Jane’s breathing stuttered as she undulated, rubbing against me.
“Fuck, fuck.” I grabbed her hips and tried to lift her off, but she wouldn’t budge. I glowered up at her. “You need to get off me.”
Sighing, she sat up straight and then lifted her T-shirt up over her head and threw it across the room. Any words of discouragement died in my throat as she unclipped her bra and took it off. Her full breasts jiggled as she threw the bra away, her dusky nipples tightening into mouthwatering little buds.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“I’ll get off you.” She smoothed her hands up my abs and bent toward my mouth. “If that’s what you really want.”
“You’re a temptress.” I cupped her beautiful face in my hands. “You know that, right?”
I didn’t give her time to answer. I lifted off my back, crushing her mouth to mine as my hands caressed her breasts, kneading them. My thumbs dragged over her nipples as she rocked against me.
I broke the kiss and pulled roughly on her hair to arch her back, and she whimpered with excitement.
I took her right nipple in my mouth and sucked it hard, groaning in satisfaction as she cried out and raked her nails down my back. Everything else ceased to matter. We were just lips and tongues and hands and fingers and skin.
Heat and sweat enveloped us.
The tension deep in our guts became more important than rational thinking.
Soon Jane was naked, her sexy, beautiful body spread out beneath me. My boxers gone, my dick hard and throbbing between her legs.
I couldn’t think straight.
I couldn’t think beyond the need to be inside her.
She was panting, her eyes smoke, her pussy wet against my tip, and I had her right thigh gripped tight against my hip, opening her to me. I nudged, gritting my teeth, already anticipating how tight she’d be but worried about hurting her, wanting it to be good for her.
“Jamie,” she begged, lifting her hips toward me. “Please.”
Her face was flushed, her eyes on me, and I felt like the only man in the world. She always made me feel like the only man in the world.
I pushed into her. “Jane—”
My head jerked up at the sound of my bedroom door crashing against the wall. Heart pounding, my first instinct was to cover Jane’s body with mine as my little sister barged into the room.
“Shit!” I grabbed at the duvet we’d cast aside and tried to cover us. “Get the fuck out!” I yelled.
“I knew it!” Lorna screamed, her face screwed up in outrage and hurt. “I fucking knew it!” Her eyes flew to Jane, who was trying to hide under my body. Feeling her shaking beneath me, her embarrassment and worry made me even more pissed.
I shielded her as much as I could and addressed my sister. “If you don’t get out right now, I’ll lose my shit like you’ve never seen me lose my shit, Lor.”
Whatever she heard in my voice made her take a step back. “I’ll be downstairs, waiting for you two assholes to explain yourselves!”
With that, she stomped out of the room.
I cursed again and pulled away from Jane, worried I was crushing her. “You okay?”
She tried to scramble out from underneath me, and the desperate way she attempted to get away caused my panic. I took hold of her biceps to stop her. She wouldn’t look me in the eye. Jesus Christ.
“Hey.” I forced her chin up, her eyes on me. “We aren’t doing anything wrong.”
Jane trembled. But she nodded and I calmed a little. “I’m just embarrassed. And not prepared to face her.”
“This is you and me,” I reminded her. “We’re allowed to date. This is not something she gets to dictate.”
At her slow nod, I kissed her. Long, deep, and with every ounce of emotion I felt for Jane so she’d know that I’d put up with anyone’s shit, including Lorna’s, as long as I got to keep her.
After we’d dressed, I held Jane’s hand tight in mine as we made the descent into hell.
As soon as we stepped off the last stair, Lorna launched off the couch, eyes on Jane as she charged toward us.
I pushed Jane behind me, and Lorna stumbled to a halt.
“What did you think I would do?” She blinked, paling, as if I’d hit her.
“I wasn’t sure.”
“I’d never hurt Jane.”
Jane stepped out from behind me. “Lorna, we were going to tell you.”
“I’d never hurt Jane,” Lorna repeated, glaring at me, before turning to her best friend. “Unlike my brother.”
