Increased applause and whistling, rhythmic stamping of feet.
Pitches hat into wings. Snaps fingers over hat Reaches in, fumbles briefly.
Light laughter.
Withdraws green halter, displays it with grand flourish.
Enthusiastic applause, shouting, whistling, stamping of feet.
Pitches halter into wings. Snaps fingers over hat Reaches in, fumbles. Distant absorbed gaze.
Burst of laughter.
Withdraws green shorts, displays them with elegant flourish.
Tremendous crash of applause and cheering, whistling.
Pitches green shorts into wings. Snaps fingers over hat. Reaches in. Prolonged fumbling. Sound of a slap. Withdraws hand hastily, a look of astonished pain on his face. Peers inside.
Laughter.
Head of lovely assistant pops out of hat, pouting indignantly.
Laughter and applause.
With difficulty, she extracts one arm from hat, then other arm.
Pressing hands down against hat brim, she wriggles and twists until one naked breast pops out of hat.
Applause and wild whistling.
The other breast: POP!
More applause and whistling.
She wriggles free to the waist. She grunts and struggles, but is unable to free her hips. She looks pathetically, but uncertainly at magician. He tugs and pulls but she seems firmly stuck.
Laughter.
He grasps lovely assistant under armpits and plants feet against hat brim. Strains. In vain.
Laughter.
Thrusts lovely assistant forcibly back into hat. Fumbles again. Loud slap.
Laughter increases.
Magician returns slap soundly.
Laughter ceases abruptly, some scattered booing.
Magician reaches into hat, withdraws one unstockinged leg. He reaches in again, pulls out one arm. He tugs on arm and leg, but for all his effort cannot extract the remainder.
Scattered boding, some whistling.
Magician glances uneasily at audience, stuffs arm and leg back into hat He is perspiring. Fumbles inside hat. Withdraws nude hind quarters of lovely assistant.
Burst of cheers and wild whistling.
Smiles uncomfortably at audience. Tugs desperately on plump hindquarters, but rest will not follow.
Whistling diminishes, increased booing.
Jams hindquarters back into hat, mops brow with silk handkerchief.
Loud unfriendly booing.
Pockets handkerchief. Is becoming rather frantic. Grasps hat and thumps it vigorously, shakes it. Places it once more on table, brim up. Closes eyes as though in incantations, hands extended over hat. Snaps fingers several times, reaches in tenuously. Fumbles. Loud slap. Withdraws hand hastily in angry astonishment. Grasps hat. Gritting teeth, infuriated, hurls hat to floor, leaps on it with both feet Something crunches. Hideous piercing shriek.
Screams and shouts.
Magician, aghast, picks up hat, stares into it. Pales.
Violent screaming and shouting.
Magician gingerly sets hat on floor, and kneels, utterly appalled and grief-stricken, in front of it. Weeps silently.
Weeping, moaning, shouting.
Magician huddles miserably over crushed hat, weeping convulsively. First large man and young country boy enter timidly, soberly, from wings. They are pale and frightened. They peer uneasily into hat. They start back in horror. They clutch their mouths, turn away, and vomit.
Weeping, shouting, vomiting, accusations of murder.
Large man and country boy tie up magician, drag him away.
Weeping, retching.
Large man and country boy return, lift crushed hat gingerly, and trembling uncontrollably, carry it at arm’s length into wings.
Momentary increase of weeping, retching, moaning, then dying away of sound to silence.
Country boy creeps onto stage, alone, sets up placard against table and facing audience, then creeps abjectly away.
THIS ACT IS CONCLUDED
THE MANAGEMENT REGRETS THERE
WILL BE NO REFUND
Pricksongs & Descants Page 24
