by Jo Clayton
day 43
When the square lit, Shadith saw it from the corner of her eye and in her relief felt her focus diffusing. In the screen in front of her, the first number of Wolff’s destination code was a bright amber glyph.
Mind on your business, Shadow.
Amazing how hard it was to deal with tension when she couldn’t vent it through the body. She regained control and began entering the other elements of the new destination code, working by hope and estimation; there were several of the sensor squares that she couldn’t see, because her head was turned the wrong way. As she went on, though, the figures before her were the right ones and her confidence grew.
She fmished and would have held her breath if she’d had any control over that.
The numbers vanished, were replaced by COURSE CHANGE DENIED.
Wolff’s out. I could try University. Hm. I don’t think so. Spotchalls. That’s the best chance…
She visualized the sensor board, worked out the moves and entered Spotchall’s code.
Once again the numbers vanished. Once again she saw COURSE CHANGE DENIED.
One more. Hm. Why not Pillory? He wouldn’t expect me to go there.
She finished, screamed, a silent scream of frustration and anger. COURSE CHANGE DENIED.
Because she was so fatigued by this time that she could barely string two thoughts together, she rested for a few hours after the last DENIAL, letting her favorite songs flow through her mind, the imagined sound and the play of the words distracting her from the fear that threatened to swamp the tiny area that she’d managed to pull away from the mindlock.
* * *
Her body was planted in the pilot’s chair and she couldn’t move it; all she did was sit for hours and hours until she could feel muscle tone oozing away. That made her angrier than anything else. It was just so stupid. Digby could at least have programmed her body to exercise itself on this trip. It was going to last two months; by the time she got to where she was going, she’d have bedsores on her behind.
She’d recognized parts of the code, so she knew the place the ship was traveling toward and the time it would take to get there. Swardheld had a commission out that way while she was playing songmistress for Aslan on Beluchad. He came to see her when he dropped his cargo at the Cliostara citystate on University. He was vocally annoyed with Proctor Haldron for sending him out there with only the sketchiest of warnings.
“So offhand, you’d think he was saying it’s an old gouty hound but you’d better be careful of its temper. Hah! Some temper; a pair of Dragonships chased us halfway back to the Arm. He didn’t mention that was disputed territory. He’d have had to give me danger pay if that’d come up, the miserable skint.” He wrote out the string for her. “There it is, Shadow. If your titchy boss wants to send you out that way, decline with thanks and be firm about it. Taking chances may add spice to life, but out there, trouble’s not chance but certainty.”
Dmgonships. Big and black. At once sinuous and angular. Named by a free trader with more imagination than sense-an eternally optimistic little Cousin pooting about the edge of Civilization in an ancient singleship held together by spit and prayer.
No one knew what the entities in those ships looked like, but there was no question of their belligerence; they chased away or blew to ash anyone who crossed into what they considered their space.
Her destination was definitely in Swarda’s disputed territory. She thought about calling up what the kephalos knew about the place, but decided that wasn’t such a great idea. At least, not until she’d found some way to get word out… get the word out, now there was an idea…
day 46
As the words flowed across the screen, the body’s eyes followed them. Out of habit, Shadith thought. Complicates things, but at least if I get it wrong, I’ll know it. And if I get it right.
LEE, DIGBY HAS DONE HIS THING. HE HAS GOT ME IN A MINDLOCK AND PROGRAMMED TO KEEP MYSELF ALIVE TILL I GET TO ONE OF HIS HIDEAWAYS. 570554 RZT MMXS 2 IS THE DESTINATION CODE. THE WHOLE TRIP IS AROUND 60 DAYS AND 45 OF THEM HAVE GONE PAST, SO THERE IS NOT MUCH TIME LEFT. AFTER FAR TOO MANY FAILURES, I HAVE WORKED A FEW SYNAPSES FREE. USING THEM, I HAVE ACTIVATED A DRONE AND AM MANAGING TO GET THIS WRITTEN WITH SOME TICKLES FROM THE OLD MINDMOVE. I EXPECT HE IS GOING TO SQUEEZE MY MIND DRY OF MEMORY, THEN WIPE IT AND DUMP ME SOMEWHERE. I WOULD REALLY RATHER NOT GO THROUGH THAT. I HAVE TRIED TO CHANGE COURSE, BUT THE KEPHALOS WILL NOT PERMIT IT. I HAVE TRIED TO WIGGLE LOOSE FROM THE LOCK AND FAILED. LEE, I HAVE TO CALL FOR HELP AGAIN. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKE THAT, BUT I REALLY DO NEED. YOU.