Anger churned in my gut. “Lorna.”
“No. This is ridiculous.” She gestured between the two of us. “You two don’t make sense at all, and Jane is not ruining our friendship over a fling with you, Jamie McKenna.” She crossed her arms over her chest and stared defiantly at Jane. “It’s him or me.”
Jane’s expression was as shocked as mine. “What?”
“I said, it’s Jamie or me. If you date him, our friendship is officially over.”
The color disappeared from Jane’s face.
That was it. I lost it. “Are you serious?” I yelled. “You can’t make her choose between us. You’re fucking nuts, do you know that?”
“No.” Lorna’s eyes filled with tears. Crocodile tears. Manipulative brat. “What I know is that no one ever picked me. Until Jane. She’s my best friend and I need her. If you two split up, what happens then, huh? What happens to me and Jane?”
“We won’t split up.”
“Oh please, Jamie, you’re a man-whore. As soon as you get bored, you’ll dump her.”
“You don’t know shit!”
Jane flinched at my side with the impact of my roar.
It didn’t even touch Lorna. Not even an earthquake could intimidate her. “I know she’s my best friend and I love her. You don’t!” She turned toward Jane, her eyes beseeching. “I’m the only one in the world who loves you.”
I remembered overhearing her say something similar to Jane years ago. I should’ve done something about it then. I pushed between Jane and Lorna, and my sister stumbled back. “Do you even hear yourself?” I asked, my voice calm but hoarse with the fury I was trying to check. “Do you hear the sick, manipulative bullshit you’re trying to fill her head with? And how long, huh? How long have you been filling her head with this shit?” I spun away from her to take Jane by the hands, putting her palms on my chest.
She stared up at me, wide-eyed. “Jamie?”
“I don’t want you to ever believe her bullshit, okay? She’s only saying it to get you to do what she wants, the same way she has done your entire friendship.”
A weariness entered Jane’s eyes that I didn’t like. “I know that.”
I relaxed, slipping my arms around her shoulders as I turned to my sister. She wasn’t getting into Jane’s head with that toxic crap. That’s all I cared about.
Lorna’s face crumbled. “You’re supposed to be my big brother. It’s my feelings you’re supposed to protect. And you never have. I don’t want you to do this. Why won’t you choose me?”
I squeezed my eyes closed, hearing the real pain in her voice. The problem was twofold. For reasons I didn’t care to think on too long, our dad hadn’t been kind to my little sister. In fact, he only ever had time for me, but he was at least sweet enough to Skye. Lorna, he treated like shit. I knew this had affected my little sister.
And then Lorna was just like our mom. Unlike when I was a kid, pandering to my mom, I wouldn’t sacrifice my happiness for someone who would never be happy, no matter the choices I made. “I love you, Lor. You’re my kid sister and I will always love you. But this isn’t about you.”
“Jane’s my best friend.”
“Yeah. And you just told her no one would love her like you do. Do you not understand how fucked up that is? That’s shit sociopaths say to people.”
She glared at me. “That’s not fair.”
“Yeah? You say you love Jane, but you haven’t asked her how she feels about me, i
f being with me makes her happy. Because you don’t care. You don’t care about anyone’s happiness but your own. You hand out your love to her in exchange for her obedience.”
Jane stiffened under my arm, and I gave her a reassuring squeeze.
“I don’t hand out love in exchange for anything,” I said, swallowing hard, my heart pounding. “I love Jane and …” I turned, looking down at her as she stared up at me in shock. I think it was a good shock, though. “I love you. And it isn’t dependent on you loving me back or doing what I want you to do. I just love you.”
It wasn’t how I wanted to tell her, but I needed her to know before she let Lorna mess with her head.
“Talk about manipulative,” Lorna scoffed, completely ruining the moment. “How many girls have you said that to?”
“None.”
“Liar. You’re such a nasty, dirty fucking liar. You’ll saying anything to get into a girl’s pants.”
Stupidly, I let her draw me into an immature yelling match, but it didn’t take me long to realize Jane was strangely silent. She just stood there, looking pale.
