“You’re going to lose,” DeShawn replied smugly.
Jason stroked his son’s head and laughed heartily as the driver opened the door. “Pretty confident, huh?”
“Wonder where he gets that from?” Ingrid quipped as she got out of the car. Jason shook his head and laughed.
“Who knew that a three year old could play that game like that?”
Ingrid shrugged as DeShawn rushed in the gallery. “All he had to do was press the buttons. Besides, people always say DeShawn has been here before. He’s very advanced for his age.”
“Smart like his Mama,” Jason as he held the door for Ingrid. She turned toward him and offered him a weak smile.
“What’s wrong?”
She shook her head and walked in ahead of Jason. DeShawn was hugging Celina and showing her his notebook.
“He really likes her, huh?” Jason asked.
“Yes, she really brings out his artistic side. I want him to be well rounded.”
“You’re a wonderful mother,” Jason said “He has a lot of love in his life.”
“He does and the last thing I want is to have his life disrupted,” Ingrid said. “Please be honest with me, you’re really willing to put our son first?”
“Yes. Ingrid, despite what you think, you have always been first in my life. What happened three years ago was orchestrated by. . .”
“The people who are still running your career,” she interjected. “What's really changed?”
“I have.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “Is that so? Jason, I’ve always known that music has been your dream. That was fine when it was just us, but it doesn’t work like that when a child’s involved. So before I tell this little boy that you’re his father, I need to know for sure that you’re going to be the father that DeShawn deserves.”
“Ingrid, I don’t want to do anything to hurt my son. I want to get to know him and be the father that he needs,” Jason said. “He’s now the most important thing in my life.”
She stared deep into his eyes as if she was searching for truth in his words. Jason took her face in his hands. “Believe me,” he whispered.
“Well, hello,” Celina said as she walked over to them. “DeShawn told me that you guys want to see his new masterpiece.”
“He wouldn’t show it to me until you saw it first,” Ingrid said as she pushed Jason’s hands away and faced Celina. “Celina, this is Jason Campbell.”
“The famous Jay Slade,” Celina replied as she extended her hand to him. “I think your music was playing when my husband Darius and I started our family.”
Jason smiled warmly at her. “That was a good thing, I hope.”
“Oh, yes. I had no idea that you were from Elmore,” she said. “There is a lot of talent in this town. Come on, let’s look at DeShawn’s masterpiece.”
Jason and Ingrid followed Celina across the gallery to the classroom where she held her workshops for the kids.
DeShawn was sitting in front of an easel with his notebook open. “Look Mommy,” he said as he pointed to the picture. It was a drawing of a woman standing in front of a house and an angel looking down at her smiling. “That’s you and Daddy,” DeShawn said. “Miss Celina’s going to help me paint it.”
Ingrid placed her hand over her mouth to hold back her gasp. The picture had a childlike innocence to it, showing that DeShawn still missed Louis and listened Ingrid when she told him that Louis was in heaven looking down on them. How was she going to break the news to him that Jason was his real father?
“That’s beautiful,” Ingrid said as she fought back the tears.
Jason glanced at the picture and forced himself to smile. He wanted DeShawn to know he was his Daddy; and he was right here. But he knew that the little boy would need time to adjust to it.
Sighing, Jason walked over to the easel and looked at the picture. “It’s a really nice picture,” he said. “You have a lot of talent.”
“Thank you,” DeShawn said as he took the paintbrush Celina handed to him.
“You guys don’t have to stay, because this might take a while,” Celina said. “Once we get in the zone, we’re going to tune you out anyway.”
Ingrid kissed DeShawn on the forehead. “Is it okay if we go to the restaurant and bring you guys lunch later?”
DeShawn nodded. “Hamburgers?”
Celina crinkled her nose and Ingrid said, “How about a hamburger for you and roasted veggies for Miss Celina?”
“OK.”
