by Kate Speck
She opened the envelope and gasped when she saw that he had signed off his favourite stallion to her. She loved Snowflake more than any other horse and he had given it to her. Tears rolled down as she patted the horse that he had left next to their tree. “Oh, Snowflake, how is it possible for a man to be so generous? Could it be possible? He truly loves me and wishes for me to be his wife, as deficient as I am, as poor and unconnected as I am? I love him, Snowflake, but could I love him as a husband? Could I be worthy to be his wife?”
Lizzy mounted the horse expertly and trotted toward Longbourn. She had much to consider and was determined to make a choice soon. She saw the pain in William’s eyes as he struggled to love her only as a friend, and did not wish to continue to pain him.
~*~
April 1810
“Welcome, Lizzy! Come and sit! How was the journey from Hertfordshire?” Mrs. Gardiner embraced Lizzy. “Your uncle will be arriving shortly. He had an appointment with several gentlemen to discuss business and is very excited that we will be begin our lease at Haye Park soon. Mr. Stone has become an efficient partner and we wish to raise the children in the countryside during the summers, away from the heat of town. How is the rest of your family?”
Lizzy smiled, “They are well. They will call here tomorrow morning, aunt. It is incredible to see Grace and Gabriel growing up so quickly. Thank you for allowing me to stay here again. I know I had unexpectedly showed up at your door last year and I invited myself once again.” She reached for her aunt’s hand and squeezed it. “I have a decision to make, aunt, and I am hoping you can help me. I do not know what to do but I did not wish to pain Will by staying at Darcy House with him. I know that he is sad that I opted to stay here again but I did not want to give him more discomfort by constantly reminding him of my presence. I had hoped I could decide by now but I am still as obstinate as ever, I suppose.”
“He loves you, Lizzy, and I have never seen such dedication. I know he will love you for the rest of his life.” Mrs. Gardiner squeezed her hand in return. “Are you finally reconsidering your stance on marriage?”
“How did you know you loved Uncle Edward, Aunt Madeline? How do you know you made the right choice?” She asked. “Will... he, he kissed me and my view of love completely changed, aunt. I never knew such passion existed. He is... he is, by far, the best man I know, and I do not know if I can live without him. I am thinking of accepting him to make him happy. I am not good enough for him but I wish to bring him joy above my own. I chose to stay at Gracechurch Street so I can think clearer and give him some space as well, but I do not know how I would be an acceptable wife to him. I am so lacking...”
“Has he asked you again?” Mrs. Gardiner asked. “Has he asked you to change your ways to meet his expectations or to take on the skills of an accomplished lady to fit into his world? I cannot imagine he would do so after the last time.”
Lizzy softly smiled as she pulled out her handkerchief, “No, never. He has been constant and he even embroidered this for me with his own hands.” She showed her aunt the beautiful work. “He has changed for me after the first proposal and never once has he asked me to be someone I am not. I love him, aunt. I believe I love him with the deepest of affections as I would a husband and no longer see him only as a brother. He has changed for me and I want to change for him.”
Mrs. Gardiner shrieked in joy and hugged her niece, “I knew I loved your uncle when he called on me week after week in Hertfordshire and his dedication for my contentment was evident in every interaction and looks. William looks at you with admiration in his eyes and it has been plain to see it for the rest of us. That you wish for his happiness above your own is surely proof that you love him. You will accept him, then? You will marry him and become Mrs. Darcy?”
Lizzy laughed, “He is determined to not ask me again but I would accept him now. He is perfect for me and I had been blind by my own prejudices that I could never be a good wife, but if he willing to overlook my deficiencies and still wants me to be his wife, I will acknowledge that I will never be perfect but do the best I can for him. I am poor and stubborn but if he can love me as I am, I will learn all I can to be a good wife to him.”
“He does not care about your fortune or connections; he never has, you know.” Her aunt responded. “You must tell him soon. Tonight! He must know that you have changed your mind!”
