The Bull Rider's Secret--A Wholesome Western Romance

by Jill Lynn

  “You’ve got it too hot.” Mackenzie dialed the knob back.

  It was a small appliance because of the lack of space in the cabin, but he’d managed to slide the box inside. “What kind did you get?” The garlic, tomato and other spices were begging her to steal a piece right now.

  “Hawaiian.”

  Her favorite. Of course.

  The two of them stepped outside, shutting the door, trapping in the Italian aroma. Dry grass crunched under their steps as Mackenzie inhaled the scent of pine. Rain had been sparse this summer. Not an unusual occurrence for Colorado, but they could use some moisture.

  They took the lane that led through the trees and past various empty cabins, small landscape lights casting a warm glow on the path. Everything was quiet. Deserted.

  What would Jace confess? That he’d fallen out of love with her and hadn’t known how to admit it? Maybe there’d been another girl. Her list of guesses for why he’d left the way he had was long and imaginative.

  And about to be answered.

  * * *

  “Did you know that I was supposed to mow the lawn the day Evan was injured?” Jace shuddered at the revelation that had owned him for so long. Nothing like diving right into the past.

  Mackenzie’s brow puckered, and her footsteps momentarily hesitated. Her head shook slowly as they resumed walking. “No. You never told me that.”

  “I’d been hanging out with a friend that morning, and Evan had been working at the feed store. But when I came home, instead of mowing like I was supposed to, I started playing video games.” Jace had saved up his money for that stupid game console that he hadn’t known would cause so much trouble. “Mom was at work. She wasn’t there to nag me, so I let the chore slide. Figured I’d do it later or the next day. When Evan came home, he must have realized I hadn’t gotten it done. Instead of hounding me about it, he just...did it. I’m not sure if Mom had asked him to or if he just thought I was skirting it like a little brother. Which I was.”

  “Oh, J.” Mackenzie’s fingers brushed against his. And then her hand slid inside his and squeezed. He held on, silently begging her not to let go. He needed her support in order to continue this conversation.

  Jace had assumed it would get easier with time, but it hadn’t. Maybe it never would.

  Mackenzie kept pace and didn’t pull away from him as they walked past cabins and pines, the deserted spaces blurring as the regret of that time consumed him.

  “Evan mowed for a number of the neighbors, and one of them let him use their riding mower on our lawn. I didn’t have permission to borrow the rider, so I would have used the simple push mower. But Evan...” He’d borrowed the monster that had turned on him.

  Mackenzie’s swift intake of breath was burdened. “I wish you would have said something.”

  “What would it have mattered? What happened couldn’t be changed.”

  “Maybe. But that’s a lot for a kid to bear.”

  “I was fifteen! I should have known better.” Images of his brother in the hospital flared. The flat sheet, the leg that should have continued below his knee but didn’t. His brother’s eyes, so bloodshot, so panicked.

  “Evan had always loved bull riding. He had posters of famous riders in his room. He followed the sport religiously. When he lost that chance...I think it shattered something in him. I know it shattered something in me watching it all happen. Knowing I could have prevented it.”

  “But—”

  “I get that my theory may seem unreasonable.” Jace cut her off before she could go on about how illogical it was that he shouldered the blame or believed he could have changed things. “And if it were someone else telling it, I’d be able to say the usual stuff—of course, it’s not your fault. Things happen. But emotionally...that just doesn’t ring true. The what-ifs and the blame... They’ve become a part of me, and I don’t think they’re ever going to let go.”

  “I want to disagree with you. To repeat the truths you just listed—that you couldn’t have changed things, that it’s not your fault. But I also get what you’re saying. I’m sure I’d be the same way if I were in your shoes.”

  They followed the lane as it turned toward the barn and corral. “There was a horrible day after the accident, when Evan started tearing apart his room. He ripped down the posters, threw his winning belt buckles against the wall. He basically raged, and I didn’t blame him. He slumped against the side of his bed, sprawled out on the floor and pointed at me. Told me to live. To chase his dreams for him. So that’s what I did.”

