by Heller, JB
Copyright © 2020 by JB Heller
All rights reserved.
Published by- JB Heller
Cover Design by- JeBDesigns
Editing by- Creating Ink
Proofreading by- Jenn Lockwood Editing
Formatted by – JeBDesigns
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
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Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Epilogue
The Starfish Method
A Note From JB Heller
Also by JB Heller
About the Author
There’s nothing worse than grocery shopping—except grocery shopping with kids.
Running my gaze over the shelf on my right, I compare the prices of the peanut butter. I pick up one that’s on sale and peruse the ingredients list on the back before placing it back on the shelf. Too many preservatives.
I’m reaching for the one I usually buy when a figure at the end of the aisle snags my attention.
Adjusting my three-year-old, Arabella, I lift my gaze but turn away just as fast. My heart lurches into my throat. It couldn’t be ...
I chance another quick glance, and yep, it’s definitely him. What is he doing here? Intent on fleeing before he notices me, I execute a rapid U-turn in the middle of the aisle and duck my head. I grab the first jar of peanut butter my fingers land on and throw it in the trolley without looking.
“Ouch!” Sailor cries.
Shit!
Sailor rubs the side of his little head. Great, I just assaulted my four-year-old with a jar of peanut butter.
“Sorry, baby, Mummy wasn’t looking. You okay?” I ask, running my fingers over his velvet-soft cheek.
“Yeah,” he huffs. “Lucky I’m tough.”
I grin. “Yeah, you are.” I would coddle him some more, but I need to get as far away from him as possible. Glancing over my shoulder, I check to make sure he didn’t see me.
Crap. That was a bad idea. A very bad idea. He’s staring right at me—those crystal-blue eyes are bearing into my soul, and now I can’t breathe.
I’m like a deer caught in headlights, frozen against my will. Then, he moves one foot in front of the other, coming straight at me, and I snap out of the trance. Jerking my head forward again, I grip the handle of my cart and scurry around the corner so fast Sailor teeters to the side, almost falling out.
My hold around Arabella, perched on my hip, tightens, and I reach for Sailor with the hand that was steering the trolley, hooking my finger into the back of his little T-shirt and tugging him back down.
His eyes glow with excitement. “That was fun, Mummy. Do it again!”
Shit. Shit-shit-shit. I have to get out of here. Screw the groceries. I’ll order them online and pick them up tomorrow.
“Come here, buddy. Mummy forgot something. We need to go home—now,” I tell Sailor with my hand extended to help him out of the trolley. He frowns at me.
No, not at me. Behind me.
The hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention, and my skin prickles in awareness of his proximity, just like it always does whenever he is close by.
“Now, Sailor,” I say as strong as I can, but my voice betrays me, coming out soft and scratchy.
“Going somewhere?” His deep baritone washes over me, and I shiver.
“Sailor …” I plead, but my son just stares at me.
“You’re being rude, Mummy. That man is talking to you.”
“Hi!” Arabella chirps over my shoulder, and I curl in on myself.
“Hey there, pretty girl,” Lee drawls, and I swear my ovaries swell at the affection in his tone.
That’s what he used to call me, once upon a time …
It’s been more than six years since I laid eyes on her. Dad and Trudie send me a Christmas card every year, and she’s always in the family photo. But she’s so much more in person.
The little blonde-haired angel wrapped around her torso like a spider monkey grins at me, and her little boy stands in the cart, wearing an unimpressed frown.
“Till,” I murmur. My hand reaches for her but stills before making contact. I shouldn’t touch her.
When she finally turns to face me, it’s like a punch to the gut. She hasn’t changed a bit. Her big brown eyes slowly lift to meet mine, and it’s like the last six years without her never even happened.
My lips lift in a smile. “It’s good to see you.” It’s Gods honest truth.
She blinks at me but says nothing. Her full lips part as if she’s going to speak, but instead, she shakes her head and remains silent.
Right, well, this is awkward. I slide my hands into my pockets and rock back on my heels. “These your kids?” I ask like a dumb-arse. Of course they’re her kids. I’ve watched them grow over the years on the Christmas cards too.
She swallows then gives me a jerky nod. Okay, so she’s not going to speak to me. Awesome.
Her little boy rolls his eyes at her then sticks his tiny hand out to me. I step forward and take it, giving him a firm but gentle shake. “I’m Sailor. This is my baby, Ari, and my mummy. Who are you?”
Tilly silently watches our exchange.
“Nice to meet you, Sailor. I’m Lee. Your mummy and me are … we’re umm …” Well, shit. How do you tell a kid you’re kind of his uncle, but had things been different, you might have been his daddy?
I shouldn’t have come over here. I clear my throat and desperately wrack my brain for something to say, but Sailor saves me.
“I know lots of cool stuff. Did you know swans have a sticky-outie peen—”
Tilly’s hand shoots out, covering her sons mouth before he can finish his little factoid. “Sailor!” she chastises, her eyes widening at him.