Lizzy giggled, “I will tell him, aunt. But will you help me? How do I make conversations on topics that I abhor? How do I sip tea and pretend to enjoy the gossips that I care nothing about?”
“Not everyone is interested in table designs and laces, Lizzy.” She answered. “Some speak of charities, as you have seen with my friends, and you can speak of children or travels. If you feel the conversation absolutely insipid, you can always spill your tea and excuse yourself to return home.” They both laughed heartily. “And you will never need to embroider, as William seems very efficient and you will have maids to do it for you. Your duty as a wife would be to keep your husband happy and William is never happier than when he is with you.”
The ladies sat and waited for Mr. Gardiner’s arrival, playing with the children and discussing their plans for dinner at Darcy House that evening.
It was most unfortunate that another event was taking place on the other side of town, which would bring heartache to the impertinent young lady.
Chapter 12
“Bingley! Miss Bingley!” William exclaimed. “I did not know you would be in town already.” He shook his young friend’s hand then bowed to Miss Caroline Bingley out of respect for her father and brother. He liked the nineteen-year-old young man very much but did not know how to address his sister after their last meeting at her coming out ball four years ago.
“Yes, I am on holiday from school for a month and father's lease ended at Rosings Park so are staying in London until father is able to locate another country estate for us. We are currently in a townhouse near Grosvenor Square, quite close to your home, Darcy.” Charles Bingley replied. “We heard your cousin is getting married!”
William smiled, “Yes, the colonel is finally retiring next month and will be married in June. It took some convincing but the earl realised that keeping his valiant son happy is best for us all and has approved of the marriage after the Grantleys restored the relationship.” He turned to Miss Bingley and raised an eyebrow, “Mrs. Eleanor Woods’ elder sister will be daughter to an earl and will bring £20,000 to the marriage. Most acceptable, I say.”
Miss Bingley blushed with his glare and replied softly, “I am most happy to hear it, sir. I must apologise for my horrid behaviour before and I am most thankful that you have been kind to my brother. I am truly grateful for your continued friendship with Charles.” She lowered her eyes shyly.
“Caroline has been a good sister, Darcy, and although she is one and twenty now, she has been in no rush to marry and has been patient in learning about the duties of a mistress at Rosings.” Bingley beamed. “Once I complete my schooling, I shall be glad to have my sister join me to be hostess for my home someday. Father is looking at Hertfordshire, since your father has such a good opinion of that part of the country.”
William relaxed with the information and looked at the pretty woman again. She was indeed one of the most beautiful ladies he had met and his reason for finding her attractive in the first place had still remained. “I am heading home now for dinner and I wonder if you are able to join me. I know it is late notice but Cook will have plenty of food since we have our usual guests from Hertfordshire staying with us. Would you be available?” He knew Bingley had found Jane Bennet enchanting and wished for them to reunite.
Bingley looked at his sister and she softly nodded in agreement. “We will be honoured to join you, my friend. Thank you!”
William proffered his arm to Miss Bingley and they began to walk to his carriage which was awaiting him outside the club. Bingley signalled his driver to follow them to Darcy House and the three climbed into the Darcy carriage
to dine together.
~*~
“Look who I found, father!” William declared as he walked into the sitting room. “I ran into Bingley and Miss Bingley near the club and invited them to dinner.”
William smiled at Jane Bennet to see her blush profusely. “You remember my friend Charles Bingley and his sister Miss Bingley?”
Bingley bowed to everyone but it was obvious to all that he could not take his eyes off of Jane. Mrs. Bennet nudged Lady Anne who was smiling while Mr. Darcy lifted his brow to his son due to Miss Bingley’s presence.
William discreetly shook his head at his father and sat down on a seat.
Bingley immediately sat next to Jane and Miss Bingley slowly took a place next to Jane Bennet as well.
The others spoke louder than wont to give the young people some private conversation.
