by HJ Welch
Gabe smiled warmly though. “Yeah,” he said. “Home is where your heart is and all that.”
Joey looked at him. He had beautiful brown eyes. “I always took that to mean home could be anywhere your heart was happy,” he admitted.
Gabe picked at the corner of his bottle label. “And for you, that’s New York?”
“It’s anywhere but here,” Joey said with a bit too much scorn. “Sorry, I guess…I’ve never felt welcomed like you do. L.A., New York, London. Places like that have always been more accepting of people like me.”
Gabe frowned. “Yeah, I get that. I guess,” he said. But he sounded sad. Hurt maybe.
Joey didn’t know what to say though. He wasn’t going to take it back and say he liked being home. Gabe thought this place was his community, that it loved him for giving it so much. But Joey had heard firsthand how people were willing to spit that back in his face.
Luckily, the microwave pinged and saved them from the awkward silence that was brewing. If Gabe had been slipping into a funk, he shook it off as he dished up their cheesy, meaty pasta.
“That smells amazing,” Joey said. He was being truthful, but he also wanted to offer an olive branch too. Despite not understanding his attachment to such a crappy, limited town, Joey did really like Gabe. He was glad they were getting to know each other better.
“It’s my mom’s recipe,” Gabe admitted. “I don’t do it justice, but I try.”
Joey had to disagree as they sat at the kitchen table and tucked in. He supposed he’d been deprived of home cooking for a long time, so that might be why he thought it tasted so divine. But it really was very good. He had to slow himself down from eating it too fast, otherwise he’d get indigestion.
“So,” Gabe said. Joey looked up, aware his mouth was uncomfortably full. He tried to chew quickly but discretely. “I guess you must miss being in the band a lot. That would make it hard to come back here. It must be boring.”
Joey swallowed and licked his lips. Gabe’s words were cheerful, but Joey wasn’t an idiot. He was upset that Joey hated his hometown so much.
“It’s not boring,” said Joey with a small smile. He placed his fork down. “It’s…lonely. I don’t have anything in common with anyone. I’m not trying to be a dick saying that. It’s just…people love to settle down here and be close with to families and work in places where they already know half the people there. My family hates me, and…” There was no way to explain himself without coming across extremely arrogant. But he wanted to try and make Gabe see. “There’s this whole world out there. It’s filled with people in every color, who lead so many different lives. They have different traditions and cultures and the more you see of it, the more your own mind expands. But here, people don’t like being challenged. So when there’s something outside their narrow view on how life should be, they reject it.” He looked back down at his half-eaten food. “They reject me. That’s why I can’t stay. Because I’m not wanted.”
He could feel the tears stinging the backs of his eyes, but he managed to blink them away before he looked up again.
Gabe looked at him with pity. That just made things worse. Joey would have preferred it if he’d pissed him off.
“I guess we see the town kind of differently,” Gabe said. Laying his own cutlery down. “I’m really sorry you’ve been made to feel that way. New York sounds like it’ll be great for you.”
Joey opened his mouth to reply, but he couldn’t find the words. He wanted to say he was sorry. Sorry he’d been bullied through school and terrorized by his dad and had ‘faggot’ scribbled over his possessions more times than he could count.
He didn’t understand how Gabe could be out and not have had the same treatment. But then, Gabe was the acceptable kind of gay. He was handsome and straight-seeming and didn’t rock the boat. Not like Joey, always causing trouble just by showing up places.
“I didn’t mean to insult you,” said Joey.
But Gabe shook his head. “You didn’t. Although that food has hit my system and I’m suddenly shattered. Do you mind if I head up to bed?”
Away from you.
Joey managed a smile. “Not at all.”
Gabe regarded him fondly. “Help yourself to anything you want,” he said. “I think I have a spare toothbrush too. I’ll leave it in the bathroom. Do you need anything else?” Joey shook his head, so Gabe nodded back. “I’ll see you in the morning then.”
Joey watched him leave, hating himself. He didn’t know how else he could have responded without lying, but his words had put a wedge between him and the first friend he’d made in years. Probably his only friend in Greenwich right now.