  Jace stopped to face Mackenzie, and their hands disconnected. He missed her contact instantly. Trees surrounded them, the forest a blanket with the moon and stars sprinkling through. “That’s why I left. I had to follow his dreams for him because he couldn’t.” Unwelcome emotion closed off his windpipe. “I tried to talk to you about competing at the next level a couple of times, but it wasn’t easy to bring up the conversation because...I didn’t want to leave you. We talked about the future so much. And I wanted that, too. I was torn, confused.” He held her gaze, willing her to believe him. “So I took the coward’s way out. I left you the note because if I would have tried to say goodbye, I would never have been able to walk away from you.”

  Her arms had crossed during his speech, and her hands now rubbed up and down her skin, which rippled with goose bumps. She looked to the side, gathering herself, her emotions, maybe even her anger. Jace wasn’t sure what all was rolling through that pretty head of hers.

  “I didn’t think dating long-distance or between rodeos was an option, because I was afraid I’d never commit to bull riding. That I’d always be homesick for you. So I thought it was best to cut all ties.”

  “Why did you call me? After?”

  Those first few weeks rushed back. Jace had been nauseated over leaving. He’d missed Mackenzie with a physical ache he hadn’t known was possible. It had been so hard not talking to her, not knowing how she was. Twice he’d tried her, both praying she’d answer and praying she wouldn’t. Torn over the need to hear her voice and the need to make a clean enough break that he’d actually find a way to compete, to do well at the sport Evan had loved so much.

  “Because I missed you like crazy.”

  Mackenzie pressed the toe of her flip-flop into the ground and twisted. “I thought...” Storm clouds brewed in her eyes when she lifted her chin. “I always thought you didn’t love me anymore and you weren’t sure how to tell me.”

  “Impossible.” The word slipped out before Jace could stop it or temper it or downgrade it. They weren’t supposed to be entering this territory in the present, but he couldn’t lie about the past. “That was never the case. It was the opposite. I loved you so much, but I also had to follow Evan’s dreams.”

  Mackenzie had stepped forward, into his space. Her fingertips scooted along his jaw, and Jace’s lungs quit on him. Neither of them spoke. Neither moved. Mackenzie just explored him for a minute. Touching his hair, his shoulder, the blank space his cast had recently occupied. He let himself slide hands up her arms and drink in her soft, smooth skin. And then they were kissing. Jace wasn’t sure who had started it. He really didn’t care about unimportant details like that, because they were wrapped up in each other, her hands looped behind his neck, his raking up her spine. He would swallow her up if he could. Jace’s theory and memories of kissing Kenzie... They didn’t do the real thing justice in the least.

  “Kenzie Rae.” He tried to pull back, to be the logic.

  “Shut up, J.” And then her mouth was on his again, and he was drowning in her. She was all spice and fire and energy. How was a man supposed to resist?

  The kiss softened and slowed, and the two of them parted but stayed close, his pulse as dramatic as a teenager.

  There’d been a moment at Colby’s place when Jace had wondered if Mackenzie had gotten the wrong impression from him. If for some r
eason she’d begun to think he might not go back to bull riding. Since then, whenever that particular worry had popped up, he’d quickly dismissed it. Of course Mackenzie knew. He’d never led her to think anything else.

  But then...why had she kissed him?

  “You know I’m leaving, right?” The truth tumbled out, not at all how he’d meant to say it. He’d wanted to be honest, protect her.

  By the spark of pain he’d just witnessed, he’d done exactly the opposite.

  “I know if you heal, you’re leaving again.” Her brow furrowed. “But your head, the concussion... I thought...if it doesn’t improve, you can’t go back to riding.”

  “It will get better.” His hands dropped and formed fists. “It has to. And either way, when I’m done with physical therapy, I’m going back.”