“Miss Bennet, you have grown even more beautiful since we last met. I am very pleased to see you again.” Miss Bingley graciously commented. “Are you here for your season? I hope to see you at some of the events.”
“Thank you, Miss Bingley,” Jane answered softly. “I hope we will see each other often.”
Bingley swiftly added, “I shall be here for the next three weeks and will be joining my sister at several balls, Miss Bennet. If I may request, will you promise me two sets at each event? I shall like to call on you here and see you as often as possible.”
Jane beamed, “I would be very happy to accept, Mr. Bingley. Thank you.”
William turned to his father quietly while the others were conversing, “Lizzy has not arrived yet?” He had been out all day and wondered how soon he would see her again.
“She will arrive shortly. Edward Gardiner sent word that Lizzy was fatigued from her travels today and needed to rest before joining us here. She arrived here first then went to Gracechurch Street to stay with her cousins.” Mr. Darcy replied. “All is well with you two?”
“As well as it could be at this point in time, father.” William rubbed his eyes. “I told you how I left her at our tree after... I am still anxious for her reaction. I gave her Snowflake and I immediately left. I was afraid she would become angry and I just took off...” He looked towards Miss Bingley’s direction. “That lady has become quite genteel since the last time I saw her. Her manners are drastically improved.”
Mr. Darcy frowned, “Do you feel ready to move on? Perhaps Miss Bingley is the one who might be a better fit for your future. I know you found her attractive before and she is very beautiful...”
“I do no...” William was interrupted when the butler announced the Gardiners’ and Lizzy’s arrival.
Lizzy walked into the room to expect her family and friends in attendance and was surprised to see Mr. Bingley and Miss Bingley’s presence. Jane immediately smiled and she knew her sister was immensely happy to have the gentleman be there but she could not help but scowl to see Miss Bingley. For Jane’s sake, Lizzy was determined to be civil but wondered if William had finally decided on another and was interested in the beautiful woman once again.
She greeted everyone and embraced Lady Anne. “Where is Georgie? I thought she would be here.”
Lady Anne softly whispered, “She began her inconveniences. Will you see her for a few minutes?”
Lizzy smiled, “Of course. I will see her now. Please begin dinner without me.” She excused herself to check on her young friend.
Once Georgiana complained of her sufferings and Lizzy ordered plenty of warmed blankets and rubbed her abdomen for her, she returned downstairs where everyone was already seated at the table. Her younger sisters, Mary, Kitty, and Lydia, had all decided to stay in the nursery due to the Bingleys’ presence and their governess stayed with them.
Lizzy took a seat across from her friend and watched his interaction with Miss Bingley, who had taken her usual seat at the dining table next to William. She had hoped for a joyful reunion with the man she had desired to marry, but instead, he was sitting next to a beautiful woman with whom he had once professed to be in love.
She also observed Jane and saw that she was absolutely in love with Mr. Bingley and was happy for her. Although he was the son of a former merchant, he was wealthy and a kind gentleman who had only one more year of schooling and would be a good match for her shy sister. She knew that with Jane’s possible marriage to Mr. Bingley and that gentleman’s close friendship with William, it would not take much for Miss Bingley’s prior offences to be forgiven and for William to quickly find himself in love with her again. She saw that Miss Bingley’s manners seemed vastly improved and that she was as soft spoken and genteel as Jane.
During the separation of the sexes, Lizzy spoke cautiously to Miss Bingley. “It has been a while since we met last. I believe at the modiste’s on Bond Street. How is your father, Miss Bingley?”
“He is doing better now, Miss Elizabeth,” the lady answered demurely. “He has been ill but has not told Charles yet. He wishes for my brother to finish his school without worrying and the doctors here have been treating him with draughts and his pain seems to be lessened. Unfortunately, the doctors told him that he has only a few months to live.”
Lizzy gasped, “I am so sorry to hear that, Miss Bingley. Is there nothing to be done? Should young Mr. Bingley not be told?”