He forced himself to eat more of the lasagna, purely because he couldn’t afford to let good food go to waste. Who knew when he’d be able to get something this good again, let alone for free?
But it felt like stones in his belly. When he couldn’t stomach any more, he scraped the leftovers in the trash and washed the dishes, drying them then searching the cupboards to put them and the cutlery away in the right place.
He crept upstairs and brushed his teeth with the new toothbrush Gabe had left out for him. Who had spares of things like that, for crying out loud? But Joey was grateful. It meant he had one more task to occupy him before bed. But with his mouth scrubbed fresh and minty, all he really had left to do was sleep.
He traipsed downstairs, wincing at the squeaky steps that he inadvertently trod on. But Gabe didn’t seem to stir from his room.
Joey looked under the sofa. Sure enough, Duchess was still crouched there. He would have said she’d been asleep, but as soon as he looked at her she cracked an eyelid open a millimeter to stare at him.
“Night, night, kitty,” he whispered.
Gabe had done a nice job of making up his bed. Despite Joey’s crappy mood, he was looking forward to snuggling up and getting some shut-eye. So he pulled off all his clothes apart from his boxers and turned off all the lights.
He sighed shakily and wrapped the comforter tightly around him.
Knowing he’d upset Gabe was eating away at him. He tried to close his eyes against the darkness and switch off. But he kept picturing the look of Gabe’s disappointment in him.
Fuck, maybe the problem wasn’t this town. Maybe it was Joey. Just ruining everything he touched. Maybe it had nothing at all to do with the fact he was gay, but simply that he was a selfish asshole.
He wished in a way that he hadn’t called Gabe. He could have taken his chances in New York. It was likely he could have found a way to get through the night, then that way he wouldn’t have fucked things up.
He was restless in the makeshift bed, tossing and turning as his thoughts darkened. It would probably be best if he left early in the morning. Crept out before Gabe woke up and had to deal with him again.
The idea made him feel sick though. Gabe needed an apology. He had dragged his ass out in the middle of the night because Joey was too dumb to keep a hold of his own fucking wallet. He hadn’t complained once or made Joey feel bad or guilty. Then he’d fed him and offered him a bed for free.
Joey was a terrible person if he repaid that by shitting all over the life he led. The life he seemed very happy in. Who was Joey to judge that, really?
Apologizing in the morning didn’t seem good enough. As if possessed by something demented, Joey yanked the covers back and marched back upstairs before his courage could desert him. Gabe’s door was open a crack, and Joey approached it with his heart in his mouth.
“Gabe?” he whispered as he knocked softly.
There was a rustling of covers. “Joey?” He didn’t sound sleepy. At least Joey hadn’t woken him.
“Can I come in, just for a second?”
“Sure.”
Joey crept in, not turning on a light. There was just enough moonlight that he could make out Gabe’s bulk in the bed. Joey wrapped his arms around his skinny frame. He knew he’d lost weight and muscle mass since returning home. He wished he’d thought t
o stop and put some jeans on at least instead of racing up here in his damn underwear.
“I’m sorry,” he blurted, still whispering. It didn’t seem right to talk at a normal level. “You’ve been so kind to me and I was a complete jackass. I shouldn’t have said those things about the people who live here.” He took a deep breath. “About you. It’s just my issues. Not you.”
“Joey,” Gabe said with a sigh. “You don’t have to apologize. But…thank you. I get it.”
Joey nodded, then felt stupid, because they were in the dark. He hugged himself tighter, unable to stop the tears that finally spilled onto his cheeks. “Tonight was the longest I’ve talked with anyone in months. The longest I’ve hung out with anyone. I…I had a nice time, despite ruining it at the end.”
He could just see Gabe’s form as he sat up in the bed and looked at him. He didn’t like the thought that Gabe could see him back, even just a little. He was exposed; his skinny body and his multiple, personal tattoos.
“I had a nice evening too,” Gabe said. He sounded sincere.
Fuck. Joey didn’t want to leave. He couldn’t stand being on his own another minute. Gabe was beautiful and hot as sin, but he was also kind and generous. Joey felt like he was severely lacking people like that in his life.