I petered off into silence as I stared down at her, feeling my heart sink.
Maybe I’d gotten it wrong.
Maybe I was the only one falling here.
Perhaps I couldn’t compete with years of Lorna telling Jane that only she would ever truly love her. It would’ve been easy for my sister to mess with Jane’s head like that. An orphan who had moved from foster home to foster home, and even when she ended up at a good one, her foster parents didn’t have time for her. Willa and Nick always seemed relieved that my family had enveloped Jane into ours.
A kid who’d had no one since she was seven until Lorna gave her someone.
Fuck.
“Jane?” I whispered.
She glanced up at me and then back to Lorna. “Since we were thirteen, I’ve spent days loving you and resenting you in equal measure. Being grateful to you and resenting you for trying to make me feel like no one could ever love me but you. If it hadn’t been for Skye and Jamie, our friendship might never have survived, Lorna.”
Holy. Shit.
Lorna’s eyes filled with genuine, hurt tears.
I felt that prickle of guilt and protectiveness that I’d always feel as a brother, but I knew Jane needed to say this. And Lorna needed to hear it.
“You think I didn’t know.” Jane’s eyes filled with tears, and I wanted to reach out and hold her, but I refrained. This was about them, not me. “That you used the fact that no one loved or needed me, against me?”
Just like that, any brotherly protectiveness I’d been feeling was decimated as I heard the pain in Jane’s voice.
Anger burned in my throat.
“I … I didn’t mean to do that,” Lorna sobbed. “If that’s the way it came across … I didn’t mean to do that. Not really.”
“Then stop.” Jane took a step toward her. “Please, Lorna. Despite everything, I do love you. But I’m in love with Jamie.” She glanced up at me, and I saw it. I saw all that love for me, and for the first time in my life, I knew what happiness felt like. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time.” She gave me a shy smile as my heart grew so big, I thought it might explode every-fucking-where.
Then she addressed Lor again. “If you love me the way you say you do, you’ll want me to be happy. You won’t make me choose between my best friend and the guy I’m in love with. And we’ll move forward, treating each other with more respect than we have in the past.”
Silence fell among us, the clock above the mantel ticking so loudly, I wanted to rip it off the wall.
Finally, Lorna wiped the tears off her face and shook her head. Her anger and disappointment were palpable. “I can’t. If I do, I’m saying it’s okay. And it’s not. Because he will hurt you, and then you won’t want to be around us anymore. So, I might as well cut myself off from you now. It’s him or me, Jane. Choose me, and I promise I’ll be a better friend. I promise.”
My fucking sister.
“Lorna—”
Jane lifted a hand and I shut up. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to choose, but if you make me … I’ll choose Jamie.”
With a heartbreaking sob, my sister whirled around and rushed out of the house.
That hurt.
I wanted to run after her.
But the consequent sobs coming out of Jane hurt too. Gathering her up in my arms, I carried her upstairs, feeling her tears soak into my T-shirt. She cried like her heart was breaking, and guilt suffused me. For years, Lorna had been Jane’s family. Was I being a selfish bastard?
See, this was what Lorna did. She turned it all around on everyone else.
Tucking Jane into my side of the bed, I held her until she cried herself to sleep, promising myself she’d never regret making that choice.
At some point, I must have drifted off, because the next thing I knew, a loud crash jolted me awake.
Jane jerked awake too. “What was that?”
It was dark in the room.
We’d been asleep awhile.
Heart racing, I reached over for my phone and saw it was one in the morning.
“Wait here,” I whispered. “It’s probably just Lorna.”
Except Lorna wasn’t in her room, which was something I’d worry about once I investigated the crash. I was about to head downstairs when I saw a light coming from Skye’s room.
“Skye?” I called out, striding down the hall. The door was wedged open a little, but I knocked anyway. “Skye, you in there?”
When there was no answer, I pushed inside.
My stomach lurched at what I found.
My big sister sprawled motionless on her bedroom floor.