Caroline explained to Lizzy as the other ladies were intently listening, “Papa does not wish to burden Charles but I suppose you are correct. He has been the baby in our family and we have tried to protect him all of his life. I will speak to my father about telling Charles. Thank you for your advice, Miss Elizabeth. You were always very intelligent, even for one so young.”
Lizzy felt awful that she had been suspicious about Miss Bingley’s character to have changed to the opposite from how she had been before. She now wondered if the years could change someone so drastically and that perhaps if William were to marry a worthy wife, one such lady might be in front of her.
Her heart broke that now that she had finally admitted to herself that she was in love with Will, she would lose him to another. She vowed that she would do the right thing for her dearest blood-brother, that if he was ready to fall for Miss Bingley and live a normal, happy life with a wife who could meet all of his criterions, that she would let him go for his sake. She knew she would accept no one else and was affirmed in her belief that she was truly fated to become a spinster for the rest of her life.
The gentlemen soon joined the ladies and Lizzy smiled tenderly at Jane who was glowing in happiness with Mr. Bingley’s attentions. That gentleman left no doubt that he admired Jane to everyone watching them in the drawing room and she wished her sister every pleasure.
“Jane looks delighted, does she not?” William softly whispered from behind while Lizzy stood by the fireplace.
“Indeed, she does.” Lizzy answered, “I have never seen her happier.” She slowly turned around to meet his eyes. “And I can see that you are also delighted with your company, Will. She has changed for the better and she will be good to you. Miss Bingley has shared that her father has only months to live and perhaps it would bring Mr. Bingley the elder much peace to see his daughter married before his passing. Charles Bingley does not know of it yet, so pray do not tell him yourself.”
William was confused, “I will not, but do you mean to tell me that you wish for me to... for me to pursue Miss Bingley? Are you now permitting me to... to marry her?”
“Yes, Will.” Lizzy softly sighed, “I will let you go, Will. I wish you the best and I know we must go our own ways. I am not good enough for you and I release you.”
William was stunned by her words. He had hoped to find some time with her to tell her of his deepest wishes and to gauge how she felt about their intimate kiss, but it appeared that she did not wish to have anything to do with him further. It broke his heart that she was releasing him and that she still considered herself not good enough. “Lizzy, we will speak of this more tomorrow. I will come to Cheapside and we will talk. You cannot... You must allow me to...” He
could not find the words to express himself without making a spectacle of himself in front of all those gathered in the room.
“I am returning to Longbourn, Will.” She cut him off. “I am going home so I can sort out myself and my future. I have some funds saved up and I might be able to ask Uncle Edward for a loan so I can travel and be near the sea again. I miss listening to the waves and seeing the vast waters before me.” Lizzy quickly wiped her eyes. “I would like to see Georgie again. Excuse me.”
Lizzy requested for her aunt to fetch her when they were ready to depart and went upstairs to her young friend. She sat with Georgiana while the girl slept and contemplated her life without William in it. It felt as bleak and dreadful as death itself but she knew he would find a promising future without her.
Chapter 13
May 1810
“You certainly have a flair for the dramatic, Lizzy,” Mr. Bennet chastised his daughter. “I know you and William are in a tiff but why did you have to depart London so quickly after you arrived? You stayed one night before putting yourself on the post to return home. Your mother had wished to return home after you but when I showed her your letter, she conceded that time alone was what you needed and we were forced to stay in town without you.”
Lizzy answered, “I would have never forgiven myself for ruining Jane’s time in town with Charles Bingley. I know he is young yet, but I am very pleased that he is formally courting my sister. Although he knows he cannot marry for another year, he loves Jane very much and Mr. Bingley will be at peace that his son will have a good future with the most deserving of ladies.”
Mr. Bennet smiled, “Yes, her courtship is going well and he will call on her here after he arrives to care for his father. Mr. Bingley will be taking Purvis Lodge to lease it for his daughter and Charles next week, and the young man will be able to spend his summer to court dear Janey in Hertfordshire.”