But now I really want to know what he was going to say, because that sounded a lot like he was about to say penis. I smirk. “No, go on. I like learning cool new things.”
Sailor yanks Till’s hand away and glares at her. “It’s okay, Mummy. I only tell people true stuff.”
“I know, buddy, but why don’t you pick another fact to share? One that doesn’t involve body parts? I really wish Aunty Reags hadn’t told you that one.”
“But it’s so cool. Aunty Weags says that swans are the only birds that have them,” he huffs.
Clearing my throat, I hunch and crouch to Sailor’s level. “So, you’re telling me that swans are the only bird that has a penis?”
He nods enthusiastically. “Other birds just have a little one on the inside. But swans have a big one on the outside, like me.”
I can’t contain it; I bust out laughing. My hand curls around the side of their shopping cart for support. Ruffling his neatly combed hair, I tell him, “I like you, kid. I think you and I could be good friends.”
I straighten at the
strange gurgle that comes from Tilly and meet her eyes—they’re shining. She bites her bottom lip and looks away.
Shifting into her line of sight, I tell her, “You look good, Till. How’ve you been?”
She swallows then clears her throat. “What are you doing here, Lee?”
Her voice is soft, anxious. I don’t like it, but I understand it. We didn’t exactly leave things on good terms all those years ago. And I didn’t make it any better by staying away all this time.
Sliding my left hand back into my pocket, I rub the back of my neck with the other. “Mum’s getting remarried. She wanted me to come home for it. I couldn’t exactly say no.” I’m not lying, but it’s only part of the reason I’m back in town.
“Oh, right. I forgot about the wedding. But I thought it wasn’t for another couple of weeks?”
I nod. “It’s not. She was dead-set on me arriving early to spend some time with her and get to know all Denny’s family before the big day.”
“Makes sense,” she mumbles, averting her gaze. She can barely look at me, and damn if it doesn’t hurt like a son of a bitch. My chest aches as thoughts of what could have—no, should have—been roll through me.
I imagined the day I would see her in the flesh again a thousand times over, and not once did it go down like this. She was the centre of my universe, then our parents went and fell in love and made a baby together.
One day we were making plans for our shared future—the next we were coming to terms with our parents’ upcoming nuptials and preparing for the arrival of a baby sister we would share.
At seventeen, we weren’t capable of weathering that particular storm with our love intact. We broke up two days later, deciding it was just too weird for either of us to handle.
Tilly was my best friend. Then my lover. Until the day I became her stepbrother.
But I still want to be her baby-daddy.
I haven’t seen Lee in so damn long. A big part of me wants to reach out and touch him, just to be sure it’s really him and I haven’t actually lost my damn mind and started hallucinating. But my sense of self-preservation won’t let me do that.
So, I keep my arms wrapped securely around Arabella’s little body, and my eyes focus anywhere but on him. He’s always been able to read me like no other. If I maintain eye contact for too long, he’ll know exactly how much this small interaction is affecting me.
My nerves are going into overdrive beneath my skin just from his proximity. And he’s not even standing that close to me. Simply knowing he’s in town is enough to send them skittering like a kitten hopped up on catnip.
I bite my bottom lip and glance down, and oh, dear God—I’m wearing mismatched shoes. They aren’t even in the same shoe family. How did this happen? The one on my right foot is a blue Converse and the left is a strappy tan sandal.
My teeth sink deeper into my lip. What must I look like to him ... My face crumples.
“If I knew approaching you would bother you so much, Till, I would have stayed away,” Lee says.
“What?” My head jerks up. “Why would you think that?”
He arches a brow at me. “You’re about to chew through your lip. That, and you haven’t said a word in a solid two minutes. It’s pretty clear I’m making you uncomfortable. I should go.”
Shit.
Before I can brace myself for what it will inevitably do to me, I reach out and curl my hand around his forearm, stopping him from walking away. The second our skin connects, a current of electricity shoots through my fingertips.
We’re both struck silent for a moment.
I’m thrown back to the last time I saw him. The day I told him I was pregnant with another boy’s baby. The day he turned away from me, just like he was about to do now. I didn’t stop him then, even though I wanted to more than anything in the world. But I couldn’t.
Without removing my hand, I say the two words I desperately wanted to say back then. “Don’t go.”
Lee’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard. His eyes bore into mine, searching for God knows what, but I hope he finds whatever it is, because I can’t let him go a second time.
A lot has happened since we went our separate ways, and I want to share it all with him. He was my best friend before we became more, that’s the part I’ve missed the most. I want him back in my life—in any way I can have him.
And then he smiles at me. I feel it all the way down to the tips of my toes.
Happiness blooms in my chest, but did I really have to be wearing mismatched shoes? And as my eyes drift over my body, I cringe. Of all the things I could have thrown on this morning, it had to be one of his old T-shirts.