“Skye!” I fell to my knees beside her and felt her skin; it was clammy. She was soaked in sweat. Her head twitched on her neck, her eyes fluttering behind her lids. What the fuck?
“Skye?” I checked her pulse. It was slow and faint. “Jane!” I yelled. “Call 911!”
Fear coursed through my body as I tried to determine what the hell had happened to my sister. I could smell the alcohol on her. Alcohol poisoning? Rolling her into the recovery position, my gaze caught on something on her nose.
I bent over and swiped my thumb over her nostrils, glaring down at the white powder sitting on my skin.
“Skye.” I groaned, tears choking my throat. “Jane!” My voice cracked as I tried to yell.
The door burst open as Jane rushed into the room, the phone pressed to her ear. Her eyes widened. “Oh … it’s my … it’s my boyfriend’s sister … I don’t know.” She looked at me, tears in her eyes. “What happened?”
I shook my head. “I think it’s an overdose.”
“We think it’s an overdose. I don’t … Jamie, what did she take?”
I shook my head. “Maybe coke and alcohol. I don’t know.”
She repeated the words and then rushed out of the room to wait at the front door. An ambulance was on its way.
Everything was a blur as I waited helplessly, hoping Skye would open her eyes and tell me this was just a big joke. Instead, paramedics were suddenly there, pushing me aside and lifting my sister onto a stretcher.
Jane and I followed.
She drove my car.
I didn’t say a word. I couldn’t speak through my fear.
I was vaguely aware of Jane calling Lorna and leaving her a voicemail.
At the hospital, minutes felt like hours. My skin was on fire. Every noise irritated me. My toes curled inside my sneakers as my nerve endings screamed with agitation. Dread was a sickening weight in my gut.
The only thing that kept me from roaring my outrage at the world was Jane’s small hand in mine. She kept me anchored inside my skin. The place where her palm touched mine was the only place that was cool and soothed.
Sometimes she’d whisper reassuring words in my ear, and I’d bend toward her because her breath on my skin was a comfort too. Nuzzling my face into her throat, I stifled frightened te
ars and wished I could somehow hide inside Jane.
“Skye McKenna’s family?”
I lurched out of the uncomfortable waiting-room chair and dragged Jane toward where the doctor stood. I was barely aware of anyone else or the pain radiating off them as they awaited news of their loved ones.
All I cared about was Skye.
“Skye McKenna?” the doctor asked.
“I’m Jamie McKenna. I’m her brother.”
“You called it in?”
I nodded. “Is my sister okay?”
The doctor sighed. “Mr. McKenna, your sister had a heart attack.”
Jane’s hand tightened in mine while I shook my head, not sure I’d heard right. “What?”
“We found high traces of cocaine in your sister’s blood, along with high alcohol levels. Alcohol is often used to temper the effects of cocaine because it’s a depressant. Were you aware your sister was using cocaine?”
I shook my head.
No.
But I should have been.
“I was worried about her drinking a while back but I … thought …” I thought she was okay.
I hadn’t been paying attention.
“Will my sister be okay?”
“The drugs and alcohol caused your sister to go into cardiac arrest. She has a recovery period ahead, and I can give you recommendations for rehabilitation facilities. Her road won’t be easy, but your sister can recover from this.”
“She’s okay,” Jane whispered, kissing the back of my hand.
I disagreed. Skye wasn’t okay.
Apparently, she hadn’t been okay for a while.
And I never even noticed.
Guilt wracked through me.
Chapter 7
JANE
Seventeen years old
* * *
As we walked hand in hand through Glendale, I turned to Jamie for the third time and asked him where we were going.
He wore a secretive smile. “You’ll see.”
It wasn’t my birthday until June. It wasn’t his birthday until September. There didn’t seem to be anything to celebrate that required me wearing “my nicest dress.” But that’s what Jamie had asked me to wear, and when he picked me up, he did it wearing a shirt, suit pants, dress shoes, and a tailored, mid-length overcoat Skye had bought him. He’d never worn it until now.
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