty looks Kelli kept shooting my direction as Jade explained where she was going—my house—and who she was going with—me—but I figured I deserved those evil looks. After all, I’m the one who ditched her friend after an epic blowjob.
Meaning, I’m a complete idiot.
Thank Christ Joel wasn’t around when we made our escape. I didn’t want to deal with that kid. I’m still pissed at the way he kissed Jade right in front of me. Just fucking kissed her like he had the right to do so and holy hell, I’m seeing red just thinking about it.
“I have a question,” I say nonchalantly as we’re driving back to my house. It’s been oddly quiet the entire drive and I wonder if she’s having any regrets. I hope not.
“What is it?” she asks, sounding wary.
“You and Joel.” I take a deep breath, contemplating if I should ask her or not.
“Yes,” she answers before I can say another word. “I’ve had sex with Joel.”
What the fuck? This mind reading thing is freaky as hell. “You have.” My voice is flat and I exhale loudly, gripping the steering wheel.
“Yeah. We were together for months, Shep. I thought…” She shakes her head. “I sort of thought I was falling in love with him at one point, but I think I just liked the idea of being in love, not necessarily being in love with Joel, you know what I mean?”
I have no idea what she’s talking about. Liking the idea of being in love? I can hardly wrap my brain around it. All I can focus on is that Joel’s seen her naked. He’s touched her. He’s fucked her, the lucky bastard. I hate that he’s been with Jade in such an—intimate way that I haven’t.
Yet.
“Does he want you back?” I sound like a croaking frog and I clear my throat.
“Yeah. He admitted as much yesterday when we talked.” My gaze cuts to hers and she’s staring at me, her eyes wide, her expression serious. Too serious. “I don’t want to be with him. I told him that from the very start.”
“Yet you went to the party with him.” Dressed like…fuck, like that. All sexy and shit. I can hardly focus on the road ahead of me. All I want to do is run my hands over her bare legs.
“Kelli wanted me to go with them so I agreed. She knew it was at your frat and she was banking on you being there.”
“Were you banking on me being there?”
“Why do you think I wore these shorts?”
Surprise filling me, my gaze meets hers again and she’s smiling at me, looking rather pleased with herself.
“So you wore them for me.”
“In the hopes that you’d be there…yeah.”
“You about gave me a heart attack when I first saw you in those shorts,” I mutter, my gaze going to her pale thighs. I want to touch them. My fingers are fucking tingling, I want to touch them so bad.
“The shorts are Kelli’s. They’re way too short for me,” she explains.
“They’re perfect.” I give in and reach out to rest my hand on her thigh, sliding my fingers between them and she shifts beneath my touch, trapping my fingers. Her skin is silky soft and so fucking smooth. “You’re a tease.”
“I think you like it when I tease you,” she whispers.
No use denying the truth. Removing my hand from her legs, I clutch the steering wheel and press harder on the gas. Eager to get back to my house so I can drag her up to my bedroom and end this night on the right note. Nothing is stopping us. No drunken Jade. No random girls bursting into my room and calling us fuck birds. No period issues. No Shep issues.
Well. I can’t guarantee I won’t have an issue but I gotta ignore it. No panicking allowed. No worry over what she wants from me. No worry over what I might want from her. I need to focus on the here and now. That Jade is willingly in my car and is going home with me—again, willingly. This is major. I can’t mess it up.
I refuse to mess this up.
Within minutes I’m pulling the car into the garage and I practically leap out of my seat, going round to the passenger side so I can open Jade’s door. All I see are her legs as she climbs out of the car, my mouth going dry as I drink them in.
I am in serious trouble tonight.
Taking her hand, I tug her into the house, through the kitchen, the living room, down the hall, heading straight for my bedroom. She’s been there before. I had her pinned to my bed that one night when we finally kissed for the first time. How long ago was that? It feels like months though I think it’s really only been weeks. How can I feel so connected to a girl I’ve known for only a short time? I want to learn everything about her—and not just what gets her off. I want to know what makes her tick, what she wants out of life.
This is
the sort of thing that scares the crap out of me so I push the crazy thoughts from my head as I pull her into my bedroom and shut the door behind her, turning the lock, watching as she stops at the foot of the bed, slowly turning to face me.
There’s no light on in the room but my blinds are still open and slivers of moonlight spill into the room, illuminating Jade in shadow. I say nothing and neither does she and I wonder for a panicked moment if she can hear my heart racing. It’s like all I can hear, the rushing sound filling my ears, filling my head.