SHADITH
She rested for the remainder of the day, playing her. songs over and over in the small area of brain available to her, letting the poisons of fatigue wash away.
day 47
Shadith reread the note, then pecked away at the sensor board, transferring the message onto a flake and routing it into a drone.
After a pause during which she recollected her strength, she called for a status report.
MESSAGE TRANSFERRED 0 ERRORS
DRONE CHARGED AND IN TUBE
DESTINATION: WOLFF 402504 QMT BBEF 3
ACTION DESIRED?
She would have closed her eyes, but she couldn’t. She might have held her breath, her hands might have been shaking. This didn’t happen. She gathered her forces, sent the release signal. The words on the screen vanished and two more appeared.
DRONE RELEASED.
day 57
The musical bong that announced emergence from the insplit came as she was surfacing from a blackout.
She lay on the cot and squeezed enough slow thoughts out of her stiffened brain to wonder if the program was going to keep her there until the ship. touched down. Usually the body rose immediately, tended itself, ate, then moved to the pilot’s chair where it sat staring at a mostly empty screen.
She lay and fretted.
This was one more chain Digby was wrapping around her.
Time passed.
The body rose. Went to the fresher, took care of its wastes, washed itself. It came out, changed to clean clothing, then it stretched out on the cot once again, lay with its hands crossed on its breasts, eyes fixed on the dull metal of the ceiling.
Helpless prisoner in her own head, Shadith would have wept in frustration if she could.
Some hours later, the vibrations in the walls changed. The sound changed…
And yet later the sounds, the vibrations stilled. The ship was on the ground.
20. Turned Loose
1
A timid scratching on the door.
Lylunda looked up from the remote and saw Lilai hesitating in the opening. “Come on in.” She blanked the screen and smiled at the girl. wasn’t doing anything important, just looking over my finances.”
“Oh. Maybe I should come back. Mum gets scratchity when she’s working numbers.”
“All depends on what the numbers say. Besides, till I get back on the job, I can’t really do any planning. Guessing without hard data is good for passing time and not much more.”
Lilai sidled in and perched on the edge of a chair. “That’s sorta what I came to tell you When you’ll get back, I mean. Mum said I could. Mum said. Shadow called and said she’d made the report to Digby and as soon as the Kliu check it out, you can go whenever you want.” She sighed, then stared down at her hands, the fingers of one scratching the palm of the other. “I’ll miss you,” she whispered, so softly Lylunda had almost to guess at the words.
For the first time Lylunda realized how lonely the child was and saw some value in the messy, often dangerous life she’d led while she was growing up. Lonely wasn’t something you suffered in the streets of the Izar. This place was lovely, there was every comfort here you could possibly want-everything except other people. She was bored after a month, of it. Lilai had been here all her young life. “You have Vassil and the horses,” she said.
“But I can’t talk to him about anything but horses. And Mum, well, she’s my mo
ther. And she’s…” Lilai sighed again. “You know. She loves me and I love her and we do lots of stuff and she’s a great Mom. But it’s not like just… I dunno.”
Aleytys had been friendly, but she wasn’t the type to sit around chatting with strangers and besides, she was distracted; it hadn’t been to hard to pick up the growing strain between her and the kid’s father. And on top of all that, it was rather hard to get chummy with a legend in the flesh. Lilai must feel that too. I wonder if she wishes sometimes that she had an ordinary mother. Too smart for her own good. Eight years old going on fifty. Sort of like Bug. Everything hurts when you’re like that. Jaink’s nethermost hell, what do I say? I don’t know anything about kids. And I swear I’m never going to have any. “You’re lucky to have a mom, Lil. Remember, I told you how mine died when I was fifteen?”