“What about me?” a silky voice said from the doorway. All eyes focused on Darius McRae, Celina’s husband, who leaned against the doorframe with Darius Jr. at his side. The two Dariuses looked like mirror images of each other, same brown skin and sly smiles.
“Mommy,” Darius Jr. exclaimed then bounded over to his mother with a notebook of his own. Celina hugged her son and tugged at his afro, which was a near replica of hers.
“Are you ready to paint, too?” she asked. “Even though Daddy made you late?”
Darius walked over to his wife and kissed her gently on the cheek. “It couldn’t be helped. People are getting ready for the lawn competition, so the hardware store was slammed. But my boy here was a big help. And quite the salesman.” He looped his arm around her waist and turned to Ingrid and Jason. “How are you guys doing this morning?”
“We’re good,” Ingrid said as she watched the couple. Part of her thought that should’ve been her and Jason. Seeing how happy Darius and Celina were made her wonder if she could have that with Jason.
“Ooh, Darius,” Celina said as she shrugged out of his embrace. “Do you know who this is?” She pointed at Jason. Darius looked from DeShawn to Jason and immediately thought DeShawn’s father.
“I can’t say that I do,” he said as he extended his hand to Jason.
“Jason Campbell, also known as Jay Slade,” she said. Jason smiled and shook Darius’s hand.
“Oh yeah? I love your music, it sets the mood perfectly. I think you might be responsible for the new baby.”
Celina slapped Darius on his arm. “We weren’t supposed to tell anyone yet!”
Ingrid smiled happily at the couple. “Well, congrats,” she said. “And I promise to keep my mouth shut.”
“Thanks,” Celina said as she touched Ingrid’s shoulder. “We haven’t even told Jr. yet.”
“Well,” Darius said. “We haven’t, but I kinda did. Hey, don’t get mad at me because I love being a father.”
Jason smiled even though listening to Darius talked about how happy he was to be a father felt like a sucker punch to the stomach. What he wouldn’t give to be standing in Darius’s shoes with Ingrid at his side announcing that they were having another baby. They would’ve been married now if he hadn’t listened to Ruby and tuned Ingrid out three years ago. Yes, he wanted the success in the music industry but seeing how happy Darius and Celina were, he wondered-- was the price of fame too high?
“We’d better get out of here so we can bring all of you guys some lunch,” Ingrid said. “You want your usual?”
Celina nodded. “And it’s OK if you sneak some turkey burgers in for the hubby and the kid.”
“All right,” Ingrid said. “We’ll be back soon.”
Once Ingrid and Jason made it to the restaurant, she noticed how quiet Jason had become. As she walked into the kitchen through the rear entrance of the restaurant, she reached out for his hand. “What’s wrong?”
“I was thinking about Celina and Darius,” he said quietly. “That should’ve been us.”
Ingrid sighed. “We can’t rewrite the past. You made your choices and I made mine.”
“But we made bad choices,” he said. “Both of us.”
Ingrid raised her eyebrow at him, but kept silent. “What I’m saying,” Jason continued, “is that we should’ve been able to talk to each other and be honest. I should’ve told Ruby to go to hell a long time ago. I wanted to be your first and only husband.”
“Jason,” Ingrid said as she
washed her hands. “Why are we doing this?”
“Because, I want my family.”
“What?”
“You asked me if I would give up the music business and the fame for my son and I will do it for both of you,” he said.
“No, you’re doing and saying this because you feel obligated and I don’t want. . .”
“I love you, always have loved you and the last three years only showed me what I had with you in my life. You never cared about Jay Slade, you’ve always loved Jason.”
“Please, don’t do this,” she said as she shut the water off. “You feel obligated to us and that’s no way to start a life together.”
“That’s not what I’m feeling. I want this life and I want you.” Jason closed the space between him and Ingrid, he gently stroked her cheek. “Do you want to take this journey with me?”
She stepped away from him. “Jason, I don’t know. I don’t think I can ask you to give up your life when I know how much you love music. Do you really think you’re going to be happy here?”