“If I stayed, could we just sleep,” he managed to stammer out. He rubbed his face, trying to wipe away the tears, and took an unsteady breath. “I know you’ve done so much already, but I just…I don’t want to be alone.” Another breath in. “If that’s way out of line, I can go back downstairs.”
“Come here,” said Gabe gently. He flipped the cover back and patted the mattress.
Joey walked slowly over. Despite being the one to ask, now he was nervous. It had been so long since he’d felt the comfort of sleeping next to somebody though, and Gabe made him feel so painfully safe. “I won’t try anything,” he said with a nervous laugh.
“I trust you,” Gabe replied.
Joey sat on the mattress and groaned. The sofa had been a step up from the rickety camp bed, but this just felt like heaven. He quickly curled up, facing Gabe and hauled the thick comforter over him.
Gabe eased himself back down so he was laying down again. Looking at each other was too much, so Joey hastily turned. “Thank you,” he rasped, squeezing his eyes shut.
“No problem,” Gabe murmured behind him.
Joey was tense for a few minutes, but Gabe didn’t move an inch. In fact, after a while, Joey heard heavy breathing that suggested he’d fallen asleep.
Joey allowed himself to relax again. To find that comfort and tranquility that he’d first felt when Gabe had insisted he stay the night. His bed was unbelievably soft, cradling him and reminding his back that this was how it should be supported.
It was pathetic, but Joey generally slept better when he was around other people. Even on the tour bus in those cramped bunks, he was always lulled to sleep by TJ’s snuffles or Raiden and Reyse’s whispered conversations. Knowing that Gabe was next to him and respected his wish not to do anything more than sleep was deeply soothing.
Shortly after, Joey could feel his own mind gradually switching off, allowing unconsciousness to creep over him.
It had been a long day. He was ready for it to be over.
13
Joey
Joey couldn’t remember the last time he slept so well. But as he slowly surfaced, he couldn’t understand where he was. The bed was all wrong, and there was far too much sunshine for the basement.
The most obvious difference though was that there was a firm, warm body by his side. Closer than that, even. Joey had his arm thrown across the broad chest and his head was nestled in the dip between the body’s shoulder and pec. His leg was resting against a much bigger one, and worst of all, his morning wood was pressed into the other guy’s hip.
After a moment of terrified panic, the events of the previous evening came flooding back to him. Gabe had rescued him from the city, and Joey had felt so wretched he’d asked to sleep in his bed.
He’d also promised nothing would happen.
Just as he was assessing the situation, trying to work out how to untangle his limbs from Gabe’s stunning body, Gabe’s eyes fluttered open. Of course they did. Because the universe couldn’t cut Joey a break for a second.
“Sorry,” he said, his voice coming out as little more than a croak. He was frozen, looking into Gabe’s lovely eyes as he stopped blinking and focused. Then they widened when he realized what was going on. “I was asleep,” Joey said by way of an explanation.
Gabe just looked at him, his plump lips parting as his gaze swept over Joey. He wasn’t exactly pushing Joey away.
But that was crazy. Gabe couldn’t possibly be interested in him in that way. He was a scrawny, pathetic, washed-up loser who couldn’t stand all the things Gabe loved. And yet there they were, eyes locked together, soft breaths intermingling. Gabe’s warm skin was exquisite pressed up against Joey’s, and if he was not mistaken, it felt like Joey wasn’t the only one suffering from a sleepy erection.
What the hell was he doing? He needed to get a hold of himself and leave. Gabe had already been so kind. Joey shouldn’t put him in an awkward position.
Except in that moment, Gabe brought his arm over and slid it around Joey’s waist.
Joey gasped and shut his eyes, cuddling closer and rubbing his nose against Gabe’s neck. There was no going back now. Not when Gabe’s fingers gently squeezed Joey’s hip. It felt like an invitation.
He cautiously kissed his lips to Gabe’s throat. The moan he felt from him in response was intoxicating, and in one natural move, they both turned their faces, mouths finding each other in a sweet kiss.