  Anger, frustration and confusion flitted over Mackenzie’s features. “But that’s dangerous. You said you wouldn’t do anything stupid. Which translates into not going back if your brain hasn’t healed. What if you get another concussion on top of this one? What does that mean for your future? What about all of the athletes suffering from CTE?”

  “There are risks, yes, but there’s no guarantee I’m going to get another head injury. No one knows the future. And even if I do, doctors can’t predict how the brain will respond.” Though the thought of living with CTE made his saliva take a hike. The disease was torture.

  “I don’t understand.” Mackenzie heaved in a deep breath and pushed it out slowly. “I did some research online.” She’d gone from heated to trying for calm. “Did you know there’s something called post-concussion syndrome? I wonder if that’s what you have going on.”

  Dr. Sanderson had already said as much. Mackenzie didn’t need to go playing doctor or researching his issues. Especially since he was showing improvement.

  “I’m getting better. Before last night I’d gone almost two weeks without a migraine.”

  “But that doesn’t mean you should jump back on a bull. I don’t get it. Why can’t you let this go? What do you have to prove?”

  What did he have to prove? Everything. “Would you give up this ranch?” Jace raised his arms to encompass the place.

  “That’s different.”

  “It’s not.”

  “This ranch isn’t going to kill me.” Mackenzie’s volume escalated, and some small animal scrambled in the forest near them, skittering off to safety.

  “Bull riding isn’t going to kill me either.”

  Her hands formed a self-hug, protecting. “Actually, you don’t know that.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Three weeks out of his cast, and Jace was doing absolutely everything with his arm. Mackenzie couldn’t fathom how that was safe or right or how the man wouldn’t reinjure the fracture, but it wasn’t her business.

  He wasn’t her business.

  At least he hadn’t gone back to bull riding yet. And he was obeying Dr. Sanderson’s orders for physical therapy. Jace had gone into town for it twice already this week and had three appointments planned for next that he’d let Mackenzie know about for scheduling purposes.

  Tonight he’d participated in the shovel races like a boy who’d been waiting for exactly that all summer. And he probably had been.

  If anyone understood the need to compete and play and adventure, it was Mackenzie.

  But the changes also meant he was beginning his departure all over again. He’d made it clear that was his plan, and while he hadn’t told her a specific date, Mackenzie sensed it was fast approaching.

  Now that the twins were home and Luc was back to work full-time, there wasn’t as much demand for Jace at Wilder Ranch. They could survive without him.

  But Mackenzie didn’t want to.

  And she hated that. How had she developed feelings for him again? Or had they never gone away? The answers didn’t matter. Because Jace was leaving. And nothing she felt about it would change his mind.

  Mackenzie certainly wasn’t going to try to convince him to be logical and not go. No, sirree.

  The man had to figure that out on his own.

  Baby screams pierced the darkness as Mackenzie walked from the corral to the lodge. Luc carted the twins in a double carrier that attached to his chest and back as he paced the gravel path in front of the lodge.

  “You been pinching the girls again?”

  He laughed, the picture of calm despite the ruckus happening under his nose. “What’s Everly doing back there?” He turned so that Mackenzie could peek inside the carrier.

  “She’s asleep.”

  He fist pumped. “One down, one to go.”

  “Want help? I’m no Emma but I can take one.”

  “It’s okay. Cate’s in the shower.” He spoke over Savannah’s continuing cry. “And these two wouldn’t settle, so I decided we’d walk until they did.”

  “Ruby okay?”

  “Yeah, she’s in bed with white noise blaring so she can hopefully sleep through any late-night interruptions from her sisters. All of a sudden she feels so old compared to these two.”

  “I thought the same thing yesterday when she came with me on the ride. Never complained once. Maybe I could take her into town Saturday night for ice cream. She’s probably feeling a little misplaced with the twins demanding so much attention.” Grandpa and Grandma had done their fair share of doting on the girl when they’d been back for Emma’s wedding, but now they were gone, and so was Emma. She was at Wilder Ranch for work during the day but quick to scamper home at night to her new husband and baby.