She sits on the edge of the bed and takes off first one sandal, then the other. They both fall to the floor with a solid thump and she pushes her feet into the floor, her toes curling as I hear them crack.
“Those sandals were killing my feet,” she murmurs.
Relief floods me. God, she’s so normal. So…regular. And not in a bad way. In a wonderful, perfect way. Any other girl would’ve tried to jump me the second the door closed. Or she would’ve offered up a strip tease, ending up sprawled across my bed looking nothing like I imagined. Push up bras hide small tits. Excess makeup hides regular features. Teased, blonde hair lies when the pubic hair is revealed to be pitch black. Or worse, there’s no hair, nothing but a very bare, very pubescent looking pussy and that just turns me off.
I’m starting to realize I don’t mind regular girls. Everyone has flaws, including me. Lies are just that. Lies. With Jade, everything I see is what I get. The vivid red hair. The freckles—so many fucking cute freckles. Her breasts are real. I’ve felt them enough to know there’s no padding in that bra, those tits are one hundred percent Jade’s. Pale, creamy skin, no spray tan in sight. She’s natural.
Beautiful.
Real.
I approach her, stopping just in front of her. She tilts her head back, all that red hair spilling down her back and realization dawns.
“Did you wear your hair down for me?” I ask, keeping my voice low, not wanting to break the spell that’s slowly forming between us. Everything’s quiet in this room, the only sound our breaths and I wonder if I should put on some music but I’m afraid that’ll ruin the mood.
She nods. “Yes,” she whispers. “Everything I’ve done tonight, has been for…” She presses her lips together for a brief moment, like she doesn’t want to offer up this bit of information. Makes me want to hear it that much more. “It’s all been for you.”
“Why?” I don’t deserve her trying to do anything to impress me. I damn near ruined this.
Jade starts to laugh, the sound light and pretty and making my skin tighten in anticipation. “I wanted to look amazing so I could knock you on your ass, tease you into wanting me again and then walk away from you without a backward glance.”
Okay yeah, she was setting me up but I’m stuck on one tiny bit of her admission. “Wait a minute. Did you say tease me into wanting you again?”
She gives me a funny look. “Well, yeah. Because clearly you…”
“Clearly I nothing.” I touch her, slip my fingers into her hair and push it away from her forehead gently. She leans into my touch, her eyes sliding to half-mast. “I never stopped wanting you, Jade,” I murmur. “Ever.”
“It felt like you did,” she admits softly. “I thought I didn’t…please you. After what happened, it’s like you didn’t want to have anything to do with me ever again. I figured that was all on me.”
I close my eyes for a brief moment and breathe deep. Guilt settles over me heavily. That she’s in my room at this very moment, giving me another chance…I should get on my knees and thank the lord above. “I’m an asshole. I—panicked.”
She frowns up at me, appearing genuinely confused. “Panicked? Why?”
How do I explain that she scares the hell out of me? How my feelings for her scare me even worse? “I don’t know.” I shrug. I’m such a liar.
Slowly she stands, her body rubbing against mine, her gaze intent. I don’t back up, don’t move away from her and she’s so close, I absorb her body heat, inhale her sweet, clean scent, and my hands automatically settle on her hips.
“I’m probably going to regret this,” she whispers as she settles her hands on my chest. Her fingers are hot, burning through my T-shirt, branding me and I wait in anticipation of what she’s going to say next. “This won’t end good for us, I know it. But—”
I don’t even give her a chance to finish the sentence. I don’t care about the explanation, the worry or fears she might be experiencing. All I can concentrate on is how she’s looking at me, how good she feels pressed next to me. I bend my head and kiss her, cutting off her words, thrusting my tongue in her mouth, triumph surging through me when she melts into me, her hands slipping beneath my T-shirt to touch my bare skin.
I’ve got her.
And I’m not about to let her go.
* * *
Jade
* * *
He’s kissing me. I’m in Shep’s bedroom—again—and he’s touching me, kissing me, seducing me. Again. And I’m letting it happen. I’m giving in gleefully, as if what he did to me only a few days ago doesn’t matter any longer.
It doesn’t. At least, not tonight. I’m taking my opportunities where I can find them and if he ends up hurting me, tossing me aside and forgetting all about me, then so be it. I like this guy. I want this guy.