“But you got to go learn to be a pilot and you have your own ship and you can go wherever you want now.”
“So what do you think you want to do?”
“Mum says she’ll get me a place on University. I think I’m going to study animals. Well, I already am. Swarda and Shadow bring me books and things when they come to visit and Aunt. Harskari always has something new in her ship garden and she tells me about how it lives and stuff. Shadow has friends who hunt for animals. I thought may I could go work for them after I finish school.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“And Mum says when I make twelve we’ll do my first run in the Wildlands and I’ll see the silvercoats live not just on flakes and we’ll gather the first stones for my cairn. And when I’m eighteen, I’ll go by myself and put a stone on the cairn. And they can’t call me brat any more or say I’m hanging on Mum’s belt to pull myself along.”
Lylunda repressed a shiver. Her childhood kept looking better the more she heard about Wolff. This child was anticipating with pleasure being dumped in the colckst, most barren part of this unfriendly world with just what she could carry ’on her back and no weapons but a knife and a bow. She was supposed to survive out there for at least a week-and not just survive, but cover Jaink knew how many kilometers, make her mark on some pile of rocks and come back out by foot power and gritted teeth.
“Luna, there’s a tutorial on a little while about the Wildlands. You want to come watch it with me?”
“Sure. Why not. While the show’s running, you can tell me all about the silvercoats.”
Grey and Aleytys spent the next day in a bitter quarrel, arguing in undertones, no shouting, all control. They filled the house with a tension that twanged at Lylunda’s nerves and had Lilai shivering like a frightened deer.
Fiddling with the remote screen, trying to pretend she was working, Lylunda stayed in her room until the little ghost that wore Lilai’s shape wandered past the door for the tenth time. With an impatient siss, she wiped the figures from the screen, shut down the remote and marched into the hall. “Come on.”
She didn’t wait to see if the child was following her, just strode along the hall to the drop tube.
The barn was warm, smelled of horse and hay. Lylunda threw a blanket over a bale to keep the stubs away from her flesh, then settled herself on it and waited for Lilai to slip in. She wrinkled her nose, remembering her first day here when the girl grinned at her and told her they had to be friends, their names were almost twins, then hauled her off to see her horses. Looks like a parent doesn’t have to be a stone bort like my own daddy dear to mess up a kid’s life. At least he’s out of my life for good. Poor little Lilai has got another ten years of this. At least. Well, it’s not my business. I’m outta here soon as it’s safe.
Lilai came hesitantly through the partly open door. She stopped just inside and stood slouched, staring at the planks of the floor with the wisps of grass hay strewn across the wood. Her mouth trembled.
“It’s tough, kid. I know. Come over here and sit down. You don’t have to say anything.”
Lilai nestled close to her. She was cold and shaking, but she didn’t cry, even when Lylunda slipped an arm about her shoulders and held her close.
“One thing you learn after a while, Lil, these things pass. You live through them and life gets better.”
Lilai sucked in a long ragged breath, but she didn’t say anything, perhaps out of loyalty to her feuding parents. Lylunda hugged her; she, too, stayed silent, mostly because she didn’t know what more to say.
A horse in one of the stalls that ran along the side of the barn whickered and shifted his feet, his shod hooves muffled by the straw bedding. Another snorted and thumped against the barrier between the stalls. Two barn cats hissed and yowled in a brief fight, then there were scratching noises as one of them fled. Up near the rafters there was some soft peeping from owlets in their nests. Outside, the little brown meuttertiks broke into scolding chirps; something must have been threatening their nests.
Lilai’s shaking slowly went away. She leaned her head against Lylunda’s shoulder for a moment, drew a sigh up from the soles of her feet. A moment later she wriggled free and got to her feet.
At the doorway she turned and gave Lylunda a wavery smile, then she was gone.
Lylunda scrubbed a hand across her eyes. “Jaink! I hate this. I want to get away from here. Now.”