I slide Ari around in a front piggyback, attempting to hide the band logo that Lee will most certainly recognise. Unfortunately, my three-year-old is not down with my plan.
She squirms in my arms. “Down, Mummy. I wanna get down.”
My arms tighten around her tiny body. “No, baby, you refused to put on your shoes this morning, remember? And the floor is yucky.” Her eyes narrow on me, and I narrow mine right back. The sass is strong in this one.
Ari resumes squirming, so much so that my grip on her slips. Lee moves fast, catching her before she reaches the ground. He swoops her up in his arms and settles her on his hip. The little flirt throws her arms around his neck, burrows her face in close, and declares, “You saved me!”
Lee strokes her hair. “Shh, you’re okay, pretty girl. I got you.”
A coy smile tips her lips and she glances at me from under her lashes. I roll my eyes. Yep, total flirt. She’s playing him so hard and he has no idea. But I’m not going to say jack about it since it’s distracting him from my shirt situation.
Or so I thought.
Lee’s eyes home in on me, or more specifically, my chest. His big palm continues stroking Ari’s hair, but those crystal-blue eyes sparkle with interest. “Is that my old Blink 182 shirt?”
I scoff. “No.”
His brow arches and his lips quirk. “I think it is.”
“You’re not the only one who likes Blink, you know.”
He chuckles then steps closer to me. My breath catches in my throat—he smells so good, like summer rain and man. His eyes lock on mine, and before I know what he’s doing, his head tips and he peers over my shoulder.
Crap balls, the stain. I shove his chest. “What are you doing?”
When his attention moves back to my face, I know I’m busted. His gorgeous lips kick up in a killer smirk. I swallow at the memories that that look brings to the forefront of my thoughts.
“That is most definitely my shirt,” he states. “I spilt bleach on the back, right in the middle, the one and only time Mum got me to do the washing.”
Well, shit. I had forgotten about that stupid stain. I decide playing it cool is the way to go. Shrugging, I say, “That proves nothing. I could have spilt bleach on my shirt too, you know. I’m awfully clumsy sometimes.”
Lee snorts. “Right.” He shakes his head and smiles at me again. His teeth are so freaking white I bet they glow in the dark.
While I’m distracted by his pearly whites, he reaches for my hair before twirling a loose strand around his finger. “I like the pink,” he murmurs.
“Thanks,” I whisper, not sure what else to say.
“Mummy, I gotta pee!” Sailor calls, tugging on the back of my tee.
Lee releases my hair. Taking a step back, he nods to Sailor, “It was good to meet you, little man. I’ll let you go take care of business.” He hands Ari over to me then strokes her cheek once she’s back in my arms. “I’ll see you around, pretty girl.”
“Bye, Lee,” Ari says, smiling her biggest, brightest smile at him.
When his gaze moves to mine, I bite my lip.
“It was good to see you, Till,” he says quietly. “I’ve missed you.”
My eyes sting with tears I refuse to let fall. “I’ve missed you too.” Those four words don’t come close to how I really feel. But for now,
they’ll do. “I better go.”
He nods. “I’ll be seeing you real soon,” he says with a wink then strides away.
“In conclusion, it was a complete disaster and utterly mortifying.” I sigh then shove a bite-size piece of passionfruit cheesecake in my mouth. But not even the creamy deliciousness is pulling me out of the funk I’ve been in since my run-in with Lee at the grocery store yesterday.
Charlotte and Reagan sip their coffees and listen with rapt attention to the horror story that was my past with Lee and yesterday’s events. They’re smiling like a pair of loons when none other than the man himself strides through the doors at McKenna’s Heavenly Treats. I slink low in the booth, cup my hand around my mouth, and whisper-hiss, “That’s him,” while throwing crazy eyes towards the entryway.
Charlotte’s eyes light with interest, and she grins at Reagan who returns the look.
Oh, shit. That’s not good—I know what that look means.
Char’s hand lifts in the air, and she waves it around until she’s successfully snagged Lee’s attention. A mischievous smile lifts her perfectly painted red lips as she calls out to him. “Lee? Won’t you join us?”
My eyes bug out at her. “Char!” I grit from between my clenched teeth.
She ignores me completely, keeping her focus on a confused-looking Lee.
He approaches our booth cautiously, eyeing the gorgeous blonde and redheaded bombshell sitting across from me. Then, his gaze finds me, and he smiles. “Oh, hey, Till. I didn’t see you there.”
I shimmy until I’m sitting up in my seat again. “Uh, yeah, I umm, I dropped my napkin.” I snatch a clean napkin from the tabletop beside my slice of cake and wave it around like a total spaz.
A knowing grin takes over his expression. “I see.” The longer his eyes stay locked on mine, the thicker the air between us grows and everyone around us slowly disappears. I just want to stare at him and absorb his presence. God, I sound like a psycho—even to myself.