For some wild and crazy reason, he seems to like and want me too.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers as he runs his mouth along my jaw, down my neck. I like that he keeps apologizing too. Makes me think he really does regret how he treated me the night of the blowjob fail. Though is it really a fail when the guy comes in your mouth? I don’t think so. “I don’t know why I acted like such a prick that night.”
I say nothing. Just revel in his mouth on my skin, his wandering hands. Oh, I love it when he touches me like this. He just takes completely over, there’s no hesitancy, no awkwardness. My past sexual experiences were all about hesitancy and awkwardness. That part sucked. Most of it sucked. I always got performance anxiety and felt like I couldn’t measure up.
Oh, and orgasms? Forget it. I seriously don’t think I can come with a guy. On my own, yes, but otherwise? No can do.
With Shep, I tend to forget my hang-ups. All I can concentrate on is his lips on mine, his busy hands, his hard body…
“I want to make it up to you,” he continues, his fingers tugging on the hem of my shirt. Slowly he pulls it up, past my stomach, the fabric catching on my breasts before I lift my arms over my head and he tugs the tank completely off my body, letting it fall to the floor.
His gaze lands on my bra-covered chest and he stares blatantly at my breasts, his eyes lighting up like a little kid who just caught sight of the pile of presents beneath the tree on Christmas morning. I’m tempted to cross my arms in front of my chest but he’d only make me drop them so I don’t. I stand there, letting him look his fill, eager for him to say something, anything to move this moment along.
“You’re beautiful,” he murmurs, his eyes glowing as they lift to meet mine. “Take off the shorts, Jade.”
Shock and arousal rushes through me at the tone of his voice, the command of his words. Here he goes being bossy again and without hesitation I do as he asks, shedding the shorts and kicking them off, so I’m standing in front of him wearing nothing but my black lace bra and the matching panties.
That I picked out and wore tonight just for him, in the hopes that he’d see me like this. Matching bra and panties is so not my style.
I’m bad. I planned for all of this. I wanted him to see me, to chase after me, to beg me for forgiveness. I wanted to give in and have him take me back to his place and strip off my clothes and…
“Lay back on the bed.” He swallows hard and works his jaw, his eyes never leaving me. He rests his hands on his hips, standing at the foot of the bed, foreboding and sexy and oh my God, I can’t believe this is really happening.
In fact, I’m starting to freak out just the slightest bit. Frowning, I ask, “Why?”
Worry trickles inside of me and I tell myself to get over it.
But I can’t help it. Old habits die hard.
“Just do it,” he commands, his voice softening the slightest bit, as do his eyes. “Please.”
Is it wrong that I really love it when he says please? When he looks so tortured by my mere presence on his bed? Do I really have that much power over him? Because if I do?
That’s heady stuff.
Without a word, I do as he asks, lying back on his giant bed, scooting up the mattress so my back and head are leaning against the fat pile of pillows. They smell like Shep, spicy and clean. I close my eyes and turn my head, inhaling deeply, my nose practically buried in the pillowcase.
“Damn, you look pretty,” he murmurs, his voice husky. “Spread your legs for me, baby.”
I’m supposed to hate it when he calls me baby, but I don’t. I freaking love it. His gaze races over me, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes and I bend my knees, place my feet flat on the mattress before I slowly open my legs, sliding my feet across the bed.
His eyes flare with heat but he doesn’t speak. Feeling emboldened, I rest my hand on my stomach, my fingers perilously close to the waistband of my panties. I could just slide them beneath the black lace and sink them deep. I’m that wet, I can tell. All from him only watching me.
But it’s the way he watches me. He looks ready to pounce. Ready to take and conquer and make me his. That’s…exciting. My skin tingles in anticipation and then he’s there, climbing onto the bed with me, climbing over me, his face in mine, his arms braced on the mattress on either side of my head. I bring my legs closer together, his knees resting on each side of my hips and I release a shuddery breath when he presses his face to my neck, his mouth on my skin.
“Tonight is all about you,” he whispers close to my ear just before he kisses it. I close my eyes, my heart racing as he starts to slide down my body, his mouth never leaving my skin. He blazes a trail with his lips, across my collarbone, my chest, kissing along the tops of my breasts, over them, licking first one nipple, then the other, his tongue dragging over the lace of my bra. A shock of heat pulses through me, settling between my legs and I swear to God, all the oxygen leaves my lungs when he shifts lower, his mouth drifting across my stomach. I’m so sensitive I almost want to laugh, or at the very least squirm away from his mouth. I bite my lip to keep myself under control.
Keep This Promise Page 41