Joey’s heart was going like a racehorse. Was this a huge mistake? Was he fucking up a friendship before it even had a chance to begin?
The pull was too strong though. He wanted Gabe so badly there was no resisting now he had him. He’d been drawn to Gabe the instant he’d laid eyes on him. He could worry about the future later. If this year had taught him anything, it was that he had to seize the moment before it passed him by. Before it was taken away.
Gabe had both his arms around his back now, cradling Joey as close as he could against him as they kissed. Joey wasn’t sure how it was possible, but it was undeniable that Gabe felt some attraction towards him too. Maybe he liked to make himself feel better by fucking losers.
Joey screwed up his eyes and chased the nasty thought away. Even if Joey didn’t think much of himself, Gabe didn’t seem the type to use someone, let alone when they were vulnerable.
As if to reassure him against his negativity, Gabe moved one of his large hands to cup Joey’s face. There was obvious power in his grasp, but he held Joey like a precious and delicate treasure.
Joey suddenly realized he wasn’t being manhandled. Gabe wasn’t crushing him or throwing him about. Oh fuck, it felt so nice to be treated with tenderness. Joey wasn’t sure his heart could take it.
Gabe slid his hand gently down Joey’s throat, over his collarbones and down his chest until he was holding him by the ribs. The splay of his hand was almost large enough to reach from hip to nipple. Joey felt like he could do a lot of damage with all his strength. The fact he was being so careful made Joey whimper.
Joey wanted to feel Gabe all over. To know he was safe as well as so turned on he felt dizzy. So he wriggled his body, slipping underneath Gabe’s huge form. Their kisses were becoming more urgent, and the hot, rigid length of Gabe’s cock pressed wonderfully into Joey’s thigh.
“I want you,” Gabe murmured into Joey’s mouth. “I need you.”
Joey shivered at those words. He couldn’t have dreamed Gabe would really desire him. Even if they had nothing in common, even if this was only once, Joey needed it like air.
Gabe moved his body so both their cocks were perfectly lined up and rubbing through their underwear. The way he rolled his body over Joey’s made him moan wantonly.
This was too much. He
didn’t deserve this. He’d crawled into Gabe’s bed because he felt awful for being rude. He’d only wanted some company; he never expected to tumble into his arms. But he wasn’t strong enough to give it up now it was happening. In fact, he realized he was clinging on to Gabe’s back with such intensity he knew it made him seem desperate. Maybe he was?
“It’s okay,” Gabe said. He ran his fingers through Joey’s hair and kissed his cheek. “I’ve got you.”
Joey believed him.
He kissed Gabe’s collarbone, drinking the scent from his skin. He smelled warm, like baked goods, but spicy too, like cinnamon. Also musky from the day and night since he’d presumably had a shower. It was very masculine and Joey loved it. He didn’t like guys who were ultraclean and drenched in aftershave.
“Yes, yes,” he murmured as they undulated together, their bodies fitting neatly alongside each other. He wanted more, more, more. His skin was on fire and his breaths couldn’t seem to quite get enough oxygen into his lungs.
Gabe captured his mouth again, their kisses frantic but still somehow gentle. Gabe didn’t bite him or thrust his tongue in his mouth. He coaxed the kisses from Joey, unapologetically. Gabe lapped him up, making promises with his lips over and over again.
Joey wanted him to make good on some of those promises. “I want you, please,” he begged. He couldn’t quite bring himself to look at Gabe as he asked. It had been so long since he’d had sex in a bed, not a hallway or bathroom stall. It had been forever since he’d done anything with someone he gave half a damn about. Someone whose full name he knew.
“You want-?” Gabe questioned.
“You,” said Joey against his cheek. “Inside me. Oh god, Gabe.”
Gabe nudged him with his nose so he could maneuver him for more kisses. For a moment, Joey was worried he might say no. “I want you so badly,” Gabe said, allaying his fears. “But only if you’re sure?”
Knowing what he did about Gabe, he probably wanted to take things slow. Ask Joey out to dinner, buy him flowers and all that stuff. But Joey had to be realistic. They were not compatible. This was purely physical attraction, and he wanted to take it as far as they could go, now.