  “Ruby would love that. It would make her whole week.”

  “Consider it done.”

  Savannah’s cry escalated, and Luc bounced up and down. “I hear you, baby. I’m working on it. Now, don’t wake your sister while you’re at it.”

  “Savannah Rae, you’re going to give us a bad name.” Mackenzie rubbed a finger across her niece’s cheek. Savannah captured the finger and wrapped her tiny hand around it. Her wail stopped.

  “Freeze. Don’t move. Don’t—” Luc’s directions were interrupted by another howl. “Never mind.” He grinned. “This one always has a pea under her mattress. Must take after her namesake.”

  “Ha. Just for that, I’m going to pinch Everly.”

  His eyes grew wide, laugh lines creasing. “You wouldn’t.” He backed away, his next words almost drowned out by cries. “I’d better walk with her before she wakes up the whole ranch.”

  “I’m just turning down the lodge and then I’m headed to bed. Hope the walk works.”

  “Thanks. Me, too.”

  Mackenzie checked the offices first. Luc’s was locked, and there was no light slipping under the door, but the front office was illuminated like a football field on a Friday night. She grabbed the glass of iced tea she’d left on her desk earlier and cleaned up the condensation it had left behind. Then she flicked off the lights and headed for the kitchen. After loading her glass in the dishwasher, she proceeded to check that the appliances were off. Joe had already put everything to bed, so she did the same for the room and tromped upstairs.

  Everything was good there, but on her way back down she heard music. Mackenzie paused at the bottom of the stairs. A sliver of light spilled into black inkiness from the small exercise room at the end of the hall. Her boots clicked lightly as she approached. The room had a handful of machines in it, weights and other items that the occasional guest chose over hiking and exploring Wilder Ranch.

  Not that Mackenzie understood that.

  She peeked through the crack. Jace balanced in a squat while on an exercise ball. He jumped forward, off the ball, then jumped backward to land on it again, all while staying upright. And then he began to do squats while still on the ball. How was that even possible? She would end up in a cast from one attempt.

  “You just going to stalk me out there, or are you
planning to come in?”

  How had he even noticed her through the narrow gap? She pushed the door open. “Trying to break your neck this time?”

  Jace was dressed in workout shorts, tennis shoes and a sleeveless shirt that held a ring of sweat. She didn’t recognize the music coming from the speaker hooked up to his phone. He jumped down, walked over, thumbed the volume low.

  Mackenzie had done her best to be normal with Jace since their kiss, to tell herself over and over again it had simply been that—a kiss. But no matter how many times she convinced herself, fear kept rising up that it had been about so much more.

  Especially after Jace had confessed why he’d left the way he had. That hurt she’d felt for so long had dissipated, and buried feelings for him had sprouted and tumbled out of control.

  Stupid.

  She should have known better. Mackenzie still wasn’t sure what had come over her that night, kissing him like that. And of course he’d thoroughly kissed her back before telling her he was planning to return to riding even if it harmed him.

  Even if it killed him.

  She wanted to rage at Jace for that, but she was harnessing all of her self-control not to.

  He’s not mine to worry about.

  If only her brain would listen.

  He picked up a small metal bar, which had a weight attached by a chain. Arms held straight out, he rolled it up and then down on repeat.

  “You come to join me, Wilder? Get in a workout?”

  Funny...they’d both switched back to calling each other by their last names over the last three weeks. As if by mutual agreement, they’d tried to separate. To be careful with their feelings for each other. Because yeah, Mackenzie got the impression Jace was fighting the same pull she was.

  And that neither of them knew what to do about it.

  “I was just shutting things down. Didn’t realize you were back here.”

  “Gotta get in shape if I’m planning to be back for the Miles City Rodeo in two weeks.”

  “Two weeks?” Oh. She hadn’t expected him to go quite that soon. Mackenzie dropped to the wooden bench that lined one wall, a shelf with stacks of small white towels hanging above it. “I thought you’d need more time. More physical therapy.”