“I’ve gotten to the point where I can do my music from anywhere. I want Elmore to be my home and I want to make that home with you and DeShawn, if you will have me.”
“Hey Miss Ingrid, you cooking today?” Felix asked as he entered the kitchen. “I could sure use the help. The lunch rush is crazy today. When did you come in?”
“Just now and I’m only here to make lunch for Celina and a few of her students.”
Felix looked at Jason and smirked. “This one of her students?”
Ingrid rolled her eyes and laughed at her cook. “You just handle the lunch rush and I’ll be out of your way shortly.”
Jason stood to the side and watched as Ingrid made turkey burgers, grilled Portobello mushrooms and toasted the buns for the sandwiches. She looked at ease in her kitchen and he couldn’t help but wonder if he should help her expand her empire. Ingrid deserved the best and he was going to do all the he could to make sure she got it. Then it hit him, Ingrid had always put other people first, but what did she really want? What were her dreams and her heart’s desire?
“Jason,” she said, breaking into his thoughts. “Can you hand me a box from the shelf?”
“Sure,” he said as he reached for the Styrofoam carry out box so that she could pack up the food.
“Are you ready?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“All right, Felix, I’ll be back for dinner,” Ingrid called out as she and Jason headed out the door. When they made it outside to the limo, Jason turned to Ingrid and smiled.
“Do you love running the restaurant?” he asked.
She shrugged. “I guess. It was Louis’s dream and I helped him make it a reality. Cooking has always been something I was good at.”
“But what do you want?”
“To make sure my son is taken care of,” she said. “Nothing else really matters.”
Jason gently stroked her thigh. “I don’t think you’re being fair to yourself,” he said. “You’ve always made other people happy, don’t you think it’s time for you to have some happiness of your own?”
“What makes you think I’m not happy? Just because I don’t ride in limos every day and have people screaming my name doesn’t mean I’m not happy,” she retorted.
“I’m not saying that,” Jason said in an attempt to calm her down. “I just know that you dropped out of school to help me, then you came back here and ended up helping Louis. It’s time that you put yourself first for a change.”
“Don’t try and ease your guilt by thinking you have to come here and buy what you think will make me happy,” she said as the limo pulled up to the Thomas Hart Gallery.
Jason started to say something but the driver opened the door. Ingrid rolled her eyes at Jason. “Can we talk about this later? I’m sure our son is hungry.”
What the hell just happened? he thought as he followed her inside.
Chapter Fourteen
Ingrid watched DeShawn as he tried to eat and paint at the same time. Though she was trying to focus on her son, her mind was on what Jason had said in the car. Was she happy? When she followed Jason to New York, it had been all about helping him realize his dreams. Somewhere along the way, she lost herself. She’d figured that once Jason established himself as Jay Slade, she’d have time to work on her writing career. All her life, she’d heard that New York was the place for writers. For the last few years, she’d been secretly writing a book based on her life, but having DeShawn and the restaurant put her ideas of being a writer on the far back burner. But Jason’s questions made her wonder if she should start focusing on what she wanted from life? The question was, what did she want?
“Ingrid,” Jason whispered as he walked up behind her. “I didn’t mean to offend you earlier.”
“It’s not that I was offended,” she said quietly. “I haven’t thought about my happiness and my dreams for a long time.”
“I think it’s time for that to change,” he replied.
“You don’t even know what my desires are,” she said as she took the empty food boxes from the table where the kids and the McRaes had been eating. Jason took the trash from her hands.
“Tell me.”
“Maybe later,” she said. “I have to get back to the house so that I can get ready for work.”
“Then let’s go,” he said.
“Celina,” Ingrid said as she walked past Jason, “what time do I need to pick DeShawn up?”
“Oh, I can drop him off at your place,” she said. “And thanks for the Portobello mushroom sandwich. It was great. Please tell me you're adding this to the menu."