Grey took Lilai with him when he left.
Lylunda did her best to keep out of the way, but she did stand at her window as the child walked to the flier with her father. Lilai waved to her mother, climbed inside. Aleytys was watching from her garden, half hidden by a flowering sehnsur, the wind blowing delicate lavender petals from its lacy blooms onto her head and shoulders.
She stood there until the flier vanished into the thready clouds; then she walked with quick energetic steps toward the barn, brushing away the petals as she went. Shortly afterward she rode away from the house on one of the blacks, keeping the horse to a controlled trot, not pushing it, but her eyes were fixed on the horizon, as if being in motion were something she had to do, as if that jagged line between sky and earth were someplace she had to be.
Lylunda stepped away from the window. “This whole visit has been a letdown. You expect legends to have perfect lives, not this kind of kak.” She sighed. “I think I’ll give Digby a call. With any luck I can be on my way and out of her hair.”
2
Lylunda smiled as she patted the arm of her pilot’s chair. It was good to be back in her own ship; she could feel the tension draining out of her. She woke the kephalos and initiated the call to Digby, then sat back and waited for it to go through.
Digby was a silver-haired docent, handsome and stately, with what Lylunda took to be a smug gleam in his bright blue eyes. “What can I do for you, Lylunda Elang?”
“I was wondering if the Kiln had finished inspecting the site and were satisfied with what they saw.”
“That’s proprietary information, you understand. However, I’m willing to let it out. For a price, of course. Nothing extravagant, just a brief report on your views.”
“My views about what?”
“About the events between the time you left Bol Mutiar and arrived at Wolff.”
“Shadith will have given you that already.”
“And do you never cross-check your information?”
“Hm. I see no problem with that; the whole thing was a disaster.” She went through the meager calendar of events after the healing, adding no commentary, keeping strictly to what happened and what she was told.
“You’re sure the dead man was the xenobi Prangarris?”
“I didn’t go downside, but that wouldn’t have helped anyway, he was inside that crystal weave. I watched Tigatri’s keph peel through the crystal until you could see the man inside. It ’was Prangarris, no doubt about that. And there were shells of dead Taalav all around the site.” She tapped impatiently on the chair ann. “So, have the Kliu been there? Are they satisfied?”.
“My fee was released from escrow two hours ago. They are satisfied. I would advise staying away from that sector of Cousin space;
they won’t be looking for you, but if you fell into their hands, your life would be short and messy. Mmh. Should you take a notion to look for steady work one day, come see me.” The screen blanked as he cut the connection.
Lylunda wrinkled her nose. “Not likely, my friend.” She stretched, groaned with pleasure at the feeling of chains dropping off her body. “We say good-bye and thanks much, 0 Aleytys of Wolff, then I go find a Pit and throw myself a party. O000 eee, it’s been a while.”
21. Endgame
1
Once the ship was down, Digby wasted no time. He had the body on its feet and moving before the engines cooled; it was out of the ship and installed in a bubble car so fast Shadith only caught a few glimpses of the lichens and rubble that seemed to make up most of the local landscape.
After the flat metallic atmosphere of the ship, the air was cool and crisp with a sharp, fungal tang to it. She was irritated at being dumped back into the sterile blandness of machined air and made a note to do her version of the Vryhh ship gardens once she got back to her own transport. Having plants about would make more work and introduce more contaminations into her ship, but the feel of the atmosphere would certainly be worth it.
The car zipped from the recamouflaged pad and plunged straight at a granite cliff rising a hundred meters straight up.
Idiot poseur. Playing infantile games of scare the prisoner. Tchah!
She ignored the rock and mused over what she’d have to do to her ship to get it ready for use. It had been sitting at Wolff since she signed on with Digby and would have developed the quirks and crotchets all moth-balled ships picked up. At least those with complex kephaloi. She hadn’t run across any major problems ’splitting from Wolff to University, even though she was towing the Backhoe and putting more strain on the ship, but sometimes it took a while for the quirks to start showing.