“I will make it for you anytime you want it. As far as dropping DeShawn. . .”
“I can stay with him while you work,” Jason said, catching Ingrid off guard.
“Don’t you have something you need to do?” she asked.
“What’s wrong with me spending time with my s. . .”
“Fine,” Ingrid said. “You can pick him up. Celina, see you later.” The two women hugged then Ingrid and Jason got into the limo. They took the short ride back to her house in a tense silence.
“Ingrid,” he said as they got out of the car. “Are you going to let me help you find your dream?”
“No. Jason, the last thing I need is for you to try and make me happy. It’s not as if you’ve done a great job of that in the past,” she said.
“I know that and. . .”
“Jason, I’m sorry, you didn’t deserve that. I chose to follow you to New York and I had my own reasons for wanting to be there. But don’t think you’re responsible for making me happy or making my dreams come true. I’m not some Disney princess waiting for Prince Charming to come and make everything better.”
“I know I’m not responsible,” he said. “And I know that you’ve done everything that you wanted to do, it’s just that it benefited everyone except you.”
Ingrid shrugged her shoulder and unlocked the front door. “What do you expect me to say? I’m a mother now and anything that I want to do has to be tempered with what my son needs.”
“I can help you with our son,” Jason said.
“Is that so? I understand that you want to be a part of his life and I’m willing to let that happen, but you need to get to know him before you can come in here and dictate how much help you will be.”
Jason placed his hand on Ingrid’s shoulder. “Let’s be clear on something, I’m not trying to fight you on anything. I think you’ve done a great job raising DeShawn, he’s an amazing little boy and I will be a part of his life. I’m not trying to take over.”
“Never thought you were. And it’s not as if I was going to let that happen,” Ingrid said as she walked inside.
“Didn’t think it would,” he said with a slight smile on his lips. Ingrid turned and glanced at him also with a smile on her face.
“We shouldn’t fight about DeShawn, because I know you’re going to give him the best that you have.”
/> And you too, he added silently. Jason reached up and stroked her cheek. “You’re right, I’m going to do right by my son and try to make up for the time that we lost.”
A surge of guilt rippled through Ingrid’s senses. “That’s my fault,” she said quietly. “I should’ve trusted that you would’ve. . .”
“I didn’t give you much of a reason to.”
“But I should’ve known better and I should’ve known that Ruby was up to her tricks,” Ingrid said.
The mention of Ruby’s name sent a chill down his spine. He had to meet with her and get this contest off the ground. “Ruby,” he said.
“Is that bitch still here?” Ingrid snapped. “I’m sorry, I know you have to work with her and that’s fine, but . . .”
“I don’t have to work with her,” Jason said. “I’ve gotten to a point in my career where I can write my own ticket. Back in the day, I needed Ruby, now she needs me. But if you don’t want her around, she doesn’t have to be. She’s going to need me to re-sign with the label if she wants to keep her job.”
“And what will that mean? More records, more touring and more time with Debony?”
“No.”
“Jason, your life is in New York,” she said. “After getting away from this place, I can’t expect you to come back to Elmore and settle down. You’re used to being on the go. How long can you be satisfied with your life here?”
“I live in a hotel and eat room service, that’s really not a happy life, babe.”
Jason wrapped his arms around Ingrid and pulled her against his chest. “I know exactly what I need to be happy and I’m holding half of it right now.”
Ingrid wanted to kiss him and she could feel the heat of his breath dancing on her neck. He was taking her to a place that she wanted to go, but didn’t have time to put into action. She pushed back from him. “I have to go,” she said. “The dinner shift.”
Jason was slow to let her go, brushing his lips against her neck. “After dinner, what are your plans?”
“Closing up the restaurant, cleaning the grill and counting the till,” she said.
Jason frowned. “And what are you going to do after? Wait, I’ll tell you what you’re going to do. You’re going to come here for a night cap. DeShawn should be asleep and I’ll be her waiting.”
If It Isn't Love Page 13
